What Now: Ruthie realizes just how much the pregnancy will effect her.

A/N: I am SO sorry it took me so long. I had to move and then I was unable to get internet connection for some time. Thank you for being so patient with me. Enjoy.

Chapter One

They weren't judging her, but she felt like they were. No one even knew. She had this odd dream where she walked into the kitchen in the morning and Annie knew by looking at her she was pregnant. The next day she was convinced that this was what would happen.

She stepped into the kitchen, her hair hiding half of her face. Maybe if Annie couldn't see into her eyes, she wouldn't know. It's a known fact that your eyes are the windows to your soul. Hers probably gave away her inner most secrets to complete strangers. She practically tip toed into the kitchen, only a small creek giving away her presence.

"Good morning," Annie said as soon as she noticed her. "Are you hungry?"

Ruthie shook her head. "No, not really."

Annie looked at her with concern. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Ruthie said, forcing a smile.

"Everything's fine with school and your friends?" Annie pushed on.

Ruthie shook her head. "Everything's good."

There was a car horn outside. Ruthie knew it as Sarah's horn. She had a special beep. She honked twice, low tap, waited a couple seconds then hit the horn hard and left her hand on it for a long time. The sound always made her smile although it made everyone else crazy.

She grabbed her lunch and book bag and headed for the door. She turned quickly and wrapped her arms around her mother's waist. Then she turned just as quickly and left the house.

Sarah was parked right in front of the drive way listening to her music. From where Ruthie stood she couldn't hear what she was listening to. All she could see was her doing silly dance moves as she acted to be the singer. When Ruthie opened the door she was hit with the song, "Since you Been Gone" by Kelly Clarkson.

"Hey, buddy," Sarah said, turning down the music. "I was wondering what CD to bring. Music is good for babies. It makes them smart. They say if you play Mozart your child could become some kind of musical genius."

Ruthie stared at her with confusion. "So what do you get when you have them listen to Kelly Clarkson?"

"A girl who's angry at men and a really good singer," Sarah explained.

Ruthie laughed. "My kind of girl. But what if it's a boy?"

"Please, don't make me laugh," Sarah said. "You're going to have a girl." Sarah hit the gas petal hard as she started up. "So, what's happening on the home front?"

"Nothing really," Ruthie told her. "Its been days since I found out and no one expects a thing."

Sarah shrugged. "Morning sickness?"

"None yet," Ruthie answered. "But I'm just expecting to wake up one day with the urge to throw up my guts."

"Nausea to food?" Sarah asked.

"Nope," Ruthie said, shaking her head and tapping her stomach. "The only proof that I am pregnant is the test. So far, nothing has happened. And I thank God everyday."

Sarah sighed. "Sooner or later you have to tell people. Your parents need to know."

"I know," Ruthie said. "I'll tell them."

The rest of the day went by normally. Ruthie always used school as her away place. She started concentrating on every word the teachers said so she couldn't think about the baby. In between classes she would talk to friends or read some kind of book just to chase unwanted thoughts away. But every time she saw Jimmy Ranks she couldn't help but think of his baby. She didn't want the baby to know him. She felt so much hatred toward him.

Lunch was the hardest. She loved Sarah but seeing her reminded her that someone knew about her baby. But her other friends blocked any and all conversation on the subject. Sarah sat across from her with a slice of pizza and French fries. The smell overwhelmed Ruthie. Suddenly every single smell in the cafeteria rushed into her poor nose. She covered her mouth and nose as fast as she could.

"I think I'm going to be sick," Ruthie said.

Sarah looked up with a smile. "Really?"

"You okay, Ruthie?" Marylyn asked.

"Oh God," she said, jumping up and running to the bathroom.

"Ruthie?" she heard Sarah whisper.

Sarah pushed the bathroom stall open to see Ruthie sitting on the floor. She wore such a cheerful face as she stared down at her. Then she took a bottle of water from her bag and handed it to Ruthie.

"Its okay," Sarah said, continuing in her low voice. "Your senses have picked up, haven't they? That's why you got sick. To much food at once. The cafeteria probably isn't safe anymore. We'll have to sit somewhere else."

Ruthie stood up. "Somewhere else? Like where?" She took a deep breath. "Its starting. I can't be here. They can't know. Not yet."

"Then what are you going to do?" Sarah asked.

Ruthie shrugged. "I don't know, but I have to figure something out. This whole telling them thing won't work. I can't have a baby in Glen Oak. There has to be somewhere else."

"A home," Sarah told her. "There's places where girls go to have their kids in secret or in private. We can find one, and you can go there. Its up to you what you do with the baby after that."

Ruthie crossed her arms, suddenly feeling so cold. She had to run away from everything and everyone she knew. Her parents and her friends. She looked down for a moment before looking back up at Sarah.

"I might need help," Ruthie told her friend.

Sarah nodded. "Whatever you need."

Ruthie took in a deep breath. "Thanks."