Saiyuuki

by Zelgadis55

Oneshot: Of going to the movies and the teasing which follows. Or The Sanzo-ikkou go see a movie, Sanzo becomes embarrassed and Gojyo gets drunk and makes some very unwise choices. Nonyaoi. Rated for Gojyo's mouth.

Series: Saiyuki

Author: Zelgadis55

Title: 'Saiyuuki'

Rated: T

Summary: Of going to the movies and the teasing which follows.

Pairings: None

Warning: This fic contains no yaoi or boy's love. Gojyo has a mouth, you know this – language. This fic has not been betaed.

Disclaimer: Not mine! I'm only having some fun at the expense of Sanzo and Gojyo.

A/N: This fic came about as the results of chatting with Cesmith and talking about the new live action series 'Saiyuuki' that has just begun in Japan. I have not forgotten about 'To Walk a Thousand Miles' I will be posting the second chapter within a few days at the most.

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'Saiyuuki'

They had arrived in town early but since it was a good few days' travel to the next town of any worth, the Sanzo-ikkou decided to stay, stock up and get some well-deserved rest for a change. It was a somewhat unusual occurrence but thanks to Hakkai's insistence, the entire group decided to go for a walk looking for something interesting to do that did not involve fighting with each other or anyone else.

"Ohh! That smells great!" Goku gushed, "Maybe we could go eat. That'd be great, don't you think, guys?"

Sanzo rolled his eyes and refrained from saying anything for once, though he had trouble covering up the twitch above his eye.

Gojyo snorted, "We do that three times a day, or in your case about fifteen. How is it different?"

"It was just a suggestion." Goku pouted. "Besides, I'm hungry."

Hakkai chuckled as Gojyo answered.

"What else is new?" Just then, a pretty young woman walked by, effectively silencing Gojyo as she caught his eye. He let his gazetrail her up the street and into a massage parlour. "Maybe we should go for a massage." He suggested, already picking up his pace to follow, completely unaware of the less than friendly look on Hakkai's face.

"I don't think so, pervert!" Sanzo instantly dismissed the idea.

"It's better than the ape's idea."

"Hey!"

"Both ideas suck."

"We've yet to hear you come up with anything better!"

"Now guys, please. We haven't had a lot of chance to see what this town has to offer. Let's continue looking around." Hakkai spoke up, trying to stall the coming storm. Sometimes he really did feel more like a babysitter than anything else.

"Kyuu!" Hakuryu added in his two cents worth.

Glorious silence reigned for several minutes before Gojyo spotted a bar. "How 'bout it? Booze, woman, possibly gambling, we could team up to wipe the floor with the competition," he added with a grin towards Hakkai, "snacks for the brat."

"I have a name, ya know, cockroach!" Goku yelled.

Gojyo grinned wider, "But you admit to being a brat."

"I never said that!"

"Tempting though it may be to some, going into bars is still something we do quite often." Hakkai inserted insistently.

A sign outside a building caught Sanzo's attention. Pointing at it, he said, "We go there."

"Huh?"

"The movies? I'm not so desperate that I want to go to the movies with three guys. I need a date for that."

Hakkai smiled tightly and his voice held a slightly politer tone than usual. "Actually, a movie sounds good. We have not been to one in quite some time. I wonder if there is anything good on." He added thoughtfully.

"Who cares?" Sanzo said dismissively. "It will be dark inside and I won't have to see your faces. Other than the soundtrack, it will be quiet since it's not permitted to speak during movies. And as for a date for you cockroach, you can date yourself, no one will notice the difference anyway." With that said, Sanzo immediately began walking to the theatre, oblivious to the fact that behind him, Hakkai was struggling to hold Gojyo back.

"Hey Hakkai, what did Sanzo mean by Gojyo can date himself?" Goku asked, puzzled.

Hakkai smothered a smile, "Maybe you should ask Sanzo that later, Goku."

"Let me go, Hakkai, I'm gonna…"

"Just ignore him, please Gojyo."

"But..."

"Gojyo-san…"

Sanzo called back, "If the session is about to start, I am not waiting for any of you idiots!"

With Gojyo calmed down, or at least acting as if he was, the three of them and Hakuryu followed Sanzo into the building where they could see the monk buying tickets.

"What are we going to see?" Goku asked excitedly when they caught up with Sanzo. "Can we get some snack food too? Please?"

