Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion. The Series belongs to GAINAX, ADV Films, and Hideaki Anno. Should they ask, I will remove all traces of this story from public view. I also do not own Nightwish, whose song lyrics provide considerable inspiration for this story (not to mention its title). Should they ask, I'm sure I can work something out.

This is the fourth chapter of Wish I Had An Angel, my slow going but hopefully worthwhile endeavor. If you haven't read the other three installments, I would do so before you become entirely lost.

Wish I Had An Angel

Chapter 4: Wishes Granted

Morning crept over the horizon, the sun appearing exceptionally sluggish in its ascent over the distant line between heaven and earth, almost as if the fiery orb were the embodiment of the emotions of several people in the city that its light was soon to fall upon. The majority of Tokyo-3's inhabitants knew nothing of the events that had taken place the previous night, other than the Sixteenth Angel's attack and spectacular defeat. The ramifications and the events that followed, however, were the cause of the despair that haunted one particular individual. Maya Ibuki rose from the couch in her apartment, her tousled mop of brown hair pointing in almost every conceivable direction but the one that looked decent. Her haggard appearance was not limited to her hair only; the work uniform that she wore was wrinkled horribly, an aftereffect from sleeping in it, and her eyes were red and swollen from the crying she had done last night.

The woman rubbed her eyes, freeing them of some of the tears that had lingered through the night. Without her knowing, her dreams had provoked more outpourings of emotion. The dreams had been haunting her again, the same image of the young man she now knew as Kaworu Nagisa once again plaguing her nights with an unshakable feeling of confusion now mingled with rage. Did I ever really know him? It was a question Maya had been pondering for the past several hours, since the gray-haired boy had revealed his true nature: he was the Seventeenth Angel, the harbinger of the world's end. The woman knew it was only a matter of time before she would see him again… but it would be as enemies, a confrontation that she was sure would lead to the death of the Fifth Child.

The feeling of impending death that loomed over Maya instilled mixed emotions in the bridge tech. Granted, she knew what her job was, but the time that she had spent with Kaworu had been enough to cause feelings for him to grow. What those feelings were exactly, she was not sure, but those unexplainable emotions were what were preventing her from exposing him to everyone else. I just couldn't do it, Maya thought as she walked across the apartment and into the bathroom, preparing her toothbrush – the morning breath was enough to make her sick.

As she regarded herself in the mirror, Maya wondered exactly why Kaworu had done what he had. Why did he tell me? He could have just kept it to himself and done his job – why did he bother spilling everything? Even harder to answer was the question of why he had decided to spend time with her in the first place. I'm sure it didn't have anything to do with his mission, Maya thought as she finished brushing her teeth. It just… doesn't make sense. I wish I could ask him. It would answer a lot of questions.

She knew it wasn't possible. But she somehow wished for it anyway.

Maya undressed with an aching slowness, brought on partially by cramped muscles from her uncomfortable sleep and from a lack of a desire to do anything at the moment. It felt as though she were partly dead, an odd and terrible sensation which the woman wished she could be rid of. She stepped into the shower, hoping that the hot jet of water would be enough to wash away these hateful feelings.

It wasn't.

( 0 0 0 )

A pair of hardened cobalt eyes stared through yellow lenses across the darkened room as the door of Gendo Ikari's office opened. Fuyutsuki stepped into the office, his usual crisp stride leading the older man to Gendo's desk. He kept his eyes focused on Gendo's; he knew better than to do otherwise. To not make eye contact with the man was a sign of weakness, something that Fuyutsuki was not willing to acknowledge.

"Well, why is it that you've called me here at such an early hour, Ikari?" Fuyutsuki's tone suggested that being summoned to headquarters earlier than he needed to be there usually was not high on his list of fun things to do.

"The Seventeenth Angel's attack is going to come later than expected, Fuyutsuki."

"How can you be sure?"

Gendo's lips curled into a thin and menacing grin, one that Fuyutsuki saw very rarely and usually regretted it when he did. "Because I hold the key to unleashing him."

Fuyutsuki's eyes widened, the confusion beginning to make him feel uncomfortable. "What are you saying?"

Gendo unfolded his hands and pointed downward. It was only then that Fuyutsuki saw it: a red sphere about the size of a baseball, catching the minimal light in the room and glowing merrily yet eerily.

"Is… is that…"

"Yes. An S2 organ. More specifically, the S2 organ of the Seventeenth Angel." Gendo's voice was contained, as usual, but a note of triumph penetrated it.

"Where did you get that?"

"Ironically enough, I found it. Or rather, one of our technicians did. He discovered it during a patrol of the bridge and brought it to my attention."

"How is this possible?" Fuyutsuki hated the feeling that he had at the moment; asking so many questions was something that never sat well with the professor.

"It is irrelevant. What is pertinent to the situation, however, is that we need a host for the S2 organ."

Fuyutsuki blanched, the blood draining from his face. "You still plan to unleash the Seventeenth." It was not a question but a fact. Fuyutsuki could see an unclear picture of what Gendo had in mind.

