Hiding Under the Ninth Earth
Book 03 : Epithalamium
Part II : Oh What a Difference a Day Makes
Chapter Twenty Five : Mind Over Matter
25 October 2003 (Continued)
6:45 pm
Tying his dressing gown on, Harry left the steamy heat of the bath. Back in their bedchamber, he opened his wardrobe and pulled out the robes he would wear tonight, the same ones bought for the Handfasting. He laid the navy outer robe and sea blue inner robe on the bed and went back to his dresser. Rummaging in the top drawer, he pulled out a pair of socks Dobby said Blinky had made for the occasion, dark blue with golden stars. He chuckled, imagining the whimsical footwear under such formal robes. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he pulled them on, raising his feet off the floor to wiggle his toes against the soft knitting. He did so like nice socks. Standing, he quickly shed the dressing gown and pulled on the inner robe against the chill in the room. Horatio was right--the room was cold. Absently, he enlarged the small fire always burning in the grate and lit the candles.
Going back to the wardrobe, he opened Severus' side. Feeling a bit odd, yet compelled, he gathered Severus' working robes in his hands, his fingers crushing the smooth fabric, the scents of potions that could never be completely washed out and herbs and him filling the air. He refused the urge to bury his face in them, but still, reluctantly released the folds back into the wardrobe. With a forced sense of confidence, he reached in and pulled out Severus' formal robes, both on one hanger. He carried them over to the bed and carefully laid them out next to his own. Smoothing the rich, heavy fabric, he impulsively extended the sleeve of his own robe out slightly and laid the sleeve of Severus' on top of it. He shook his head at such a sentimental display; Severus would give him hell over it if he ever found out. But he didn't move it.
Back in the sitting room, he briefly debated calling for some supper, but decided food would sit like lead in his stomach. He could eat later. Restless, he paced through the apartment, stopping here to straighten a book on the shelf, moving there to idly pick up one of the dozens of little pieces of bric-a-brac that measured their lives together. After a few minutes of it, he sighed in disgust, making himself go back to the window seat he'd abandoned earlier. He knew he was avoiding making contact again, fearing that instead of Quiesta's block, he would find nothing but desolate emptiness.
But that was just stupid. The Sanos had been sounding off and on the entire time he'd bathed and dressed. It had been silent for some time now, but taking a break during difficult work was considered good practice if one did not want to exhaust both practitioner and patient. Settling into the cushions, his back against the stone, he closed his eyes and concentrated. He blew a heavy sigh of relief; he was blocked.
Inevitably, his thoughts ran to what Albus wanted him to figure out on his own.
...Perhaps you should think on today and how it relates to the past...
He stepped back calmly, knowing anger could warp his perceptions as much as love. Perhaps Albus was able to step away from both to see the true situation. Perhaps he needed to do this as well. This led him in turn to think about all the day's happenings, not as events, but as milestones--whether he was directly involved or not.
The note. He felt profound relief that Severus had left him the note, especially since it had concerned private Order business, retirement or no. He'd been so certain this morning that Severus had broken their agreement.
...You know how private he is sometimes...
Yes, indeed he could be. Odd though, Albus saying it when he did. So, was it significant? The note, or the privacy. Perhaps both?
He had to admit his actions this afternoon with Dobby at Malfoy Manor had not brought the satisfaction he'd craved; rather, it had created more questions when he'd seen for himself the extent of his lover's pain, although he was still astounded he'd been able to reach him in the first place.
...Circumstance has a way of changing things...
While it was obvious there was much Albus was not telling him, Harry was convinced that even if Albus had not planned it, he had at least let it happen. Why?
Something Horatio had said also struck a chord. It isss not alwaysss prudent to share knowledge. Horatio was right--sometimes one did have to find it on one's own. There had to be a reason--something vital he was missing.
Sitting up, his eyes popping open, he wondered if it had anything to do with the glyph. What was it he'd done to make it reach out to Severus the way it had, allowing him to help him? And why now? Was it because he'd been desperate?
Desperation. His or Severus'? Both?
...You know how private he is sometimes...
