If you're a fan of The Lord of the Rings, you may have noticed that the title of the 18th chapter along with the title of this one put together (Home is behind, the world ahead) belongs to the song Pippin sings in Return of the King. I love that song!

19 - …the world ahead

It was Spring when Soda left, but it felt more like Autumn to me, because I could almost feel life drained from me. Soda had promised he would write and he kept his promise: not even a couple of weeks after he had left, I received one letter and happily found out he was under training in some camp in California and he also said it looked like they wouldn't move from there for quite a while. That reassured me, since I was afraid they'd send him to fight abroad as soon as he reached the camp.

I immediately replied to Soda: from that moment, for several months, we exchanged letters where we talked about everything and told us even our inner thoughts, because it was very simple to do that when you weren't looking into each other's eyes, and especially for me, being quite shy, I found out I could tell Soda about almost every single topic that came to my mind, without feeling embarrassed like I would if he was physically close to me.

March and April soon went by. I missed Soda so much I dreamt of him every night and they weren't always pleasant dreams: I often had nightmares which concerned him being hurt, being sent away and even being killed, so that when I woke up in the morning I always felt relieved and thanked God it was just a nightmare. Ponyboy, on the other hand, wasn't having that many nightmares, or so he said, but his grades at school started slipping and even Darry couldn't holler at him the way he used to do, because the both of them grew more and more anxious as days went by.

"Daydreaming again?"

I looked up. "Hi, Seth…"

Since Soda had left, Seth had been acting more kindly toward me, always paying attention to what he was saying, being careful not to insult the greasers or anyone else, for that matter, because he knew I hated it.

"How are you doing?" he sat next to me. The last class of the day would start soon, almost everyone was sitting in their desk, but he didn't seem to care.

"Great. I'm perfectly fine."

"Honestly, Sybil." He raised his eyebrows like he didn't believe me.

"It's a nightmare." I replied earnestly. "I…" I got up. "Excuse me." I quickly left the classroom. I was close to tears and didn't want to start crying in front of everybody. I sat outside, in the school garden, and since no one was around, I started weeping. Then I turned, startled, when one hand rested my shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Seth sounded, and looked, like he really meant it. "I would help you if I could do anything."

I nodded. He really looked concerned for once. "I miss him so much…I wish…I wish I could drop school and move to California, just to stay close to him! I hate every guy who gets to stay here in Tulsa, because it isn't fair! It isn't fair that some have to leave because of a stupid letter and others get to stay because they're lucky!"

"Life isn't fair…" Seth sat next to me and put his arms around my shoulders. "You should cry…to vent."

He didn't need to tell me, because I was already in tears. I cried till I had a major headache and I noticed Seth's shirt was pretty soaked. "Sorry…didn't mean to…" I whispered, slowly retreating from his arms.

"No problem…"

My outburst had helped me feel better. I stared at Seth and he stared back at me, and before we had time to speak, the bell rang, signaling the end of lessons for that day. "Well, I guess…I'll see you tomorrow…" I said. "Thanks…"

Seth smiled before walking away. I felt confused. I shouldn't have acted like that in front of him, but I hadn't done that on purpose, I needed to give vent to my feelings and I probably would have done the same if everyone else had been there…

No. You wouldn't have and you know it. A voice inside my head replied. You don't have to get too close to him.

I sighed. I didn't know how I was going to stand Soda's absence anymore. I needed him.

As I headed home, I realized it was Friday. And an idea popped into my mind.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"How do you feel, Pony?"

"Nervous. What about you?"

"I feel the same…maybe this wasn't a good idea, after all…" I bit my lower lip.

"It was a great idea! I thought I was going crazy, but it's because of you if I haven't gone insane yet! Even if we're probably going to get skinned when we go back home…"

"I know." I sighed. "Well…maybe they'll understand."

Ponyboy looked at me like I was nuts. I didn't say anything. We were almost in California. We had gotten up at five in the morning and had taken the train to reach California, to reach Soda. It was Saturday morning so we weren't missing any school; yet, my dad would probably get really mad, just like Darry, even if we had left them notes explaining we were getting back that same day or, if we couldn't make it, on Sunday. We were going to get punished badly, but we didn't really care, since we didn't have anything to lose.

"Sybil…what if they won't let us meet Soda?"

