Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion or any other copyrighted materials that are mentioned in this story. Evangelion is property of Gainax, ADV Films, and Hideaki Anno. Should any of these companies ask, I will remove this story from public viewing.
A big "thank you" to the people who reviewed the first chapter, and gave me the support to keep this one going. Hopefully, I can make this one work.
Note: this chapter contains discussions of rape. If this offends or disturbs you, don't read.
"Wish I Had An Angel"Chapter 2: Temper the Wounded Soul
The heavy oak door swung open, the smells of all varieties of food cooking beginning to waft leisurely into Kaworu and Maya's senses. A string quartet had just begun playing in the back corner, enhancing the already pleasurable atmosphere. Had he been alone, Kaworu might have taken a further moment to enjoy the tune, but he had company. She is already uncomfortable enough as it is, he thought to himself. I do not with to make her even more so.
A balding man in a very nice suit looked at the pair, fixing his disdainful gaze on Kaworu. "Can I help you… sir?" He said 'sir' with a note of hesitation, even near disgust, as though he were unsure whether the gray-haired youth was worthy of such respect.
To Maya's great surprise (and relief), Kaworu disregarded the unspoken insult. "Yes," he replied casually and politely, "I'd like to request a table."
The man's look of revulsion intensified severely. "Young sir, are you quite sure that you…"
"Yes," Kaworu interrupted, handing the man a small, white, rectangular object. "Yes I am."
The man scanned the surface of the object, his eyes widening almost fearfully. "Oh, umm… my sincere apologies, Mr. Nagisa. I meant no offense, I can assure you."
Maya stifled a laugh at the man's sudden reversal. Kaworu smiled. "That is quite alright," he answered, not even the slightest hint of anger or resentment in his tone.
The maitre d' handed him the white object and said, "I will show you to a table as soon as one is available." With that, the man bowed quickly and scuttled away.
Maya returned her attention to her companion. "What in the world did you give him?"
Kaworu handed her the object he had shown the maitre d'. It was his NERV identification card. "I believe he realized that a table in a restaurant in a small price to pay to those who are responsible for this world's fate," Kaworu said, staring at where the older man had retreated to.
Maya took this opportunity to look at the ID card she had been handed. The photo of Kaworu was a good one in her opinion, the usual endearing smile he had on his face, staring out at the person looking at the image almost lovingly. She felt herself start to blush for some reason, then realized how long she had been looking at the picture. Kaworu did not seem to notice her, as he seemed occupied taking in the atmosphere of the establishment.
The maitre d' returned, and said, "Your table is ready, Mr. Nagisa," then began leading the pair through the restaurant. Looking around, Maya noticed several of the patrons glancing in their direction, then returning to their meals without so much as a second thought. The bridge tech felt slightly self-conscious for a moment, but shrugged the feeling off. It's probably because I'm coming to a place like this with a fifteen year-old, she reasoned mentally, comfortable with her assumption.
Kaworu, meanwhile, had come to roughly the same conclusion. This is merely a dinner between coworkers, he thought somewhat bitterly, surprising himself with his agitation. I understand Maya's hesitance, but these people… he trailed off, realizing that they had arrive at the table. Kaworu, assuming his most gentlemanly manner, pulled Maya's chair away from the table for her. She thanked him, blushing slightly, and took a seat while Kaworu took his own at the opposite end of the small wooden table.
As the waiter left their menus, Maya looked across the table to Kaworu. "You know," she said awkwardly, fumbling for a way to start a conversation, "I'm starting to wish I'd worn something nicer than this uniform."
Kaworu chuckled slightly, looking at his own choice of attire: an orange shirt worn under a white-button up, black pants, and a pair of white tennis shoes. "Yes, I see what you mean. But you should not worry so much. Your job is one of the greatest importance; it is something to be proud of." He smiled to reaffirm his point.
Maya nodded. "I suppose you're right." She picked up her menu and began scanning through it. She then noticed Kaworu pointing at several things and giving a slight shake of his head. "What are you doing?" she asked.
"I am finding the items with meat in them. I do not eat meat."
"You're a vegetarian? I didn't know that." She looked guiltily at the steak dish she had been considering.
"In a way," he responded. "I do not eat meat simple because I dislike it. I do not consider others eating meat to be offensive, however, so there is no need for you to inhibit your choices on my account."
Maya nodded, and went back to scouring the menu.
When the waiter returned, Kaworu chose a dish of fettuccini alfredo, and Maya, foregoing the steak, chose a dish of spaghetti and marinara sauce. The waiter wrote down their choices, assured them that their order would be ready shortly, and then left.
Kaworu looked at Maya after the waiter had gone, trying his hardest to come up with something worth saying. Finally, he settled on, "So, tell me about yourself, Maya." He was careful about his tone, wanting to be conversational and not invasive.