He recalled in detail what he'd done when he'd returned to his quarters and suddenly realised he'd changed the nature of the ward's protection. Had given it a new purpose. A shudder ran through him. Now he was frightened, not of the situation, but of himself, because unknowingly, he'd changed the very magic of the glyph.
How? Not enough, Harry.
...I am keeping a certain distance between the two of you...
Why? Wrong question, Harry. Why now?
...I wish there had been some other way or time to do this...
Do what? On the eve of our wedding.
...You know how private he is sometimes...
Our wedding... our binding!
Harry closed his eyes. He was close, he could feel it.
...Severus' very life is at stake...
Could he have harmed him? The Sanos only killed with hateful intent; it should be obvious he didn't hate Severus. However, there were other ways to hurt someone. Had he caused the surges of pain Severus had experienced? Out of concern? Out of ignorance?
...You know how private he is sometimes...
Dumbledore's convinced it will work out.
Why? Almost there, Harry.
...Follow the line...
The unfathomable blue eyes had stared at him significantly over the half-moon spectacles.
...Ah, there! You have him. Feel better now?...
And then it hit him. What Albus wanted him to find on his own. The clues had been there all the time, he'd just been blinded by emotion and his own fears. So incongruent when he'd said it, but it explained so much.
...You Know How Private He Is Sometimes...
Shaking, Harry thought, 'With my desperation to connect, I bridged the personal and distance barriers between us. The despair Lucius caused stripped Severus' reserve bare. I'm able to see Severus and feel him at the same time because I changed the glyph bearing our wards. Severus dropped the last barricade due to my persistance and the way I changed the glyph. Because of it, we finally completed the Handfasting bonds woven into our own personal wards. Dear gods, what would have happened had we not?'
"Beautiful sunset, wasn't it?"
Harry almost fell out of the window seat, knocking his head on the stone; the headmaster was sitting comfortably in a squashy chair not five feet from him. "So much for 'Constant Vigilance'," Harry muttered, rubbing the back of his head as he righted himself back against the wall.
Dumbledore chuckled. "You were concentrating, and I didn't want to disturb you."
Harry raised a brow at that statement, but let it pass. "Quiesta began healing Severus a while ago. It seems to be going well."
"So you've been able to follow his progress?" Albus asked, his eyes soft over his spectacles.
"After a fashion. I've been able to see him fairly well. But read him? Not so much--the first time was only for a few seconds. After you gave him the Ipsemet Potion, I think I could have, but by then I was blocking him because I hurt him the first time around when I sent him an image. I was afraid I'd hurt him again if I didn't block him and later I was proven right. When Quiesta started working, I had to drop the block to talk her out of her course of action; Severus was aware of my presence, but he was so agitated, Quiesta put him to sleep and kicked me out, but not before we stole a few moments together." He chuckled. "Though I have been able to follow the Sanos from here. I don't want to hurt him again, so I have not really tried to reestablish the connection."
"You didn't hurt him in the first place. The curse did when you disturbed it; he was in pain from the moment he woke. However, I am glad you were able to touch him a bit and see him receive your wedding gift. I'm sorry we had to use it so soon."
"It couldn't be helped. I'm just thankful you thought to use it in that manner. And it seemed to work. Good to know I didn't bollix it," he finished with a short laugh. "Tell me--I can't hear anything when I'm there. What were his first words?"
"He wanted to know where the hippogriff was," Albus said, chuckling, Harry joining him after a moment. "But he knew you were there because he called your name when he sat up."
Harry nodded absently. "Thanks, I was just wondering." He looked out the window. "Will they get done in time?"
Albus replied honestly, "Probably not. Quiesta thinks she can get finished at the time the wedding was to have started, but then they will still need to get him and themselves ready before they can walk to the Room of Requirement. I'm thinking we'll most likely be ready to begin at 8:30 instead of 8:00 as planned." At Harry's questioning eyes, he commented, "And no, the late start will not disturb the portents of the date."
Harry nodded, saying, "Good, I would hate to have gone through all of this for nothing."
Albus said quietly, "For nothing? Do you truly believe that now?"
