A/N: These characters aren't mine…even though they bear little resemblance to the characters in Voyager canon…
Conclusion Home
"This is Kes' pet project," Chakotay ushered Janeway into the Airponics Bay, to a plethora of exotic scents and a lush variety of plant life that elicited a pleased cry from the woman.
"How lovely!" she said, gazing around. Once could barely see the dull-colored regulation Starfleet walls under the cover of the foliage. Color and ripeness were tangible qualities in the surroundings, with plants boasting fruits and flowers both alien and strangely human. "Tomatoes?" Janeway exclaimed with surprise. She considered them for a moment. "From- New Earth?"
"Yes," he agreed, thinking of how he had sentimentally preserved samples of the tomato plants that had grown in their garden before they had been rescued by Voyager and transplanted them to the Airponics Bay later on. "Did you remember that on your own…?"
"No," she smiled ruefully. "They were in the encrypted personal logs of her time on New Earth. Apparently she quite enjoyed employing the gardening skills we were forced to learn as children, though I can't imagine it myself. I've always been more inclined to admire other people's skill in the area than exert myself in the same field- but she found it satisfying…" she shrugged.
Chakotay was fascinated by the ease with which Kathryn now distinguished herself from the 'former' Janeway- it was as though they were now literally two separate entities, perhaps twins, in a manner of speaking. Brought up in the same environment, exposed to the same stimuli and upbringing but shaped into different personalities altogether.
"Perhaps you may come to find it similarly rewarding," he said, as she stopped to test the weight of a vivid indigo fruit.
"Perhaps…" Janeway trailed off teasingly. "With the right company, of course. There has to be some incentive, after all."
"I'm glad to hear I serve some purpose."
They moved further into the living labyrinth, golden light that mimicked natural sunlight filtering through the branches of tall trees that outlined paths available for the crewmembers to traverse. The setup cleverly used all the existing space to create the illusion of long winding paths, and since the shrubs and trees grew tall enough so that it was impossible to see over to the other end of the bay, it all fostered the impression that the gardens extended over a much greater area than in actual fact. Admittedly, a more rigidly regimented scheme could have been enacted, but with the imaginative Ocampa given free license to do with her vision as she pleased, Kes had been adamant that it would be wild and beautiful as well as functional, a place to lose oneself in wonder and reflection as well as to work and harvest. All agreed it had been an unmitigated success.
When they reached a small courtyard, Janeway decreed a halt, settling on the bench provided to simply sit and admire their environment. Chakotay casually placed his arm around her shoulders as she tested his knowledge of the variety of species that surrounded them.
"Gavaran plums," he said patiently, explaining, "We've come up with our own taxonomical shorthand- rather than combining genera and species, as is traditional, we combine part of the native classification with the closest resembling Federation fruit. It makes it a lot easier to recall which is which, and helps avoid catastrophes like fatally overexposing Latarsi ixleweed to light when it was the Latrosi ishtareed that required illuminated surroundings. Poor Kyoto- he absolutely cowered in fear at the thought of Kes' wrath!"
"Kes? I have more coffee in my little finger than she has violence in her entire body," Janeway laughed.
"Don't underestimate her appearance of fragility. Kes can be fierce if provoked!"
"Hmm," she murmured, eyes alighting on a particular bloom that caught her attention. A striking shade of purple, it was especially attractive given its similarity to one of her favorite flowers, the Terran lily. "That looks-"
Chakotay glanced at her questioningly as she stopped mid-sentence, then his hold tightened around her as he noted her frozen expression, eyes unblinking. She was having another flashback.
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Various scenes flashed before her eyes, with sharp raw emotions attached- the sudden panic at finding herself precariously situated on the edge of a cliff; weariness after trudging across miles of desert-like terrain; suffocating in the humidity of a jungle environment, deafened by the cacophony of animal life; despair at collapsing in a snowdrift, too weak to move, too lethargic to care about going on...then the arrival of another person.
