Hiding Under the Ninth Earth
Book 03 : Epithalamium

Part III : The Beginning of Forever
Chapter Thirty Eight : You and the Horse You Rode In On

Tuesday 28 October 2003 HST

Ben and Kalani set out early, the dawning morning crisp. Ben knew that if they looked back, they would see the darker trail left by the horses' hooves as they parted the dew-covered grass sparkling in the rising sun. Now that they were off, the uncharacteristic impatience, tugging at him ever since Malia and Kahealani's almost panicked visit last evening, subsided until all he felt was a mild sense of urgency.

"You want to talk about it now?" Kalani asked quietly. Ben smiled. Through their bond, he could feel Kalani's rampant curiosity held at bay with more patience than he himself possessed right now; he was, as always, grateful that at least this integral bit of magic, lodged deep within them, had survived intact from the accident--if anything, it was stronger than before.

"Yeah--sorry. I fell asleep before you came back last night and got up way before you did to get the food ready and--well, we had a bit of excitement while you were out at the shop."

"And you cut me off from it? So shame, you," Kalani said with a chuckle.

"Um, well, yeah. I thought at first it was just Malia's usual histrionics and didn't want her to bug you--I know how far behind you are on that commission. Problem was, when I realised it was serious, it was really too late to clue you in, so I just kept it closed, thinking I could tell you when you got home--and then I fell asleep--"

"Yeah-yeah-yeah," Kalani replied with good humour. "I get the picture. So, what happened?"

"Malia and Kahea' came by just after I took you your dinner. She said that Harry and Severus apparently had one hellacious fight sometime yesterday."

"So? People fight all the time."

"That's what I thought at first until she said the anger and magic were crackling around the house like wildfire and that when she tried to talk to him, Severus didn't say much other than 'Hi', 'thanks', and 'bye'."

Still not convinced, Kalani remarked, "Well, he's not exactly the most talkative guy on the planet."

"True, but if I heard her right, Kahea' reported that Harry said even less to her, like nothing, except 'I'm sorry'. She's really upset."

That hit the mark as he'd known it would; Kahea' was probably the calmest person Ben knew and her tears, more than anything Malia had said, had convinced him something was very wrong.

"What the hell do you think happened?"

Ben shrugged. "What does anyone fight over? However, I suspect it's quite serious."

"Eh, how's that?"

"I don't know, just a bad feeling, I guess. You know how intense Severus can be at times."

"Yeah, but he's pretty even-tempered."

Ben's brow puckered in amazement, his eyes wide and staring. "Where the hell were you the last time they were here? Siberia? I tell you, that man can stomp!"

Kalani just laughed. "Hon, if you could see your face right now--." He shrugged eloquently. "So, he has a temper? So what? He seems to be able to control it OK or I would've noticed."

Shaking his head, Ben remarked, "True, but he's an awful lot like you in that respect--a slow burner; I'm thinking any fight they have is going to be similar to one of our own, you know, like that one doozy we had the third night of our honeymoon."

"Oh--yeah. That was pretty intense; I've forgotten what it was about, though."

"Bullshit."

Kalani flushed and looked the other way. "Yeah, that, too."

Ben laughed, feeling at ease for the first time this morning. "Anyway, before she left last night, Mom talked privately to Aunty."

"Aue! That can't be good. What do they want?"

"They want us to find out what's going on."

"Niele wahine! And if we don't want to? I mean the boys deserve some privacy, right?"

Rolling his eyes, Ben shook his head. "Kalani," he said with more than a bit of irony, "this is Poppy and Malia we're talking about here. And we're all on Poppy's shit list because Malia told her they didn't eat anything she'd brought."

Kalani just nodded his head, grunting, "Uhn".

Ben knew exactly how he felt.

