Impossible
A Gundam Wing Fan Fiction
Rambled Off by The Manwell
Book One: PILOTS
Duo Maxwell
I can hear them outside. They said they needed food and water. They asked for assistance. And maybe I'm just a little too jaded for my youth, but I think what those OZ troops really came to this desert base looking for is trouble. They came looking for us. For the Gundams and their pilots.
I'm tempted to give them exactly what they're asking for.
"Duo..."
I sigh. I don't look at my companion. I can only imagine the look on my face that's drawn that soft, warning tone.
"I know, Quatre," I tell him. "I know."
I'd love to go out there and acquaint those cowardly Ozzies with my Beam Scythe. Dear God what I wouldn't give to be out there right this instant. But I can't, not with OZ's threat against the colonies as a factor. I slide down the stucco wall until I'm sitting with my knees bent in front of me and my hands fisted on my thighs. There are no words strong enough to describe my rage at OZ in this moment.
My eyes close and for the one-hundred and fifth time I'm watching Heero and his Gundam go up in a brilliant blast. The darkness behind my eyes becomes my suit's vid screen and I'm staring at fireworks that should be a powerful, adrenaline-fueling sight. But all I feel is sick to my stomach... and angry. Very, very angry.
"He probably saved our Gundams and our lives," Quatre says softly, somehow knowing exactly what I'm thinking. Ah, hell. I don't suppose it's all that hard to read me. After all, Quatre had been the one to call Heero my friend. It's odd that I'd never thought of him as a friend, odd that it had never even occurred to me. I sit here in the cool shadows and wonder what it would have been like to be friends.
Too fucking late now.
Reluctantly, I allow myself to be drawn into the conversation. "How do you figure that, Quatre?"
I suppose, if I took the time to think about it, I could figure it out. But I don't and I don't want to, either. I just want to sit here and hate the soldiers crawling all over our hideout.
"Well, if one of the engineers had ordered his agent to self-detonate, don't you think the others would have followed suit as well rather than allow us to be taken into custody?"
I look up at him, really thinking about the events that leave me in a cold sweat of fury. I think about it and I realize he's right. If Heero hadn't acted quickly, thereby shocking enough sense into OZ to force them to withdraw their immediate threat, the rest of us would have received those orders to go down with our suits rather than accept OZ's terms of surrender.
God... could I have done it? Could I have just pushed the button and gone up in flames? I mean, I'd always believed I'd be better off dead than living under OZ's thumb but could I do it? Could I kill myself for the cause?
I... I don't know.
God damn you, Heero Yuy. Why'd he have to concede the fight so early in the game? Why?
God fucking damn you, Yuy. I can't believe I've won our little undeclared war... by forfeit no less. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. I shake my head. If that guy weren't already dead I'd kill him myself. I almost think I liked the situation better when I'd only been thinking of Heero's blind compliance with his assignment. But if what Quatre said is true... if Heero had self-detonated to save the rest of us from the same fate...
My lip curls upward into a silent snarl.
I fucking hate martyrs.
Notes
This scene is from episode 11.
: Episode 11: Duo and Quatre hide out with the Maganac Corps in the desert but OZ tracks them down and places explosives around the civilian homes under the pretense of replenishing some of their supplies. Earlier in the episode, Duo confides in Quatre his willingness to die rather than live in a world ruled by OZ.