"Excuse me? My name is Kathryn Janeway, and I'm here to help-"
The litany froze in her throat as she saw the other woman's face: her own.
"It's going to be alright. Just stay with me…"
"Why are you doing this?" the other asked, her voice thin, brittle…"Don't you know?"
"What?"
"I already am dead."
"I don't understand," Janeway murmured out loud. She viewed the exchange from both perspectives, experiencing the fatalistic persona as well as the other vibrant, more animated one; the dual experiences overlapped the other, voices intermingling, identical faces frozen in tableau, the lustre of life fading in this reverberation of the past event.
"I do understand."
She looked to the side, saw herself in conversation with a woman. Saonae. Saw the grief that gripped this alien woman, the intense mental turmoil that held her in its clutches and would not let go. Saw the shudder that passed through Janeway as she relived the alien woman's experiences.
My people were slaughtered. We, who had committed no wrong, violated no laws…suffered the misfortune of encountering this war-mongering sadistic race…they set upon us without warning. First they killed the young…a child who ran to greet them, unknowingly greeting her own death. Poor child. My poor followers. Without exception, they all fell before the slaughterers- all but I. For what purpose did I survive?
Janeway began to understand. At first, she had been uncertain what the images portrayed- two groups, certainly, one vulnerable while the other was armed. The assault of the warriors, the massacre of the defenceless…yet the Ngatalh made no move to defend themselves or to flee. Instead, they closed ranks around one figure…
I could feel the power moving through the air- a tangible force. It enclosed me, removed me from the scene of their suffering, transported me to safety. I was more powerful than any single individual amongst them, but together, they amassed greater powers than I could have imagined possible.
"They sacrificed themselves for you," she said as realization dawned. "They allowed themselves to fall victim to the attackers in order to gain time to save you."
Saonae now held her gaze, Janeway's older twin forgotten.
And indeed, I am here. Yet where are they, who gave up their lives for me? I remain, while they live and love and breathe no more. And the burden of remembering their names, their faces, their lives…falls to me. I alone recall them.
"But what does this have to do with me?" she asked the alien woman urgently. "Why am I"- she threw a glance at her other self- "are we mixed up with you? What happened to us?"
It has nothing to do with you!
She gasped, the psychic backlash stinging her.
This was not your heartbreak, your tragedy…it happened to me, I was- it shouldn't have…I couldn't…
Tormented grey eyes closed…and then her anguished visage was overlaid with another image, one of light-hearted merriment with lips quirked into a cheerful grin-
…Janeway blinked at the abrupt transformation…
-and suddenly, the connection was broken, as though a circuit had blown out. She shuddered at the almost physical severance, flinching closer to the person beside her, who held her tightly in a show of comfort.
"Chakotay?" she opened her eyes to see the relieved expression in his own eyes as he looked down at her.
"Kathryn?" the gentle address spoke of his concern for her.
She shook her head mutely, unable to voice the impact of what she had seen, and what she had pieced together. Instead of trying, she simply relaxed into his arms, remaining silent. And there they remained for quite some time, each lost deep in thought.
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"You want to know where we found this specimen?" Kes asked, surprised at the fervor with which Janeway posed the question.
"It's very important, Kes," she said, urgency thrumming through her body. It occurred to Janeway that this specific flower was somehow linked to the alien woman that she had seen in her flashback- it was the flower that had triggered this particular episode, and there seemed to be a greater significance to it, some fleeting recollection of having seen it earlier, although she had been unable to pinpoint it yet. But if they could find out which planet the flower had come from, they were a step closer to locating this mysterious woman, who seemed to be influencing events and may possibly have answers about all that had happened.
"I'll try and find out for you," Kes ended their rapid conversation through the ship's personal comm. system.