The sun was only an hour past dawn when Severus woke, alone on the lanai. His back was cold. Sitting up groggily, he searched until he spied Harry sitting out on the beach well out of the way of the tide, his arms wrapped around his knees tucked up under his chin. A forlorn sight if he ever saw one, but there was nothing more to be said. So he stayed where he was, resisting the call of his heart, which wanted him to go out there, right now, and at least sit by his husband, even in silence. He stiffly climbed to his feet and thought about folding the blankets, but he suspected he might need them again tonight as the bond was still firmly closed to him, so he left his where they were, carefully folding Harry's instead.

He was about to go into the house when he heard the sound of horses approaching. Ben. He'd forgot all about their planned outing this morning and wondered how he could put him off; given his morose thoughts, he wasn't exactly the best of company this morning, nor was he sure he wanted Ben to wheedle the whole sordid mess out of him. Which brought the first smile of the day; Ben was probably the only one, other than Harry, who could even attempt that and expect some sort of success. Harry. He glanced out at the beach. Harry had noticed Ben as well, but had turned his head back to the ocean, ignoring him. Them, Severus amended as Ben and Kalani rode up to the lanai.

Ben dismounted, and after eyeing the make-shift bed, said with a chuckle, "Hui! Someone slept on the lanai last night."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Which is probably why someone was out on the lanai." Ben jumped up to join him, eyeing the pillow and blanket Severus clutched to his chest like a shield. "What? Harry slept out here too?"

Severus hesitated and compromised with, "He said the bed wouldn't let him sleep in it alone."

Ben chuckled, yet his face was serious. "Eh, with as much Mana as that bed has, I'm not surprised."

Mana? Severus knew he'd heard the word before, but couldn't quite place it. "All right. What's Mana?"

"I'll tell you on the ride. I'll even feed you--I have coffee for me, tea for you, and some breakfast. Let's just get going."

So how was he to tell him he didn't want to go? Stepping closer, Ben beat him to it, though, his voice low as he murmured, "Malia told us what happened. If you'd rather stay here, I understand."

Severus eyed his friend and suddenly knew he needed to leave. If he stayed, all he would do was sit on the lanai, staring at Harry, until one of them came to their senses. Not necessarily a promising prospect and maybe not something that would happen today or anytime in the near future. "A distraction would be welcome at this point." He knew his conjecture was correct when he, once again, found his eyes inexorably drawn to the figure on the beach, now two; Kalani had joined Harry. "We have nothing healthy to say to each other right now--" he turned his attention back to Ben "--and I haven't changed my mind; obviously Harry hasn't either because--" he took a steadying breath "--our bond is still severed." Ben's eyes widened a fraction and he drew breath to say something Severus was quite certain he didn't want nor need to hear. "Let me get cleaned up and I'll be right back."

Ben blinked. "Why bother? We're just going to get dirty again. Just throw on some clothes--" Severus turned to go inside "--and bring a towel and trunks." As he turned the door handle with a grimace of distaste, Ben called after him, "Eh, don't waste any time--it's not like I'm going to kiss you, and the horse is upwind. Just bring your kit--you can take care of it when we get there."

Severus grunted, going inside. A few minutes later he reappeared dressed in black boots and jeans and a soft cotton button-down shirt he'd bought last summer, the sleeves rolled partway up his forearms. In one hand he carried his kit and in the other his collection bags. He closed the door firmly behind him, fully expecting Ben's exasperated, "Oh, for the love of Pete, are you going to make us stop every five feet to gather samples and specimens?"

Severus shrugged, walking towards the horses. "You said you wanted to talk to me about Kalani. Does it matter if I work some while you talk? I concentrate better when my hands are occupied."

Ben rolled his eyes and joined him. "Yeah-yeah-yeah. Whatevers. C'mon, let's go."

Severus snorted and shook his head as he approached Bella, a strawberry roan he preferred to ride. Grinning, Ben rummaged in a deep pocket in his cargo pants and pulled out some carrot chunks, which he handed to Severus without comment. As Bella nibbled, snuffling hot air on his outstretched palm, Severus chuckled inside at Ben's artifice--the well-worn saddle he'd used was the one from last summer with all the rings around the front and back for him to hook on his full 'specimen' bags. 'For the love of--', indeed.