Gendo nodded, standing from his desk and scooping the crimson sphere up into his palm, rolling it gently in his grip. "If we can create our own Angel, as we've tried in the past, our view of Instrumentality could be realized considerably earlier than it would normally. Rather than destroy the Seventeenth, we shall bend it to our will."

"You plan to use one of the clones of Rei, then?"

Gendo shook his head. "No. The third was the only one who could house an S2 organ, and doing so would jeopardize our backup plan. We shall have to find another."

"Who, then?"

Gendo's grin returned, more menacing than ever. "The Third Child."

Fuyutsuki found himself at a loss for words. He simply could not believe that anyone would commit such a grotesque act. Even Gendo, he thought, wasn't that sick. And this was Gendo's own son! "I don't follow." He was lying, but Fuyutsuki wanted Gendo to give him a full description. Being kept in the dark was one thing Fuyutsuki hated most about NERV.

"Call Dr. Akagi and schedule an operation. Genetic alterations to the Third Child's body must be made so that he can house an S2 organ." Gendo's voice was businesslike, even when talking about something so infinitely disturbing as bastardizing creation. "He must be able to master his AT Field."

Fuyutsuki maintained his composure, despite the strong urge to vomit that was welling up within his stomach. "You really intend to do this? He's your son, Ikari." Fuyutsuki refrained from shouting the last statement.

Gendo's cold stare fixed itself upon Fuyutsuki. "He is merely a pawn in this game. Pawns are meant to be played and lost, if necessary."

The old man sighed. "I don't suppose I can convince you otherwise."

"Most definitely not."

After a moment's hesitation, Fuyutsuki responded, "I'll have Dr. Akagi report to your office as soon as she checks in."

"Thank you, Fuyutsuki. That will be all."

The old man nodded his head curtly and left the room, casting a questioning glance over his shoulder as he closed the door behind him.

Gendo stared at the red orb in his hands. The Angel of Free Will made his choice, it seems, thought the man as he continued turning the object over, allowing the light to flow off of the flawless surface of the sphere.

Death was Tabris's destiny.

( 0 0 0 )

As Gendo thought this, a pair of red eyes fluttered open. Kaworu attempted to straighten up, but the pain in his stomach made it impossible to do so. He felt the pained area, and his hand came back bloody. Oh, Kaworu thought, returning to his previous position. Now I remember what happened. As he did remember, the perilous nature of the situation also returned to his memory. If I don't get help soon… I'll bleed to death. He exhaled a long breath, closing his eyes in resignation. I can't move… I'm going to die…

Light washed over his face, causing his eyes to reopen out of shock. He could see a silhouetted form in the doorway, and in stepped Ritsuko Akagi. She at first did not notice Kaworu, as her gaze was focused elsewhere. The gray-haired boy mustered every bit of strength he could and spoke. "Help… me…"

Ritsuko's eyes snapped upwards to the terminal following the red stain that had been left behind from the waterfall of Kaworu's blood along the side of the computer until she saw the boy's left arm dangling off of the side. "What the… what the hell happened, Nagisa?"

She ran to the computer and ascended the ladder on the side, looking over Kaworu's barely-moving figure. She heard him whisper, "Can't… move… Need … help…"

Ritsuko hooked her arms under his shoulders and managed to carry him down from Casper, heading to the hospital as fast as she could without risking injury to the Fifth Child. Once she arrived, she alerted the doctors of the situation, and a team of medical staff swarmed out of the woodwork, carrying the now unconscious young man into the ER.

Ritsuko sat down in one of the chairs. "God damn… it's gonna be a long day today." She thought back to what had happened in Gendo's office only a few moments prior. First the whole business with Gendo's new plan, and now this? I guess it does confirm my theory about Kaworu being an Angel, but still… The doctor was most displeased with this turn of events. He has to be ready to pilot, just in case something happens. Otherwise, we'll have to rely on Rei or Asuka.

Ritsuko stood from the chair and walked into the ER. I can't let them handle this; it's too delicate a situation. She quickly examined the wound in Kaworu's stomach now that the doctors had removed his shirt; the wound was fairly clean—a neat hole, as though calculated. Did he… do this to himself? She shook herself. There'll be time for that question later. "What have we decided?" Ritsuko asked the doctor who was formerly in charge.

The doctor recognized Akagi's precedence over the matter and backed down gracefully. "We're going to perform surgery to fix the damaged organs, if there are any, and a blood transfusion skin graft are gonna be needed."

"Do we have an analysis on his blood type yet?" Ritsuko had to make sure. One thing she had learned in her career was never to assume anything.

"Yes, ma'am," one of the nurses reported. "Analysis shows that the Fifth Child has an O-negative blood type."

O-negative? The universal donor… a humanblood type, Ritsuko thought amazedly, the scientist in her already attempting to come to a conclusion. She forced the instinct down. I'll look into this later. "Okay, people, let's go to work."

