Author's note: Well, I finally got this chapter done. It turned out very different than planned, but I like how it came out. I will warn everyone that only Nomak and Meira appear in this chapter, so it's all character development, no real action. I'll have what happens with Ulric, Blade and his group, and Lighthammer next chapter. Thanks to everyone who's been reviewing, the reviews have really helped me keep working on this! And to Qazs, Nomak didn't technically win the fight with Vladimir, Ulric broke it up. Nomak was winning, but Vladimir was about to change. I hope that answers your question. :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the werewolves and Faris. The rest belongs to other people who are richer than me. Please don't sue me.

CHAPTER NINE: WE ARE SO UNSTABLE

Meira slammed her door shut as she finally reached her rooms. She locked it, just in case her mother or Melantha wanted to drop by and walk right on in. With her mood at the moment, she didn't know how she'd react to company, no matter who it was.

Though perhaps she needed one of them. They were older and they were family. They had dealt with many males over the years, including mates, would be mates, etc. Maybe what she needed was their wisdom and comfort. Their words and experience, because right now she was so mixed up, furious, hurt, confused, and uncertain she thought she would howl.

The wolf had been riled up inside her, and she felt the longings for the hunt. But she squelched them and ignored them, refusing the wolf for the time being. She couldn't go out, even if all of her wanted to. Which she didn't, despite the yearning for the thrill of the chase and the satisfaction of the kill. The way blood would dribble from her muzzle, coating her teeth and jowls. The way the flesh was warm with life that hadn't fully faded.

Meira clenched her eyes shut, a lupine whimper escaping her. Eyes flooded black beneath the scrunched lids, and she could feel other parts of her starting to give in to the wolf's lust. But she held it off. She couldn't leave right now, and part of her was afraid.

All because of Nomak. That damn reaper had turned her mind upside down, despite her best efforts to calm him and offer him something besides animosity. To offer him the closest thing to friendship she could. But maybe he had seen behind her intentions, maybe he had seen the true motivations, the selfish ones.

Meira nearly did howl at that point. She wanted to hate Nomak and she couldn't blame him for his actions earlier. Maybe he had been acting like a prick, but she hadn't been a martyr either. She had tried to tell herself it wasn't completely selfish, her attempts at some form of a relationship with the reaper. And they hadn't been entirely selfish.

But they hadn't been completely pure either.

She had watched him fight Vladimir, take Vladimir, handle him. He had fought viciously, his style like a mixture of several different kinds, and all as vicious as he could deliver. She had watched him, transfixed, completely surprised at his ability to handle the Beta male. She had stared at him with respect, with admiration, with sympathy.

And she had realized who she wanted for mate. Meira wanted it, both parts of her did. The more human part of her, the wolf part of her, all of her. He was worthy, Vladimir despised him, there were so many others reasons. She felt slightly disgusted with herself for picking him for such vain reasons instead of the fact that she had finally found someone she loved, but she doubted she'd ever find that.

Nomak had been right when he'd called her a bitch not that long ago. She could be a bitch a lot of the time, especially towards males. She was more interested in her work than her social/love/sex life. She wasn't interested in finding someone who would take up her heart, mind, thoughts, time.

Sure, she had fancied one day she would fall in love with a worthy male, mate, and they would be eternal mates like Ulric and Melantha, but ultimately, she didn't want that. Not for a good long time. She barely spent time with her family and friends besides Karen, and the only reason she was with Karen so much was because they worked together.

The lupine nature in her had often tried to rebel, but she had worked so hard at suppressing it for so long she was able to keep it subdued and only let it out a few times when she had been pushed to her limit. She often got in trouble then, and her mother would tell her - over the phone if she wasn't visiting at that specific time - that she was coming dangerously closed to being forced in Vladimir's team so she could put her strength and temper to good use.

But it all made Nomak perfect. She wanted to hate him for making it so difficult though, and she wanted to hate herself for finding her "perfect" candidate in someone who didn't want anything to do with her.

