Chapter 2: A Grown-Up Child

Dinner was silent. Only the clanking of bowls being lifted or set down echoed through the still, weighted air. Nobody looked at each other. Nobody even listened. Who would want to? They all knew what would be said if words were spoken. Even Sanosuke, the usually talkative one was silent. He had apparently been informed also of tomorrow's events.

Each bowl slammed to the table at the same time, and that was the signal that dinner was done. Yahiko stood and headed towards his room while Sano headed out the back to go home. Kaoru began gathering dishes, stacking the bowls on top of each other, each letting out a small clink noise as the porcelain clacked together.

She glanced up to reach for Kenshin's bowl only to realize… he was still sitting there. His head was down, his bangs hanging over his eyes. It was as if he was asleep almost, completely silent, not looking at her, not moving at all. She stared at him for a few moments, afraid to move.

The air was calling for a voice to break the silent. It was becoming heavier and heavier, thicker and thicker. Her heart began pounding, and she chewed on her lower lip. What could she say? The only discussion she could mention was…

Then, he stood, surprising her so badly that she fell over and knocked one of the bowls off the table. It crashed to the floor like the tea glasses earlier.

"NO!" She yelled, even though it wasn't a big a deal as she was making it. She believed it was necessary to take the tension of the day out on something.

"Oh!" Kenshin said in surprise, dropping down next to her. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," She muttered, picking up a few pieces of it at a time. "AH!" She screamed as a sharp piece sliced across her palm. "DAMN IT! SHIT! SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!"

Kenshin finally looked at her, shocked by her vulgar language. "Maa, Kaoru-dono," He said softly.

She dropped the pieces of porcelain to the floor and held her hand tenderly. "Oh… If anything can go wrong…"

Kenshin kneeled down next her and placed his hands against hers. "Maa…"

She hung her head, and silence filled the room again for a moment.

"I…" She whispered. "I'm sorry…"

"You shouldn't blame yourself. It was just an accident, and it was sessha's fault-"

"No… I… I'm sorry that I yelled at you… I just…"

"Sessha understands," Kenshin replied, pulling a handkerchief from his shirt and wrapping it around her hand. "He only wishes for Kaoru-dono's happiness… but sadly, he cannot be perfect, you see."

"That makes me feel a little better, I guess… but…" She then looked into his eyes, blushing ever so slightly. How could the bumbling rurouni even know how she felt? The pain of leaving couldn't be as bad. She loved him. God, how she loved him.

She had realized that her feelings were deeper than a childhood crush a few years ago. This man was a hero who saved her when she couldn't save herself, he helped her around the house, he treated her kindly, and God, how he was beautiful. She'd had dreams about him, some a bit too graphic to talk about (even though she was entirely naïve to the field of sex). Yet, he walked around from day to day, smiling like a child, completely oblivious to the way she felt, the fleeting thoughts she had, the way she whispered his name in her sleep.

"You're…" She said, blushing deeply. "You're still holding my hands."

"ORO!" Kenshin exclaimed, removing his hands. He smiled sheepishly and rubbed the back of his head. "Sessha is very forgetful with things."

That was a dumb excuse. He was thirty-three, yes, but the man was far from forgetting anything ever. He could bring things up from years ago when in an argument that would freeze them in spot, not remembering until it was mentioned.

"Yes," She responded, playing along. "I… I suppose we should… go to bed…"

"Oro?" He asked, his eyes widening, cheeks flushing.

"Ah, what?" She asked innocently, knowing how he had misconstrued what she had said. It wouldn't have bothered her one bit if he had scooped her into his arms, carried her into the back, and made sweet love to her all night long, but she was completely aware that that would never EVER happen.

"Nothing," Kenshin said, standing. "Sleep well, Kaoru-dono…"

She stood too and watched until he reached the door. "Kenshin-"

He turned to look at her. "Yes?"

"I… I…" She muttered.

"Kaoru-dono-"

"I'm just… going to miss you… a-all of you so much…" She choked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Maa, Kaoru-dono," He said, walking back towards her and giving her a hug. "Dry your tears. Beautiful women should never cry."

She sniffled. "Okay…" He thought she was beautiful at least. It was a start… and a finish, most likely. It would never happen.

As she lay within his arms, she let in his sweet aroma. He smelled like fire soot, laundry soap, and the end of the day. It was a scent of windblown wanderings, the past, and atonement. The odor was warm and comforting, and for a moment, she forgot everything. Of course, he was always that way. He made her feel safe.

"You go on to bed, Kaoru-dono. Sessha will clean up this mess," Kenshin said, releasing her. She didn't say anything and did as told.

She could hear him tidying up as she walked down the hall. She held her wrapped hand close to her heart and wondered if that was the last time he would hold her hands. It wasn't a pleasant thought.

-

Kaoru awoke in the tranquil coolness of dawn. Everyone was still sleeping except for her, she figured. She rose and stretched, padding across the wooden floor and shivering. When she opened her back door and walked out onto the porch, she sighed, holding her yukata together with her bandaged hand.

The sun was a mere sliver on the horizon, and most of the world was still dark. The thin blades of grass glinted with drops of dew, making it seem like the yard was full of pixies. She stared out into the yard, leaning against a support beam.