Sanzo looked down at the tickets in his hand with some distaste. "Some movie called 'Saiyuuki'. It's the only thing they have on until evening." Sanzo handed Hakkai his gold card and three of the tickets. "I'm going ahead. No one is to sit near me. I've had enough of all of you."

Goku watched with disappointment-filled eyes as Sanzo stalked his way down the hall and into the single theatre.

"Let's get some snacks for the movie, Goku." Hakkai suggested with a smile, trying to cheer the young earth-spirit up.

Goku grinned in response, following Hakkai and Gojyo to the Candy Bar. However,his mind still fixated on his disappointment of Sanzo telling them to keep away from him. 'I thought we were supposed to spend the afternoon together, doing something different. How is it together if Sanzo won't even let us sit with him?'

- . - . -

A couple of hours later, the movie let out and the group of travellers west exited the building. Sanzo was in a foul mood and Gojyo was laughing raucously. It was not helping matters any.

Goku, looking extremely confused spoke, "Those guys in that movie, they were supposed to be us?"

"Yes, they were Goku." Hakkai answered patiently. "Didn't you enjoy the movie?"

"Yeah, it was pretty good but," Goku paused, "it was weird."

Hakkai cast a worried glance up ahead; Sanzo was nowfar in front and appeared to be leaving a dust trail in his wake. "Gojyo," Hakkai warned, "when we catch up to him, please do not start. How was the movie weird, Goku?" he asked, turning his attention back to the teen.

"Well…"

"How can I not start, Hakkai?" Gojyo interrupted. "This is perfect! A golden opportunity! And that bouzu can't deny a thing!" he snickered in amusement.

Hakkai cast a warning, unamused look at Gojyo, "Please go on, Goku. I am sorry that someone so rudely interrupted you."

"Well, if those guys were supposed to be us, then why was the guy playing you so fat?"

Hakkai closed his eyes, an embarrassed smile filling his face.

"An' the guy playing Gojyo, he had a huge bald spot on his head! Also, they made you out to be the pervert instead of him. Why?"

"I wish I could explain the movie producers' choices, Goku but I cannot. Let's just call it poetic license and leave it at that." Hakkai said, trying to end the discussion.

"Then what about Sanzo?" Goku added, scrunching up his face. "That's the weirdest part, why…"

"I think that maybe you should leave that question alone." Hakkai said anxiously. "We have arrived back at the inn now and somehow I do not think Sanzo will be too pleased to hear you asking about that." With that said in order to avoid any more questions, Hakkai headed directly up to the room the four of them were sharing.

Goku stared up the stairs after Hakkai and then turned to Gojyo but all he saw was the kappa's back as he walked through the doorway into the adjoining bar and restaurant. Goku considered following his friend but when he looked in, he could see Gojyo was already chatting up a group of young women. Goku pulled a face and went upstairs.

Carefully, aware of the mood his sun had been in as they all left the movie theatre, Goku opened the door to their room. A blinding glare greeted him and Goku realised he would be far better off by being quiet and keeping to himself.

Time passed and eventually, Hakkai took pity on Goku and the two went downstairs for dinner, Sanzo refusing to leave the room.

"Why's he so upset? It was only a movie, weird as it was."

Hakkai only smiled.

"So the Sanzo in the movie wouldn't fight and didn't have a gun, what's so awful about that? It's not like the movie Sanzo was weak or anything, just different is all." Goku protested.

Hakkai coughed, "Um, I don't really think that is the problem itself,Goku."

"Then what is?"

A grinning face leaned over Goku's shoulder and breathed hot, heavily alcohol scented breath into Goku's face. Goku wrinkled his nose and leaned back a few centimetres, as far as his chair would allow. "Eww! You reek Gojyo! Get your face outta mine!"

Gojyo straightened up and moved to an empty seat ignoring the disapproving look Hakkai was giving him. "It's 'cause of how dif'rent the movie Sanzo was, tha's the problem." Gojyo slurred. "You really didn' notice? You really didn' see the curves on that bod?" he leered, a perverted gleam within his eyes.

Goku blinked. "Huh? Curves?"

"You're one weird monkey boy, ya know that?" Gojyo laughed loudly.

Goku bristled, "Will you stop calling me a monkey?"

