Chapter Eight: Redefinition

Someone knocked on my little room's window. Time to move. I leapt up, grabbed my few belongings, and crossed to the other window and scurried out of the room. I had a nice view of the outer walls from here and the hills beyond, but I hadn't been able to appreciate it until now. The sun had almost set; hopefully I could let child's light know my place had been raided. I was getting sick of moving around the city, but that was the price for avoiding capture. Deciding to double back across the fruit sellers' market, I considered the likelihood that I was being followed. I wasn't exactly difficult to pick out. I had always thought of myself as tall. Compared to most of my tribe I was. But in the walled city, I had begun to realize that people were getting taller. Add to my small stature my darker skin and conspicuous tattoos and I wasn't a hard face to pick out of the crowd, no matter how good I got at blending in. I had even invested in a cloak with a hood, but that got just as many suspicious looks.

Sure enough, a street kid climbed the wall at exactly the same place I did, and started looking around as inconspicuously as possible. I had hidden myself behind another building to have a look. Briefly, as I took off down the back alleys to avoid sight, I wondered if the kid was supposed to tail me or kill me. This was a pretty rough city for the poor, especially these days. It was too easy for the commoners to get caught in the middle of the turf war.

Testing twice more for tails, I finally was satisfied I was clean and made my way to child's light's most recent hidey hole. He was probably with the other ringleaders, laying out the plan for tomorrow's big heist. His window was hidden from every direction but above, so I decided to wait outside until the meeting was over. They didn't like me being there, and besides. Never miss an opportunity to eavesdrop.

Someone named starlight was fighting with the second of the two underground leaders, a grumpy man with a name meaning sandy.

"…Like I said before, they're not going to back down to financial pressure! We need to make an example or two."

"But if we use violence, the rest will only be more frightened and less likely to give in! They already have a lot to loose, if we add their lives to that, it makes them that much more difficult to crack."

"I wouldn't mind spilling some of their blood. The crowds in the square would love it. We could simply kidnap them and hand them over to the square."

"What, all of them? They may not outnumber us, but they have families – kids and wives, not to mention servants and guards. How do you propose such a kidnapping?"

"No, no, I mean the ones that are left. We send assassins after them all and keep a few for the square." There was a general murmur of assent that chilled me.

"That's a little bloodthirsty!"

"Not after what they did to black rock! Are you forgetting him already?"

"No! But we got revenge, didn't we? His killer is dead."

"His killer was one of their guardsmen! He was just a blade, the real killers haven't been punished yet!"

Child's light broke in. "We're getting ahead of ourselves a little, here. We still have to wait on the mercenaries. If we take back control of the outer circle, at least in part, it won't be long before we can start doing business again. We could help the rest move out of the inner circle. We could completely circumvent them, and then we could just wait them out. They don't have enough stored to stay locked away in there forever."

This had been my argument when raiding their shipments didn't work. I was actually surprised that child's light would present my argument as his own. Not because he was taking credit for my idea, but because he had been so skeptical of it when I'd argued for it.

The murmurs following his suggestion were no less disapproving than I had expected. One man called many horses voiced his disapproval first. "They will never stay uninvolved, and we will become a visible target for them. They don't deserve that kind of breathing room."

"They will never stop until they are dead!" another man shouted.

He was quickly hushed for fear of being overheard and not because anyone disapproved. The meeting was soon adjourned for safety reasons. I was not too pleased by what they had been talking about, but I was far from surprised. Blood would spill, that much seemed certain. I had been working on certain aristocrats for nearly a month by that time in an attempt to reach some sort of truce, but I had long since ceased to hope for any results. By that time, all I hoped for was that my contact with the aristocrats went unnoticed and unsuspected by child's light and the others.

I waited out my annoyance outside the window until the sunlight had completely drained from the sky then knocked on the window. Child's light let me in. I told him about my place being raided.

"Well, you can stay here tonight. I'm moving day after tomorrow, anyway. Dawn will find you somewhere else in the morning."

I nodded. "How did the meeting go?"

"Eh, well. The usual sniping. If we pull off this next attack, there's going to be problems about what we do next. But, one step at a time. Everything's a go for tomorrow and everyone's on board." He didn't sound particularly encouraged.

"Something wrong? Are you having second thoughts?"

"No. No. Not about tomorrow. Just about who we've included in all this. I thought having more allies could only be a good thing. Now… well, like I said. One step at a time."

I nodded. I didn't blame him for not confiding in me. To do so would have been premature. But I decided to move up my agenda with the aristocrats.