Jared Nomak was the only one she found worthy and she could give herself to, was who Vladimir hated the most - as far as personal hate went, anyway. And Jared Nomak acted like he would rather bathe in vampire shit then be around her.

"Damn, I sure know how to pick them," Meira grumbled and curled up, eyes opening to reveal pale irises. She sighed, frustrated and drained. She was always left drained after her times with Nomak. Maybe it was because he made her think, left her confused and pondering her intentions and her life and her ways and wondering just what was behind all that anger in him.

Or maybe it was because she wanted to know why he seemed to hate her more every time they were around each other, while she found herself respecting him and concerned for him more every time they were around each other.

Listen to yourself. The only reason you want to mate with him is because he beat Vladimir and you'll still be free. Vladimir hates him, he's a good fighter, he would never be interested in emotional attachment, and you wouldn't have to submit more than once. He's convenient - you don't care, you're just grateful. Yeah, you might find yourself starting to find yourself fascinated by him, but he's a puzzle - your mind doesn't like being unable to solve things.

Meira sighed, slowly sitting up and hugging her legs to her chest. Resting her chin on her knees, she tried to calm her mind down. She wanted to be rational again, she wanted clarity, serenity, but all she got was confusion and complicated emotions that contradicted each other. The female lycanthrope felt like she was going to implode or explode or just scream or howl in frustration if she didn't get her composure back.

Even before her father's death she had been practical, rational, interested in science and sense and logic, not in hunting and wild and wolf. After her father's death, it was as if she was trying to shut the wolf out entirely, as if she wanted no part in that lifestyle her father had loved and her mother still loved.

But now, with her irrational decision to try and have Jared for her mate to make certain she could always keep her rationality and position as scientist, to keep the wolf subdued and buried, suffocated, she found she was only making it stronger. The wolf approved, the wolf wanted.

Even the turned werewolves were in better harmony with their wolves. All lycanthropes felt the dual nature in them, they were part humanoid, part lupine, but Meira, Meira knew she was having the most part reconciling the two, controlling the lupine side of her nature. Sure, she kept herself almost completely under control at all times so that the wolf only rebelled successfully a few times over long periods of times, but it was becoming more frequent and it was a constant battle.

The more she fought to subdue it, the more it felt like she was losing control.

Nomak wasn't making things any easier. His very presence, despite offering her a way to ensure she could remain what she wanted to be, dared her to let her animal out. His eyes and voice and smell and manner all called to the wolf, and his own words seemed to reach the wolf, as if he knew what she was doing. He spoke to her as if he was seeking the wolf out, as if he wanted to watch her change and see just how vicious and bestial she could be. As if he wanted to make her suffer by making her nothing but a rabid beast, just to prove she wasn't higher than him.

And what stung the most was deep down, Meira knew that even if she hadn't given in yet, she wasn't higher than him, she was lower. She'd proven that to herself now. She wasn't selfless or pious. She wasn't a princess any more than he was a prince.

Maybe they both possessed the right attitudes for royalty, but that didn't mean they were deserving of the nobility.

She wanted him though. The wolf did. Maybe this was what Vladimir felt, let himself be controlled by. This primal urge to give into an almost rabid lust. To challenge the one deemed worthy and see just how well he could prove himself against her. The wolf had seen him fight, and while Meira had mostly been enjoying the way he took Vladimir on as she conjured up her incredibly irrational plan to save herself from letting her wolf out, the wolf had slowly been clawing to her surface.

The wolf agreed with her, and now she was beginning to rethink her decision. It wasn't too late. She could just try and continue to fight Vladimir off. She might not even have to worry about it - Vladimir had orders to avoid her, and he might do so for a while now.

But what about later on? What about years from now? Would he still be following his command to leave her be? Would having mated with Jared even do a thing to change his intentions? If she only submitted once, Vladimir could still try to claim her, as mates were not necessarily binding, though it was an extreme rarity when a mating was challenged or not held in high regards.

There were so many trains of thought inside her head, and they each went on for miles, could be thought over again and again. Analyzed and reanalyzed, and she would still be stuck in this confused state where all she wanted was for everything to stop, to go away, leave her in oblivion and let her have some peace.

