Instant Message

Chapter 7 – 24 Hours.

Disclaimer – Not mine, never will be etc. etc.

A/N It's only been 5 days since I last posted, so for all of you who wanted this story quicker than a week apart, this is for you! Hope you like it :-)

Jack was staring at her. She didn't think that he knew that he was doing it though. She looked up at him, intending to make eye contact. To silently ask him why he was looking at her so intently in full sight of anyone who wished to notice. In the commissary of all places. But when she looked into his eyes they didn't look back at her.

He had obviously been staring at the same spot on her face for so long that he had zoned out, lost in thought. What she wouldn't give to know what he was thinking but now was not the time nor the place to ask. She coughed quietly and said "Sir". Jack started upon hearing Sam's voice and his dark brown eyes came into focus looking directly into hers. "Yes, Carter?", he asked. "Sir is there something on my face?", Sam said, answering his question with a question. Jack looked very confused and shaking his head said "No, Why?"

He heard Sam whisper "Because you've been staring at me". Jack blushed at her words which in turn made her give him one of her megawatt smiles that he had convinced himself she saved just for him. Sam always liked it when the façade of the "Colonel" broke down and Jack O'Neill appeared. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking", Jack murmured.

Sam smiled at him again, the expected words flowing freely from her mouth without much regard for rank. "You'll hurt yourself you know!". Jack pulled a face at her and took the distraction as an opportunity to extract himself from the conversation. He knew Carter well enough to know that the next words she spoke would be "What were you thinking about?".

He placed his hands flat on the surface of the table and pushed himself up and away. His knees clicked as he did so, only adding to the emotions that were haunting him that day. He felt old. Very old. He gave the tried and trusted "paperwork" excuse and hastily left to find the sanctuary of his office.

Sam watched him leave the room and with a knowing grin she returned to her blue jello.

Sitting in his office with the door closed, Jack threw a ball against the wall opposite his desk, thankful that the other side of the wall housed a supply closet. Toilet paper wouldn't complain to General Hammond about the irritating banging. He couldn't believe that she'd caught him staring. Then again, he was surprised that it was the first time she had noticed it today, since he had caught himself staring every time he was in a room with her!

He had been thinking about the question Dorothy had posed to him the previous night and hadn't been able to think about anything else since. For pretty much all of the last 18 hours, Jack had been contemplating his own existence and what he wanted from it. He'd had an appalling nights sleep, thoughts and images spinning around his brain, causing dreams and thrown covers as he saw Sara, Charlie, Daniel, T'ealc, Hammond, Sam. Especially Sam.

Upon waking, he tried to put the pieces back together, but it wasn't really necessary. In his tired consciousness, he knew what his psyche was pointing to but he wouldn't accept it. He needed to walk it through in his mind. Look at all angles like the strategist he was. And he came to the same conclusion again and again.

Jack wanted another chance at happiness. He wanted a wife and a child. Hopefully more than one if he were lucky he thought, pushing aside the nagging doubts about his age. What he wanted resembled what he had before Charlie died but he wanted it to be different. He didn't want the secrecy and the lies. He wanted a relationship where he could be honest with his family about what he did for a living, the ability to share his fears and hopes, his successes and abject failures. He knew that his occupation had torn apart his marriage long before the bullet had taken Charlie away.

However, he also knew that he didn't want to give up his career. He could look himself in the mirror everyday and know what he was doing was truly for the good of mankind and that felt great. No matter which road he took in his mind, no matter which direction he chose, he kept arriving at the very same destination. What he wanted in his life, what he needed more than anything else was just one thing.

Or more precisely just one person. Samantha Carter.

And every time he arrived at Sam as a conclusion, seconds later he came to the realization that it could never happen. He caught the ball as it rebounded off the wall and slowly placed it on the floor beside him. He put his elbows on the desk, his head in his hands and let out a long sigh.

Later that night, Sam sat in her house with her head in her hands. She sighed wondering what the next few minutes would bring. Her chest felt tight and she could feel her blood pressure rising. She knew that her future rested upon the outcome of the conversation she was about to undertake.

Watching the hand on the clock move to the top of the hour, Sam looked at her computer keyboard and began to type.

"Hello Scarecrow!".