I haven't written in so long…I feel bad about it, but I'm just so worried about Spike…
I think that I can let out some of my frustration and anger out about that day if I write about it. So I will relate all that happened on the day we went to rescue Spike. I can still remember the exact words that were said…
After I finished writing, I did indeed sleep, but I began to have uneasy nightmares. I dreamt about the video, and about how many times that Spike had been…violated…and I woke up crying.
When we reached the warehouse…it pains me to say this, but we weren't able to kill that asshole. He was there, waiting for us, when we walked in. He said a few words (ones that disgusted and shocked me), and suddenly he was gone. Jett and I still don't know what happened to him.
I found Spike first, in a small back room. It still makes me cry to think of how pitiful he looked…he was face-down, lying in a puddle of blood, sweat and probably tears, with his mouth gagged and his ankles and wrists bound. The cloth had been tied so tightly around them that they oozed blood. Sobbing (I wasn't sure yet if he was unconscious…or dead), I ran to him, untied him and turned him to his back.
He wasn't unconscious or dead…but I honestly don't think he was living. His eyes were open, and slightly glazed, but they couldn't seem to focus on me. This scared me: maybe he had gotten a bad head injury? He whispered, "Are you an angel?"
"No, Spike," I cried (when Spike gets delirious, you know that he's badly hurt), "It's me, Faye! Don't you remember me…?" He blinked. His eyes closed.
"Oh…Faye," he finally murmured. "I really wish you were an angel right now, because I also really wish I were dead…"
"Don't you dare," I gritted back, tears of relief that he wasn't dead and fright that he still could die streaming down my face, as I screamed hysterically, "Jett! Jett! I found him…Jett!"
When Jett arrived, he gently draped his jacket over Spike's body – somehow managing to be much, much calmer than I was – and started to check for extreme injuries. "I don't know if he has internal injuries or not," I breathlessly told him, "but he's hurt bad. We need to get him to a hospital, now."
Spike suddenly seemed to snap out of his delirium. "I didn't want you to see me like this," he muttered, turning his pale, tearful and bruised face away in shame as Jett gently picked him up.
"You lunkhead," I sobbed (I don't know how I possibly could have actually insulted him then), "we're taking you to a hospital."
Spike passed out then, and we placed him in Jett's ship, which is larger than mine, as I towed Spike's own ship along with me to the hospital.
Thankfully, Spike did not have any internal injuries. His physical wounds were anything from bruises to chafe marks to cuts – nothing extremely serious. He had a minor concussion, but even that was not as serious as some of the things he has endured. He's already been here for about two weeks, and his physical wounds are almost healed. It's his mental condition that worries me: he's not unconscious anymore, but whenever he has tried to sleep, his nightmares have woken him up screaming and sobbing before the nurses administered the anesthetic on him. He hasn't spoken a word to Jett or me since we found him. (We haven't let Ed visit him. We don't want her to grow up too fast by seeing him like this.)
I really don't want to write anymore. I've come to the hospital to look after Spike, not write the whole time. I'll have plenty of time to write more when Jett relieves me.
March 4, 2073
Spike is still in the hospital. The doctors say that he's fully healed physically, but they don't want to let him out just yet because of his mental condition. He still seems to be in shock over what happened, and who can blame him? I feel so sorry for him. And I also feel that I've let him down by not killing the bastard that did this to him.
One of the doctors pulled me aside as I was leaving. I didn't know him, as he was not a doctor that tended to Spike, but I visit so often that I'm sure all of the staff know Spike's and my story. "Be strong for him," he had told me. "He's going to need you now, and you must be strong." I wanted to cry as I heard those words. But he was always strong for me! I thought. Whenever I faltered, he never did, and he always caught me when I fell. How can I be strong now? How can we switch roles? But I didn't say any of these things out loud. I just shakily thanked him for his advice, and left to think about it.
I know it's going to be hard, but I am going to be strong. I will always give Spike a shoulder to cry on, and I will always lend him an ear to listen, and a pair of arms to hug him and comfort him. I will become Spike's angel, I promise.
March 6, 2073
Jett and Ed caught a huge bounty yesterday when I was at the hospital – a thirty-million woolong bounty. They are going to give all of it to the hospital for Spike's bill; that paid for a large chunk of it, but there is still more that we will have to scrounge up. If we can't catch any more bounties, I may have to give up the woolongs that I was saving up to buy Spike a gift. But now, buying him a gift seems even more profound. I really don't want to have to give it up.