I can't stay locked away in my room forever. Maybe I could work on the blood samples from Nomak, get as much information from all the tests as possible. Or maybe Karen could use some help, maybe she's free now and can talk, Meira mused to herself, getting back off the bed. She let her hair down and brushed it quickly. Then she tied her hair back up as she headed for the door, deciding that talking to her friend and colleague or delving into research would help her feel better.

Melantha and her mother would never understand, and it wouldn't be comfortable discussing this with them, but perhaps talking with Karen would help. Or at least being able to do some work with part of Nomak that didn't make her confused emotionally.

OoooooooooooooooooooO

Milky blue eyes stared at the wall in front of the bed, stared at the patterns on the wallpaper and not taking anything in. They didn't see the silvery wallpaper, they didn't notice the varying shades of silver and pale blue, they didn't take in any of the details and shapes and lines. All they did was stare ahead, unfocused and clouded with confusion.

They had been stared at Meira's handwriting for so long that Nomak found himself seeing it even when he looked elsewhere. He stared at the wall but all he saw was the plain, blunt words Meira had written down on the notepad before storming out of the lab.

Nomak blinked, kept his eyes open for a moment, closed them again. Now he was seeing her, and this time he did take in details. He remembered her perfectly for some reason, but then again, he always had possessed an incredible memory. His father had believed he might have a photographic memory. And it hadn't failed him now.

He could see her pale blonde hair, and he suddenly realized he had always seen it held up, tied back. Usually it was tied back tight, though earlier it had been looser. Some of the strands in the front were cut shorter, and even when it was tight they would fall, sometimes in her silvery eyes. She often brushed them back behind her ears, and they would keep falling back in her face. Pale blonde strands, though not enough to be white or look bleached.

The reaper found himself wondering what her hair was like when it was fully down instead of held back as if it were a bother. It was probably wild and wavy, obviously long enough to be tied back though he wasn't sure how long that would make it, and it could even be longer. He almost wanted it to be long. He wasn't sure why, he was trying to figure out why he would be interested in her hair period. But he was, and he wanted it to be long and wild.

Maybe he wanted it that way in comparison to Nyssa's hair. Her hair was always held back even tighter, all one length, and it was all straight. He hadn't seen it wavy once, her hair long enough to touch her shoulders for the most part and no longer, always kept straight and neat. Sterile and submissive.

But Meira, despite the fact that she put herself in the sterile setting of labs that he hated, despite always putting her hair back as well, she wasn't sterile or submissive or straight or bland or blind. She was wild, she just couldn't see it. She needed long, wavy hair. She needed to let it down, needed to just stop being a contradiction and making him feel all sorts of confused.

Nomak sighed and closed his eyes, but it only gave him a clearer picture of Meira. Her pale blonde hair, loosely held back with strands falling in her eyes, her blue eyes so pale they were almost silver and clear as polished glass. Her pale, pale skin and almost regal carriage. The way her upper lip curved in a way he hadn't seen before, but it fascinated him now that he noticed it, and he almost wondered what it felt like.

What did she feel like? Soft, pleasantly warm. Strong yet she hid it with gentleness. At least that was what her grip on his hand had felt like. But what did the rest of her feel like? He could only remember soft skin and slender fingers that felt almost delicate despite the strength inside them. Still, he wondered what her hair felt like, the rest of her skin, her mouth. What did her normal mouth feel? Her normal tongue and teeth, and why did he even want to know?

There was a soft growl that reached his ears and he realized he was making the sound without intention. He quickly stopped himself and made himself calm down. Everything was confusion and frustrating, and he wished Meira was there because he wanted the calm.

Maybe, maybe if I close my eyes, it'll come back, he mused. When he closed his eyes, he saw her. Smelled her. Felt her presence, heard her breathing. He could recall everything about her as if she were standing right in front of him.

The reaper closed his eyes, trying to remember the calm she could instill in him despite all the conflicting wants and needs and thoughts inside his head. He didn't know how she could do it, but he wanted it back.