After rubbing and patting Bella's nose, he tied his bags onto the rings and checked the bit and harness. After testing the cinch, he set his foot in the stirrup and grabbed the pommel, smoothly swinging himself up into the saddle, Ben doing the same on a black gelding Severus had never seen before. The mare skittered sideways a bit; as Severus took loose hold of the reins, he directed her with a tightening of his knees and she settled down quickly. He liked Bella, a patient, sure-footed horse up in the mountains, even though her mouth was a bit soft. He settled comfortably into the saddle and with a kick of his heels against her sides, they set off at a fast walk. He refused to look back at the beach as they left, but could almost feel the burn of Harry's eyes. So be it.

Severus let Ben take the lead, holding the mare back until his friend was a length away. Reaching the road, he leant over to pat and rub her neck soothingly as she nickered softly at the passing cars, although whom he was trying to calm was hard to say. Once they crossed, they rode side-by-side on the grassy verge, Severus asking Ben companionably, "Now, about Mana?"

He wasn't sure what Ben had been expecting, but given his start of surprise, he didn't think that was it. "Oh, yeah. Mana. It's the spiritual energy or power of a thing." Severus raised a brow. "Hmmm. It's hard to explain, but we believe people can add positive or negative energy to something or somewhere over time. It either makes it special--like your bed--or something to avoid."

More than a bit sceptical, Severus said, "Spiritual energy."

Ben thought about it a moment. "Well, maybe that's a bit broad. OK, I got a good example. My dad's sister, Aunty Nona, has this cooking pot. It's all rusted and pitted and if you were seeing it for the first time, you wouldn't want to eat anything out of it. But it belonged to her mother, and her mother, and you know, like forever, and the food she makes in it is soooo ono.

"Well, a couple of years back two of my cousins decided her pot was unsanitary, so they bought her this new one and, since they're supposed to be so akamai (having gone to some la-la school on the mainland), they convinced her to use their pot and throw out the old one. Man, the food was so junk. Every time. Same recipes and everything she's been using all her life, but it was still junk. So she starts complaining that the new pot's got no 'Mana' and she wants her old pot back.

"So me and my other cousin, Brian, my Aunty's-husband's-sister's-kid go looking for it. Took us two weeks to find that damned thing--had to finally go all the way over to the landfill outside of Kihei. Digging through all the garbage and stuff, we finally found it, not a spot on it other than what it came with, and we took it back to my aunty. She planted some flowers in the new one, boiled the old one and has been using it ever since, saying the pot's got Mana from so many women using it and cooking with it. Understand?"

And he did. "Actually, I do. I have cauldrons like that--ones that have had so many dark potions brewed in them over the centuries, they could never be used for anything light. But what does that have to do with our bed? Is it antique?"

"Not hardly, although Kalani will be flattered you think so," Ben replied with a laugh. "He made it completely by hand, from dragging the trees out of the mountains, to the last polishing. There's no magic in it except for curing the wood. Malia, Joseph, Kahealani, and I helped over the seven weeks it took him to make it. So you see, there's a lot of our--Mana--in that bed."

A myriad of thoughts and emotions whirled through Severus, the most prevalent being astonishment. Seven weeks? By hand? He couldn't help but stare at Ben. His simple, choked, "Thank you," seemed so inadequate and yet what did one say to something like this without seeming the fool?

However, given the flush on Ben's face, and the way he ducked his head, he must have expressed something of the strong emotions running through him. "Eh, we just wanted to give you something special. Start it off right. A good bed is always a nice place to start a marriage."

"Indeed," Severus said with a small smile. They rode in silence for a while, Ben looking over at him every so often as if to ask him something, but he never did. Severus, for his part, was relieved Ben chose to remain silent, the ride serving to relax him a bit. As they approached what passed as the centre of town, near the clinic, traffic picked up and Severus could see, further on, a long line of people standing by the side of the road, carrying placards and waving at all the passing cars, many of which honked and brightened their headlamps as they passed.