"Well," she began awkwardly, trying to find a good place to begin, "I actually haven't lived in this city very long; I transferred in from Osaka two years ago, before the Angels returned. Up until my transfer, I'd lived there my whole life. Luckily, the city was still mostly intact after the Second Impact."
Kaworu nodded, taking all of the information in with fascination. "And you came here two years ago, you say?"
"Yes, it was my mother's idea, mostly. I was going to stay in Osaka and get a job at a software company. Once the job offer from the UN came, my mom really wanted me to take it. I'm not exactly sure why; I've never known her to really care about the government."
"Perhaps she merely wished for you to learn self-reliance," Kaworu offered, his tone not one of being condescending, but one of understanding.
"I had to do that anyway," Maya replied. "After my father left, I was the only one around for mom. I didn't like it much, I was looking for any excuse to get out on my own. Maybe she understood that, I don't know."
"I see. That must have been hard for both of you."
"Not so much for me, to be honest. I don't remember my dad very well; he was hardly ever around."
Kaworu nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry."
She shook her hand dismissively. "Don't be. It's all behind me now." As she said this, Maya was amazed at how easy it was to talk to Kaworu. He doesn't act like someone his age. He seems… older than he should. Continuing, she asked him, "What about you? What did you do before you came to NERV?"
Kaworu was not caught off guard by the inquiry; his superiors had prepared a story for him that was an intricate mixture of truth, lies, and ambiguity. "Well, I was born on the day of Second Impact; my mother was taken in the disaster. I have been looking for my father, since I never actually met him, having been raised by another…" he paused, searching for an appropriate term, "…family, I suppose they could be called. Once I was chosen as a pilot they sent me here on my own. So for the moment, I'm here until things are resolved."
Kaworu smiled, pleased with the effectiveness of the fabrication. True, some of the parts of the story held some truth; his mother, Lillith, had indeed disappeared on the day of Second Impact, he had been sent to NERV to find his father Adam, and he was supposed to stay until the Final Messenger's time of arrival. This last event was the most important part of his mission because he was the Final Messenger, Tabris, the Seventeenth Angel.
But despite the effectiveness of his falsehoods, Kaworu against felt a stabbing pang of degradation with himself for lying to Maya. Would it be any different if it were anyone else? he pondered, contemplating exactly why he was having this reaction to the bridge tech.
"Wow," she whispered. "You've had it pretty rough, huh?"
Kaworu shrugged, the carefree smile returning to his face. "I try not to think of it as such. I am still alive, after all. I find that reason enough to hope."
A silence lapsed between them, and it was during this break in the conversation that their meals arrived. The waiter left, and they ate in silence for a couple of minutes before Maya looked at Kaworu again. "I've noticed something about you."
The young man looked up suddenly, a noodle trailing from his mouth before it disappeared quickly behind his lips. "What did you notice?" he asked, looking at her intently.
"You seem to act like an adult more than most people your age."
Looking at her somewhat perplexedly, Kaworu asked, "How so?"
"Well, it's like you said just now about being alive giving you a reason to hope. Most fifteen-year olds wouldn't make a judgment like that. I don't know, it just seemed for a moment that you were beyond your years."
Kaworu fought the urge to laugh out loud at the accuracy of her statement. "In a way, yes, I suppose I am."
"It's kind of odd," Maya went on, "but that kind of quality is both good and bad."
Kaworu nodded, smiling knowingly. "I believe I see where you are going with this,"
"You do?"
"I think so. You believe that such maturity is good because life has changed so much, and the younger generation has adapted to fit the circumstances."
"Right…" Maya said, almost begging him to go on.
"But by the same token, you believe that the younger generation is growing up too fast, and that adulthood is being thrust upon them before their time," he concluded, leaning forward and linking his hands together. Maya was briefly reminded of Commander Ikari, but Kaworu's warm, friendly visage shattered the illusion. "Am I right?" he asked in a knowing voice.
"Yes, that's it exactly!" Maya exclaimed excitedly. "How did you know all of that?"
"Because I feel exactly the same way. It is indeed a shame to see innocence lost so early in life," Kaworu said gravely.
"That's why sometimes… I wonder if I'm doing the right thing with my job. We put children into situations that I don't think even most adults… no, anyone could handle. That's why I wonder if you're right… is my job really something to be proud of?"
The young man was surprised, though pleasantly, that Maya was being this open with him. Well, at the very least she is comfortable talking to me, he thought.
"That would depend upon your point of view, I suppose," he said, taking a sip of water before continuing. "It is true, I suppose, that the purpose of NERV is one that destroys innocence. Blissful ignorance of the dark side of the world is one thing that makes youth so enjoyable. And it is also true that NERV destroys that.