Shaking his head, he replied, "No. I think I understand. It's because of the glyph and Severus' barriers, isn't it?" When Albus sighed in relief, Harry asked, "Couldn't you just have told us instead of making Severus suffer through all this? I truly don't understand why you had to hide it."
Dumbledore regarded him seriously, answering the question with one of his own. "Have you ever had to make an illness worse in order to heal it?"
Harry nodded and shrugged; it happened sometimes, not often, but enough for him to comprehend what the headmaster was asking.
"I had to do the same."
"Why?"
"If I had come to you and said, 'Harry, your bonds will fail because you fear uncontrolled magic, and Severus can't let go,' what would you have done? Had I told you beforehand, would you have feared it less?"
The pieces fell into place. Damn him! Albus was right--they would never have been able to resolve it on their own.
Albus always could read him like a cheap novel. "Unfortunately, you both faced formidable obstacles. Severus resisted surrendering the last piece of himself, even to you, and you had yet to purposely use your magic. While I have no doubt you would have eventually learned the method on your own, there was still Severus' obstacle to eliminate. If I'd let you bind with Severus still closed, you would have killed him when you found the magic on your own."
Harry sat up, giving him his full attention, whispering, "How do you know this?"
Albus stared off sadly into the distance. "I know because I wield the same magic. Poppy is not my first wife. I was a little younger than you when I made vows with Liselle--beautiful girl, so sweet. Several months afterwards, I accidentally discovered the same magic you did this afternoon and--she died. Painfully. Because of our bonds. Because, like Severus', there were barriers I didn't know about, didn't know I needed to know about. Later, I had studied it enough to protect Poppy from the effects, but she is not as strong magically as you and Severus nor did we bear the additional ties the two of you do; for us it was simple."
Harry did the math. Albus had gone over two of his lifetimes without a mate because of this. "I'm sorry, Albus," he said sincerely.
Dumbledore waved his hand. "I have had so many good years with Poppy, I hardly ever think of Liselle, which I suppose is a shame as I am one of the last who remember her."
Harry shook his head. "Not forgotten now. I'll remember her. After all, in a way, she saved Poppy's and Severus' lives."
Albus smiled sweetly, and Harry felt at peace with him for the first time all day. But he still had questions and he knew his time with the headmaster was growing short. "You said you wield the same magic. What type of magic are you speaking of?"
"Ah, Harry, it is most unfortunate; I cannot tell you that until you figure out what exactly you did. But I can tell you this: both you and Severus already tap into it in your own ways, but only you will be able to wield it with purpose. I sensed the magic in you years ago, but you weren't ready to learn it. You are now and, with the barriers gone, you can bind without fear of harming each other."
Surprisingly, he didn't mind Albus' reticence. Almost overwhelmed, Harry said, "You leave me much to think on. You're right, I only know I did something but not what. For now, I have a more immediate questions--like why was Poppy so angry over the Infensus Curatio Potion?"
Dumbledore shifted in his chair, clearly uncomfortable. "She was upset over 'when' I made it. There are ways, beyond the Time Turners, to--expand--time; since it is not--safe--she takes exception whenever I do so."
Harry rolled it around. Some fragments of things Horatio had said popped into his head: ...he sssaid he did not know 'when' the White One wasss... he brought me back here through thisss big black place with ssstarsss... It had to be. "The Orrery," Harry stated flatly.
Fumbling in his pocket, Albus nodded his head, saying, "Precisely."
Harry watched him closely, noting his growing paleness and the dose of Digitalus he didn't try to hide. Wordlessly, Harry climbed out of the window seat and went into his study. Opening a locked cabinet, he pulled out a small cup and a bottle of potion Severus had finished after much experimentation only three days before, one Harry had meant to give Albus this afternoon, but had forgot in all the excitement. Chagrined at his lapse, he reentered the sitting room and calmly handed the two items to the headmaster, saying dryly, "Well, it's never a good idea to make Poppy upset. This is a new potion, Navitas, Severus finished a few days ago that should help restore your energy when you've done too much and hopefully will reduce the number of Digitalus you have to take. Do NOT exceed more than one dose per day. If you are still tired after taking it, I strongly suggest a nap. Healer's orders," he finished, chuckling.