But will it come back? Maybe I ruined everything. Maybe I should have just kept silent, just done what she had wanted. Why can't I ever know what to do? I can fight, I can speak four different languages, none of them being the official language of this country strangely enough, I can do all sorts of things. Why can't I relate to people, read them properly, figure them out? Why can't I interact like normal people?

Nomak let out a loud growl and curled his fingers into fists. He didn't even register the sound of the paper in his right hand crumpling. It was all so confusing, and he just wanted peace in his head again.

It was like the time with the junkie. With that girl he'd nearly frightened to death, the girl he'd saved. He remembered the way she'd felt pressed to him, the scent of her fear, the sound of her blood humming a fast, little tune that matched the pounding tempo of her heart. They way she had looked at him after he'd fed on the vampire, the gratitude in her voice when she'd thanked him.

He hadn't even planned on saving her. He had caught the scent of vampire and realized its plan, followed it. He contemplated letting it kill the girl, then feeding on them both. More relief. But he hadn't thought of it in time, or he hadn't let it register, he wasn't sure which. He had acted on instinct, he had killed it before it could kill her, and he wasn't sure what confused him more - the fact that she had been genuinely grateful, or that he had intentionally saved her.

Not that he had even let himself in on the plan. Oh, no. He had just acted, his intentions known and yet not. It wasn't until he had heard the "Thank you," until he had proven to the girl he wasn't the monster she saw him as, it wasn't until he had watched her look at him and see the change, see the truth, see the potential, that he had realized what he had planned.

Was that the right way to act? Did I act right then? Did I do the right thing, did I prove myself better, did I prove I could be in a social environment? Why is it always so hard to figure these things out? Why can't I go back? I won't mind going back to being the hunted, to being the monster to track down only to find out his hunters are his prey. I won't mind, it's so much easier. I'll take the loneliness back now. I didn't even realize how simpler, better, things were then.

They didn't involve her. There was no new race, no complications, no wolves that looked like men and women. There were no hidden agendas, no annoying pricks always referring to me as "Prince," there were no labs, no scientists or doctors.

There was no Meira.

There was no annoying, soothing, calm, collected, wild, fiery, temperamental, level headed, stubborn, kind, warm, worried, condescending, infuriating, attractive, confusing, considerate, selfish, selfless Meira.

Nomak unclenched his fists, the crumpled up paper falling from his right hand. Opening his eyes, he stared down at it as it hit the floor, at the wrinkled words his princess had written, at the crinkly letters. He abruptly kicked the piece of paper away and stood. Tearing his clothes off, Nomak began to pace.

He wanted to understand what he was feeling, what she was feeling. He wanted to know what she had stared at him with - was it a hidden pity, was it genuine care, was it some kind of act? Was it selfless and concerned, was if selfish and hiding another agenda, another need for him to help fulfill like he knew would come from Ulric? Was it the emotion or the will or both behind the actions of the Alphas they had passed on their way to the lab?

Was that what he saw in her eyes? The warmth in theirs, the concern in their actions and the deeper motivations behind that worry? Was that this awful, confusing feeling he was started to grow aware of? Was he imagining things? Was he just trying to make himself feel better by making himself think that maybe there was something, some care, some, decent feeling, decent intention behind all of this?

It would never end, would it? All the confusion wasn't going to stop. He was blinding himself with pretty thoughts of what was referred to as love.

Getting ahead of yourself. Love? What love? A female shows something that might could be read as care or concern or compassion, and you start deluding yourself with random, unwarranted notions of love? There is no love here, no love in her for you, no love in you for her. There is no love. There isn't any compassion in her anymore either. You destroyed that. You didn't want it, you don't need it. It's nothing but trouble, but a bother, an obstacle in your path.

Compassion didn't even come at childhood. That's all this is. That childish longing for compassion, for care, for love. You're just going back to that little boy who wanted his father's approval and his mother's love. You never got both, and now you seek comfort and replacements when the slightest chance of either arises. But you're beyond that now. Don't let it get in the way.