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu opened his eyes once more, again meeting the harsh lights of a hospital room. Now I am beginning to see why Shinji hates this place, Kaworu thought sullenly. As he remembered what had happened previously, the grogginess faded almost immediately, and his hand shot to his stomach, where he felt a good-sized layer of cloth bandages.

"I wouldn't fiddle with those bandages if I were you, Nagisa," he heard a voice say. Turning to the source, he saw Ritsuko leaning in the corner of the room.

"Hello, Dr. Akagi," Kaworu said, laying back down but keeping his gaze fixed on the blonde woman. "What's going on?"

"I was about to ask you the same question." Ritsuko's tone became grave. "The wound… it was self-inflicted, wasn't it?"

Kaworu nodded. "Yes."

"Why would you do something like that to yourself?" she asked.

"It was… an act of desperation," Kaworu replied, not really able to think of a better term for what he had done.

"I won't bug you about it too much, but I know that you removed your S2 organ."

Kaworu sighed. "Who told you?"

"No one. I figured it out on my own. Only thing is, now the rules have changed."

Kaworu looked at her curiously. "What do you mean?"

"You cut your wings, in a manner of speaking," the doctor replied. "We had to give you a blood transfusion, but before we did, I took a sample of your blood for an analysis outside of theirs. Instead of looking solely for blood type, I compared it to other samples of Angel DNA that we've collected over time."

"What did you find?" the young manasked, now intrigued by the doctor's roundabout method of speech.

"The comparisons didn't match anything we had before. Then, I tried something else. A long shot, to be sure, but it paid off. I compared your DNA to human samples."

She grinned. "They matched perfectly."

Kaworu's eyes widened. "What!"

"Apparently, by removing your S2 organ, your body's systems changed dramatically, and now the Angel part of you is virtually nonexistent. For all intents and purposes… you're human."

Had he not been in bandages, Kaworu would have leapt for joy. At the moment, the best he could manage was a wide smile. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me, I didn't do anything," Ritsuko said. "But I've got one question for you before I leave you alone."

"What's that?"

"Was this about Maya?"

Kaworu's heart stopped for a split second. Averting his eyes shamefully, he whispered, "Yes." The mention of the woman's name brought back the painful remembrance of what had happened the previous night. "Yes, it was."

"What were you hoping to accomplish?"

"I don't know," the young man answered truthfully. "I suppose… I just wanted something to happen. Live or die…" He shook his head. "I don't know what I was thinking."

"Does she know that you're – pardon me, were – an Angel?"

The young man nodded. "I told her… and she got terribly angry."

"I would expect so. Listen," Ritsuko said, her tone shifting from being cold and distant to a tone that Kaworu could only describe as consoling, perhaps even warm, "Maya's been like a sister to me, and I've paid close attention to her for a while now. Since you came, she's been acting different. She's happier, more lively – and believe me, that's saying something." Ritsuko chuckled, still amazed at how cheery her understudy could be sometimes. "She likes you a lot. I'm not sure how deep that goes, but something is there, regardless."

"How can you be sure?"

"Trust me," Ritsuko responded, "I know that feeling and how it shows." The woman changed the subject abruptly. "Anyway… go and talk to her. I'm sure that now things will be different."

"I hope so," Kaworu said. "I have to fix this. I have to make it right."

"You love her, don't you?" Ritsuko asked, in a moment of clarity.

Kaworu nodded. "Yes."

"I thought so." The two of them lapsed into an uncomfortable silence before Ritsuko spoke again. "You'll be released soon—within the day, I expect. Apparently, your healing rate is still remarkably fast. You absorbed the skin graft much more rapidly than we'd expected."

"That's good. And, Dr. Akagi?"

"What is it?"

"Thank you for everything you've done, but… I need your help in one other matter."

She nodded. "What do you need?"

Kaworu smiled. "Maya's home address."

( 0 0 0 )

Shinji Ikari stood in his father's office, staring down the corridor with an expression almost as cold as Gendo's usually was. The change in the Third Child's demeanor did not go unnoticed; both Fuyutsuki and Gendo picked up on the hardened aura around Shinji and wondered briefly what had caused the change. The older Ikari shook off the sympathetic feelings at once. He had more important things to worry about.

"I have a new use for you, Shinji."

The boy yielded no response. His visage was completely expressionless, not unlike the usually stoic face that Rei usually wore.

"You are going to become the new Seventeenth Angel."

Shinji faltered. "What?"

"We are going to make you an Angel," Gendo reiterated.

"No."

Gendo raised an eyebrow. "What did you say?"

"I said no," Shinji repeated, his tone firmer than before. "I won't do it."

Gendo glared at him even harder. The discussion was turning into less of an exchange than a staring contest, seeing who would bend to the other's will first. "Your life is meaningless now. I see it in your eyes. You have nothing left but to obey me."

"You're wrong. I have life."

"But it is not worth living now," Gendo said, his lips drawing into a thin smile. "The Second has rejected you, and the Rei you knew is now gone. What else is left?"

