Neo FLCL 7

Wow… I made seven chapters already... I would like to thank my last reviewer, as I needed the laugh. Well, nothing left to do but to start where we left off. I own nothing but my characters.

"Jesus…" I repeated over and over, walking slowly backward as April started spazzing out. I wasn't about to do anything with those claw thingies thrashing around. I backed up against something hard… the car. Figuring it to be a safe a place as any, I hopped over the doorframe and into the driver seat. Robo-April spider-walked away, heading to the combating blurs. I sighed in relief, looking behind just to make sure that there weren't any big beasties about to rip my head off. There was, one with a metallic nose that was about four feet long, rounded and telescopic, the end a shiny mirror. After my blood-curdling scream – still manly, of course - I realized it wasn't a monster, but a woman with a camera, which had a four-foot lens. I didn't understand how that would work physically, but I didn't have time to wonder, as I felt a metal tube against my forehead.

"State your name and business," a male voice said in controlled tones.

"Scott Kilder, hiding from psycho shop-keepers and FBI-wannabes." My eyes moved from the barrel down the length of it until I noticed the man holding the gun; a man wearing orange shades, with spiked orange hair that had sideburns that were past his cheek. The woman kept shooting away with her camera. "Eyebrows…" I said in horror as I noticed one more article he wore.

"Oh, so you're the one she chose this time," the man said, lowering the gun. He removed the shades with his free hand and with the other lifted an official looking ID with a picture of him picking his nose. Not very flattering, but the man went on as if he didn't care. "Rear Admiral Amarao."

"Rear Admiral?" I asked, very confused. I thought admirals had to deal with boats….

"Rear Admiral because he's too afraid to be on the front lines, and that was the only title that had 'rear' in it," the woman chattered, answering my question, still taking photos. Behind the camera, I could only make out that she had blonde hair.

"SHUT UP, KITSURABAMI!" the man screeched, losing his cool. I swear that his mouth dropped nearly a foot. "I'M NOT AFRAID OF NOTHIN'!" He shot her a glare that wouldn't scare a baby who was afraid of red haired people.

"NO, I WON'T! I AM SICK OF YOU PUSHING ME AROUND, AND YOUR CONSTANT ADVANCES…" Kitsa…the woman screamed right back. Right at that moment, I felt as if I were the only sane person in the world.

"I'm gonna turn on the radio, if you don't mind," I said loudly, but they weren't listening. I sighed, but I felt glad that there was no longer any immediate threat to my life. I turned the key partway full, turning on the radio. I stabbed my finger to the seek button, moving to the pirate radio station April and I found one boring day. The DJ nearly screamed as my finger left the button.

"HE-HE-HEY, dudes and dudettes! You magically found the fooliest, cooliest" –what did that mean? – "radio station on the planet! WHOA-OH! The fuzz is on my trail again, gotta split for a second… (There was the sound of sirens) And we're back! I'm gonna lay down one of my own personal faves, so if you don't like it, TOUGH!" A short drumbeat was the only prelude to the beginning vocals.

Sail away where no ball and chain

Can keep us from the roarin' waves

Together undivided but forever we'll be free!

Flogging Molly, the greatest band ever named after an act of abuse of a female named Molly. Or something like that. I bobbed my head with the music.

"What the hell are you doin', kid?"

"Huh? What? Oh… nothing…"

"Then you might want to start the car…"

"Why?"

"Oh no reason… except for that." I followed Amarao's outstretched arm to see Robo-April, moving backwards and striking both at Haruko and Naota.

"Holy shitake mushrooms." I obviously didn't say that, but this is a story for teens. I can't have it go R rating on me now, can I? My hand was an intangible blur as it moved to the ignition, revving it in a way that certainly wasn't good for it. The car, miraculously, started. Then stopped. And started again. Then died completely, the only sound the wailing of the radio.

So, the years rolled by, and several died

And left us somewhat reelin'!

"The crap that comes outta this kid's head is much cooler than the crap that came outta yours, Takkun!" I heard Haruko hiss as the Rear Admiral, his first mate, and I left the car.

Johnny strummed his Tommy gun

Left blastin' through the ceilin'.

At that moment, I fell to my knees as a fresh wave of pain spread through my head.

"Sonuva… she already got the guy!" I somehow heard Amarao through the sudden tunnel that encompassed my head.

"More? Already? Ooooh, this kid is fast. A lot better head than all of ya put together!" Haruko's voice, however, pierced through it like an extra sharp dagger. I lost consciousness for a bit, so I didn't really know what happened while I was out. Haruko, after dealing with her flirting and her usual oddness, filled in what I missed. Apparently, another beastie popped out of my head, more akin to a giant clam (What the hell?) than anything else, with "fooly cooly" moving arms that schlooped out of its mouth. Her words. So, the thing sorta flopped around for a moment, and then the mouth opened wider than before and the shell shot off of the ground, a pair of metallic legs sprouting, then a torso in addition to the arms, then a head the same shape as a spade. And this is where I woke up.

In spite of good intentions

Don't fill your mouth with gluttony

For pride will surely swell

But nothing's unforgiven in the four corners of hell

"AHHHHH! HOLY SCHNIKES!" Yeah, that was me. What next?

"Dear lord, when will something useful pop outta yer god damn head?"

"If I'd know, I'd sure as hell wouldn't tell you!"

"… That doesn't make much sense…"

"Shut up, I've had severe head trauma, in no small part thanks to you!"

"Ah… point taken. Duck."

"Huh?" And this is the point where a metal foot of a giant clam robot monster kicked my head. "AHHHHHH! DAMMIT!" I went flying right into Haruko. More good news.

In the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the secret of flying is to fall to the ground and miss. However, in reality, it is improbable, nay, impossible to do so without having some sort of rocket propulsion system. So we did hit the ground. Hard.

"You know, usually, it takes a few dates to get on top of me… or three shots of tequila."

"Good to know. I'll avoid that stuff from now until I die. Now what is the thing doing?"

"Well, it using your little gal pal's head crab as a new, pointy hand, and is trying to kill any organic compounds it comes across. It is doing its job well."

"Can this get any worse?"

"Yeah, but I do have some good news."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I just saved…"

"You finish that sentence and I'll find out a way to make you pay. Now, is there anything that will pop out of my head and do something useful."

"I dunno. Let's find out." And with that, she shoved her hand through my forehead. "Weird…"

Finished! Author's block be damned! And a faulty E-drive. I'll try to update soon. I hope the ending was funny enough for some of you guys.