Nomak walked over to the bed and leaned on the foot of it. That was all it was - that yearning for love and acceptance and approval and compassion he had possessed for as long as he could remember. But it was time to put that in the past.

He was confused and he was seething. He wasn't loved, and he wasn't loving. He didn't love, didn't feel it, experience it, didn't know it.

All he knew was that driving hate in his gut that helped him ignore all the pain and heat and ache and everything. The hate that helped him keep his focus. Helped him strive for his ultimate goal.

And that goal didn't involve Meira. That goal only involved Nomak and his family and death.

…so why do I keep looking at her handwriting on the floor?

OoooooooooooooooooO

About halfway to the area Ulric had placed the human "guest" in, Meira had remembered she needed to go get the notepad she'd left in the lab with Jared. With a groan and a good smack to her forehead, Meira turned, and briskly strode down the corridors that would take her to the right lab. She shouldn't have been so sloppy as to leave it, but she hadn't been thinking clearly at that moment.

It was still a stupid thing to do.

Nomak's scent was still strong as she neared the lab, and she could also pick up the scent of blood. The latter probably came from the few droplets Nomak couldn't get out of the bags. The former, well it hadn't been all that long since she'd left him there. Plus, she had no idea how long he had remained in the lab after her, departure.

Still, she wasn't all that happy to be picking up his scent again. She would have preferred not to have that familiar, strange smell filling her nostrils and bringing back all the conflict and the thoughts that proved Meira was close to cracking. Meira didn't want to think about the fact that she was getting very close to losing her sanity.

The female lycanthrope let out a sigh as she entered the lab, the scent of blood making her mouth water and she nearly let out a growl. Meira gripped the edge of the counter the notepad was on, clenching her eyes as they darkened. A shudder visibly coursed through her, and she panted softly for several long moments.

Damn it, I can't go hunting! I already fed today, and I don't need to again for a while! Calm down and let me get my paper, she angrily told her lupine self. She didn't like being forced to listen to the insistent, demanding howls in her head, so when they subsided she couldn't hold back a sigh of relief.

Her relief was short lived though, as the moment her eyes opened, icy blue once more, she noticed something was wrong. Her note was missing - the top page on the pad was completely blank, but she could make out the indentations on it from what she had written. That meant that she wasn't in the wrong lab - though the scent of blood and Nomak confirmed that anyway. It did mean, however, that someone had taken the paper.

And only two people had been in this room in the last half hour.

Meira checked the pockets of her slacks, finding nothing. That was what she had feared. She hadn't taken the page and forgotten her actions. Nomak had taken it. That meant Nomak had it. And Meira didn't know how he'd reacted to seeing what she'd written down, or why he had taken it. All she knew was she did not like the prospect of having to find him and deal with him again so soon.

Calm down. Think. Sniff the air. Yes, take a deep whiff, and, no. Shit. Nobody else was here. That means he has it. Oh, hell, why did this have to happen?

Grumbling internally, Meira took a deep breath. Closing her eyes, she exhaled slowly, made sure her hair was smooth and tied tight, then smoothed out her clothes. It was as if she was afraid to let the reaper carrier looking anything less than perfect and collected.

"This is going to be oh so much fun," Meira stated sardonically. She briskly strode out of the lab and made herself turn in the direction that would take her to Nomak's quarters. She didn't care if anyone heard her little statement, she was going to need to get out all the sarcasm from her system as possible before she reached Nomak.

Meira kept reaching up to make sure her hair was still tied back smoothly and tight. She was glad she wasn't human at the moment, or she would have given herself a killer migraine. Her fingers tugged at her shirt, pulling it so the wrinkles were stretched out and unnoticeable, but every time she let go, her shirt would wrinkle up again. She continued this, her own form of nervous fidgeting she supposed.

Why the hell am I nervous? No reason to be nervous, no reason at all. You can handle him. Even though you're at odds with yourself over whether you hate him or want to mate with him. And there's also the fact that he seems to hate you, no matter how you act. No matter what you do, he always reacts like a wounded animal, lashing out blindly but still lethally.