Shinji's resolve wavered. He did not even bother to ask the question of how his father knew about Asuka. "How can you do this to me?" Shinji said indignantly, still in disbelief at what Gendo was asking of him. "You've never been there for me… and now you expect me to help you! And for something as sick as this!"

Gendo's face remained firm and stoic. "You have no other choice. You know this. Accept it."

Shinji's eyes became furious, the fire returning to them for a moment before the flame was extinguished, leaving the eyes of the Third Child once again cold and lifeless. "What do you need me to do?"

Gendo smiled. Everything was in place.

( 0 0 0 )

Maya slumped onto her couch, completely exhausted from doing nothing at all. She hated this feeling; the woman was tired and yet had no reason to be. Maya had called in to Ritsuko about an hour ago, telling her superior that she was taking the day off. Surprisingly enough, the blonde woman had had no objections, and Maya had hung up the phone and immediately collapsed onto her bed. Now she was stuck watching TV, as she had been a few days ago, but the circumstances were different. She remembered the last time she had felt this way—she had called Kaworu, and they had spent the evening together, talking. She remembered it fondly, but the nostalgia was bittersweet. Maya cursed herself for remembering the Fifth Child; she had been trying to suppress the memories of the previous night ever since she woke up. The hurt look in his eyes as he had told her the truth was almost unbearable.

The doorbell rang, snapping her from her reverie. Resisting the urge to swear, Maya stood and walked to the door, opening it without looking through the peephole as she usually did. The woman was amazed and somewhat frightened to see a familiar head of gray hair and a pair of red eyes. Kaworu was panting heavily, as if he had run his hardest to get there. He was sweating, and Maya noticed a bandage wrapped around his midsection. What in the world happened to him?

"K-Kaworu?" Maya stuttered, still utterly dumbfounded that the young man had suddenly appeared on her doorstep.

"Maya… I'm… sorry," Kaworu panted, his breaths coming faster and shorter. He seemed on the verge of hyperventilating. "I should… have told you… everything… a long… time ago…"

Maya wondered what she was supposed to do. How can I forgive him for this? He's an Angel! The enemy! But the look in Kaworu's eyes said that something was different. "Kaworu… why are you bleeding?" she asked, trying to change the subject, avoiding the inevitable heart of the matter.

"Let me… catch my breath… and I'll… explain," he gasped, clutching his midsection in pain. Whatever injury he had, it had still not fully healed, and his trip here had obviously not done him any good.

Maya hesitated for a moment before stepping out of the doorway. I can't just let him stand out here, she thought, berating herself for even thinking of doing so. The gray-haired boy staggered inside. She helped him across the living room and onto the couch, where he breathed a deep sigh of relief as he sat down.

"Kaworu, what are you doing here?" asked Maya as she sat next to him on the couch.

"I came here to tell you something," he replied, his breathing rate returning to normal. "Last night, after…"—he paused—"after our confrontation, I started thinking."

The bridge tech decided to humor him. "About what?"

"You."

Maya flinched. "Me? Why me?"

"Because since I came here and met you, it seems to be all I can think about. I was sent here with a purpose… but I don't care about that anymore." Kaworu faced her. "I care about you, Maya."

"Wh-what are you trying to say?"

"I did something desperate," Kaworu said, "After you left, I… removed my S2 organ."

Maya gawked at the young man as though seeing him in a new light. She had read about Super Solenoid theory in the course of working on the Evangelion project and had always been under the impression that the Angels needed their cores to survive. "Why would you do that? And how can you still be alive?"

"Why did I do it? I am not entirely sure myself. The only reason I can think of is because I wanted to die."

"Die?"

"Yes. And I felt that way of because of what happened between the two of us. I could not bear the shame of living after what I had done, the guilt of knowing that I had wounded you so deeply. It made me sick to know that I could do such a thing." The words were simply pouring out of Kaworu now, and he had virtually no control over what he said. But what he spoke was the truth.

"But how did you survive?" Maya asked, still curious as to how Kaworu could still be alive after tearing one of his organs out.

"From what Dr. Akagi told me," Kaworu replied, "by removing my core, my genetic structure changed. I am not sure how, but…" He looked at Maya, a small smile on his face.

"I am human."

Maya's eyes widened at this stunning revelation. By all accounts, such a thing was not possible, and yet here was Kaworu telling her that it had indeed happened. "You're not an Angel anymore?"

"No. As Dr. Akagi said, I cut my wings."

"But why?" Maya questioned. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I knew that being an Angel was the one thing that stood in the way of my life… and from me telling you something very important." Kaworu swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat and stared intently into Maya's eyes, gathering every ounce of strength he had.

"I love you."

There was a long silence as Kaworu did nothing but look into Maya's eyes, searching for any kind of reaction, good or bad. His automatic sense of empathy had faded, and it was unnerving the Fifth Child greatly; knowledge of emotions was something he had taken for granted, and he was now wishing he could read the expression on Maya's face. He felt a gentle touch on his cheek as Maya placed her hand upon it, running over Kaworu's lips with her thumb with a contact so gentle it was like the delicate wings of a butterfly, so light that it might disappear at any second. The woman moved closer and pressed her lips against his ever so softly, driving the young man insane with her tender touch and cryptic silence.

