Chapter Two

"Hey, Sara – what ever happened to that date we had four years ago?" asks Greg, placing yellow numbered triangles next to the skid marks and photographing them. While this is important, which evidence gets photographed and which doesn't is completely left up to plot relevance.

"The same thing that happened to Grissom's date in the pilot… and the creepy anthropology woman… and Grissom's date with Sofia. The Plot Hole of No Return."

"Like you and Hank the Paramedic who was at every crime scene while you were dating and has since completely disappeared?"

"Hank who?"

"Or Lady Heather?"

"No," says Sara. "We still need her for ratings hikes when we get in trouble."

"What's this MYSTERIOUS STICK SUBSTNACE on the road?" ask Greg, the Human Transitional Plot Device with Tragically Bad Hair.

Nick calls out, "I DIDN'T DO IT!" before disappearing with a sashay of his poncho.

"It's okay. I know his brand – this isn't it," says Greg.

"What?"

"Nothing. I love women – you're hot. Everyone at the lab seems to be hitting on you. Let's date. I like porn and associated lubricants and information."

"I'm going to collect a sample," says Sara, impervious to Greg's cute sexual harassment.

"Why?" demands the Plot Device. "Why not any number of the mysterious things at the crime scene?"

"It's not a two-parter."

BACK AT THE LAB

Hodges looks smug – it's possible that this is just his dormant expression.

"It's a synthetic substance made to mimic the secretion of the arachnid."

"You could just say spider-goo," says Sara snottily… or, you know, like Sara.

"Actually I shouldn't have to. I'm the only character on this show who assumes that a team of University-educated scientists would be able to understand complex science terminology. Therefore I'm labeled as a pompous snob."

"Excellent," says Catherine. "Did you use one of those glass tubey-things to figure this out?"
Hodges sighs. What a prick.

Grissom comes in holding two jugs of a white, milky substance. "Through the miracle of ridiculous plot-advancement, I already know what the substance is and where it's found – it's an insect fetish store in the Weird But Convenient Store Outlet Mall in Unmentioned Section of Las Vegas which is, in fact, Los Angeles."

"So you've already been there and interviewed the shop owner?" asks Nick.

"No," says Grissom. "This is my personal stash from home."

Everyone accepts this and is not grossed out – because it's Grissom.

"So," he continues. "Have you finished your boring car time-elapse investigation?" asks Grissom

"Yes," says Catherine. "But it was a quick lyric-less techno beat. There was an awkward moment when I fell on top of him and took off his shirt, but we didn't find anything in the car itself in an hour, so naturally we'll stop investigating it."

"That's stupid," says The Plot Device With Bad Hair, "considering that if we'd done something as simple as pop the trunk we would've solved the Plushie episode in about ten minutes."
"Yes," says Grissom. "It is."

Commercial Break! If you try very, very hard not to blink, you might be able to catch the preview of the one CBS prime-time show not about criminalistics.

Note: Large lettering infers FORESHADOWING… except in this case, when it's simply to show that FORESHADOWING is a big deal.