But by the same token… what are we working toward by doing these things? The salvation of humanity is our goal. And if you believe that the ends justify the means, then sacrificing a few to save many is a necessary evil. I do not necessarily agree with this form of logic, but I understand it. And often, I find that comprehension is far more important than acceptance."
Maya, while dumbfounded by this profound statement, was coming to expect such wisdom from the Fifth Child. "That actually makes a lot of sense."
Kaworu looked mildly pleased with himself. "Yes, I like to think so."
She laughed a little at that, and Kaworu found his smile widening. His choice to get to know her was turning out quite nicely. Glancing out the window, he could see that the sky's hues of orange and yellow were beginning to shift to indigoes and violets; night was beginning to fall, but Kaworu was in no hurry to leave. The lull in the conversation gave them time to finish their meals. The conversations were not as deep or insightful as the others, but the pair still found them highly enjoyable.
Maya glanced at her watch, finally resigning herself to the hour. "It's getting late, I should probably be getting back home."
Kaworu glanced at the wall clock. "Yes, I see. How are you getting back?"
"I'm just going to take the train," she replied.
For a moment, Kaworu debated the idea of her walking home alone. He eventually decided that his presence was not necessary for the entire journey. "Would you like me to accompany you to the station?"
Maya was no more comfortable than Kaworu was with her walking home by herself.
"Yes, I'd like that."
Kaworu smiled, paying the bill (he had insisted upon it), and thanking the waiter as they passed. Kaworu also smiled and thanked the maitre d', who stammered a hasty and fearful reply, causing Maya to erupt into a fit of giggling. Kaworu held the door open for Maya as they left, and he risked a glance at her as she passed him. If it was possible, the sparse light made her even more attractive.
Yes, Kaworu thought to himself as he closed the door behind Maya, it has been a most enjoyable evening.
( 0 0 0 )
Meanwhile, something unusual was happening at the Katsuragi residence.
Absolutely nothing.
Generally, the household was filled with any number of sounds, ranging from arguing to the very rare civilized conversation. But as Pen-Pen looked around the corner from the hallway, all he saw was the three other occupants sitting around the tables and finishing their meal quietly. Asuka stood up abruptly.
"I'm done," she announced, less than a second before the phone rang.
"Can you get that, Asuka?" Misato asked, her voice carrying a sort of metallic echo due to the beer can in front of her face.
"Why bother?" the redhead questioned with a tone of venom. "It's probably Kaji calling for you, anyway." She said the word 'you' with an accusatory note in her voice.
Misato's face was grave as she replied, "That's not likely."
Shinji simply walked over to the phone and picked it up, trying to ignore Asuka's comment about "the Invincible Shinji." Though he would never show it, her verbal barbs cut him deeply. No, he would let it cut him, trying to ignore his pain as he always did. He handed her the phone.
"It's a call from Germany for you. It's your mother."
Asuka looked at him strangely for a moment, snatching the receiver from his grasp. She began speaking in rapid German to the person on the other end, and Shinji found himself watching her longingly. For a long time, Shinji had felt a connection to the girl that he could not fully explain. At first he had thought that he loved her, but how could that be? She had never shown him anything but contempt, calling him names and reminding him of his weakness. And yet there was no other explanation for the feeling.
For an hour he watched her talk happily. She seems like a different person when she speaks another language, he mused, pulling out of his reverie as Asuka hung the phone up. "You talked for a long time," he said, trying to sound casual.
"Yeah, it was just a checkup, a regular report."
"I wish I could remember my mother. I don't even remember her face," Shinji said without thinking through his statement.
"Well, this is just a façade anyway. She's not my real mother."
"Oh," Shinji replied somewhat lamely.
"It's not like I hate her or anything," Asuka went on, "we just don't see eye to eye, that's all." Without warning, Asuka reverted back to her normal guarded self. "Why in the hell am I telling you this, anyway!"
Shinji stared at her, about to apologize before he realized that he had no reason to. "You were the one who told me, don't get angry with me because of something you did!" he screamed back at the Second Child.
Spurred on by the emotion she had finally managed to evoke in the boy, Asuka continued screaming. "You wouldn't understand anyway, idiot!"
"How can I understand if you won't tell me anything?"
Asuka's breath caught in her lungs. "What did you say?"
Shinji lifted his head, an expression of confused fury burning behind his cobalt blue eyes as he stared into Asuka's cerulean ones. "How can I understand… if you're always so guarded?" Shinji was no longer shouting; his voice was now calm, shaking uncontrollably. "I want to understand, but you shut yourself out," he went on, walking towards Asuka and forcing her backwards, "and then you get angry because I don't understand you?"