She broke the kiss after a moment. "I love you…" she whispered, barely able to hear her own voice. Kaworu, however, heard the three simple words as though she had screamed them into his ears. He kissed her again, longer this time, trying to release every bit of emotion he was feeling at the moment, the intense feelings making his head spin and his heart flutter. Once the kiss was broken, Maya rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry I slapped you, Kaworu," she said.

"Don't be. I do not blame you for it."

She kissed his cheek. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

Kaworu smiled. Things were turning around.

( 0 0 0 )

Gendo stared down onto the operating table, his expression a slightly altered form of his usual deadened one. A small bit of compassion filtered through, merely because of the woman who occupied the man's thoughts. Yui, he thought, almost whispering the name in a moment of weakness that was instantly corrected. I wish you could see what we're doing, Gendo thought, staring down at the table from the amphitheater above like a vulture watching a dying cat. Our son… he's finally of real use to us now.

For a flickering second, the thought that this was wrong crossed Gendo's mind. These ethical arguments did not come up often, and they caught the normally cold-hearted man off guard when they did occur. This is the way it must be, he assured himself, his resolve returning.

But this is your son, the other small part of him argued. Gendo quashed his doubts as he always did, burying them deep within the recesses of his soul.

The doctors brought out the shimmering red orb, and Gendo's gaze immediately became transfixed upon its perfect crystalline form, unconsciously ignoring the young man on the operating table. The culmination of our efforts, wrapped up into such a small package. How can something so small carry so much weight in the big scheme of things? Gendo reminded himself that things were not always as they seemed in Project-E; often it was the smallest things that caused the largest problems. He remembered the computer virus Angel that had nearly destroyed the headquarters from the inside out.

The spherical form of the S2 organ flickered as it was implanted into the body upon the table, and Gendo smiled wickedly. It is always a good feeling to see a plan come to fruition.

Down in the operating room below, Ritsuko looked up at him. He met her look of uncertainty with a face that conveyed his usual motto.

The ends justify the means.

The doctors went through a few final procedures before they set the life support systems into effect. It was a security measure, in case the operation had failed. Gendo stood in the amphitheater as they wheeled the still form of the Third Child out through one of the doors. The lights were switched off, but Gendo remained for a few moments, staring at the spot where Shinji had been only moments ago. A thought passed through his mind.

What if he should fail?

Gendo left the room without supplying himself with an answer.

( 0 0 0 )

Several hours later, in a different section of NERV's medical center, a pair of red eyes opened.

The doctor's looked down at the figure on the table with a look of apprehension, the crimson gaze of the boy beginning to send chills down their spines. The boy sat up, putting a pale hand to his head and running it through his brown hair as if trying to rid himself of a headache. He looked around the room once more, and finally his eyes found Ritsuko.

"Doctor… are we finished?" he said, the unnaturally calm tone of his voice causing the room's occupants to shudder, as if the temperature had just dropped several degrees.

"Yes, Shinji, we're finished. But we have to keep you here for a while to run some tests to make sure." Ritsuko began ushering the doctors out of the room as she said, "You'd better get some rest."

Shinji nodded, saying nothing, and leaned back upon the pillows once more. He stared at the ceiling for several seconds before his eyes closed again.

Ritsuko shut the lights off in the room, leaving the new Angel alone for the time being and hoping that this would not come back to bite them in the ass.

( 0 0 0 )

The sun fell over the horizon, casting the city into darkness and stealing the feeling of the sun's warmth upon Kaworu's face as he stood upon the balcony of Maya's apartment. He took a moment to look at the sky, hoping in vain to see the stars. Unfortunately, due to the city's bright lights, he saw none. He sighed, the smile still on his face. Nothing as trivial as this could take away the good mood he was in. Kaworu had been out here for the past several minutes, since Maya had fallen asleep on the couch. He had covered her with a blanket he'd found in her closet, and gone outside to watch the sun as it set.

Suddenly, a sharp cold sensation worked its way up Kaworu's spine, ending at the base of his neck and causing him to shudder. What in the world… He had experienced this sensation before, but only at specific moments. "The Angels," he thought aloud, his eyes widening with an anxious confusion that frightened the gray-haired boy. "But… I thought I was the last one? How could this be?"

He heard Maya stirring within the apartment and immediately silenced himself. There is no need to worry her. It's probably nothing, anyway. I was the last one; Third Impact and the Seventeenth attack should have been avoided… right? Somehow, Kaworu was not so sure. He looked back out of the window at the cityscape and its myriad of lights and colors, attempting to take his mind off of the odd sensation that still lingered upon him.

As he stared out t the cityscape, he felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist, startling him before he realized who it must be that had surprised him. His eyes closed again, a low and satisfied purr resounding in his throat for a moment.

"Are you all right?" he heard Maya say from behind him.