"Ben?" Severus asked, pointing. "Why are all those people over there?" He tightened his knees on Bella's flanks as her nervousness telegraphed to him through her twitching ears.

"They're running for office," Ben replied, rigidly controlling his own horse.

Severus couldn't resist it as he dead-panned, "They look like they're standing still to me."

Ben groaned, "Ohhhh--it's way too early for that." He continued, smiling, "Seriously, they're politicians seeking election to office. This year it's mostly local, although there's a couple of state issues on the ballot. Voting's next Tuesday, so every day there'll be more and more of them crawling out of the woodwork, jamming traffic and waving their little signs so the good voters won't forget their names. They draw straws to see who gets to stand closest to the polls, as if that will change anyone's mind."

There were so many things Severus didn't understand about any of it, except the clear derision in Ben's tone, but as they were fast approaching the thirty or so people arrayed on both sides of the road, he reckoned he would have time later to ask. As he looked them over, he decided the ones with the leis were probably the ones 'running' for office and decided the Muggle politicians were not all that different from their Wizarding counterparts--he wouldn't 'vote' for any of them.

They were walking the horses behind a small cluster when Ben suddenly stopped his horse, calling out, "Ho! Gary! Got a question for you."

A well-tanned Asian man with a thick Maile lei turned at Ben's words and walked over to them. Looking Severus over in a manner that made him want to growl, 'Gary' asked, "Hey, Chan! Howzit? Who's your Obake friend?"

Ben's eyes narrowed and Severus caught the flash of anger, but it didn't colour his words as he replied, "This is Severus Snape. You know, Aunty's friend--the one who bought the old Malahini place." He turned to Severus. "Severus, this is Gary Okana, our local councilman."

"Pleasure to meet you," Severus said, his clipped accent precise.

Gary eyed Severus with a bit more respect, and after nodding to him, turned back to Ben as he asked, "What you want, Chan?"

Perhaps ignoring an introduction and calling someone by their bare surname was acceptable here. Or else Ben was being overly polite as he asked calmly, "What's the land-use height restriction at his place?"

Gary replied instantly, "Twenty-five feet from the lowest land point to the top of roof, regardless of entry point."

"Thanks and good luck next week," Ben answered, clicking his tongue at his horse to get him moving again. Once they were past the odious man, Ben chortled, "Not! That guy spends way too much time up at the golf course. Kalani turned him into a toad last election--had to Obliviate the idiot."

Severus chuckled. This he understood and it accounted for the unnatural tan the man had; he didn't strike him as a 'common' labourer, although laying some stone out in the hot sun might do him a world of good. He made a mental note to commend Kalani the next time he saw him. "So what does all that mean?"

"It means you don't have enough height to get a pitched roof and two floors, and I ain't going over there every time it rains to sweep the water off your roof, so out it is."

Severus mulled this over. "Hmph. What is 'Obake'?"

"Gary's a stupid ass--was hoping you wouldn't catch that. 'Obake' is Japanese for 'ghost' or any type of supernatural spirit."

Rolling his eyes, Severus said dryly, "Oh wonderful. Now I've been relegated to the realm of Polynesian ghosts, vampires, and ghouls?"

Ben laughed. "Hey, could be worse."

Severus stared at him.

"He could have called you a 'damned Haoli'."

"True, but only once. What colour was he last time?"

Ben chuckled, rummaging in his saddle bag. "A really disgusting puce. However, he does have a point--here, Kemosabe, catch. Put some on before you fry."

Without thinking, Severus' hand shot out and a heavy tube smacked into it. He shook the sting out of his palm while looking at the label. "Neutrogena SPF 50 Sunblock Lotion?"

"Joseph owled it over last night. Said he didn't have any in stock, but that this would work almost as well. Doesn't take much."