"Get-get away from me," Asuka commanded, now beginning to sound slightly fearful.
"No. Not until you open up and tell me what's wrong. I want to help…"
"Help me?" Asuka responded in sickened confusion. "You, help me! I don't need your help! I hate you! I hate you!" she screamed in a roar of unadulterated fury.
"I don't have you, Asuka," Shinji said, staring at the floor as he said so. "I can't."
Asuka stared at him in bewilderment. "What are you saying, Shinji?"
His eyes met hers again, and Asuka saw something in them. He was trying to tell her something, she knew. Then it all clicked; why he wanted to understand her, why he wouldn't give up, and why he didn't hate her for the way she treated him.
It frightened her.
"Get away," Asuka stammered, her voice quivering with fear.
"Asuka, I…"
"NO!" she screamed, running from the room and slamming the door of her room shut behind her.
Shinji stared at the door for a moment before he began to hear soft sobs coming from behind it. "All I wanted was to help her, and all I did was cause her more pain. Is that all I'm good for?" And then, Shinji Ikari did the only thing he could do.
He collapsed on the floor, and he wept silently.
( 0 0 0 )
Kaworu awoke to a sound akin to breaking glass, though the intense pain he sensed made it clear to him that this was far from destruction on a physical level. "Ikari," Kaworu murmured, the young man's sobbing face filling his mind's eye. He felt a great pain in his chest and he fell backwards against the pillows.
"Ikari," he wheezed, "your hearts is fragile now, like glass. But glass can become stronger. Will you break, Ikari? Or will you brace yourself for the coming storm?"
The initial shock subsided and Kaworu found himself able to breathe normally again. Looking up at the ceiling, his mind wandered to Shinji once more. "It seems we share a connection, Shinji, that I do not fully understand," he said aloud to the darkness, more for his own benefit than anything. "I should have taken a chance to speak with you. It seems that you are in need of a friend now more than ever." Kaworu smiled.
"I think I may have been born to meet you."
Suddenly, the images changed to those of Maya.
"Or was I?"
( 0 0 0 )
Kaworu awoke the next morning to the gentle hum of the cooling unit above his head as it started up, blowing a gentle flow of air across his face. He looked out of the window, orange sunlight filtering through the portal and illuminating the room. Kaworu looked at the clock; it was Sunday, and this brought Kaworu both a sense of relief and one of foreboding. His only obligation this day would be fulfilled early, and the remainder of the day was free. Kaworu tossed himself over the edge of the bed, pulling one of his customary outfits out of the footlocker and dressing quickly, and then exiting his barracks.
Strolling down the hallways and heading for the exit, Kaworu's mind began to wander to the previous evening and his dinner with Maya. He wanted to see her again outside of NERV, but was hesitant to ask her, not wanting the woman to think him a bother. Be patient, he told himself. Perhaps good things will come in time.
Kaworu slid his ID card through the reader, the massive steel door hissed open, and he began heading towards the train leading out of the Geofront. A smile played across his lip as he remembered the encounter with the maitre d' and the sound of Maya's cheerful laugh. He could get used to that sound, he decided. Kaworu boarded the train, taking a seat on the empty conveyance as it began moving along its tracks out of the spherical expanse of the Geofront.
Kaworu knew that the meeting he was headed to was one of the utmost importance. He was well aware of his purpose, but he now also had personal obligations to attend to. He no longer had a desire to become close to these people simply because of his orders; he now did it simply because he wanted to. But Kaworu's superiors, he knew, would not take kindly to the idea of him straying from his mission. As long as he had them convinced of his dedication, the rest was simply a matter of keeping up appearances.
The train came to a jittery stop and the doors opened, then Kaworu made his way off. He turned towards the older sections of the city, tracing a familiar route to the prearranged meeting place. At least I can meet them out in the open air, he thought gratefully as he made his way to the abandoned concert hall. I do so hate being enclosed in that dark room of theirs.
The young man stepped onto the stage, standing next to the grand piano. He knew that the others would arrive soon. Sure enough, after only a few minutes of waiting, the telltale rush of air signaled his superiors' entrance.
"Tabris."
Kaworu raised his head, staring into the flat, obsidian face of the monolith labeled SEELE 01. He knew who was behind its face. "Hello, Chairman."
"Progress report," Keel said in his usual businesslike tone.
"The mission is going well. The people have already accepted me into their midst. There are no problems."
Another monolith materialized. "Very good," came the garbled voice of SEELE 03, "but we know that there is more to the story."
Kaworu glanced in his direction. "What do you mean?"
SEELE 07 spoke from behind him. "We know of your rendezvous with the bridge technician, Ibuki." More monoliths appeared, until Kaworu was surrounded by the towering black holograms.