"I'm fine," Kaworu replied.

"You seem tense."

"Something's just troubling me, that is all. It is probably nothing of consequence."

"What is it?" Maya asked, insistent upon knowing what was plaguing the boy's mind.

"I was just wondering… what we're supposed to do now," he said, his tone one of someone trying to remain casual while talking of a serious matter. "Now that I'm not the Seventeenth Angel anymore, I wonder what is supposed to happen."

"Hopefully nothing," Maya said. "I guess we just go about our lives now."

"I hope so too," he said, resting a hand on her forearm. "But something tells me this isn't entirely over yet."

( 0 0 0 )

The lights of the office went black as Gendo flicked the switch on his way out, securing the automatic door behind him and strolling down the dimly lit hallway that led to the exit of NERV. While the older man spent most of his time in the complex, he did actually have a place to call "home," if one could apply that title to the place that Gendo only went to sleep. He walked with his usual determined stride down the corridor but blinked when he saw a small disturbance in the shadows. Not normally one to disregard anything that could even remotely be considered a threat, it was unusual that the older man merely shrugged and kept walking. Again, he saw it: a flicker, as if something were moving in the darkness. Slowly, so as not to attract the attention of his attacker, Gendo reached for the hidden handgun in the holster on his belt, obscured by his long overcoat-like shirt. "Show yourself," he said calmly, indicating that he knew perfectly well that he was being watched.

A young man stepped from the shadows, his red eyes glinting menacingly and the minimal light from the overhead fixtures reflecting off of his pale brown hair, which had been getting lighter ever since he rose from the operating table mere hours ago. Soon it would be white as snow. The young man stared down the Commander with an empty face, eerie in its complete lack of emotion.

"Third Child," Gendo said, lowering his pistol slightly, "what are you doing here?"

Shinji's unfaltering gaze continued to penetrate to man. "I am here to attack."

"No."

They stared at each other for a moment before Gendo said, "You will not act until you are given an order, Third Child. Return to the barracks at once."

Shinji did not move from his spot. Rather, he raised a hand, his flattened palm facing Gendo. The man drew his pistol and fired a shot, the bullet ricocheting and hitting one of the hallway lamps, shattering the fixture and causing it to spew sparks. Gendo readied his arm to fire a second shot, but Shinji was quicker. Gendo watched as Shinji clamped his fist, and the orange light fluctuated, and the man felt his neck being crushed under the enormous force that the boy was putting on him.

"I do not need your orders, old man," Shinji said, his voice even and deadly. "Your scenario means very, very little to me. I shall do as I wish. And I see no reason to allow this pathetic waste of a species to survive any longer."

Gendo could not speak. Only a minimal amount of air was entering his lungs, and it was not enough to form words with.

"You have lived long enough, human; you and the rest of this disgusting race have been a bane upon the Earth long enough."

Gendo's eyes widened as a realization struck him: the Third Child, his new Angel… was completely out of his control. He raised his arm again, attempting to fire the pistol, but the Angel reacted faster, grabbing his arm by the wrist and diverting the firearm. Shinji twisted, and a sickening crack resounded as Gendo's entire arm shattered under the strain.

"I will say hello to Mother for you," Shinji said.

Gendo's eyes widened even more.

Shinji clamped down one final time, and the man's neck snapped. Shinji let the limp form of Gendo Ikari fall to the floor, stepping over him and continuing down the hall toward the Eva cages.

( 0 0 0 )

Kaworu and Maya rushed through the doors to the bridge, the klaxons blaring in the background to signal the moment that NERV had been waiting for and the one that Kaworu and Maya had thought impossible: the attack of the Seventeenth Angel. Misato looked at Kaworu. "Get to the cages as quickly as possible, Nagisa. We have to launch Unit 02 immediately."

The tone of Misato's voice gave Kaworu an even greater sense of unease about the situation. "Major, what is the target?" he asked, wishing to know the answer to the dilemma that had had been running over in his mind since they had left Maya's apartment.

Misato's voice was grave as she replied, "Shinji."

Kaworu's red eyes widened with fear and surprise. "H-How…"

"I don't have time to explain!" Misato said, her eyes threatening to shed tears. "Get to the cages and stop him!"

Kaworu nodded. "Yes, ma'am." He gave Maya a warm smile before he darted down the hallway toward the Eva cages, not bothering to change into his plug suit. How could this be? Shinji is the Seventeenth Angel? It doesn't seem possible! The young man turned the corner and headed for the Entry Plug, which he jumped inside, clamping his hands around the control yokes.

No powers this time, Kaworu thought to himself as the Entry Plug was loaded into the socket attached to the Eva's back. I have to do this all on my own.

He shut his eyes, reaching out to the Eva as he had before and, miraculously, finding it remarkably easy. Almost as easy as it had been before, when he had simply dominated the Eva's mind. Apparently some of my abilities remained somewhat intact, if not completely. The restraints were released, and Kaworu moved onto the elevator that would lead him down to Terminal Dogma.