Of course, he might have seen through you, seen the growing motivations in your attempt at kindness. Or perhaps you should just accept the fact that no matter how selfish or selfless you are, if you're a doctor or a scientist around him, he isn't going to appreciate you.

Nearly growling in frustration, Meira told herself to clam down and stop trying to analyze him so much. It was difficult, Meira was the kind of person to analyze anything and everything, but she couldn't figure Jared out. Trying to analyze him only made him more of a puzzle.

Or maybe he just holds a grudge over the fact that I punched him. Ugh. I said stop!

There was a barely audible growl that emerged from Meira as she turned another corner. She was beginning to think maybe Nomak was right to hate her, because she was starting to get outdone with herself as well!

Almost there, so get a grip on yourself, Meira. Don't give him something to taunt you with, because you already know he will taunt you.

Breathing in deeply, Meira nodded to herself. She finally reached Nomak's door and could hear him moving around. Pacing, it sounded like. Her brow furrowed as she wondered what he would be pacing about, but she told herself it wasn't her business. And she didn't care. All she was here to do was get her paper from Jared and go find Karen. Quickly.

There was the rustling sound of cloth, and Nomak's scent and footsteps were approaching before Meira could even knock. She had her hand raised when she heard him nearing and dropped her hand, biting back a sigh. She should have known Nomak would be well aware of her presence and not give her any extra moments to ready herself.

"What do you want?" came the familiar, raspy voice of the reaper. The question was out of his mouth before he had the door even halfway open, and Meira started to reply when she saw Nomak appeared human again, save the perfect scar down his chin and the top of his throat. He stared at her with icy blue eyes, his strangely tan skin exposed all the way to his hips.

Dear Moon, he was putting his pants on, Meira realized, recalling the rustling sound before his approach to the door. She couldn't help but glance down, curious more than anything else, and her rational mind took note of the lack of scars. She was amazed at his healing capabilities, while the howling in her head indicated her wolf was amazed at his other, assets. Horny teenager, she told the wolf, told herself. She was above that, for crying out loud.

It wasn't that she had never seen a man, after all, werewolves weren't known for their modesty. There had been plenty of times she'd seen several members of her mother's pack nude after the change, and she had even seen Vladimir. Not that she liked to remember that fact. She had thankfully almost completely erased that memory from her mind.

But her wolf liked Jared for some strange reason. Her lupine nature saw it so simply, while Meira's more human side was at war over why she had even considered him for mate. Was it because she wanted to listen to the wolf's howls, was it because she wanted to save her rational mind, was it because she wanted to just find out what it felt like, was it because she wanted to take a mate that would make the sting even more painful for Vladimir?

She shook her head and nearly smacked herself. She had been staring, and Nomak's arched eyebrow and confused look told her he was well aware.

"I need the note," Meira whispered softly, and nearly flinched at how meek she sounded. But she was having a hard time not allowing her internal struggle to reach the surface. She wondered if it had been like that for her mother and father, Ulric and Melantha, any of them. She wondered if she had become just as low and pathetic as Vladimir.

"What note?" Jared asked in response, giving her a long, hard stare. His gaze was intense, giving her the impression he was studying her at the same time that he was trying to make her crack. He didn't move, just watched her, one hand gripping the inside doorknob, the other placed on his hip.

Meira sighed, and despite herself she snapped. It was bad enough that she was having difficulties with herself, why couldn't he just make things easier for her, just this once?

"Look, Jared, I know you have it. You're the only other person to have been in that room since I left, and the note was gone when I went back," she stated, her voice louder than it needed to be and she sounded exasperated. She watched Jared, and she got the sinking feeling that her tone had cost her that note.

The reaper's expression hardened, and Meira swore he visibly put up a wall to distance himself from her. Abruptly he reached out, grabbing Meira by the neck. He squeezed for a moment, then shook his head and let go, retreating into his room. He looked down and shuddered, breathing in deeply several times. Those icy blue eyes, clear and surrounded by almost pure white, closed and clenched, his face scowling.