Dumbledore pocketed the potion. With a smile he said, "Thank you, Harry. I will save it for later; I have one more task to complete after I leave here and I assure you, I will need it more then than now." While Harry was curious what it was that could make the headmaster more tired than he already looked, he forbore to question him on it.
Albus nodded his understanding of Harry's restraint, saying, "I am sorry, but I must leave. I am sure you will think of more questions for me. Perhaps we can talk more when I see Severus tomorrow."
"Severus? Tomorrow? When? Why?"
Laughing, Albus said, "See, I knew you weren't through yet. I have something of Severus' I am keeping safe for him; he said he will fetch it from me then."
Dumbledore stood from the chair, dismissing it back into the ether. He embraced Harry silently and then, arm in arm with his young friend, made his slow way to the door, his drooping shoulders showing his age. "Arthur will be along shortly to escort you to the waiting place. I will see you then, my boy."
Harry studied the old man's face for a long moment and, bending slightly, kissed his cheek, the action one of love and forgiveness.
"Thank you," Albus said simply while Harry opened the door for him.
Shutting it softly behind him, Harry went back into the sitting room, raised the small fire in the hearth and, listening carefully to the Sanos which had just resumed, settled into Severus' chair to wait.
7:25 pm
Dobby went to Harry on foot. While it would have been easier, not to mention quicker, to Apparate to Harry, Poppy had told him before he'd left the infimary that there were wards up against it. Not that Dobby minded; the walk gave him much-needed time to think on the many impressions running through his head, because Dobby had a problem.
He had stepped over a forbidden line today as he'd been so adroitly reminded by Mendley after the old healer had repaired his injuries. He'd let a human know he could kill. Had used the words 'Old Ones' and 'Death Eater' in the same context. And worst of all, he'd said "I", thereby letting a human know he was separate, an individual capable of independent thought and independent decision. His freedom was bad enough in the eyes of his fellow house-elves, but he'd breached an unspoken covenant between them with what he had done at Malfoy Manor.
And all because of his devotion to one human.
Dobby had tried to tell Mendley that Harry was not like the others, that he would be discreet. Mendley had not cared about discretion. No, he feared that once Harry knew, Snape would surely know, and because of that knowledge they, the house-elves, would be drawn into a battle not of their own choosing. Dobby didn't know why this was so frightening, but he supposed the Elder house-elf probably knew far more than he himself did--after all he did see things the others didn't. As Mendley had scolded, they'd worked for centuries, beyond the memories of the humans, to separate themselves from the Death Eaters; Dobby may have jeopardised all the suffering and sacrifice that entailed for the sake of one moment of self-satisfaction. No, as far as Mendley was concerned, it would have been better had Dobby died as well or, even better, if Maldy were still alive, the deed undone.
And here was where Dobby had his problem. He disagreed. Certainly not unheard of among the house-elves, but on such a fundamental level, virtually unknown; house-elves had their code and they stuck to it. But he couldn't help thinking the world was a much better place without the ancient Death Eater. Any Death Eater for that matter. For Dobby was an 'Old One' himself as were Mendley and Blinky and all the house-elves at Hogwarts.
Before he'd started his trek to Harry, he'd quickly Apparated over to Hogsmeade to see Blinky to let her know he was fine (all house-elf rumours to the contrary), to tell her of Harry's offer to bring her into Hogwarts, and subsequently, to ask her to be his. He smiled thinking of her enthusiastic response and only regretted he'd had to leave before he could take full part in her open joy. Instead, he'd left her with much to contemplate; she'd never once thought of her freedom and didn't know if this was what she wanted, but she would do it to please him if he wished.
He didn't wish. He wasn't quite sure she'd believed him when he told her it had to be her choice, and it would make no difference to him if she chose to stay as she was. That nothing truly mattered as long as she was with him where he could protect her. To the house-elves of Hogwarts, with the latitude they were given, 'servitude' to Headmaster Dumbledore was almost the same as freedom elsewhere. He was as kind a master as Harry.