"I don't know who she is, Chakotay," Janeway admitted. "Or if she can help. But I know that she is involved somehow, she's the one who did whatever it was that changed me and I have to find out what and why. Except…I don't think she really knows, somehow. She became incoherent- with confusion? Or an emotional breakdown…at least it didn't leave me unconscious this time, I was dreading awaking to find myself in Sickbay yet again!"
"Thank the Spirits for small blessings," he said dryly. "And Kathryn, you don't need to justify yourself to me. If it means that much to you, then there isn't one crewmember on the ship who would oppose you in this matter."
"I'm not sure, that Seven of Nine seems antagonistic enough. Or rather, her manner provokes antagonism from others, even if she doesn't intend it to," On a side note, Janeway added, "She's been avoiding me, I think."
He sighed. "The Captain was the one person who had time for her whenever she needed it, and even when she felt she didn't, just to talk things over with or to clarify confusing shipboard subtleties. She was also the one who gently propelled Seven into the social arena, enlisting Harry Kim to assist her…and now the two of them are a couple. Oddly enough, they suit each other so well but it was never apparent to the rest of us before it actually happened!" Chakotay shook his head, still amused at the green ensign having grown up to guide another emotionally insecure individual towards maturity. "Though looking back on it, maybe the Captain knew, and that's why she instigated their dealings with one another. Anyhow, losing the woman she knew and facing the prospect of finding a total stranger peering at her from behind this familiar face," he momentarily cupped her face in a teasing gesture, "is not something our resident drone would find palatable. She detests change."
"Change is inevitable, however, accepting it…" she grinned at him, but it was not returned.
"Have you thought about what will happen once you find this woman?" he was serious again, returning to their previous conversation. "If she was responsible, and undoes what she wrought…how it will affect you?"
"You mean-" Janeway said carefully, "What will happen if the Janeway you knew is restored and the person you've gotten to know since then is lost?"
"So you've thought about the personal ramifications?"
"I need closure," she said. "I can't live the rest of my life having these flashbacks and wondering…it has to be resolved, once and for all."
"Then let's go to Astrometrics and see if we can't chart a course to your planet."
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"It was the first habitable planet we had passed in a while, and a veritable paradise. We needed to recuperate after our captivity at the hands of the Hirogen. I thought it was unusual for the Captain to allow us the week to unwind- with her, it had always been rush, rush, rush; cut corners here, enter nebulae there, engage in battle for transwarp coils…almost suicidal in her haste to reach the Alpha Quadrant," Chakotay recalled. "Now I know that she must have realized her time was up, and that there was no use in pushing us to the limit anymore. She actually- came to me, before she collapsed. But I was looking after the girls, and she refused to admit there was anything of importance to divulge."
"There was nothing you could have done then, Chakotay," she said softly. "And neither is there now. I have to do this alone. It's the only way."
They were the only two in the transporter room, since he had dismissed Lewis temporarily from duty. It gave them privacy for their final exchange before she beamed down alone to the planet's surface, where she would hopefully encounter the woman from her flashbacks. Sensors could not locate any humanoid lifesigns, but given the nature of her mental powers, Janeway pointed out that it was possible she had concealed herself somehow. As she told Chakotay now, their only recourse was to allow her to meet the woman on her own terms.
Janeway ascended the transporter pad, heart heavy with anticipation. She found it unexpectedly hard to break her gaze from Chakotay's, neither wanting to avert their eyes first. She had casually thought of what result may come of this venture, but only now that she was on the verge of leaving did the implications strike her fully. When she returned, all this…the tenderness and affection that she acknowledged and returned to her ex-Maquis First Officer may be overwritten by the cool aloofness and awkwardness of old. In the short time that she had enjoyed getting to know him once more for the first time, Chakotay had taken on an overwhelming significance to her, and the thought of losing the tantalizing possibilities of their new relationship…pained her.
She could see the same awareness in his eyes. The "personal ramifications" he'd referred to earlier faced her now, steady and confronting, no longer content to remain stifled by her new 'savor the moment' attitude. Apparently repression is a common theme with us Kathryn Janeways, she thought ruefully.
