Impossible

A Gundam Wing Fan Fiction

Rambled Off by The Manwell

Book One: PILOTS

Heero Yuy

It all comes back to me at the strangest times: all of the things I'd been trying so very hard not to think about.

In an instant, I'm stealing the shuttle that I'd planned to use to get myself and Wing to the New Edwards Base. I'm aiming my gun at a too-familiar mobile suit hitching a ride in the cargo hold. I'm watching that familiar black-clad figure leaping from the cockpit and staring up at me with those ever-changing eyes. And he has the audacity to just invite himself along.

"Hey! You load yours on, too, pal. I'll come and take over the cockpit."

"Duo..."

"This time I'm definitely not gonna let the mission fail. How about trusting me a bit?"

"Do what you want."

Why had I let him accompany me? Why had I let him pilot the shuttle? My shuttle? Why had I trusted him? Why hadn't I shot him? But then, I hadn't been able to kill Relena, either. Focus on the mission, I'd told myself. And I had. Until Duo had spoken.

"Oh, man. This is gonna be quite the battle, isn't it?"

"This mission's really big. I don't think you get it."

"You bet I do. This is our chance to finally destroy the OZ organization."

"This time is different. We're gonna eliminate every OZ leader."

"Yeah... Then I go back to space."

He'd looked so... at peace. Again, I'd wondered how he could be an adequate soldier. His emotions are so apparent. That had not been how I'd been trained. And as I'd studied his profile, I'd wondered what he had to go back to in outer space. I had a lab and a group of scientists and a training program to return to. For the first time, I started to really wonder about who he had been before coming to Earth. I wondered if he'd had a normal childhood. I wondered what that would have been like.

But, to my surprise, I'd discovered at New Edwards that Duo was a soldier. A damn good one.

"Woah. This defense line isn't like the others."

"Ten times more of them. That's much more than we estimated."

"Well there's no turning back now!"

He hadn't either. Even though his suit hadn't been equipped with a rifle, he'd more than held his own. Using his Beam Scythe and relying on the limber dexterity of his suit and his own reaction time, he'd woven easily through the battlefield. Clearly, I'd underestimated him. Or had he intended to give me that impression during our earlier encounters? I'd no longer been so sure he was the suspicious fool I'd initially thought him to be. But then, after my egregious error at New Edwards, I hadn't been sure of anything anymore.

"Hey, kid! Look out! You'll get shot!"

I'd heard Duo's voice over the comm. I'll get shot? I'd opened my eyes. Getting shot was the least of what I deserved for blindly complying with Treize's plans and assassinating the Alliance's pacifists for him.

"Don't just stand there!"

But I had. And he'd stayed. He and the pilot whose suit's main weapon had been a pair of Heat Shotels. They'd reentered the battle and attempted to draw enemy fire away from me. At first, I hadn't cared.

"So how long do you expect us to look after you?"

That voice. Duo. My hands had tightened around the controls as anger had begun to flutter to life beneath my skin, in my blood. Then someone had finally drawn a bead on me and I'd just sat there and taken the shot. I'd deserved this.

But where Duo's taunts hadn't been enough to get me to move, a stranger's voice offering up a mission had. A woman's voice had echoed out into the night and given me the chance to prevent further unnecessary destruction and death. And, in that moment, I hadn't been capable of turning away from that opportunity.

"A failed mission means death, but my card hasn't come up yet."

The explosion of the base had been prevented but that hadn't changed the fact that I'd completely, totally, irrevocably fucked up. The anger, the pain, all of it had been shoved away. It's the only way I know how to deal with failure. Although I can recall experiencing different reactions, once upon a time. But the training had ensured I'd never experience those again. Strong emotions are not acceptable. So I'd buried it all deep in my soul. Hell, I'm pretty sure I'll die before I have to sort through my own feelings anyway.

"Heero!"