"But you are one. At leas' that's one thing that movie got right." Gojyo snickered and then got up, leaving the table and his friends as he left the restaurant, heading into the main part of the inn. Hakkai and Goku stared after him.

"Hope he gets a hangover." Goku said in annoyance. "It's what he deserves for calling me a monkey all the time."

A distracted expression on his face, Hakkai said distantly, "I think a hangover will be the least of his worries if he does what I think he is about to do. Please excuse me, Goku." He said as he stood and rushed off.

"Where are you going? What about dinner?"

"After Gojyo, I need to stop him from committing suicide." Hakkai called back as he ran. "Don't worry, I'll return for dinner later!"

Goku stared after Hakkai for a moment, then jumped up out of his chair and ran after his friend.

- . - . -

The door opened and Sanzo looked up in irritation. Hakkai and Goku had only left a short while ago and Gojyo was off probably drinking and wouldn't be back for hours. If it was some stranger, Sanzo was more than prepared to shoot first and ask questions later, if the recipient of the bullets survived that was. 'Damn!' Sanzo scowled, it was Gojyo. Well, he could still shoot if the kappa annoyed him. All it would take would be for Gojyo to dare even breathe in his direction.

Gojyo looked around the room, leering when he saw Sanzo sitting on his bed, leaning onto the wall and smoking. "Th' movie was pretty interesting this af'ernoon, wouldn' you say, Sanzo-chan?"

Sanzo narrowed his eyes at the kappa, silently warning him to go no further.

Gojyo grinned. "Is it like a rule for Sanzo's to be that pretty? Only I wonder 'cause I only ever met the one Sanzo an' he's pretty so considering the Sanzo in that movie, it must be a common thing."

Sanzo removed his gun from within his robes and in a low, warning voice said, "Unless you want a new hole to speak out of, I suggest you shut up and get out!"

Behind Gojyo, the door flew open and Hakkai and Goku burst into the room. Gojyo either ignored them or didn't notice. "I jus' wanna know where the writers for that movie got the idea from. What would make them choose their Sanzo to be a woman?"

Sanzo fired off several rounds at Gojyo until his gun ran out of bullets. "I said to get the hellout!" he snarled as he reloaded shoureijuu.

"Phwee! They didn't miss by much." Gojyo grinned, still too happy drunk and enjoying his teasing of Sanzo to be pissed off by the act of violence. He began to saunter in the monk's direction. "So, you gonna tell us where the writers got the idea? Did you give it to 'em 'cause of your looks or is there something you ain't tellin' us?"

Sanzo snapped the chamber of his weapon back into place as Gojyo finished speaking and this time, aimed carefully. "Shut up and die!"

"Ah! Please, control yourselves." Hakkai said anxiously, stepping in front of Gojyo and holding him back, "Goku, please get Gojyo out of here." He hissed quietly.

"Sure." Goku answered quickly, coming up behind Gojyo and dragging the oblivious-to-danger kappa out of the room.

"Sanzo, he didn't mean it. He is too drunk to know any better."

Sanzo snorted, "Oh, he meant it alright. That damn cockroach has been waiting for a chance to rub my face into it." He smiled and it wasn't an entirely nice one. "Take his stuff out with you; he's sleeping outdoors with all the other roaches."

"Sanzo, you can't…"

"And tell him that I will not miss if he brings up that movie ever again!"

Goku poked his head back in the room from the doorway. He was struggling to hold Gojyo out the room but still, he spoke, "What's the big deal? It was just a movie?"

Sanzo twitched, "The 'big deal' is the details they got wrong."

Gojyo squeezed his head past Goku's defence, "Hey bouzu? Think you can get me a date with that Sanzo?" he laughed.

Sanzo emptied his gun again.

"Hey! You almost hit me too!" Goku complained.

"Get out! All of you!"

- . - . -

"I still don't see what the problem was," Goku grumbled some time later, "I mean, sure it was weird an' all but it was still only a movie. Those things are make believe so I don't see why Sanzo had to over-react just 'cause a girl played him."

Hakkai chuckled, looking up at the stars, "I think it has more to do with the fact that Gojyo refused to let him live it down."

"Well it's not fair that Sanzo took it out on us too!"

"Oh man do I have the mother of hangovers!" Gojyo moaned.