I slide out of my chair into a crouching position and move towards the rear window. Frank takes the hint and gets down, too, pulling his gun. I make it to the wall by the window just as Frank kills the lights. It doesn't do too much good, as it's after dawn. Two figures, both armed. I sign as much to Frank. They're both in ski masks, moving along the low brick wall next to the pool. I sign for Frank to cover the front door. I consider killing the lights, but as it's morning already there's not much point. I duck under the window and make my way to the back door. Frank and I can still at least partially see each other. While I wait, I try to figure out who they're with.

They're definitely not Feds, or spooks. Something was familiar about the way they moved, though. Tiresias? Rji? I don't really think so… My mind races, but before I have time to place them, the back door lock begins to turn.

The first thing that comes through the door as it opens is the silencer of a gun. Then the gun, then the gloved hands holding it. Taking this as my cue, I strike out with my left foot, knocking the gun out of the gloves and before it hits the ground I strike out with my left hand and grab one of the wrists. Before the owner of the wrist begins fighting me, I yank her through the door and spin her around so I can grab her. She starts to struggle and the second figure leaps through the door and swings his gun around on me, even though he lands a little off balance. But I've got his partner and he doesn't have a shot.

"Drop it," I hiss, holding his partner's throat threateningly. She stops struggling, and he lowers his gun, but not reluctantly. As if he's amazed.

"Mom?"

I drop Pao, and stare dumbfounded at Ben. I have never in my life felt more relieved.

"Ben!"

He pulls off his ski mask, grinning and dazed. Pao whips around and nearly knocks what little breath I have out of me as she gives me a bear hug.

"Thank god!" she says, not bothering to take her mask off.

"What are you doing here?" Ben asks.

I hug Pao back and grin at Ben, still trying to get my bearings. "I should be asking you that, you know."

"Gonna introduce me?" Frank enters the kitchen, grinning and obviously trying not to alarm either of my kids.

Pao stiffens but doesn't break the embrace. Ben just looks confused. I grin, feeling more relief than I can stand. "This is Frank," I say, indicating with my chin. "Frank, that's Ben and this is Pao under all that clothing." Pao takes her mask off, appraising Frank with a not-too-friendly glance. Frank, however, is unperturbed.

"Pleased to meet you at last," Frank says with a friendly smile and extends his hand. Pao shakes his hand, still wary, but Ben is friendly enough. It's such a shock to see Ben. I haven't seen him in years. Decades. He looks the same as ever, but… elderly. Pao looks more serious, but just the same as ever. She has an air of command about her that she had to have learned from me. It's only been a few years since I've seen her last. I realize I must look as surprised as Ben.

"What are you doing here?" I ask as I hug Pao again.

Pao smiles stiffly. "We traced an immortal here. Someone you might know, actually. Tiresias. We thought he was here and was hunting you."

I laugh. "Well, he was here, but this is my house. Indirectly, anyway. He showed up yesterday when I wasn't here to pester Frank. What were you planning on doing? He's no one to be trifled with."

Ben, who isn't really paying attention, comes to give me a hug now. "It's so good to see you again, mom," he says, misty eyed.

I hug him back. I almost forgot how tall he was. Pao ignores Ben. "I know that. I was trying to protect you, mom."

I stare at her, not sure if I should be amused or terrified. "Protect me? I can protect myself, you know. You've put yourselves in a really bad position."

Pao gives me a crooked grin, which I recognize to mean she knows something I don't. "We didn't put ourselves in any position. I'm not stupid enough to initiate anything. Ben's not either, you ought to know that. I got a rather interesting package in the mail a while back. Someone had been watching an individual named Tiresias without Watcher approval, and apparently lost their life for it. But not before this someone sent a journal to me."

"Let me guess. Rji."

Pao looks surprised. "Yes. But how did you know?"

I shake my head, disappointed but not surprised by Pao's lack of faith in me. "I have good instincts. I knew someone was searching for me for… months. I learned it was Rji only a week after that. I've been playing cat and mouse with her for a while. To be honest, I knew she was looking for you. But I'd been covering your tracks as best I can, with the help of the Watchers of course. Until one day you just up and left your charge and ended up in Kentucky of all places."

Pao only looks slightly admonished. I see no sign of the deaths of two bystanders in her face. "I was scared for you. Rji means business."

I have to struggle not to show all of my exasperation. "I know, Pao. I wouldn't be going to all this trouble of playing games with her and protecting you if she didn't. I know she's not you're run-of-the-mill immortal, and I know she's not hunting me alone. I also know that if she gets her hands on you or Ben, she won't let you die slowly." I shake my head again, trying to derail myself. "It doesn't matter now, I guess. She knows about you now, but we've found each other." My smile betrays my relief again, and I bask in the glow of the light in my children's eyes.