Harry. Now he had to figure out how to answer the questions Harry was sure to ask. By the time he reached the door of Harry's quarters, he still didn't know what to do. But, as Dumbledore was always so fond of saying, he would follow his heart and see where it led him.
He patiently waited for the wards to chime his arrival. When Harry opened the door with a muttered, "Finally learned to use the door, old man?" his mouth fell open in surprise when he saw Dobby waiting on the other side. With a wild whoop and a "Dobby! You're all right!" he bent down and embraced the house-elf, swinging him around in big circles in the sitting room. A little dizzy, Dobby assumed this meant Harry was happy to see him, but he didn't think he'd ever seen a human do this before. No, in fact, he was sure of it.
Eventually Harry put him down, laughing, his eyes shining. "Sit, sit, Dobby," he said, pulling a chair out from the dining table. Harry was considerate in this manner and usually remembered Dobby didn't like the soft human chairs. He always felt he was going to be swallowed whole by some great unknown beast whenever he sat in one. Dobby was glad to see Harry in such good spirits; he supposed the talk with the headmaster had gone well. His thoughts were interrupted when Harry set a glass of water in front of him, his face concerned as he asked, "You are better, right?"
"Dobby is fine, Harry. Healer Mendley took care of Dobby's hurts. Master Harry should not worry about Dobby. Today is Harry's wedding day and Harry should only think of Harry's Professor."
He chuckled. "Oh, I am. Believe me, I am. But I have to admit, it's easy to be distracted with all that's happened today." Harry took a sip of his own water. "I want to thank you for saving my life when you fought Maldy. From what I've heard he was a nasty piece of work and would not have hesitated to kill me." When Dobby said nothing, Harry asked him gently, "Are you sure you're all right? And I don't mean physically. That was a very brave thing you did. I don't know if I'll ever be able to fully express how guilty I feel having put you in a situation where you had to make that sort of decision in the first place."
With quiet dignity Dobby replied simply, "Dobby is glad Dobby was able to help Harry. Dobby would gladly give Dobby's life for Harry's life. Dobby does not feel any guilt taking the life of Maldy. Maldy killed and hurt many elves and humans; Maldy deserved to die."
Harry stared at Dobby, stunned. He breathed, "Wow. That was not what I was expecting. Thank you, Dobby." Pausing, he obviously debated something within himself. "May I ask you a question?" When the house-elf hesitated, Harry hastily added, "Never mind, it's probably none of my business anyway."
Dobby steeled himself; despite the warnings from Mendley, he'd decided he would answer Harry's questions (and he was sure there would be more than one) with The Truth (something house-elves took seriously) if it became necessary. Dobby didn't lie well. "What does Harry want to know?"
"What was Maldy?" Harry asked, his face serious.
Dobby gave it some thought. He raised his hand when Harry was about to speak and was satisfied by the bemused look the human wore as he sat back in his chair and waited. "Maldy was an evil elf," Dobby began slowly then stopped, realising too late that if he were to answer this, he might have to give up the elf-speak if he were to finish anytime tonight. He chuckled low, resigned; it would provide, if nothing else, some amusement to see Harry's face when he did so, although he tried hard not to think of the scolding he would get from Mendley if he ever found out. So he started out with common information and would wait to see where it took him. "Maldy was Dobby's former master Malfoy's former personal house-elf in charge of all the house-elves at Malfoy Manor."
Looking out the window, Harry murmured, "Seems to be my day for incomplete answers, but no matter." He turned his head to look at Dobby, who fought fidgeting under his steady regard. "I suppose that will have to do for now. I suspect by your reluctance that there is much more to this than I think I want to explore tonight," he chuckled wryly, "but don't think this lets you off the hook, Master Dobby."
"Dobby will answer any questions Dobby has answers to that Harry needs to ask," he said solemnly.