"Such distractions cannot be tolerated, Tabris."
Kaworu shook his head. "You misunderstand. The Sixteenth Messenger has not yet appeared, and until that time I must collect information from the people at NERV. Research. Nothing more than that, I assure you."
SEELE 05 came to his defense, much to his relief. "It is true, we need all the information about NERV we can get. Ikari's plans have deviated far too much for us to allow his workings to go unseen."
"But it is also true that you were sent to thwart Ikari," SEELE 09 said. "To switch sides in this game means death."
Kaworu looked at him fiercely, trying his best to sound offended. "You would dare question my loyalty?"
"It is necessary," said Keel. "Ikari has betrayed us before. We cannot afford to let it happen again."
"Don't worry," Kaworu said. "When the time is right, I shall strike."
SEELE 08 spoke. "Until then, you must follow your current course of action; a change would only arouse the suspicions of your targets."
Kaworu nodded. "Indeed."
"We shall leave you to your task, then." Eleven of the monoliths disappeared, but Chairman Keel remained.
"Do not get too close, Tabris." And with that final comment, the last monolith vanished, leaving Kaworu standing on an empty stage.
Since his conversation with Maya, Kaworu had begun to question his purpose. He had never known any form of innocence; all of his childhood had been stripped away before he had lived very long. But if he were to forsake that purpose, what would he have left? Right now, he would have nothing. But what if he got close, then what would he have at least a chance at?
Everything he'd ever dreamed of.
As his gaze drifted, Kaworu could see Shinji sitting amongst the ruins, just as he had been when Kaworu first arrived. Smiling at his good fortune, Kaworu walked over to where Shinji was and sat down next to the black-haired boy, who had a set of earphones tucked into his ears.
"Hello, Shinji," Kaworu said, offering up a pleasant smile.
Shinji met Kaworu's eyes, but didn't return the smile. "Hi."
Kaworu looked at the tape player in Shinji's hands. "What are you listening to?"
"Vivaldi," Shinji said, "it's what I listen to when I'm in a pretty bad mood."
"Is it making you feel any better now?"
Shinji paused. "Not really."
Kaworu paused, wondering for a moment if it would be appropriate to question further, and eventually opting to ask. "What is the matter, my friend?"
Shinji looked at him, and the expression on his face almost broke Kaworu's heart. "Did you ever… I mean… have you ever cared deeply about someone, but they didn't feel the same way?"
After a moment's hesitation, Kaworu replied, "Once, a long time ago." It was a lie, of course; Kaworu had never really known the true nature of love at all. But he knew that Shinji needed an understanding companion, and he also knew that the young Ikari was unlikely to open up for anyone else. Kaworu would have to play that role, for the time being.
"That's how I feel right now," Shinji went on. "I tried to tell Asuka how I felt, and all I did was mess things up."
"I understand," Kaworu replied. "But I am… inexperienced in dealing with emotion. I'm afraid I can offer little help."
Shinji chuckled. "You and Rei really are alike."
"But I do know some things," Kaworu interjected. "The heart is like glass, Shinji; it is very easy to break, and very hard to put back together. Your heart is a fragile one, my friend. You have been hurt before."
Shinji nodded, mildly wondering how Kaworu knew that.
"But you must not allow one defeat to destroy you completely, Shinji. You must make the heart and soul stronger, rather than allowing them to be broken. And you must do this not only for yourself, but the ones you love, as well."
Shinji smiled, and Kaworu did as well. Kaworu then resolved to take his own advice to heart, and temper the wounded souls of those around him. With Kaworu's help, he believed he could make them as strong as steel.
"Thanks, Kaworu," Shinji said.
"Anytime."
The conversation continued, and as it did, Kaworu wondered how he could mend the soul of Maya Ibuki.
( 0 0 0 )
Maya looked at her alarm clock, happy for once to notice the blinking digits reading 12:02 PM. Five hours earlier, she had been forced to remind herself that she did not need to wake up at such an ungodly hour, for it was her day off. But the first few hours of her slumber had been anything but restful; she had once again been plagued by the surreal and somewhat frightening dream of Kaworu. Once again, it was the same message, promising to protect her, and the same gentle smile.
But in her five hours of additional sleep, the dream had been replaced by images of their dinner the previous day. She remembered the soothing voice he talked with, and the warm expression in his eyes that reminded her of an old lover, long forgotten. She knew, though, that such thoughts were foolish; she barely knew him, and a nine-year age difference was not exactly an easily surmountable obstacle. Maya wondered, despite all these things, how Kaworu thought of her.
Maya slunk out of bed, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and shuffled into the kitchen. She found herself still thinking of the gray-haired pilot as she pried the freezer open, surveying its contents. Cut it out, she scolded herself. Sure I like him, but not like that.