I assume that Shinji must have commandeered Unit 01 for this, Kaworu thought, thinking back to his original plan for when he had come here. I would have taken Unit 02; it seems we think alike.

I was right, Kaworu thought grimly as he spotted a bright white shimmer and a purple speck in the darkness of the massive opening to Dogma. I was born to meet you, Shinji.

But I didn't want things to turn out like this.

The young man, who was standing atop Unit 01's shoulder, turned his head and looked Kaworu in the eyes, even through the husk of the Eva's body. "It is about time you arrived, Nagisa. I was wondering if you were even going to attempt to stop me."

"Shinji, what are you doing?" Kaworu shouted, losing control of his emotions in a way he had never thought possible.

"I am doing what someone should have done a long time ago."

"What? Destroying humanity! You can't!"

"Why not?" Shinji said levelly, a tone of mild indignation in his voice. "You of all people should know why this needs to be done!"

Unit 01's hands lashed out at Kaworu, and the young pilot barely managed to deflect them in time, grappling with the purple behemoth as they tumbled down into oblivion's depths. Kaworu could feel the enormous amount of anger that the boy was pouring into the Eva's soul, filling it with an unquenchable rage that enhanced its strength greatly As the two titans fought, Shinji floated calmly alongside them, watching the battle with an air of confidence radiating from him.

"Humanity has tortured this planet long enough, Nagisa," Shinji said, his red eyes glinting in his own mysterious aura.

"Tortured? What are you talking about?"

"You know the scriptures far better than I do, and even I know that humanity should have fallen from grace a long time ago."

"That is not for us to decide!" Kaworu cried, deflecting another attack from Unit 01.

"Is it? Who says that the superior race should not determine the fate of those beneath it? You should have known this… Tabris."

Kaworu's eyes widened, and Shinji could sense his surprise. "Yes, I can see it in you, you know. We are bound by blood now, you and I."

"What are you… oh no," Kaworu said, realization now starting to come to him. "It can't be…"

"Oh, but it is," Shinji said, a small smile passing across his lips. "I carry the core that once resided in you. I can sense it; the presence of the core… it was yours. I can feel it now that you are close once again."

"But why?" Kaworu said.

"Because I have tolerated humanity long enough. They have done nothing but shun me, beat me down, and deny me what I deserved! Now I am above all of that! I am a higher being, just as you were!"

"But that does not give you the right to destroy the lives of others, Shinji!"

"DO NOT CALL ME BY THAT NAME!"

Both Evas simultaneously deployed their Progressive Knives, drew them in a flash, and slashed out at their opponent. The blades contacted, sending sparks flying, a hideous screeching noise now filling the air around them. Kaworu pushed as hard as he could, and the contact was broken, and the vibrating weapon also deflected his next slash.

"That name applies to the human, what I used to be! I am human and weak no longer!" Shinji was vehement now, his air of calm shattered like a frail windowpane. Kaworu remembered the words he had spoken to the young man not too long ago. Your heart is fragile, like glass.

And now, the glass had been shattered.

"Unlike you," Shinji went on, "who gave up all that power and a chance to do something great. Why did you do it? Why descend to the level of these… these human scum?"

Maya's face appeared in Kaworu's mind for a split second. "You could never understand."

"You are indeed foolish, Tabris."

"Just as you claim you are no longer Shinji, I am no longer Tabris," the young man said coldly. "I am Kaworu Nagisa. And mark my words, I will stop you."

Shinji grinned. "You can try."

The two Evas slammed into the ground, an icy sheet crumbling beneath them. White spires jutted from the ground's surface, dotting the eerie landscape that drifted off into the black void of Dogma. The impact shook Kaworu, who quickly looked around for Shinji. He saw the boy floating toward Heaven's Door and almost panicked. He leapt to his feet but felt his ankle catch on something. Turning, Kaworu could see the form of Unit 01 gripping his foot tightly, its feral gaze fixed upon him. Kaworu lunged, falling on top of the purple Eva and causing both of them to roll a good distance. He heard Heaven's Door opening in the background and did his best to speed his efforts. Grabbing Unit 01's wrist, he slammed the hand with the Knife in it to the ground, pinning the enemy Eva's only means of attack. He brought his hand up and delved his own Progressive Knife downward, through the fortified armor plates and into the monster's skull. It shook violently, and the restraints around its mouth snapped open, an ungodly roar erupting from its gaping maw.

Kaworu brought the Knife up and stabbed Unit 01 again, penetrating the spinal column and finally rendering the beast motionless.

Without a second thought, Kaworu bolted, running toward the now-open doors at the end of the corridor. He ran through the doors, his hand lashing out and clasping around Shinji's form. Kaworu could feel another presence in the room, but it interested him little. Right now, stopping Shinji was all that mattered.

"Let me go!" Shinji cried, thrashing violently in the red Eva's grip.

"I cannot."

"But why? How can you not see what I am trying to do! I thought you would see!"

"I do see. But I also see where you are wrong."