Having experienced a sunburn last summer so bad he couldn't move, Severus warily sniffed it and, grimacing, judiciously applied the thick cream, wondering what made it drag against his skin. Strange people, Muggles.

They rode further, both men deep in thought. Turning between two houses as dilapidated as his own, Ben called a friendly greeting to a local woman hanging her wash out to dry on a line strung between two banyon trees. Once past her property, Ben kicked in his heels and they set off at a fast canter across a wide open field dotted here and there with lone acacia trees under an azure sky. As the ground-eating pace quickly brought them even with a herd of grazing cattle, Severus couldn't help but compare the long smooth plain rising before him with its waist high grass to the rockier moors to which he was more accustomed.

The lush mountains beyond were what really drew his attention, though. As mountains went, they weren't very tall, perhaps no more than three or four thousand feet, but they were sheer in places, almost like undulating cliffs. He remembered Kalani telling him once that the paths at the top were no wider than a man was tall. Amazing, simply amazing--and green, so many greens the eye gave up trying to fathom them all as the tenacious foliage and trees clinging to their sides covered every inch until they looked as if draped in the richest velvet.

When they reached the bottom of the foothills, they slowed to take the horses on a broad path wide enough for them to ride side-by-side. Severus felt his cares melt away as they passed from the bright sunshine into a darker fairy world of tall feathery trees canopied far overhead, dripping with air roots hanging like curtains from broad branches. Vines bearing huge waxy philodendron leaves the size of elephants' ears or snow white flowers with centres the colour of the finest claret climbed up the mighty trunks of banyon and monkeypod trees. The steep, winding path cleaved the heavy undergrowth of mountain ferns, its smoothness of hard-packed black dirt and volcanic stone interrupted by heavy tree roots the horses easily picked their way over. Every now and again, the rich greens at the forest's floor were broken by clumps of flowers, some spidery and fragile like the blushing Queen Emma Lilies he'd collected before with their delicate scent, or tall and regal like the white ginger with its heady perfume. Breathing deeply, he couldn't help thinking this was a place with an enchantment all its own.

Into the hushed silence, Severus commented quietly, "You don't use much magic here, do you?"

Taken aback, Ben replied, "Why should we? There's only twenty of us on this side and two, Kahealani and Kalani, are almost squibs. We can't separate ourselves like you do in England because there aren't enough of us to make a sustainable community, so we blend in and leave magic mostly for emergencies and some small household conveniences. Some of our neighbors suspect, especially the older ones who know how long we've lived here, but they are accepting; we make every effort to be a part of the community. And that means we have electricity and cable TV and high-speed internet and Muggle kitchens and mortgages and invite friends over to visit just like everyone else." He chuckled. "Could you imagine their faces if they walked into a typical Wizarding home with all its Wizarding space and gadgets?"

Severus, laughed, immediately thinking of the Burrow the one time he'd visited with Harry. Harry. His face fell with the thought. Well, he supposed he couldn't forget about it forever. He ignored Ben's thoughtful gaze on him as they rode on in silence up into the mountains.

Kalani didn't often invite folk to his workshop, but he had a commission to complete and he'd wanted to talk to Harry in the first place, and now it seemed Harry needed to talk to anyone who would really listen. He guessed he was elected, although confidences of this nature from anyone except Ben made him uncomfortable.

They'd not talked much on the walk over, a matter of 15 minutes; he supposed that to anyone else, the silence would have been oppressive, but he wasn't that curious a person to begin with and certainly not someone itching to pry. Nor did he have any patience for guessing games. He was a straight-line thinking kind of guy, not given to deep fancies or speculation, which he guessed probably made him look dull in other people's eyes, but to him just seemed the best way to be getting on with it. So be it.

Harry's silence did bother him a little because he knew it wasn't normal. And, as he handed Harry a connector to sand, he figured he would have to be the one to make the first overture because his friend was giving every indication he could keep this up forever. But there was something about his silence that told Kalani that keeping it wasn't healthy, so he prepared himself for the invasion of Harry. Sounded like one of those wartime stories his dad was always going on about.