Marcus was loosing his fire. I had kept him hungry and in pain for nearly a week, and he was finally wearing down. I was questioning whether or not all this was necessary, as I always did when torturing someone so they would stay away from me. But in the end, I still thought that a few weeks of suffering were as nothing compared to death. And I refused to break my oath, so my choices were pretty much fight him off every time he came after me and hope neither of us got lucky or give him a good reason not to come after me anymore. I had been through this song and dance with at least three others like him, so I had some experience in the effectiveness of this method and the danger of the other.

I was nearing the pass in the Alps, which meant I had to return to the main road. Not that it was that busy, but there was always the chance of coming across another traveler. And that was something I didn't want to have happen while I was dragging Marcus around with me. But I could keep out of sight of the road for a few more days, so I had at least that long to work on Marcus before turning him loose. I thought it might be a good idea to drop him off a cliff after making him swear not to come after me again. I'd have to find a cliff that was high enough to "kill" him but not so high that he wouldn't get up again. That would buy me a few hours at least, maybe a few days. Even if I managed to make him swear to stay away from me, I didn't really expect him to stick to it. But if I had enough of a head start I could make it to the pass and loose him in the mountains. After that, well, time would tell I suppose. If he were determined enough he'd find me eventually.

At the moment, he was trying his damnedest to keep up with the horse so he wouldn't be dragged. It was near the end of the day and I could tell he was really struggling to stay on his feet. I weighed the pros and cons of continuing just so he'd be dragged for a while, but decided against it. Pulling the horses to a halt, I dismounted just as Marcus hit the ground, breathing heavily. Before he could recover, I bound his ankles again and drew a knife.

"No," he managed weakly when he saw it.

"Give me a reason," I said hollowly.

"No," he said, even more weakly. He was close to tears. Pity stabbed at my heart. With a herculean effort, I cut him along the bottom of his foot, which was still a bit cut up from walking.

"Give me a reason," I repeated, trying not to vomit.

He started to cry in earnest. Taking a steadying breath, I started in on him again, trying to dissociate. It didn't work. An hour and a lot of blood later, Marcus was out and I was trying to build a fire. I had to take several breaks to fight waves of nausea.

I assumed, rather hopefully, that Marcus would be out for the night and tried to ignore his presence. That didn't work, either. Giving up on both sleep and my failed fire, I burst into tears, sobbing and letting myself think all kinds of black thoughts that I had previously had enough self-control to keep from thinking. How long I cried for, I wasn't sure. When I finally managed to stop, I heard Marcus stir.

"Who do you think you're fooling?" he growled.

Surprised and scared, I turned around to answer him, but found I couldn't. Bursting into tears again, I ran. I didn't want him to see me so upset. I never let any enemy, nor any stranger, see what I was really feeling. In those days, that meant no one. Of course, I had never let myself get so out of control before, or so depressed. Leaving an enemy, even one tied to a tree, alone like that was, well, uncharacteristic to put it mildly. On top of that, I paid absolutely no attention to where I was going or where I was in relation to my camp. In short, I was making myself extremely vulnerable.

I ended up slumped in a hollow between a tree and a boulder. Time passed, but I wasn't aware of it until the sun came up. Composing myself as best I could, which wasn't very much, I forced myself up and started following my own trail back to camp. Remembering the days after leaving the walled city, I had more intrusive memories to contend with. Luckily, finding my way back to camp was unusually easy. I had not tried to hide my trail at all.

When I arrived, Marcus was struggling to get free of his bonds. He hadn't gotten very far. Seeing me, he stopped and gave me a searching look. I suddenly felt naked, and winced as though struck. Making a split second decision, I snatched up the knife I had used last night, which I had left uncleaned by my attempt at a fire. Marcus winced as I approached, but all I did was cut the ropes. I stood back up and let the knife fall from my hands. Holding it just seemed like too much effort. A moment after that, standing was too much effort and I sat on the ground, hard.

Marcus stood, rubbing his wrists and looking at me suspiciously. As though testing me, he bent down stiffly and picks up the knife. "This is a test," he said uncertainly, almost as if asking me a question. I couldn't even bring myself to answer. Or grunt.

He hefted the knife, obviously debating whether or not to strike me. After a moment, he raised his hand for the blow, and a fleeting elation stole through me. Free at last. Instead, he kicked me square in the jaw. Lights exploded behind my eyes, and for a moment I thought I was going to pass out. Instead, I tasted dirt in my mouth and felt my arm being twisted behind my back. Marcus put his knee between my shoulder blades and pulled my head up by my hair. I felt the knife pressed against my throat.

The four of us left the company house in a hurry. Now we're on our way to Pennsylvania where I'm hoping to catch a flight to San Francisco. I'm beginning to formulate a plan, but I need more help to pull it off. Hopefully I'll get the Watcher information on Lucia before we actually get on a plane. I'm running out of people in the Watcher organization to make inquiries for me. I haven't abused their information repository this much since… ever.