Impulsively, she leant forward and placed her hands on his shoulders in order to better balance herself as she pressed her lips against his. This was no friendly peck, no casual farewell; it was desperately exchanged, passion no longer restrained and they appeased their mutual hunger for one another…Janeway's hands clenched on his shoulders as he grasped her waist, pulling her closer. It ended on a sweetly lingering note, each easing apart with the greatest of reluctance.
Chakotay took his position at the console after another moment, poised to tap in the command to beam her down.
Her voice was low, slightly husky but determined, "I'm ready."
A nod greeted the statement. "Be safe," he said in return, equally soft-voiced as he keyed in the final command and she began to dematerialize. Janeway looked wistful, opened her mouth to say something, then thought better of it and simply smiled affectionately.
Then she was gone. He gazed at the space where she had just been, empty now, devoid of the woman who had reclaimed his heart. The silence was oppressive, emphasizing his solitude. After confirming the successful transportation, he left for the bridge, feeling Ill-inclined to pine away for Kathryn as she completed her task on the planet below.
He arrived to a flurry of action, and could sense the unsettled atmosphere.
"Are you still tracking the Captain's lifesigns?" he demanded, reverting to the formal title as his instincts bombarded him with worst case scenarios.
"We are experiencing difficulty in that endeavour," Tuvok said, not visibly shaken, but his tone carried a degree of disquiet.
"What does that mean, exactly?" he asked sharply.
Harry Kim raised anxious eyes. "I'm sorry, sir. We can't find her bio-signature at all."
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Finally, Janeway remembered where she had seen the flower from. It was almost like trying to recall a dream, only catching wisps of details out of the experience. However, if one happened to discuss a relate topic or was placed in a similar situation, that sometimes aided in retrieving specifics from the dream itself. Now that she stood in this place, it reminded her of what had occurred before.
A melodic voice called out to Janeway… "Oh, Captain, it's wonderful here!" the Ocampa emerged from a nearby path, eyes shining with pleasure at the lovely surroundings, hands filled with flowers.
Kes picked out one flower from her bouquet and held up a deep purple bloom. "Here, Captain. Isn't it lovely?"
She wondered what the significance of that encounter had been. Certainly, it had not been the real Kes, attempting to utilize her mental skills in an attempt to communicate with the comatose Janeway, otherwise she would have mentioned it. Nor was it a hallucination, for here she stood, in the lush sanctuary of her vision. Was it merely a beacon of some sort, intended to draw her back here, to this planet? For what purpose?
"Kathryn Janeway," a lilting child's voice called to her.
She turned to see the mischievous eyes that she so vividly remembered from the last flashback, gleaming grey in a face with the rosebud mouth that easily quirked into playful grins. Another phantom from her past dream-like experiences.
"You're right about that. Who are you?" she said cautiously.
"I've been here a long time," the evasive answer was incongruous with the deceptively youthful appearance of the child. "So has she. You're new, though. Newer than new, since you came about because the other you is still here," her small nose wrinkled. "If you know what I mean. It's difficult to explain, you see."
"So you know what happened to me?" Janeway pressed, hoping to finally get some straight answers.
She shrugged, long blonde curls cascading over her shoulders.. "Sort of. A lot of it is all that messing about with the fabric of time and space that smart people talk about all the time. She didn't meant to involve you, though."
"Nevertheless, I seem to find myself caught up in it," Janeway pointed out.
The girl considered her thoughtfully. "Well, this may not be the right way to tell it, but with the shifting realities and different perceptions and stuff, who knows what really is?"
"Too true. I'll be happy for an explanation of any kind at this point."