"Don't call me that. Why do you call me that?" he questioned, and Meira could do nothing but blink several times as he struggled to control himself just like she was trying to do more subtly. He didn't look at her for a moment, calming himself down visibly as he waited for her answer, but she was too perplexed to give him one.

Finally, Nomak opened his eyes and looked up weakly, his skin loosing its healthy tan, the scar becoming a fresh wound, blood coming to the surface as his veins were exposed under thin skin of a sickly pallor. His lean, muscular body almost trembled it seemed, weak from the struggle with his temper.

"Why do you call me Jared?" he asked, his voice even raspier, and he sounded just as drained as he looked. But there was something in his tone that struck Meira, struck her harder than his almost defeated state, than the way he looked at her like a broken, confused pet or child. His state was reflected in his voice, and he sounded as if he was a child asking why he had been hit when he hadn't deserved it. His tone was weak and hurt and Meira's mind didn't have a chance to think about why she had called him Jared and not even realized it.

She was too busy realizing that it seemed to actually be painful for Nomak to be treated like an equal or a person. And she couldn't figure out why. It had always seemed to her that was what he wanted. She had seen his hatred towards her refusal to act like a werewolf in front of him, she remembered his bitter words about her high and mighty act. So why was it so painful for him to be called by his first name, like plenty of other people?

Nomak had reacted badly when she had called him Jared in the lab earlier. That had set him off worse than anything else, Meira realized that as she thought back. He hadn't even reacted as badly when Vladimir had called him prince.

Why was his first name so hurtful?

Meira didn't have much time to think this over before Nomak sighed. She watched him shake his head like a signal that he was giving in against his will, and then he turned from the door. She stood there as he walked back into his room where she couldn't see him. Hesitantly, and against her better judgment, she stepped inside, following him. She came around the corner of the mini hall at the entrance, finding him standing at the foot of the bed, facing it.

He held a crumpled piece of paper in his hands, his head bowed as he stared at it. Both hands held the paper, keeping it opened up enough for him to read the words, and Meira supposed this was her needed piece of paper that held his attention. The reaper didn't even acknowledge her, if he was even aware of her, when she cleared her throat. He just kept staring at it, as if he would get something he needed from it if he looked hard enough at it.

"I don't know why I took it," he whispered, his voice soft, barely even a whisper. "I just noticed it before I left, and I couldn't stop staring at it. So I took it." Nomak went silent for several moments after that, and Meira wondered if he would ever look up from it. "I didn't mean to crumple it," he added, finally tearing his gaze from the note. He met her eyes, his whole demeanor now more like a child afraid he had committed some terrible act without meaning to, and everything would be ruined.

Meira was shaken by the change in him, and she didn't know what to do, what to say. She was seeing a whole other side of Nomak, and it made her view of his puzzle zoom out to realize it was even bigger and the pieces were smaller, harder to match up. She couldn't figure him out, because every time they were together, he only became more complex than before.

"It's alright," the werewolf finally told him, her voice calmer and more confident than she felt. She tried to sound placating, reassuring. This sudden change was unexpected and unwelcome. Meira didn't want to stare at Nomak and see a child and a monster and a man all in one body, all fighting for dominance and control and all of them lost.

Jared nodded and handed the note over to her with his left hand, head bowed slightly. "I got angry. I didn't even remember I was holding it," he explained. His voice was distant now. He sounded like he didn't want to be there, that he was trying to sink into himself and find solace there.

"Don't worry. No harm done," Meira told him, assured him. She reached over and her fingers moved to take the paper from him. She accidentally - or was it intentional? - touched Nomak's finger's lightly, and she was reminded of just how hot his skin was. She gripped the paper and took it.

Nomak let out a sharp breath as their fingers brushed, but his hand dropped lifelessly to his side once the paper was out of his hand. He looked up, met her gaze. Cocked his head, studied her expression. Abruptly, he took a step closer, and she took a step back, a reflex, not an honest reaction. His eyes slowly changed, and it was obvious it had the same effect anyway.