Frank and Ben are getting along swimmingly. Pao keeps talking to me in Mandarin so she doesn't have to let Frank into the conversation. Frank's driving at the moment, since he's the only one with a decent night's sleep, but we're going to have to switch vehicles soon. We've got a tail again, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who's noticed yet. If Pao weren't paying so much attention to being annoyed at Frank she'd probably catch on, but that doesn't look like it'll happen any time soon. I'll have to watch those two. I like Frank, but he's too old to be dating my daughter. Period. It doesn't help that, in addition to being a Watcher, my little girl has grown up to be a looker. Trying not to smirk at my own pun, I can't help thinking to myself that it would be hilarious if on top of all that, Pao was a Seer, too.

Pao catches my amusement, however and gives me a questioning look. I shake my head and indicate the rearview mirror. "We've got company," I tell her.

To her credit, she doesn't turn around in her seat to look. She stares for a long time at the mirror, until she asks me, "Tiresias?"

I don't think so. "I think it might be the Watchers, actually. We've picked up a lot of attention, and I may have abused their tolerance by making too many inquiries. Our agreement doesn't specify anything about me using their information, just that they keep no information on me. To be honest, I think I've done very well by them. They get a lot out of it. But you never know. They don't take well to meddling, do they? We'll find out when we get to the airport."

"Do you really think Lucia will help? You barely know her."

"I didn't know her for long, but she's a good woman. She has a sense of honor, which is miraculously not overdeveloped. She'll understand. She's had her share of mortal lovers, if not children. I know her well enough. I just hope she hasn't changed much. She's not young or old enough to have changed much, to be honest."

"What was his name before? Lusaih?"

"Liùsaidh. It comes into English as Lucia, though."

Pao shakes her head. "It's not like you to talk about trusting immortals."

I make a noise in my throat and give her a mischievous glance. "It's also not like me to have raised someone who's joined up with the Watchers! Please, just tell me they approached you and not the other way around."

Pao laughs, but I can see defensiveness behind her eyes. "You seem to have found them awfully useful, despite your sermonizing on the corruption they represent."

I smile, but in a kind manner. "Pao, I'm proud of you. I may tease you about it, but I think you've done very well with your life. Just because we haven't seen each other… I know you think it's overprotective, but I really am trying to do what is best for you, even now."

Pao looks surprised and touched. It takes her a minute before she speaks again. "Mom, do you miss Katie?"

Well that came out of left field. I let my surprise show before I answer. "Not a day goes by." I can't believe I'm having this conversation after all these years. Maybe this is the first time it's been safe for her to ask me. I pause, trying to decide if I should ask my question. "How often do you think of her?"

She looks away, but answers. "Every time I think of you." She struggles with her embarrassment for a moment then meets my eye again. "You should talk to her, Mom."

My daughter is full of surprises today! "Have you been talking to her?"

Pao doesn't look away. "Not recently. When I was in college we wrote letters. You should talk to her."

"Did you tell-"

"I didn't tell her anything. I just told her about school and my friends and all that. I'm just saying. You should talk to her."

I hate when my past comes back to bite me. People from my past are one thing, but I made a bad decision back then, letting Katie into Pao's life. At least nothing worse has come of it than some heartache on Pao's and my parts. "I'm sorry all that happened. I should have known better, you were so young."

"Don't be sorry. I wouldn't change a minute of it."

She puts her hand on mine and is still probably about to advise me to talk to Katie again when something occurs to me.

"Pao, you found your biological parents in China, didn't you."

The quality of her silence tells me she was waiting for a better moment to tell me this. "Yes. Actually, I did."

"And?"

"It was… hard. They don't really want me back in their lives. But I think they were relieved to know how well my life turned out, considering. I'm not sure it was the best decision I ever made, though. Going to find them. But not a mistake."

I survey her, thinking how strong and stubborn and how delicate and precious my daughter grew up to be. It's amazing how much her pain still goes to my heart. "Thank you for being my daughter," I say before I chicken out. Am I saying goodbye?

Pao doesn't think so. She smiles at me appreciatively, but I don't think it makes her feel much better about her real family.

She's still searching for words when Frank cuts in.

"What are you two gabbing about? Come on, let us in on the big secret!"

Switching back to English, I indicate the rearview mirror again and mimic Tiresias' accent. "We've got company, friend cowboy."

Frank's in a stellar mood and laughs out loud. "Eh well, let's show them what this puppy can do!" And I watch with mounting dismay as Frank decides to loose our tail with a heart-stopping performance of just how stupid Americans can be.