Reluctantly, I turn my attention back to the game in progress. I'm torn between feeling grateful to have a distraction from my thoughts and feeling resentful that I must participate in these pointless activities. Duo sends the ball in my direction and I easily catch it. Now for the drive to the net. Mission accepted. I almost smile.

I dodge my opponents easily and set up the shot. I calculate the trajectory and I take my own rebound. Slam dunk.

"Nice shot, Heero!" Duo shouts.

The small crowd of fellow students cheers. It sounds too much like the chaos during a fight. Too much like my own inner screams during that last battle at New Edwards. Duo settles his arm on my shoulder and waves back at our fans.

He tells me, "Hey! Wave back to them or something! They're cheerin' for us, superstar!"

I need to get out of here. I ignore the odd silence and attention that follow me as I just walk away. I can feel the curious stares of the other students and the amused smirk of one Duo Maxwell on my back. It irritates me the way he looks at me. As if he can see right down to my soul. As if he knows the secrets even I don't acknowledge about myself. It pisses me off.

Now in need of some time and space in order to cool down my temper, I seek out a lonely bench overlooking the sea. It takes me a while, but I do eventually relax somewhat. Until:

"So this is where you went..."

I look up from the bench I'm occupying as he approaches. God damn it, can I just be left the hell alone for a while? I decide to ignore him. He'll go away. Eventually.

"You know, that's pretty smart. Changing schools when you've gotta move on. After all, it's natural for people our age to be in school."

This reminds me. I'd been meaning to ask him why he'd followed me here. And I'm pretty sure he had followed me. I don't believe in coincidences.

"What's the idea?" I demand, staring at him as he gazes out into the ocean from where he leans against the railing.

He almost chuckles. "I'm just trying to act normal."

"You stand out." I gain a certain amount of satisfaction at having the opportunity to point this out to him.

But, alas, he has a comeback for this as well: "You wouldn't be as suspicious if you acted natural instead of being so secretive." My only consolation is that he crosses his arms over his chest which is normally a defensive gesture. He leans closer to me and challenges, "Why don't you just chill out a bit and have some fun as a student?"

All right. It's time to wrap this conversation up. If he won't leave, I will. "Leave me alone," I say, standing.

He grins. "And stay outta your way, right?"

I pause. "Hm?"

His eyes gleam with a mischievous light. "The two of us are going after the same thing, here," he confides. "You can't hide it from me. I can see it in your eyes as plain as day, pal."

Is it possible to glare someone into oblivion? I'm pretty sure I'm attempting to do just that to my unwanted shadow right now.

He doesn't even flinch. "What do you say the first one to destroy that ship wins?"

I follow his gaze out to the craft moored in the sparkling bay. He wants to turn this mission into a race, does he? I wonder what the prize will be, but since he hasn't offered a suggestion, I decide that the winner will get to choose his prize. In silence, I accept his offer, contemplating my moment of victory when I will calmly inform him that from now on he's to leave me the hell alone.

Notes

During this scene, Heero is remembering events that had happened in episodes 7 & 8. There is also a very vague reference to material we find out about in Endless Waltz. The scene itself is from episode 9.

: Episode 7: In the process of stealing a shuttle to transport his suit to the New Edwards Base, Duo shows up and loads his suit onto the craft uninvited. Once airborne, Duo pilots the shuttle and has a short exchange with Heero, his reluctant passenger. Upon arrival at their destination, Duo and Heero comment to each other during the battle at New Edwards before the other Gundam pilots show up.

: Episode 8: After the deaths of the Alliance's pacifists, Heero stops fighting and both Quatre and Duo cover for him. It's not until Sally Po alerts him to the impending destruction of the base that he gets himself together.

: Endless Waltz: Heero shows his remorse for having caused civilian casualties during a mission and is subsequently retrained in order to eliminate his "weak" emotional response to failure.

: Episode 9: Heero and Duo end up at the same boarding school, playing on the same team during a student basketball game.