He was about to ask, when he noticed what Harry was doing with his dowel. Not good at all, and gently Kalani stopped him with a, "Thanks, I think that's got it," taking the connector from him and placing it to the side where he would be sure to remember to discard it later--after Harry was gone. No sense making him feel worse. Casting about the shop, he spied one of the finished legs of the table waiting polishing. Ah, something no one could mess up. He pulled the leg out and handed it to Harry, along with a baby diaper he favoured as a polishing cloth, and a bottle of tung oil he set on the workbench in front of him.

"Do you mind oiling the wood for me? I gotta get this done by next week and I am sooo behind."

"What do I need to do?" Harry asked him dully.

"Pour a little of the oil on the cloth and rub it into the wood going with the grain. When it gets dry, just add more oil to the cloth."

"All right." He did as he was told, showing Kalani. "Like this?"

"Yeah, that'll do it. Thanks."

"All right."

Kalani made sure Harry was busy and powered up the lathe. For a while they worked in companionable quiet, Harry only jumping every now and again whenever Kalani turned on the machine. There was something soothing about turning the hard koa wood evenly, watching the blade work its magic, but it certainly required more concentration than he was able to give it right now with Harry staring off into space, his hands on autopilot as they rubbed the oil into the wood. Just as well he gave him something innocuous to do. Time for him to do the same if he didn't want to have to do this over again.

So he pulled over his own leg and rag, wet the cloth and started polishing, the clear tung oil instantly darkening the richly textured koa wood. "Wanna talk about it?" Oh, that was a great beginning. 'Dear Kalani' he'd be in no time.

"Not really. Sorry."

"No problem. Bit of a clam myself."

The silence stretched. He tried again. "Want some breakfast?"

Harry jumped. "No, thank you. Not too hungry."

Kalani didn't answer because he knew Harry wasn't listening and was suddenly glad he'd eaten before he and Ben had left this morning. However, coffee sounded good. He went over to the pot and poured himself a cup. "Coffee?" he asked, holding up the pot.

"No, I don't drink it."

"Tea? I have tea."

Harry looked over at him and something softened in his face. "Sure, tea would be fine."

Right. One tea coming up. At least he had this small household magic and, drawing his wand, he whispered the spell to make the water hot. He put in a bag of Liptons, wincing as he did so. He knew Poppy's opinions about them, but it was all he had. "Sorry about the bag."

"It's all right. Got used to it the last time I was out here." Harry squeezed out the bag, setting it aside. He blew on the top, taking a sip. When he didn't grimace, Kalani went back to work, setting his own mug in front of him.

Kalani finished one leg and got another. He glanced over and saw Harry rubbing away at the same spot and wondered how he could tactfully ask him to move up. Finally he shrugged. Didn't much matter and he bent to his own task.

"I shouldn't have asked."

Kalani's head came up. Should he respond?

"I know better than to do it. So why did I? That's what I don't understand. I knew what his answer would be and I still opened my mouth."

Was that rhetorical? Damn, he wasn't very good at this.

"Does Ben keep secrets from you?"

A direct question--finally. "Not really. Ben's little secrets usually concern me, you know, like hiding birthday presents and such, or when he keeps quiet trying to figure out how to ask me something. Nothing major. No, I'm usually the one who doesn't open up or talk about things."

"Severus is hiding something from me."

"If it's a secret, how do you know that?" Kalani asked reasonably. Maybe he'd get a clue as to how Ben always managed to ferret his out.

"There's something Severus doesn't like to do, and I know it has something to do with his past, something bad that happened to him when he was a spy. I've seen parts of it in his dreams and through our bond, but I don't know exactly what it is or how to react to it because it's so much more than just what he doesn't like to do--it colours many aspects of his life, his judgement, his decisions. Our life, our decisions. And I'm always stepping in it, like yesterday because I don't know why it is and, damn it! he won't tell me."