Taking that to heart, the girl launched into her story. "The basics. Her name is Saonae, she was the leader of our people, except a slaughter happened, and, well… Can you imagine having being the very last member of an entire society of people that had otherwise been destroyed in one go? It wasn't very good for her, and unfortunately, she…well, she was depressed for the longest time. Still is, as you can probably tell. She's not all there at the moment, and I mean that both literally and- no, I'm joking, she's still sane. In her rational moments, anyway."
The girl's eyes were downcast for a moment, as though her blithe words were just a cover for a deeper emotions, but she recovered quickly.
"Let me show you around while we talk. I don't like standing still for very long."
Janeway accompanied the girl without protest, although she was rather immune to the natural beauty that surrounded her, caught up in the narrative.
"She twisted things in this area for quite a while," the girl went on. "She extended herself, stretched to the limit so that she wouldn't have to feel so much- she wouldn't have to remember all that happened her, she wouldn't have to face the loneliness constantly. Before, she never would have considered journeying this far from what she called home, now all she yearns to do is leave it behind. But no matter how she tries to escape it all, it's like however far her mind roams, it's still tied to her physical being here. That's really left her in limbo.
"You might be interested to know that this is all her creation," the girl waved around her. "It's so strong, it's taken on its own life. At least, it keeps me entertained when I go exploring. I don't know what's going to happen if it evolves humanoid life- whether they'll be locked into this fantasy or if they'll emerge into the real universe. 'Real' as in shared, I suppose. This is a real experience, but only to you and me, because we' re experiencing it for ourselves."
That staggered her a little. "So my ship can't find me at the moment, if this is her reality?"
"No, they can't. You're tucked away into a little pocket universe, outside of their governed existence. She bends all kinds of rules, I hope you see that now!"
"I most certainly do…" she said. "So what is your role here? You must have been one of her people's children, unless you were drawn into her web like I was."
"That's a pretty good analogy. It's like she wove her web and then later on, you got caught on the sticky bit, but it wasn't intended to happen at all. She just wanted to keep busy, weaving away."
"You keep avoiding my questions on who you really are," Janeway observed.
"It's just…I haven't thought of myself as who I'm meant to be in a long time," she let her hair fall in a shimmering curtain that obscured her face. "Who I was no longer applies, not here. But if you really have to know, I was the first child to fall before the destroyers of our race. Actually, I suppose you would have to know about that if I was going to properly explain to you. It's a story that's been waiting a long time to be told, and I think you'd give it the respect it deserves.
"You see, it was because she focused her powers on saving me that she missed what the rest of our people were doing. They put themselves into the working that would save her without really thinking things through. A knee-jerk reaction to the desperate situation. Ordinarily, she would have noticed and been able to intervene, but as it was, all her energies were spent in anchoring me to this world. It's kind of ironic, since I may as well be dead, for all she realizes my existence. The working was so powerful that once she finally awoke to what was happening, they had gone past all hope of undoing it, and she was severed from the common link. They hoped that she would save the children, be able to re-establish our society once more, but it was such an ancient ritual, with such immense demands, it ended up binding those of their blood into it as well. What they accomplished was two-fold; saving her, and retribution against those who murdered us. Each warrior that slew one of our people received equal measure of retaliation, til in the end, no one was left, except…"
"Except Saonae," Janeway said, releasing a heavy breath at the tragedy of this tale. "But how is it that you are still here if the rest of your people have-" she sought for an appropriate euphemism, "passed on?"
"I told you she was in limbo, well, that also applies to me. She bound me here, in her working. Despite all her efforts, it was not enough to restore me fully, she could not heal my body- but unwittingly, those efforts were enough to keep my spirit here. So the knife cuts both ways- she does not know of my presence here, it is impossible for me to breach the barriers around her mind…and I cannot pass on, as you put it," there was a hint of amusement in her voice, "I am literally a ghost to her, almost a figment of her imagination, something she may have dreamt up a long time ago." Clear sorrow permeated her features, revealing the long and forlorn years that been endured by the girl.