"Well…in his letters, Soda said they were usually more free in the weekends…I hope he wasn't kidding…"

"Me too. I wonder if he's really okay like he said."

"We'll find out soon, won't we?" I replied calmly, despite not being that calm at all. I was very anxious and worried.

We finally got to California and called a taxi, which took us straight to the place where Soda and dozens of other guys were staying in. Luckily, we knew the address from the letters Soda sent to us. But when we reached the place, the gates were closed and no one could be seen around, despite the huge park.

"Hum, Sybil…what should we do?"

"…I have no idea. It looks like we can't get in anyway…maybe we should try to phone…" Soda had phoned me sometimes since he went away, but he said he couldn't do it often: the only reason he was able to call was because he had sweet-talked one secretary lady into it. Being as charming as he was, it hadn't been difficult, he said.

Neither of us moved, though. We were kind of excited and scared at the same time and we probably couldn't believe we had gotten there, so close to Soda.

"Hey, who are you?"

A tall, red-haired guy approached us. He was dressed like he was part of the Army and he looked very young, probably younger than he really was. He was carrying a huge bag.

"Are you looking for someone?" he insisted.

"Actually…" Ponyboy cleared his throat. "We're looking for my brother who was sent here last March because of a draft letter. Are you-"

"I'm one of those who got the draft letter, too. What's your brother's name?"

"Soda…Curtis."

"Sodapop? You two do lookalike, now that I pay attention. What's your name?"

I could see Pony was a bit reluctant, but he answered: "Ponyboy…what's yours?"

The guy smiled and told us his name was Charlie. I was feeling kind of left out, because he addressed mainly to Ponyboy and so I piped up: "Do you think it would be possible…to see Soda?"

"Are you his girlfriend?"

I nodded, blushing a little. He went on: "He talks about you a lot. Well, I left the building to buy some stuff for me and the guys… you know, cigarettes and things like that…I can tell Soda you're here, he'll probably manage to get a permission to spend this afternoon out of there. Just wait, okay?"

We thanked Charlie so much, he started to laugh, but reassured us it was nothing, before leaving.

Ponyboy and I sat on a bench nearby. "Man, I'm sweating so much." He said.

"We don't need to worry anymore, Pony." I smiled. "We're going to see Soda!"

"Yeah." He smiled hugely. "Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Sure. What is it?"

"Well, I was wondering if…" he trailed off.

"Come on, say it."

"If I…really look a tiny bit like Soda." He blushed. "I mean, I'm not that conceited to think I do, but-"

I stopped him. "You do. And not just a tiny bit. You should be proud, Pony!"

"Aw, you should try to look more like me, instead." A familiar voice came from behind us. We turned: "Two-Bit!"

"Hey, I know you missed me, but be quiet!" he was talking to Pony, who was hugging him. "The place here ain't so bad, you know? How are you two doin'?"

"We're great, now that we're here! How are you?"

"Fine, but they won't let me drink beer quite enough." He made a sad face.

"Come on, drop it, Two-Bit!" I heard the most wonderful voice in the world and yelled: "Soda!"

Then, before I knew it, Soda, Pony and I were all hugging ourselves. "How are you doing? They cut your tuff hair! It's such a shame! We couldn't wait to see you again! Everyone's missing you at home!" Ponyboy and I started talking at the same time.

"Calm down, the both of you! I'm perfectly fine!" he grinned crazily, just like he used to do when he was home in Tulsa. He was as handsome as usual, just a bit skinnier and with quite short hair. It was a pity that they had made him cut it, but it would grow back, I thought.

"I got a permission to stay out today…" Soda said. "We can go somewhere and chat, alright?" he turned to Two-Bit: "You coming?"

"Naw, I'll leave the three of you alone, and besides, I don't have a permission. The secretary lady don't like me that much."

Soda grinned: "Well, it ain't my fault if she likes me!" he teased before turning around. He then noticed I was crying. "Sybil? What's the matter? I didn't mean…it ain't like I care about the secretary lady, she must be 30 something…"

"It's not that, you idiot!" I cried. "I missed you so much, I can't believe you're right in front of me now!"

He pulled me close to him and held me in his arms. "Don't cry, you're with me now. Hey, Pony, don't you start cryin' too!"

I could hear Pony mumble a muffled response, meaning he was weeping too. But for once, ours were tears of joy.