Startled, Harry nodded, his face serious. "Thank you, Dobby. I'll remember that." Restless, Harry stood from the chair and, standing at the window a moment, stared out at the evening, dark with the new moon. "Less than an hour to go," Dobby heard him murmur. Glancing back at the apartment, he spoke the command to raise more lights as the room was starting to get gloomy. "Sorry, can't seem to sit still right now. Tell me, did you just get out of the infirmary when you came by?" Harry asked him, returning to the table.
Dobby looked away sheepishly as he said, "Dobby does not want Harry to think Dobby only came to see Harry because Madam Pomfrey asked Dobby to pick up the Professor's dress robes."
To Dobby's surprise, Harry laughed. "Ah, another one roped in for a 'Harry' errand. I'm becoming inured to his machinations in keeping me here. First Remus, then Dumbledore, now you. I wonder who's next?" When Dobby blinked, Harry continued, "Oh, it's all right, Dobby. I know you would have come on your own regardless." He raised a brow. "I was just wondering if you made a 'detour' before coming here? I know I would have."
It took Dobby a few seconds to process what Harry had said. Ah, now he understood. "Yes, Dobby went to see Blinky before coming to see Harry."
"And..."
Continuing a game he and Harry had been playing for years, Dobby replied, "Blinky said good, yes, yes, and maybe to Dobby."
Getting into it, Harry rubbed his chin, to all appearances thinking hard, when Dobby knew, in reality, he'd already guessed most of it. "Hmm. Let me see... 'Good' that you're well?" Dobby nodded. "'Yes, she'd be willing to move and change masters?" Dobby smiled. "'Yes' that she's accepted your proposal?" Dobby grinned. "And 'maybe' because she's not sure she wants freedom?" Dobby nodded again. "Dobby, that's wonderful! We'll start working on it as soon as I get back from my honeymoon..." Harry stopped and looked thoughtful a moment.
"Harry will have a honeymoon with his Professor, Dobby is certain of that," he said quietly.
Harry sighed, saying, "I'm sure you're right, but here it is almost the time we're due to start and I can sense they're still healing him." He chuckled grimly. "Although Quiesta is having a little problem no one could have foreseen, but I admit, she's doing an admirable job working her way around it."
"Dobby should go so Harry can listen to his Professor. Dobby just needs to get the Professor's robes to Madam Pomfrey on time."
As if he'd already joined Severus, Harry said distractedly, "You're probably right. Let me go get them for you."
Dobby held up his hand to stop his 'master'. "No, Harry, Dobby knows where the Professor's robes are. Harry should stay with his Professor while Dobby gets the robes and leaves."
Harry nodded, his eyes focusing on the house-elf and showing his gratitude. "Thank you, Dobby, for--well, for everything."
"Harry is most welcome," Dobby said, moving off towards the bedchamber. He quickly found the robes laid out on the bed next to Harry's as he'd expected; what else was Harry to do with his time alone? He snapped his fingers, shrinking the robes down to a manageable size and carefully placed them in the pocket of a new set of robes he'd bought with his wages just last week; Madame Malkin was very kind to him, unlike some of the other merchants in Diagon Alley. He checked around the room, cleaning it with another snap of his fingers and then, in a burst of affection for Harry, he cast a spell, timed to activate after Harry left, that would prepare the chamber for their wedding night. He almost wished he could see their faces when they got back, but then again it was probably for the best--he'd seen enough of humans and their strange mating habits from his stint with the Malfoys to last an elf's lifetime.
Quietly, he tiptoed out of the bedchamber into the sitting room. As he'd thought, Harry was back in the window seat, his face turned to the now open window, his eyes closed in utter concentration as a chill October breeze floated past him. Dobby knew Harry loved his Professor very much and that, all appearances to the side, Professor Snape loved his Harry as well. Dobby could tell these things and thought it fine that Professor Snape, whom he'd always admired from the side, had finally found someone for himself, just like Dobby had with Blinky. Not that he thought Harry was like a girl--not hardly, but there was a softness, a compassion about him that was 'different' than the 'unbending' he often observed from the Potions master whenever his Harry was around.
Walking softly to the door, Dobby took one last look at the man who had given him so much, and opening it, he disappeared into the evening, Harry none the wiser.
TBC