It puzzled Janeway for a while, til she finally put together the plain, visible facts. Before making assumptions, she had to ask, "Who are you really? Why did Saonae expend so much energy on anchoring you here, to the extent that she was blind to what her people were doing?"
With a bittersweet smile, the girl said slowly, equally weary and relieved at finally making the admission, "I was known as Liandre…her daughter."
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Saonae was beyond the reach of such claims on her. She was travelling far, far from her home planet, mind encompassing thousands of worlds- old and young; barren, forested; uninhabited, populated. All received casual observation, at the least, though the ones that teemed with humanoid life tended to be dismissed fairly early. They were all the same, at the heart of it all- vulnerable, corrupt, weak, tyrannical…very little purity and innocence or contentment existed amongst 'intelligent' life. What few that possessed such qualities were divested of them in short measure, mostly by tragedy, often suffering lives cut short. Children were born with such promise, but they suffered, and from that, grew to inflict similar casual, unthinking harm or became wretched victims of the same.
She hadn't always been so cynical…once, life had held hope, the promise of adventure and discovery while assuring peace and happiness. Of course, she had learnt better.
Life has many painful lessons, the Captain said in agreement. We've both learnt them well. Though whether we handled them the best possible way is debateable.
And down that road lies all the pitfalls of self-doubt, gloominess and despair. What other choice could we have made, what more could have been done, how could the tragedy have been averted?
You never did finish telling me that story of your past: the Captain reminded her. :We were rather suddenly interrupted, as I recall.
As we both saw, Kathryn certainly is taking on a life of her own.
And much good may it do her. So she recovered, she's perfectly healthy now, and has reintegrated with the rest of the crew?
While you remain here with me, Saonae said in assent.
I have no objections. My time was there was done. Now she must assume the mantle of responsibility for seeing to their welfare and getting them home, she said. What is Voyager doing now?
Saonae redirected her attention back to the ship, and was bemused not to detect Kathryn's presence on board. Yet she could sense her somewhere closer…and suddenly, her senses flared in alarm as a hand took hers, pressing insistently before shaking her shoulders. How was this possible? She was immune to physical sensations in her current state- it could only be explained if…
The thought was abandoned midway through as she abruptly reverted to her physical body, located in a lonely overgrown shrubbery, swathed in tendrils of a vine that produced delightful looking purple blooms…
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"What are you doing here?" she demanded of the human woman, composure shaken.
"I came in search of answers, and was guided here," came the unruffled reply. Janeway rather enjoyed being the one who knew what was going on for a change.
"But how could you know where to come?" asked Saonae, voice rusty from disuse, dazed by the sensation of being confined to a corporeal form once more. If it were not for the momentous occasion of being discovered by another, she would not have resumed it.
"Fortunately, I didn't have to wait long for a guide." Seeing the questions that were yet to come, Janeway forestalled them, going on, "I know what happened all those years ago, Saonae. You recall from your point of view, but you don't have the benefit of another's recollection- they did not sacrifice themselves only on your behalf. It was a desperate attempt to preserve the children as well, the foundation on which a new society could be rebuilt. But they could not complete the ritual as it was meant to be, it drained them and took their flesh-and-blood as well, those children they tried to save."
"If they had not tried to save me along with them…if I had participated in their working, rather than remained oblivious to it," she said bitterly.
"That was never going to be an option, they wouldn't have asked it of you. Besides, I have no children of my own, but I do know how strongly the instinct to protect their life must be…none of them would have condemned you for trying to save your only child."
Saonae's face twisted with remembered grief. "How can you know this?"
"I'm no medium, but believe me when I tell you that your daughter never left you. Whatever it was that you did, you couldn't bring Liandre back from the dead, but you did bind her spirit here," Janeway said, dismissing all objections from the scientist in her. This was too important to start doubting and questioning it now.
"No," Saonae said, refusing to believe. "I would have known- don't you think I would know if my daughter were here?"