Goku and Hakkai looked at him in annoyance, the former yelling, "GOOD, 'cause it's your fault we're out here instead of inside in nice, comfy beds!"

Hakkai smiled and spoke loudly, "Please do not yell, Goku. People are trying to sleep."

"You're both too fucking loud." Gojyo muttered. "I've got the worst headache…"

"I sincerely wish you would remember this night for the next time you decide to do something so stupid as to rile Sanzo up but somehow I doubt you will." Hakkai admonished, still speaking in a louder than conversational tone.

"Will ya give it a rest and consider a guy's feelings?"

"Fine!" Hakkai said coldly. "Let us go, Goku." He added, getting to his feet and walking back towards the inn.

Goku hopped up quickly, running after the healer, "Where are we going? Sanzo told us we couldn't come back to the room."

Hakkai smiled grimly, "How would you like to get some revenge on our red headed friend back there?"

"Huh? Sure!"

"Let's speak to Sanzo first."

- . - . -

The next morning Gojyo woke to a lot of chattering and murmuring from a nearby crowd. He would have opened his eyes to see what the fuss what all about but with the hangover he had, the sunlight wasfar too bright. The voices within the crowd grew and eventually he heard three very familiar voices within the mix.

"Damn cockroach is still lazing there."

"At least I didn't have to fight him for my breakfast for once."

A chuckle, "Gojyo does look very comfortable where he is. Maybe we should just leave him."

Gojyo groaned, "Gimme a break, Hakkai. I only just woke up…"

"Well then, get up!" The comment was accompanied by an almost vicious kick into his side.

"I said I'm getting up!" Gojyo surged to his feet, angry over the unprovoked kick. "You didn't have to kick me, you damn corrupt monk!"

The smirk was clear in Sanzo's voice, "Yes I did. We're going, without you if necessary."

Gojyo stepped forward towards Sanzo, his fist ready to strike and promptly tripped, falling flat on his face. He pushed himself up to his knees and was about to get back to his feet when he noticed…

… his clothes…

... he was wearing a fucking dress! Red, white and frilly. When he stood, he found it trailed the ground. It was no wonder he had just tripped. "What the hell? How did I end up in this?"

Hakkai smiled, his eyes wide open, he did not wish to miss a moment of this, "You often do strange things when you get drunk, Gojyo."

"But, where are my normal clothes?"

"How the hell should we know? It's not our job tobaby sit you. You couldn't pay me enough for that!"

Goku couldn't stop his laughter, "You sure look pretty though." He snickered.

"Let's go!" Sanzo commanded, before turning and walking over to the waiting jeep and climbing into his usual seat. Hakkai and Goku were not far behind.

"Hey! Wait!" Gojyo yelled, flush with embarrassment, "You guys have gotta let me find my clothes and change."

"We will not wait. We have wasted enough time as it is" Sanzo replied coldly, "Hurry up and get in or we will leave you behind, your things are packed already. You can thank Hakkai for that later."

"I'm not going anywhere dressed like this!" Gojyo yelled after them. "You have to wait."

"We don't have to do anything except get on with this damn mission."

Hakkai smiled sadly, "Well then, if you are not coming, I guess this is goodbye."

Gojyo stared as Hakkai started the engine and drove off. "WAIT! I'm coming!" he yelled as he picked up his skirt and ran after the jeep as fast as the unfamiliar clothes would let him. However, Hakkai kept driving. Gojyo tripped on the skirt once more and lay in the dirt. He could hear the laughter of the crowd behind him as he lay there. About a minute later, he heard the jeep pull up beside him. He looked up, seeing Goku leaning over the edge and grinning at him.

"Boy, that was worth watching!" he laughed.

Gojyo glared.

"Get in or this time we will not be coming back." Sanzo stated in an unusual sounding tone.

'Damn monk's trying not to laugh!' Gojyo thought angrily as he climbed into the back seat, managing to catch his skirt on the side and tangle himself up as he did. "At least I have a spare set of clothes."

"Ah, ha ha! Yes well, no. Remember they were torn up beyond repair the other day. You will have to make do until we reach the next town I am afraid."

"What?" Gojyo exclaimed in disbelief. "What the fuck did I do to deserve this?"

Goku, Hakkai and Sanzo exchanged knowing grins (or smirks in the case of Sanzo) and said nothing.

"Kyuuuuu."

The end.