Together Again – Part 3

Hikari stared at the rain as it fell in little rivers down her window. It'd been two days since Duo told her about his past, and the awful memories that plagued his sleep. He'd explained several things after that, too. He had a hard time being with Kari because she resembled his sister so much. Kari had seen her photo and agreed that Hiyami might look like Kari if she were still alive. He said that even though he knew there was nothing a six-year-old could do, he still blamed himself. Kari could see the pain in the young man's eyes and knew that it was all he could do to just get up in the morning living with what he knew. She shivered and hugged her arms tightly around herself, images of what he'd told her still floating through her mind.

Oh stop it…she chastised herself, What you're imagining is nothing compared to what he sees in his mind. He was there, he remembers it…the blood…the screams…oh, I wish there was something I could do to make your pain go away, Duo…

The thought broke through to the surface and brought tears to her eyes. She dropped her head and sighed, brushing the tears away with the back of her hand. She knew there was nothing she could do. Even in the past two days, nothing had changed. Duo still sulked out on his own, leaving Kari with the other pilots. Kari could only guess what was going on in his mind, and if he was ever going to feel better…

At Quatre's…

Heero stood silently in Duo's doorway, watching the back of his comrade's head. Duo, on the other hand, didn't even see him there. He was staring at the rain falling on the soft pines outside.

"Looks exciting." Heero said cynically after some time. Duo barely glanced over his shoulder.

"Yeah…" he muttered.

"This is a look I haven't seen in a while." Heero stated his voice monotone as usual.

"What look?" Duo asked.

"Well, I can't tell, really. Your expressions are getting as hard to read as mine." Duo narrowed his eyes at Heero, not fully understanding.

"What are you talking about?"

"For once you don't look pissed off or sulky." Heero explained, walking in the room, "What's up?" Duo sighed and turned towards the window.

"I finally told Kari about it." He confessed.

"And?"

"And…I feel like I should try and move on, but I don't think I can."

"How'd Kari take it?"

"Sad, horrified, worried. I could tell there was a million things she wanted to say, but…well, she's smart enough to know when to clam up." He said rather rudely.

"Duo…" Heero protested. Duo turned away from the window to face Heero.

"I meant she knew how hollow those words would sound."

"About you moving on. What's holding you back? You got your revenge against the Alliance, there's nothing more you can do." Heero said, hoping the words would bring some comfort to his friend. Duo dropped his head, feeling stinging tears in his eyes again.

"You would say that…Heero, you don't remember what happened to your family, but these memories I've gotten back, they've ruined my life now. The one thing I've wanted to know all of my life has ruined it."

"Why?"

"Because I can't live with my self knowing what I know. It hurts like nothing I've ever felt before. Talking about it won't help. It was nice of Kari to try, but it still won't do any good. I've had the same nightmare now since two months in to the school year, and it's what happened to them. I know why I forgot in the first place now. It was too much for my six-year-old mind to handle."

"And now it's becoming too much for your eighteen-year-old mind to handle." Heero concluded aloud. Duo nodded, tears falling from his cheeks and landing on his pants.

"It doesn't feel right…they're gone and I'm still alive. She was four years old!" Duo suddenly screamed, slamming his fists in to his knees and throwing his head back. Heero was unfazed by Duo's out burst, but something inside him still panged with guilt and sympathy for his young friend. Duo hung his head again and brushed his tears away.

"Duo, there's a reason your still alive."

"I thought you didn't believe in God, Heero." Duo said softly.

"I don't. But I don't think that we're all created just to run around on Earth or in the colonies without a purpose."

"Yeah, and mine was to be a pilot." Duo grumbled, looking off to the side so he wouldn't have to meet Heero's intense gaze.

"I thought so, too. I thought my only mission in life was just that: my mission. I was to live my life as a soldier, and when I could no longer serve a purpose as a soldier, my life was over." Duo glanced back at Heero and saw the sincerity in his eyes. He finally met Heero's gaze.

"What made you think otherwise." Duo could have sworn he saw the corner of Heero's lips twitch in to almost a smile.

"Quatre." He answered, "It took a whole lot of talking, but he finally convinced me that the war was over, I was still alive, and I still had a reason to be here."

"Have you found that reason yet?" Duo asked.

"No, but I have a whole school year." Heero answered with a shrug. Duo sighed and thought in silence for a moment.

"Thanks, Heero." He said softly.

"You gonna be okay?" Duo nodded.

"I just need to be alone." He answered, his voice cracking. Heero hesitated, then nodded and got up to leave. At the doorway he stopped and looked back over his shoulder.

"Duo…I…" he cleared his throat uncertainly. He was never very good at this kind of stuff, "If you still need to talk or something…I'll just be down stairs." When he didn't receive a reply, he sighed and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Duo waited until he heard the soft lock click on the door before he dropped his head and began to sob.

My pain will never end…

A week later…

"Kari? Kari pick up the phone! It's Quatre! Pick up the phone it's an emergency!"

Kari bolted through the back door from being outside, grabbing the phone and wishing her heart would calm down. Something wasn't right, and she had the sinking feeling it had to do with Duo.

"Quatre! I just got in from walking the dog! What's the big emergency?" she asked breathlessly.

"You need to come down to Infinity Cliff." Quatre told her, his voice thick with worry.