Somehow, she couldn't ignore the mocking voice in her head asking, or do you?
Maya stopped. "Oh, to hell with it," she swore, reaching for the Ben and Jerry's.
( 0 0 0 )
Misato had awoken in much the same fashion as Maya, with the addition of a massive hangover, making the start of her morning considerably less pleasant. Snatching a beer out of the fridge and opening it with one hand, the purple-haired woman took a seat and all but inhaled half of the can's contents. Misato let out a raucous explosion of sound, also known as the "I Just Had Another Beer" yell, causing the occupants of the apartment three doors down to promptly shit their pants. To Misato's amazement, however, the occupants of her own apartment did not stir; even Pen-Pen remained unaffected. Confused by the lack of activity, Misato cracked open the door to Shinji room and almost shit her pants.
The room was empty.
Misato ran to the door of Asuka room and threw it open. "Where did Shinji go!" she screamed frantically.
The sight that met Misato's eyes was not a pretty one. Asuka's room was in shambles; clothes, trash, and other items were strewn all over the room, and Asuka was sitting in the middle of the devastation. She looked somewhat pale and sickly, bags under her eyes and her hair in disarray. She looked like she hadn't slept at all the night before.
"A-Asuka?" Misato stammered, looking at the redhead in confusion.
The German girl stared up at Misato, her eyes deadened and hollow looking. "He'll be back, Misato… he just… went for a walk."
"O-Okay," said Misato, understanding that she was talking about Shinji. "You… don't sound happy about it."
Asuka only replied with two words.
"Too… close…"
( 0 0 0 )
Kaworu stood on the bridge, his one obligation taken care of, and trying to think of a way to spend the rest of his day. He had spent an hour talking to Shinji, and it had been most beneficial for the both of them. Kaworu opinion of Shinji had begun to change slightly, though he still knew that the young man's heart was frail. Damaged, he thought, Ikari has been damaged. The events of the Fifteenth, and Asuka's rejection of him have caused him a great pain. Kaworu sighed. She fears he is becoming too close to her; her heart is guarded, more strongly and fiercely than Shinji's.
To his mild surprise, his cell phone rang. He answered it and heard Ritsuko's voice on the other end of the line. "Kaworu, I need you to suit up and report to the testing bay. We need to do another synchronization test."
"Yes ma'am. I'll be there as soon as I can."
"Sorry about this. This should be the last one for a while."
"It is no problem, Dr. Akagi. I will be there momentarily."
She hung up the phone, and Kaworu began walking to the changing rooms. The synch test would give him something to do to occupy his time, at the very least; synchronization was child's play for him, after all. But it did take some time away from what he would rather be doing.
Kaworu wondered what Maya was doing…
( 0 0 0 )
Maya sat in front of the TV, staring halfheartedly at the soap opera that was playing, barely maintaining her interest. She knew it was crazy, but on her day off she was left with very little to do. It frustrated her, knowing that her single day of freedom was going to be ruined by this, but she was simply out of ideas. Some part of Maya's brain was urging her to call Kaworu, and she had successfully ignored it until now. However, Maya suspected, and rightly so, that he might be otherwise occupied, so she decided to withhold from calling at the moment.
Besides, she asked herself, what would I talk about?
You could just ask him to meet you somewhere, the small voice mental voice answered.
Ideas began swirling about in her mind, and thirty minutes later, Maya dialed his number.
( 0 0 0 )
Kaworu had been lying on the bench in the changing rooms for several minutes now, having completed the synchronization test in record time. He was surprised to hear his cell phone ring for the second time that day, and he retrieved the object from his pocket, wondering who was calling him. Pressing the receive button on his phone, he said "Hello?"
He was even more surprised to hear Maya's voice from the other end of the line. "Hi, Kaworu?"
"Oh, hello, Maya," he said pleasantly. "How are you?'
"I'm fine, other than the fact that it's my day off of work and I've got nothing to do."
"Yes, I see. Quite the predicament."
Maya defiantly swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat. "So… are you doing anything right now?"
"No, I just finished a synch test about ten minutes ago. Other than that, I am in much the same situation as you."
"Would you… like to go somewhere?"
Kaworu's heart leapt at the opportunity. "Of course. Where should I go to meet you?"
"If you're still at NERV, I can pick you up. I had an idea of where we could go, there's something really cool I want to show you."
"Sounds… perfect," Kaworu said wistfully. "I'll go out to the front gate. Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise," Maya replied mysteriously. Kaworu almost shuddered.
"Alright then. I'll go outside."
They said their goodbyes, and Kaworu slipped his phone back into his pocket, smiling so wide that it was a wonder of physics that the top of his head didn't fall off.