Liandre moved towards her, kneeling down to stare directly into her mother's face. "It's me, Mother. I'm here…" No reaction. "She still doesn't see me," she told Janeway in a remarkably composed tone. "Her barriers are up too strongly- being in this form merely concentrates their power, because she is uncomfortable with the limitations of her body and grows more defensive."
"I don't know how to convince you to see what's right in front of you," Janeway said with a sigh. "She says you're shutting her out, she can't reach you through all these barriers."
She was on her feet in an instant. "Don't say that to me about my own child," Saonae warned her.
Janeway listened to what Liandre was whispering to her, then said, "Your daughter asks if you remember the time she hid in the crystal cavern and played with the polished mineral gems, pretending she was the leranx of legend, guarding its hoard? After that, you teased her by calling her a derivative, 'leeranix', which also translated into 'little monster'."
Saonae felt dizzy, as though the planet had just rapidly, erratically spun around under her feet and she had lost her bearings. "It's impossible," she whispered. To believe that she had damned her cherished only child to a long, lonely existence, unable to seek rest and resolution…that she had been there, within reach for so long, if she had not inflexibly shut herself off from personal contact…
"But I want so badly to see her…why can't I? I just don't sense her anywhere!" she cried out in anguish.
"I think it may also have something to do with what the others did," Liandre said at last, eyes unwavering from those of her mother's, as though willing her to finally see, hoping that the connection would enable Saonae to break through the barriers that separated them. "When they isolated her from the link, to prevent intervention in what they were trying to do, it may have actually blocked her from sensing any of our people. Otherwise she would be able to see me right now."
"Can anything be done about it? I mean, if I can see you, surely…"
All doubts about Janeway had been assuaged. "What? What is she saying?"
"She thinks that it may be possible your own people somehow prevented you from sensing any others when they blocked you from their 'link'," Janeway said.
"No," she shook her head determinedly. "This has gone on too long- enough!"
With all the despair and fury that had constricted her heart for so long, Saonae waged a fierce internal battle, dismantling each and every shield she had thrown up over the years since she alone had survived the massacre of her people, battering at every barrier that enclosed her from the outside world. It was past time for her to emerge into reality, rather than grieve in one of her own making!
She was weeping. All those safeguards had allowed her to retain some measure of control, now stripped bare of their protection, the feeling of solitude, emptiness washed over her. She reached out, knowing that no one would be there-
-yet her mind connected with one startlingly familiar, as dear to her as life had once been. The person who had made life the joy it had been. The one person she had loved more than anything in the world.
Arms enclosed her, offering their comfort. A head nestled close, bestowing a peck on her tear-stained cheek. So real…
Feeling like an intruder, Janeway quietly walked away.
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It was worth the wait, Mother, for you to finally recognize me once more.
Saonae hugged her daughter close. Yes, but I still regret my actions- I should have let you go, when your time had come. If not for that, you would have had peace all these years…but you're right, I won't waste time on regrets anymore. I have to prepare for what must be done now.
For what it's worth, I'm sure you're doing the right thing, she assured her mother.
Thank you for that, dear one.
In their culture, the thought of taking one's own life had been anathema, and that bias had been all that kept Saonae from seeking her own release. Giving up one's life to save another, however…
What are you planning? the Captain asked, a feeling of foreboding striking her.
You were the first being I had communicated with on a personal level, Saonae said. It was because I could sense a similar grief in you, although for vastly different reasons. You still had your people, but you were soon to lose them. You were in an equivalent position of power and responsibility, but you would no longer be able to fulfil them. I, however, am in a position to rectify that.
This fatal illness of yours does not trouble you here, but if there is one thing I have learnt, it is that you do not cheat death- somewhere, someone pays the price. Now it is my turn. You still have so much left to accomplish, your task is left unfinished…and your life has remained stagnant for too long. Perhaps with this second chance, you will feel entitled to enjoy it a little more. there was a sly twinkle in her eye. Though the elder Janeway remained unaware, she knew what had been happening between Kathryn and Chakotay.