It took Kalani a few moments to process the barrage of information. "Let me see if I got this straight. Something bad happened to Severus a long time ago. It affects him today and by association, you. Right?" Harry nodded. "OK. You know what it is, sort of, know what happened, sort of, but not enough to side-step any issues or problems you cause because of what you don't know about. Is that it?"

"Yes, precisely."

"Can I ask you a couple of questions? I don't need any details, please, just a general yes or no will do fine." Harry looked wary, but nodded. Well, this was progress, he guessed, although he still didn't like to pry. "This incident, was it really life-shattering, like a death, or worse?" Harry nodded. "And you've seen enough to have a general idea of what it was about?" Another nod. "And you said you knew better than to ask?"

Harry dropped his head. "Yes, I really should have known better."

Kalani kept his voice quiet. "OK, I'm confused. It sounds to me like you already know the important parts of it, so what more, exactly, do you want to know?"

Harry replied, "Severus has not told me directly what happened. All I have is conjecture, not fact."

Aia, Harry was so like Ben, it was scary. Kalani took care not to let the exasperation he normally let loose at his husband colour his words to Harry. "Just how accurate do you think your conjecture is if you already know there are things you need to avoid to set him off? I mean, can't you just project it and figure out the rest without picking at it?" Oh, that was smart, very smart, Kalani. Make him feel worse, why don't you?

Kalani wasn't surprised when Harry failed to answer. Trying to salvage the mess he'd made, he said, "I can only give you my perspective here, OK? I think I understand where Severus is coming from. Yeah, it's private and, yeah, he knows he needs to tell you because of how it affects you both, but I tell you, there are just some things one just can't say out loud."

Harry at least seemed interested. "So if one can't talk about it, how does one communicate it?"

"You don't ask anything easy, do you?" he asked with a grin. "All one can really do is leave clues or lead one's spouse into other directions that lets them see what needs to be seen. And sometimes that's all one can give, or all one gets."

"Then how do you keep from hurting each other?"

"What? You think you're going to live the rest of your lives together and not hurt each other somewhere along the way?" Harry flushed. He really thought that? They were in for a world of hurt, which prompted him to say gently, "It's about trust and love, Harry. And I know you both do--hell, I felt your binding down to my toes, it was so strong. It's really not that difficult. Severus trusts that you know he isn't withholding things to hurt you. You have to trust that Severus still loves you despite whatever he is withholding and that he's not doing it because of you, but because of himself. There's a huge difference there, you know."

Hope shining in his eyes, Harry asked, "You really think so? It's not me?"

"As sure as I can be." He hesitated, but hell, he'd already gone this far. "And as long as we're covering my personal opinion, I have to say that satisfying one's curiosity is a silly thing to fight over if one truly has trust in the other."

Harry nodded, saying absently, "Thanks. Maybe you're right." Soon he was lost in thought again.

Kalani bent back to work, lighter of heart. He stole occasional glances at Harry, noting that his face wasn't as closed and the silence wasn't as unbearable. And he was still polishing that damned leg! Maybe now would be the time to distract him with his own concern, something he could only ask Harry. Maybe at least he'd leave off and not wear the grain off the wood.

Taking a deep breath, Kalani said, "Ah, Harry, I was wondering--"

TBC

Definitions:
So shame, you You should be ashamed of yourself
Aue! An exclamation like "Oh shit"
Niele wahine! Nosy women!
Uhn a grunt of assent
Hui! (Hoo-ee) 'Hello there' when called out from a distance - not to be confused with hui (noun), or flock (of something).
ono delicious
akamai smart, clever
junk, so junk bad, horrible
Kihei (Key-hay) one of the main towns on the other side of the mountains from Hana
Haoli Caucasian or mainlander - originally meant foreigner
Kemosabe for those of you too young to remember black and white TV's, Kemosabe was what Tonto called The Lone Ranger
Aia an exclamation of incredulity