I was right. Good things did come in time.
With that, he began heading for the train to take him up to the surface, wondering what Maya had in mind.
( 0 0 0 )
After waiting for only a few minutes, Maya's car pulled up, and Kaworu entered the vehicle, slightly apprehensive despite himself. He knew he had no real reason to be nervous, but he was inexplicably edgy. Kaworu could also sense that Maya shared his feelings of anxiety, and this caused the young man to worry slightly.
"So," Maya said conversationally as the car pulled out into the street, "have you been as bored as I am today?"
"Yes, for the most part," Kaworu replied. "I had one thing I had to take care of, and then I was called in for a synchronization test. Other than that, I have had nothing to do. What about you?"
"Oh, I slept in, watched TV, then called you."
"Ah, I see."
Silence loomed for a few moments, before Maya spoke up again. "I forgot to thank you for dinner yesterday. It was wonderful."
"It was my pleasure." Kaworu smiled, and to his great amusement, Maya blushed. "So where are we going?" he asked.
"It's a surprise," answered Maya, the conspiratorial tone in her voice. "But I promise you'll like it. It's a place where I go every once in a while, when I need to get away from everything."
Kaworu looked out of the car's window and at the buildings of the city, the lights beginning to come on in the streets, the sun setting in the distance. The golden light was reflecting merrily off of the mirrored surfaces of the skyscrapers, and Kaworu noticed that Maya's intent was to leave the city entirely. They turned onto a road that lead into the nearby mountains, and eventually came to a stop at an extension of the road that overlooked the entire massive landscape of Tokyo-3. Maya turned the ignition off, and she and Kaworu stepped out of the car, walking over to the railway.
"Like I said, I come here when I need to think, or just when I need to get away from it all," she said, leaning against the rails. "I came here after the Thirteenth Angel, and again after the Fourteenth. If I hadn't gone out with you yesterday, I'd have been up here then, too."
"It sounds as though a lot of things are weighing on your mind," Kaworu offered, knowing that he was right, but wanting Maya to have the benefit of admitting it to herself.
"Yeah," she said with a sigh, looking out onto the city, the sunset's brilliant radiance making the city appear as though carved from solid gold. The sun finally set at last over the horizon, casting the mountain into darkness, the only illumination coming from the distant towers below. Kaworu looked out onto the city, mildly wondering how Shinji was faring, now that he must have returned home.
( 0 0 0 )
Shinji knocked on the door despite the blatant warning that Asuka had written on the attached whiteboard. It read, "Disturb me, and I'll kill you!" Shinji slid the door open a crack, finding Asuka lying down on her futon, and he could tell that she was feigning sleep. "Asuka? I know you're awake." This elicited no response from the girl, but he continued speaking undeterred.
"I'm sorry, Asuka. I didn't mean to… do whatever I did last night. I'm just concerned for you, that's all."
Finally, he heard her reply, "Don't be sorry, idiot. I can make it on my own." Shinji did not fail to notice that she did not call him an idiot with the usual luster her voice had when she was insulting him.
"But that's just the thing," he said. "No one should have to manage on their own. That's why I'm here. I care about you… I love you." It took every ounce of his courage to say those three words, and the tension made it feel as though his chest were about to burst.
Asuka looked up at him, her face betraying no emotion that Shinji was able to discern. "You… love me? How could you? How do you know me well enough to love me? No one knows me that closely, and I like it that way."
"I'd like to," Shinji said pleadingly. "Please… let me try…"
"I can't," she said. "All anyone ever does is hurt me. I'm sick of pain."
"So am I!" Shinji cried desperately, the tears flowing from his eyes despite his efforts to quell them. "We could help each other, couldn't we?"
"I very much doubt it." With that, she turned, falling onto the futon once again.
Shinji collapsed onto the floor. "Why? Why can't I help anyone?"
She offered him no reply.
( 0 0 0 )
Kaworu chanced a look at Maya, her brown eyes glinting in the white luminescence radiating from the city below them. Had it not been for the glow, he probably never would have noticed the single tear drifting down her cheek.
"Is something wrong, Maya?" he said, concern in every syllable he uttered.
Maya turned to face him. "You know… since yesterday, I feel closer to you than anyone. I don't usually get close to people. I've had… bad experiences."
The images from when he had touched her shoulder during the Angel attack reappeared in his mind. "Bad experiences?" He hesitated to say anything, but went ahead. "What do you mean?"
Maya sighed, shifting her gaze over to the city and the shoreline beyond it. "Do you remember what Asuka screamed during the Angel attack?"
"I doubt I shall ever forget it."
"Well… when she said that the Angel was raping her mind, it just brought back a bad memory from a long time ago."