Shinji gazed at Unit 02, and Kaworu could feel his opponent's eyes boring into his own. "How? How could I be wrong?"

"You are right, of course; humanity does have its flaws. But that is not all that there is. There are many things about mankind that are worth defending, worth living for."

"I don't understand! How can you say that about a race that would have despised you, had you not become one of them?"

Kaworu looked at Shinji's face on the monitor. "Because I experienced it firsthand. I saw what I needed to see, and I found my reason. A purpose."

"Your purpose was to do what I am doing now!"

"No," Kaworu said. "That was not my purpose. That was the goal I had been given. But I was destined for more."

Shinji said nothing.

Kaworu sighed. "I cannot allow you to do this. I cannot simply sit back and watch as you destroy what I have just now discovered."

The boy in the Eva's fist averted his gaze, looking upward and closing his eyes. "Do what you must. But I still think you are wrong, Kaworu. You will see in time that destruction of your precious race is inevitable."

There was a long, long silence, in which Kaworu stared at the boy in his grasp. I hate to do this to you, Shinji, he thought. I had hoped that we could be friends.

Kaworu closed his eyes… and clenched his fist. He heard and felt nothing except the dull ache in his heart.

Now it truly was over.

( 0 0 0 )

The debriefing had taken only ten minutes, but it felt like an eternity to everyone in the room, especially to Kaworu. The only one who spoke was Ritsuko, giving technical data that even she was not paying attention to. Shinji Ikari, the Third Child, who had been with them since the beginning of the Angels' attacks, was now reduced to nothingness. Gendo Ikari's body was discovered shortly after the alarms had been deactivated, causing a considerable stir among the employees. Had Shinji killed his own father? It stood to reason that this was the case, considering the unusual set of circumstances surrounding Shinji's sudden manifestation as the Seventeenth Angel. Only a few in the room knew the truth, still refusing to believe it despite what had just happened.

Finally, Ritsuko coughed lightly, getting the attention of everyone in the room. "Everyone… that's all. Dismissed."

The technicians, the pilots, and the other crewmembers filed out of the room silently, not a sound among them but the squeaking of chairs as they scraped across the tile floor. The procession was eerie, a funeral before the funeral in a sense.

The most somber among them was Kaworu, his head hung as he walked the corridors alone, heading toward his barracks soundlessly, a specter traversing the vast hallways. His red eyes were dulled, none of their usual playful luster behind them. The mischievous smirk that was usually on his lips was gone, replaced by a straight, emotionless line.

Anyone who saw him at that moment would have no doubts that he and Ayanami were related, even if only remotely.

As he reached the door to his bunk and opened it, he heard footsteps behind him. He did not turn or react until he felt a pair of arms encircle his waist, much like they had only a few hours before. A few hours… but it felt like a lifetime since he had felt Maya's touch.

"Are you all right?" she asked after a few moments of embracing him silently, her head resting between his shoulder blades.

There was a long silence, and he responded, "…No."

"I didn't expect you to be. I'm so sorry, Kaworu."

"I just… I know some part of this was my fault."

"What do you mean?" Maya asked, looking at the back of the young man's head.

"When I fought him," Kaworu said, fighting to maintain control of his emotions as he spoke, "I could sense myself in him. A part of me was inside of Shinji. He said it… but the words meant little until I felt that presence. He was carrying my S2 organ."

Kaworu turned, and Maya gasped as she saw the boy's eyes filled with tears that refused to fall. "It was I… in a way… who made him what he was."

For a while, they said nothing. A glint of light traced its way down Kaworu's pale cheek, his eyes now slightly puffy. Once the droplet fell, it hit the ground lightly, making no sound at all. And in a flash, he was normal again, the tears no longer in his eyes.

"I don't…" he started but stopped himself.

"What is it?" Maya asked, the young man's tone making her feel concerned. She had only seen him like this twice, but it was still unnerving to see him in such a position.

"I don't… want to be alone right now." He looked at her, as though pleading for forgiveness. She said nothing, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek and leading him into the barracks.

( 0 0 0 )

Many miles from Tokyo-3, in a deep underground bunker, a red light flashed upon a heavy oak desk. The man behind it smiled, realizing what the flashing light meant. He depressed a button on a control panel and waited. The summons apparently reached its mark, as a collection of familiar black rectangles appeared in the vast expanse of the office. Though they had no faces, the man could sense the anticipation that lingered in the room. His old, croaking voice resonated with the strength of a legion and the conviction of many, sending involuntary shivers down the spines of his colleagues.

"It is time," Keel said, smiling.

The Seventeenth had failed. Now, the final measures were in motion.

There would be nothing to stop them now.

Author's Notes: I apologize for the ENORMOUS delay between chapters three and four of this story, first of all. Other things have been eating into my writing time, but I'm trying as hard as I can to get this story wrapped up so I can move on.

Prereading credit goes, as usual, to Scout and That Other Guy. Thanks! Chapter 5 will be the final installment of Wish I Had an Angel. Please have patience with me.