OOOO
See part 1 for disclaimer...
Part 6
Mac woke up in a sound sweat that night, the tears still pouring from her eyes. In her dream, one that replayed almost every night, she reviewed the last moments of their flight, before Harm was swallowed up by darkness. Only, this time, she felt within her heart that Harm had not survived. Her heart ached with the emptiness, even after she had woken up, because it felt like she truly had lost the man she loved. Just how much longer could she go on like this?
When Mac came down for lunch the next day, she found Trish on the phone. Thanksgiving dinner had been a beautiful, lavish affair the night before and Mac had been too stuffed to even contemplate coming to breakfast, that morning.
She caught Trish having an argument on the phone with her son, who had called to wish her a happy Thanksgiving.
"Well, Harmon, I really don't care how you feel, anymore, she's here and it's time that you told her what is going on…"
At that moment, Mac froze, hearing Harm's name and realising that they were obviously arguing about her.
Trish gave a long sigh and hung up the phone, obviously after Harm had hung up on her.
"I really don't know what has come over him, Mac," she lamented, "I never raised my son to put the phone down on his own mother like that. And I certainly never raised him to desert his friends like he has."
"Trish," Mac interrupted, "You really shouldn't blame Harm for this. He's not the one who caused it all…"
"This is nobody's fault," Trish insisted, "But running away is no way to solve anything. Every time I speak to him, he seems more and more disconcerted and more unlike his old self. I just don't know what to do…He's asked me to give him time, but how am I supposed to support him in this when I know that it's only making him more and more unhappy? I'm his Mother, I know everything that he's feeling…"
"I know Trish," Mac comforted the woman, pulling her into a hug, "Everyone else at JAG feels just as helpless…"
They went and sat out on the veranda and settled into a long heart to heart.
"I know Harm wants us to give him time," Mac concluded, later, "but every single day, it just never gets any easier…I don't know how much longer I can do this…I get so lonely sometimes, I ring his voicemail, just to hear the sound of his voice. The other week, I even found the web page of his law firm in KL on the internet and contemplated sending him an e-mail…How can I possibly do as he wishes when it is this hard?"
Trish took a long breath and pondered for a minute.
"You shouldn't, Mac," Trish finally spoke up, "I know how devastated my son feels and I know how lonesome you feel…You shouldn't do as he says. This all needs to come out into the open. Go and find him Mac. Make him face all of this, because that is the only way either of you can carry on with your lives."
Mac internally assessed what Trish had told her then asked, "But what should I tell him?"
"Tell him what's in your heart," Trish replied, "Tell him everything that you've told me. He needs to see that he's not the only one who is hurting."
With that, Mac thanked Trish and ran upstairs to pack her bags.
OOOO
It was with sleepy eyes that Harm woke up the next morning. He had hardly slept at all until three o'clock this morning and it was only just gone five, now. He didn't know what had possessed him to speak that way to his mother, the day before. Christ, he had even slammed the phone down on her! And on Thanksgiving, too! He couldn't help but argue that he didn't have an awful lot to be thankful about. Here he was, thousands of miles away from his home on such a special occasion and still, his Mother was pressuring him about Mac. God, would it never end? Harm didn't think that he could put up with the pain for much longer. One thing was for sure; he had to put things right with his Mom. That was one thing that he could not allow to torture him even one minute longer. Grabbing up the phone, he called the house number in La Jolla. It would be late evening, on the day after Thanksgiving day, so he was confident his Mom would be there. Hopefully, since Mac would have gone back to DC for work, his Mom wouldn't give him any pressure about that subject anymore. But he was wrong. After a long and very sincere apology to his Mom, Harm finished,
"I know there was no excuse for it, Mom, but the pain is still very fresh…I just don't think that I can deal with it all, yet…"
"Harmon, I will not change my opinion on the matter," Trish was quick to stop him, "You aren't the only one hurting, you know."
"Mom, I'm sorry about the way I'm going about this, but there really was no other way…The door had to be closed on this."
"No, Harmon, the door has not been closed on anything. The hurt is still there and it always will be, until you and Mac finally sort things out."
"Well, Mom, that is not something that is not going to happen…I'm just not willing…"
"You have no choice in the matter, Harm, you're not the only person involved. How do you think Mac feels? You may not like the fact that things are going to have to be resolved, but it is still going to happen, none-the-less."
"What?" Harm halted his Mother, momentarily confused, "What do you mean, 'still going to happen'? Do you think I'm going to change my mind? I'm not…I'm not coming home, Mom."
"You don't have to, Harm," Trish insisted, "You may refuse to speak to her, but she's going to speak to you…She's on her way back to DC, then she'll be flying out to you."
"WHAT!" Harm exclaimed, loudly, "She's coming here? How does she know where I am? Did you let her know? I asked you not to…"
"I didn't Harm," Trish quickly cut in, "Clayton Webb found out and told her."
Here, Harm burst out laughing, just at the irony of it. Clayton Webb, who had pushed them apart in the first place was now trying to push them back together again. Was there no end to it?
"How the hell did he find out anyway? No, you don't have to answer that, Mom. He is a spook after all…What am I going to do now? How am I supposed to deal with this?"
"Harm, the only thing I can tell you is to think with your heart for once," Trish told her son.
"I have no heart anymore, Mom," Harm pointed out, "It seems to have shrivelled away after all of the abuse and rejection."
"Don't talk that way, Harmon," Trish scolded her son, "Goodness knows, you've had more to deal with in your life, more heartache than this. Your Father, my marriage to Frank…Dianne. Your heart was still there, the day you first met Mac, wasn't it?"
Harm noted, distractedly that even now she was still in denial, still not admitting it, even after all of these years…But that's how Mothers were about their children; very fragile. It had always been his Mother's way of coping and he had always respected it. Still, she was right. This was something he had to face, whether he wanted to or not.
"Okay, Mom," he acquiesced.
"Does that mean that you're willing to hear her out?" Trish questioned.
"I'll listen, but I can't promise to feel anything," Harm replied, stubbornly.
"Well, that's something," Trish pondered to herself. Now all she could do was leave them to it and hope that Mac could break through the shield that Harm held in front of himself.
"When is Mac arriving, Mom?" Harm continued.
OOOO
It was a long night, that night. Harm tossed around in bed for the first few hours, then gave up even trying to sleep at all. He doddered around work, all of the next day, having gotten so little sleep. Around lunchtime, Barry Delany entered his office on a routine head counting mission for the coming weekend. Because the next day was a Friday and a public holiday, he had been hoping that a lot of work would be getting done in Sepadan over the long weekend.
"So Harm," He questioned, "Will you be joining us in Sepadan, tomorrow?"
"Sorry, Barry," Harm apologised, "I'm going to be tied up tomorrow. I've got an old friend coming into town…But count me in for Saturday and Sunday."
"Oh…Okay, very good," Barry commented, but Harm could tell that he was surprised. Harm had dedicated every spare day he had to the aid work in the small village since he had started work at Delany, Chung and Bell. Maybe, if he managed to get it through to Mac that he had moved on with his life soon enough, he could get his life back to normal quickly. But he was underestimating the resolve of the feisty marine.
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