Kaworu placed a hand on her shoulder, and was surprised when he felt her own hand grasp his. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her. "Sometimes, that can help things."
She looked into his eyes and smiled, and Kaworu felt his cheeks flare up the tiniest bit. Her thumb caressed the back of his hand slightly. "You know," said Maya, "for some reason… I feel like I can talk to you."
Kaworu nodded his head. "You can, if you want to. I'll listen."
Maya sighed, another tear drifting down her cheek as she once again gazed over to the city. "It was a long time ago, when I was in college. I was at a party with a few friends of mine, and through the course of the night… I got a bit drunk." Kaworu could sense the shame in her voice as she told him this. Maya went on.
"Somehow, my friends ended up someplace else, and I was sitting in the living room by myself, and this guy came up to me. I don't even remember his name now, but we started talking, and then we ended up dancing. He was so sweet, funny, charming…" Maya trailed off, holding back a sob. "And then…he asked me to…"
Kaworu didn't need to be told the rest. Her reaction, and the rest of what she had told him was enough for the young man to put the whole picture together. "It's alright. You don't have to tell me the rest."
Maya finally broke down and wept, tightening her grip on Kaworu's hand as she did so. Kaworu said nothing, and knew that he did not need to; his mere presence was enough of a comfort. After a few moments, Maya looked at him. "You're… the only person I've ever told."
Kaworu did not really know what to say about that, but he did his best to sound comforting. "That's… horrible. It is hard to believe that humans are capable of such unforgivable cruelty."
Maya was shocked by the harsh tone his voice carried. "Un-unforgivable?"
Kaworu's eyes glimmered. "For what he has done, he is worthy of the strictest judgment. By the system of beliefs I hold… he is worthy of death."
Maya, while stunned at Kaworu's stern assessment, was comforted by his sympathy. "Thanks for listening. I feel a lot better. It still hurts though. I haven't had a relationship since then."
"It is understandable. When humans feel pain, it is natural for them to retreat inward, and to lose contact, or to flee from it to avoid pain."
Maya smiled. "Yeah… but you can't run forever. If you did, who knows what you'd miss out on?" The expression in her eyes was unreadable, and Kaworu only nodded in reply.
Maya leaned toward him again. "Thank you," she said, gently pressing her lips to his cheek. Kaworu's eyes widened, and his slight blush intensified to pure crimson, accented by his pale skin. "Would you mind if we just… stayed here for a while?" Maya asked him. "I don't think I want to go just yet."
Kaworu smiled. "Of course." He placed his hand on her opposite shoulder, and she instinctively rested her head on his chest.
She has been truthful with me, Kaworu said, even though it pained her greatly. He could feel her heartache as clear as he felt his own, however rare it was. Lately, the feeling had become more common. What was it that he felt? Sympathy? Compassion? Maybe even love? How long must I continue to lie? He resolved to tell her the truth, in good time. Now was not right. She needed comfort now, not the startling revelation that was contained in his true nature and origins.
They remained on the overlook for more than an hour before either of them spoke again; Maya was the first to break the peaceful calm that had settled. "Could we… do this again sometime? I like this feeling." Kaworu could feel the heat of her blush through his shirt. He could sense her apprehension with the idea of intimacy, especially someone his age. But Kaworu was not bothered; as far as he was concerned, age difference was the least of his worries.
"I would enjoy that," he said. Maya smiled.
Kaworu knew that this would not be easy. There were many hurdles that needed to be cleared if he was to make this work. But something awoke in Kaworu's heart in that moment, something that had lain dormant for years, suppressed by his surroundings and the people around him. Kaworu tried to place the sensation, and came to the only conclusion he could.
Love, he thought. This is… what it feels like. It must be.
But how could he be sure? There was no way of knowing.
For both their sakes… he had to find out.
Author's Notes: And thus, the second chapter ends! Thanks again to everyone who left a review for the first chapter. With any luck, you weren't disappointed by this installment.
My basic goals for this chapter were simple: to open up Maya's past, and to mess with Shinji's head. For those of you who noticed that Shinji is having bad times in this fic, brace yourselves… it gets a lot worse later on. My main worry was how to tell Maya's past without her just blurting the whole thing out at once. I might have done that anyway, but I sincerely hope not.
This chapter was preread by That Other Guy. Many thanks to him for putting up with my incessant updates that came EVERY SINGLE BLOODY DAY, and for helping me get the story along the right path with his brilliant ideas and inspiration. Check out his fics, especially Rain, and I promise you will not be disappointed!
I have five chapters of this story planned, but Chapter 3 might be a while in coming. It's going to be a songfic chapter, and a long one at that, so please have patience with me. I'm working as fast as I can. : )
Signing off for now,
Century Child 533