A few stars were still glimmering in the sky. She watched them blinking at her and sighed. "What do I do now?… Mother, Father… I don't know…"

"You don't seem like the type to talk to yourself, but then again…"

She turned in the direction of the voice. "M-Megumi!"

"The one and only," She replied proudly, giving her oh-so-original 'o-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho' laugh, the small kitsune ears popping out on the top of her head.

Kaoru rolled her eyes. "What are you doing here, Megumi? It's so early."

"I actually came to see you. What luck for me that you got up early too," Megumi responded, walking up onto the porch.

"What do you want me for?" She asked.

"I wanted to check and make sure you'd be all right all on your own. I couldn't sleep because I was worried about you."

Kaoru's eyes widened. "You… worried about me?"

"You don't have to be so surprised," Megumi scolded, putting her hands on her hips. "I would be upset too if I didn't get to see Ken-san everyday and had the possibility of never seeing him again."

"-but… You don't!" Kaoru responded. "You have to stay here just like I do!"

Megumi placed a hand on Kaoru's shoulder and sighed, obviously regretting what she was about to stay. "Actually…"

Kaoru didn't like the way this was going.

"Actually," Megumi repeated. "I have to go with them. They asked me to be the doctor for the men at the training camp."

The words hit Kaoru like a million stabbing knives. Everyone… They were all leaving her behind, leaving her all by herself. Immediately she burst into tears. Any veneer of being a "strong girl" seemed entirely inane at this point. After all, who was going to be around to care if she was crying like a little girl or fighting off the demons of hell!

"Did I do something to deserve this desertion!" She exclaimed, trembling.

Megumi gave her a solemn but stern look and brushed one of her tears away with her thumb. "You aren't a little girl anymore. You can make decisions and be on your own."

"-but…" She sobbed, leaning into Megumi's hand and shutting her eyes. "… I mean, I can. I know I can… BUT I DON'T WANT TO!"

"Kaoru, you can't change the things that happen just because they don't go your way!" Megumi yelled, forcing her face up so that she'd look into her eyes. "Don't act like a spoiled princess! It's not as bad as you make it out to be!"

"WHAT ISN'T! The fact that my entire family is going away and might not ever be coming back! That Kenshin might become hitokiri again and be too ashamed to return! YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND, MEGUMI! YOU GET TO SEE HIM EVERY DAY!"

Megumi smacked her. "You were getting hysterical…" She said calmly. "Settle down and act like an adult. Only you can fix your problems, and throwing a tantrum is not the way to do it."

Kaoru held her face, sniffling, and refusing to look at her.

"Ken-san would never fall in love with a spoiled little girl like you."

The words stabbed her. She dropped to her knees and sat there, unable to say or do anything.

"You…" She finally managed to say after a few moments. "You came t-to make sure I was all right… You're doing a hell of a job, aren't you…?"

Megumi didn't respond.

"Get off my property," Kaoru whispered, hiding her red eyes beneath the fringe of her hair.

Megumi left.

-

Breakfast was as silent and uncomfortable as dinner was. Kaoru was the only one watching any of them, and they were all too busy concentrating on their food to look at her.

Yahiko had paled considerably, and he ate in small bites. His eyes were red and puffy when he had arrived at the table that morning. He was terrified.

Sano had a look of deep thought on his face, the look he got when he was about to face a tough opponent. He sighed through his nose quite a lot and piled his mouth full of food just in case somebody decided to ask him something. For once, he wasn't in the mood to talk.

Kenshin ate his food the way he always did, but there was an aura around him that made her feel cold inside and out. His eyes were hidden under his long orange strands of hair, so she couldn't read him at all.

She herself couldn't even eat. It didn't matter. No one had the guts to look up and say anything about it.

The door was open to let in the warm spring air. It was another perfect day. A visual irony, she thought. It would look more correct with a gloomy, crying sky. That was how she felt.

While the boys ate and she sat there, Megumi's words looped in her head. A spoiled princess… a girl Kenshin would never fall in love with… She was indeed a little horror of a woman. She couldn't believe herself! Twenty-three years old, and she was screaming and yelling and crying over a matter that couldn't be fixed. Even Yahiko was more mature.

It seemed the men had gotten into the habit of finishing their meals at the exact same time. They all placed their bowls on the table, but none of them moved. She knew that this was one of the final moments they could converse before the somber goodbyes they would have to exchange in a mere couple of hours.

She desperately wanted to say something, but anything she could say seemed so trivial and meaningless now. It was hard to believe that anyone would really be listening anyways.

Yahiko took the time to look out at the scenic view behind him, entranced, and hummed a tune of poignant, forlorn departure. It tore at her heartstrings, and she did all she could not to listen.

Sano and Kenshin had not moved at all.

The scene grew sullen, heavy with the unexpressed emotions all around her, and she felt as if she was being pushed to the floor with it all. Hell itself was a warmer, happier place. Much more of this, and she would have to kill herself to escape the pain and torment.

A light breeze slipped in, and she felt it hit her face. Her cheeks were cold, wet… It was incredible she could start crying so silently and so suddenly that not even she herself could notice it. She stood and left, and no one even glimpsed. Who had to? They all knew.