March 7, 2073
I want to elaborate on what happened when we first entered the warehouse to rescue Spike, as the feelings I have about it are confusing me. In the warehouse, that bastard actually made me believe that Spike had died. "Where is Spike?" Jett had yelled, leveling his gun at the bounty as I did the same, also looking furtively with my eyes for any traces of Spike.
"Don't waste your time," he had said in this god-awful smug voice, "he's dead. I killed him myself." And as he had said these words, I felt myself breathe my last breath. I honestly felt…blank inside, as if everything else that had ever made me exist had suddenly been erased. The only other time I had felt so strongly about anything was when I had learned about my past. I could feel tears coming to my eyes, and without even thinking, I shot, and shot, and kept shooting until I was totally out of bullets. That fucking bastard!! I thought hysterically, and it was not until Jett started calling for me to stop that I realized I was shooting at nothing. The bounty had disappeared, into thin air it seemed, and my bullets – all six of them – were lodged into the far wall. He obviously isn't dead, but Jett and I don't know what happened to him.
It still hurts to think of what would have happened if what he has said had been true. I don't know what I would have done if Spike had died…
March 15, 2073
Spike is going to be let out of the hospital tomorrow. We managed to get another bounty that helped pay off his bill, so we don't have to worry about that, at least. Now I can devote my time to caring for him, and being strong for him.
Ed is practically bouncing off the walls, waiting for Spike to come back. She is so excited that she's going to see him again, and her enthusiasm is wearing off on me; I feel this electric tingle running up and down my spine. At least now, we can pretend that nothing has happened.
I haven't seen Spike for about four days, so I am anxious to see if he's going to speak, or look any better than he did the last time I looked after him. We are going to the hospital tomorrow to pick him up, and I hope that seeing all of us (Ed even insisted on bringing Ein) will help raise his spirits.
March 16, 2073
Well, Spike is back. I feel so happy that I don't have to go to that hospital again. I've always hated them: the whole place reeks of death, disease and despair. They also remind me of my unknown past.
We met Spike at the door to the hospital. He was so pale, not only from not getting any sunlight for the past month, but I also think that he was a bit nervous to see us. He never met our eyes, just looked at the ground, or at the sky, or at some unknown place in the distance. I was pleased to see that he wore an extra suit that I brought him the last time I had seen him; but it hung loosely around his body, showing that he had become thinner.
"Hey…guys," he whispered. His voice was only an echo of its former self; no longer soft and devilishly sultry, it just…was. It seemed hoarse and disused to my ears.
Ed seemed to have all of our excitement…but I don't know if that was good or not. She held a squirming, panting Ein in her arms, but immediately let him go when Spike emerged. With a joyful squeal of, "Spike-person!" she skittered up to him and, before Jett or I could stop her, hugged Spike tightly around his middle.
Spike's eyes grew wide. I could see him suddenly begin to tremble in panic and fear. If just a little girl hugging him could make him this terrified, I realized he might never be the same as he was…and I would have to be very strong to help him through it. I suddenly felt cold and clammy; I had no idea he would be this bad.
Thankfully, Ed let go before Spike got too panicked, and began zooming around him and us, happily yelling her joy that Spike was out of the hospital to the world. Ein, too, began to bark wildly, running with his short stubby little legs after Ed.
Spike still looked unnerved that Ed had touched him, and trembled a little. Trying to keep the despair out of my eyes, I awkwardly walked up to him, and said, "Are you ready to go home?" He briefly met my eyes with his, then started walking towards the ship.
I'm glad he's back, even if he is only a shadow of his former self…and I hope I can be strong enough for both of us.
~To Be Continued
Post-Author's notes – Damn, I got this chapter up quick! I'm proud of myself! Anyway, Spike's alive, and unfortunately, so is his rapist. I decided to post this now, instead of continuing into a longer chapter, because I just realized that this is a good place to end. I'll get the next chapter up as soon as I can, I promise. And I want to thank you all for your good reviews. I wasn't sure if I would get flamed for it or not. I think I will get flamed for this chapter, though.
Do you guys think I should bump the rating for this story up to an R? I just realized that this has some pretty racy material. If I get enough reviews telling me to take it up to an R rating, then I will. So if you feel strongly about this, then review!
I also want to apologize for using the wrong name for Faye's ship. I coulda sworn it was the Sting Ray…
Since I do know what I'm going to write for the next chapter, it should be up pretty soon. And please review if you liked this chapter! You can do it by clickin' that little button at the bottom that says 'review'. =P
Well, expect the next chapter very soon! Thanks for reading, all. ~PP