"What? What's going on?"

"It's Duo."

"WHAT!" she shrieked.

"Duo's here…and…well, I can't explain everything but he's been asking for you. We need you down here ASAP!" Quatre told her, practically yelling.

"Damn…All right I'm on my way!" she said, slamming the phone back down and grabbing her car keys, bolting out the garage door with her mind screaming.

At Infinity Cliff…

Kari hit the breaks hard, nearly fish tailing her car in to the parked van sitting at the base of the cliff. Next to the van Kari saw Duo's bike. She got out of her car just as Wufei came running down the trail that lead up to the cliff edge.

"He's up there!" he called out over the howling wind. With in the fifteen minutes it took Kari to get up there from her house, the sky had turned almost an inky black with thick clouds and the wind had started howling loudly, a huge contrast from the clear sky and perfect sunset that had started.

Kari ran past Wufei and headed up the trail.

"What the hell is going on, Wufei!" she screamed over her shoulder as the young Chinese followed her.

"He's been threatening to jump off, but he says he wants to talk to you first! That baka actually wants to kill himself! He's actually made a few attempts this week, but we've talked him out of it every time! Now we can't! He kept saying that he wanted to see you, so we did the only logical thing and called you!" Wufei called back. Kari picked up speed, her heart thudding and her legs pumping hard. She pushed tree branches angrily out of her way and ignored the pain throbbing in her side. She wasn't going to let Duo die. No way.

They reached the top and saw Trowa, Heero, and Quatre all standing around the huge cliff edge, and Duo standing dangerously close to it. They all looked up when Kari came running through the brush. She stopped dead in her tracks when she realized Wufei wasn't kidding.

"Duo! Stop this right now! This won't help anything!" Kari yelled over the wind, walking a few steps past the other boys. The wind blew strands of her auburn hair over her face, and the cold air sent shivers down her spine. This couldn't be happening.

"You're wrong, Kari." Duo called back.

"Why do you think you have to do this?" she asked, her voice cracking as tears filled her eyes.

"Because, I can't keep living with my self." He answered. Kari felt her heart skip a beat, "I just had to say thank you for trying to help. No one's ever actually been brave enough to approach me like you did, and you have no idea how much that means to me." He said with a sad smile.

"Duo, you don't have to do this!" Heero called out for what felt like the millionth time.

"I don't have anything left to live for. We ended the war, and I've seen peace. But there won't be any peace in my heart…not as long as I'm living."

"You do have something left to live for!" Kari cried out, taking a few more steps forward.

"Yeah? Like what?" Duo shot back, his look becoming cold.

"M…me. You have me…and your friends. Look at them. They're here, telling you they care about you. They don't want you to die." Duo's defenses went down.

"Kari…" he sighed.

"Duo, I love you!" Kari cried out. Duo was speechless.

"I…I…you do?" he was finally able to stammer out. Kari smiled and nodded with tears in her eyes, walking towards him.

"Yes." She said. Now she was just inches away from him. She looked in to his eyes and saw the pain there, saw how much he'd been through, and knew that was much more than any one his age should have to go through.

"Kari…I…"

"Shh…you don't have to say it." Kari said, shaking her head. Through the pain, the hurt, and the anger, she saw the love there.

Duo felt his heart skip a beat. Kari had been his light in the darkness, but the darkness would always be there. He knew that he felt something for her. There was something special between them, but he couldn't keep living his life like he had.

"Kari…I hope you understand," he whispered softly, stepping back on to the sharp ledge. He hardly felt the tears that spilled down his cheeks as he fell backwards. Kari screamed his name and grabbed his arm before he fell completely. Trowa, Quatre, Heero, and Wufei could only stand there in shock as they watched this scene unfold before their eyes.

Duo dangled there with Kari barely hanging on. He looked up to her with water violet eyes.

"Kari, please understand…let me be with them…" he pleaded. Kari let a sob escape her throat. She nodded inspite of herself.

"I…I understand," she said.

Kari let go…

A cemetery three weeks later…

Kari laid a large bouquet of flowers down on Duo's grave. Once again she had to brush the tears away from her eyes as she thought of that night.

I had to let go…because he couldn't let go of his past…

She thought.

"Hello, Kari." A deep voice came from behind her. She turned to see a solemn looking Heero with Wufei.

"Hey guys." She replied.

"You doin' okay?" Wufei asked, tilting his head slightly.

"As well as I can." Kari answered with a shrug. A tear slid down her cheek and she looked down at the ground, not wanting them to see her tears.

"It's okay to cry," Heero said. Kari released a heavy sob and her shoulders began to shake, tears falling to the grass. Heero walked over and wrapped her in a tight hug. The three of them stood there for some time, Heero just letting Kari cry. Wufei walked over and knelt down beside Duo's grave, running his fingers over the short new grass.

"I know you miss him." Wufei started. Kari sniffled, wiped her eyes with her sleeve, and looked over Heero's shoulder at him. Heero turned back to his friend, keeping his arm protectively around Kari's shoulders.

"What did you say?"

"I said, I know you miss him. We all do. But…" Wufei sighed heavily and looked to the blue skies. In his mind he could picture Duo playing with his baby sister, laughing happily for the first time in a long time, "We can take some comfort in knowing that he and his family are together again…"