"Get out," he whispered darkly, the words coming out more like a hiss than a coherent order. He scowled at her, and his body trembled slightly.

Meira stood still for a moment, meeting his hardened gaze. She didn't say a word, and he just stared at her. She had the feeling he was trying to stare her down, make her back off, intimidate her into leaving him. She had given him the impression he could do that, and that other side of him wasn't strong enough to fight the instinctive, wounded animal attitude he always got when he was hurt.

"No."

It took several moments and Nomak's slightly surprised, fairly impressed, and extremely angered expression for Meira to realize she had spoken, and that she had stated that one, little word. It was too late to take it back, and Meira didn't want to.

"Jared, Nomak," Meira began, correcting herself when she realized she had said his first name by mistake, "this is going to have to stop. Ulric hasn't told you everything he's planning, he hasn't had the chance. But he needs you to work with me, and Karen," she explained, taking a step forward. "We can't keep doing this. It isn't going to get us anywhere. Every time it looks like we might be able to get along, we always end up biting each other's head off, and I'm sick of it."

"I'm sick of you! I'm sick of all of this, of being nothing but a puppet, but an experiment, something to study and poke and prod and test on and use as a lab rat when I should be out in the open with my family, as the heir to my father, as his only son alive, not hidden away like some terrible secret only to be taken in by another race who doesn't care about me, just about what I can do!"

Nomak panted slightly, his eyes boring holes in her own, his whole body shaking visibly. His fists had clenched, nails digging in and cutting his skin so that sticky, amber blood could drip down his fingers and the scent could fill their nostrils.

The enraged outburst had surprised Meira, and she stared at Nomak as some of the pieces fell into place, as she finally formed a section of the puzzle. She swallowed, her expression shifting from surprised to comprehension, and she nodded.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, the words genuine and sincere. It wasn't so hard for her to swallow her pride this time.

Nomak scoffed though, but it was hesitant, uncertain. A weak defense to hide his surprise. He wouldn't let go of it though, he couldn't it seemed. He didn't know how, perhaps, maybe he didn't know how to do a lot of things.

"You're sorry? Well, good for you. I'm touched by your sympathy, really. But it isn't enough for me to overcome the fact that I don't like you," he snarled, then backed off. He stepped away from her, turning and panting heavily, trying to calm himself down. "Now could you please get out?" he asked weakly, and Meira nodded even though he couldn't see it.

The wolf told her no though. Told her to stay, told her to go to him, to lick the wounds in his hands and take him. Told her to walk over and touch him and find out what he felt like everywhere. The wolf howled and clawed at her from the inside. The scent in the air didn't help her, either.

"I respect you, Jared," Meira whispered softly, and he stiffened, turned towards her. She met his confused gaze and nodded. "I respect you, more than I respect almost any other besides Ulric and Melantha and my mother. I know that you don't hate me or dislike me, because if you did, you wouldn't have taken this note," she told him, lifting the hand that held the piece of paper. "I'll leave you. I'll come back soon with some blood though, but I'll leave you be for now."

Nomak watched her with a steady, blank expression. He nodded and watched her as she left, not moving, just watching her. His eyes stayed on her until she left and closed the door, she knew it, she could feel them. Just watching her.

OoooooooooooooooooooooO

A/N 2: I nearly forgot - in my user info I have a link to the site for this fic. It's not yet finished, but hopefully I'll have the time/will to finish it soon. It does have most every OC cast, with a picture of the actor basis and wolf form up. But just in case you were wondering, I figured I would go ahead and put the cast list in this chapter, to give a better idea of what the characters look like to me.

Ulric - Viggo Mortensen

Melantha - Patricia Velasquez

Meira - Jenny Mollen

Vladimir - Marton Csokas

Silvia - Michelle Pfeiffer

Valora - Mariska Hargitay

Aysel - Milla Jovovich

Donovan - Thomas Jane

Richard - James Purefoy

Faris - Scott McElroy