You would do this, for me? the Captain asked in shock.
It is not merely an altruistic gesture, it is for my benefit as well. This way I can end my life with some dignity, for not wholly selfish reasons, and with my passing, my daughter shall not be bound here any longer- we shall be free at last. We all win.
Janeway, touched by the woman's gesture and unable to find the words to express her feelings, looked around at the testament to natural beauty that Saonae had built as a sanctuary. What will happen to this place? she asked.
It has been tended to for so prolonged a period of time, I do not believe it will merely vanish once I am gone. Actually, I have high hopes for this place. Perhaps in time, it will accommodate a new race of beings and become home to them.
Finding it awkward to meet the other woman's eyes, Janeway nonetheless managed to say the two simplest words of gratitude, Thank you. She shook her head helplessly. It seems so inadequate for what you are doing for me, but…
Kathryn Janeway, you have opened my eyes once more, I see what truly matters to me most in the world. Now I have a chance at peace, to rest after countless years of a nomadic lifestyle. I thank you in return.
They shared a long gaze of understanding and support, before Saonae moved to place an arm around her daughter. What do you think, shall we go now?
I thought the time would never come, she grinned her assent.
And it was at this point in time that the younger Janeway, still diplomatically waiting for the reunion to wind down, felt a dizzying feeling overcome her. It was as though the world twisted and melted around her, leaving her no physical means of support, pulling her down into this whirlpool of sensation…
Someone else was there with her as well. Straining to see, she managed to make out a countenance as familiar to her as her own- merely a few years older.
"What's happening?" she shouted.
A joyous smile spread across Janeway's face, at odds with the perpetually wearied expression that had long staked claim to it. "We're going home!" The strain and fatigue that time had worn on her face disappeared, melting away like mist in the presence of the sun. They were returning home…
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Harry Kim had spent a most uncomfortable shift on the bridge, with Commander Chakotay demanding to know of any change every few minutes. Yet each time the answer he had been forced to impart was, "None," no trace of Kathryn Janeway on the planet's surface, no evidence of any other life forms in the area, no sign that…his eyes grew wide as finally, finally something caught his attention. "Sir?" he said, looking around at the Commander with excitement.
"Have you found her?" Chakotay asked tautly.
"Yes, Commander!" It was the oddest thing…
"Have her beamed up immediately," the last thing he wanted was for her to disappear again. She had been down there on her own long enough.
"I can't do that, sir," Harry Kim negated his command.
His heart plummeted. "Ensign?" Chakotay said warningly.
"According to sensor logs, she just appeared in her quarters, out of nowhere!"
Now it was Tuvok who expressed his misgivings. As Security Chief, it was not reassuring to have mysterious transportations occur onto the ship, however, Chakotay was beyond caring. Quickly transferring command of the bridge to the Vulcan, he headed for Janeway's quarters with haste.
His steps slowed as he approached her door. What reception was he going to encounter? How would she greet him- with all the fervor of their farewell…or the formality that he had despairingly endured in the past? It doesn't matter, he told himself. We've gone past that point, and for a change, it was at her initiative. Don't give up on her now.
The door hissed open at that moment and Janeway had to abruptly restrain her forward momentum to avoid collision. "Chakotay," she said animatedly. "I was just coming to find you…it was unbelievable what just happened…"
He sent a prayer of gratitude to the Spirits, thanking whichever one had taken a hand in returning her to him. For this lively, vibrant woman embarking on a breathlessly rapid series of explanations was the one he had loved all these years. Ushering her back into her room, he indulged her fervor over the extraordinary experience she had gone through and then, when words petered out and they gazed silently at each other, questioning where they now stood…he took the next step and sealed their future with a blazing kiss that promised only the best was yet to come.
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The end! Now all you have to do is review…