A/N: SOME CHARACTERS MIGHT BE OUT OF CHARACTER! WARNING WARNING! ALSO SPOILERS FOR EPISODE THREE!

I Hate Myself for Losing You

Summary: AU: During ROTS. Padme dies before child birth and Anakin turns to the dark side before the end of ROTS, because of it. But can Padme really be dead? Book 2 of 2: What If?

Chapter 1: Lost

Padme Amidala Skywalker stood by the window, she breathed in deeply. How could this have happened? I mean they had been careful, so careful, and yet it had still happened. She was pregnant, with Anakin's child.

She kept asking herself, how could this have happened? This was going to start problems for both of them, she just knew it. Maybe she would have to give up her job as a senator and then she could ask Anakin to give up being a Jedi- No that would be wrong, being a Jedi was always his dream, she could not take that away from him.

She was four months pregnant and couldn't decide what to do. She could give up the baby for adoption. NO! That would be horrible! She would have to watch somebody else caring and loving for her baby and always wishing she could be the one there with him or her. She would have a broken heart forever, she just couldn't do that.

She could have an abortion. What? How could she say that? How could she destroy a life? She would feel guilty forever, she just couldn't do it, just couldn't. She would ask Anakin what he thought was the best.

What time was it? Anakin was getting back soon… She felt a deep pain in her heart. How could she tell him? He had agreed on keeping their marriage a secret, but a child? How could you hide a child?

The child would be alone most of the time, no friends, mother only there in the evening, and a father who would be away for months. Maybe, just maybe, she would have to give up her job as a Senator to take care of the child. They would move to Naboo, a safe place where she could stay with her parents until she got a house of her own.

That would be their home. Anakin and her would finally have a home. Somewhere he would always find her when he came home from missions. It wasn't a bad idea, Coruscant was only an apartment, but now they could have a home. Padme sighed as she leaned her head against the window.

Why was her life so difficult?

Probably because she was married to a Jedi, who was never around, and she was pregnant.

"Mistress Padme?" Threepio slowly entered the room, Padme wiped around, surprised at his voice, she thought she was alone.

"Yes Threepio?"

"Master Anakin is here and wishes to see you." Padme smiled brightly. She had intended on going to greet him when he got in, but things had come up. She knew he would be disappointed.

She gathered her courage and made her way towards the sitting room. She saw him, the first thing that she saw when she entered the room. She ran to him, clinging to him tightly like she would never let go.

"I've missed you so much." She heard Anakin's words muffled against her neck. She nodded her head slightly as her fingers got tangled in his hair.

"I've missed you also, love. I'm sorry I couldn't make it when you got in… Some things came up-" Anakin had pulled back by now and placed a gentle finger on her lips.

"It's alright Angel, we're together now." He was hiding something from her as she was to him.

"How long do we have Anakin?"

He didn't want to tell her, but knew he had too. "A day."

"What! That is not nearly enough time!" Padme cried out as she turned her back on her husband, not wanting to look at him as tears streamed down her face.

"Padme…"

"No Anakin! I haven't seen you in months! And all we get is a day?" Padme turned back around and threw herself in his arms once more. She had to tell him, it was now or never.

"I'm sorry Padme… Is there… Something wrong?" Padme flinched, but still held on tightly to her husband.

"Ani?"

"Yes Angel?"

She hesitated and pulled away to look at him in the eye, "I'm pregnant."

"You're what?"

"Pregnant." The word floated above their heads. Anakin felt like dying. This would be horrible, they couldn't hide a child.

"Are you mad?"

He focused back on his wife. Was he mad? Was he mad? No! This was the happiest day of his life!

"Of course not! T-This is the happiest day of my life!" Anakin embraced her, uncertain about if Padme believed him. She welcomed his comfort, and now he knew that everything was going to be alright…

"Oh what are we going to do Anakin? What's going to happen?"

"Everything will be fine Padme, we'll figure out what to do when the baby comes."

"Are you sure you are alright with this?"

"I couldn't be happier."

A little while later, Padme and Anakin stood on the balcony together, Padme gently brushing through her hair while looking up at the stars.

"Padme, love…"

"Anakin, when will you be back?"

"A day or so…"

"Or so?" Padme questioned and Anakin nodded. She put her brush down and walked over to him.

"I might be gone longer."

"Please be safe Anakin, I don't know what I'll do without you." Padme answered quickly and buried her face in his shoulder.

"I will Padme, and promise me you'll stay safe." Padme laughed.

"Of course, how can I be in any danger?"

"You're always in danger Padme; I just want you to be safe."

"Don't worry, so much Ani, I'll be fine." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek.

"Here," She said stuffing something into his hands. "It's for you."

"What is it?" Anakin questioned and was about to open his hands when Padme stopped him.

"I want you to open it when you leave tomorrow morning. When you are flying away, I want you to think about me." She said with a smile and led his hands down to his pocket, gently placing it in his pocket.

"Suspense is killing me love." Anakin whined and Padme grinned.

"Then shall I give you a distraction?"

"Maybe-" It was too late, Padme had already started.

CORUSCANT APARTMENT - LATE NIGHT

Padme lay comfortably on her side, her head rested on her elbow. She was listening to Anakin talk about something. She could care less about the words, she just loved listening to him.

"… Are you listening Padme?" Padme perked up at her name.

"Huh? What? Did you say something?"

"So you weren't listening?"

"Sorry." Padme whispered and collapsed against him, her head fully buried in his chest.

"I'm listening now." She insisted as she felt his fingers run up and down her arm sending shivers down her spine.

"It doesn't matter now."

"No Ani, it does matter. Tell me what you were thinking."

"I was just talking about when the baby comes…"

"Yes?"

"I was thinking about where you're going to have him or her."

"I want to have the baby back on Naboo; I know the perfect spot, right by the gardens."

"That's great."

"You really think so?"

"Of course I do!" She raised her head and looked at him, they were both smiling.

"I'm glad, I was afraid you wouldn't like my idea."

"I love you idea, angel." She leaned forward and kissed him gently before falling back down, exhausted.

"I'm tried, can we go to bed?"

"You read my mind."

CORUSCANT APARTMENT - MORNING

Padme shifted her weight from one leg to her other. She was nervous about his leaving, he had just gotten here and already he had to leave.

"Padme!" He called out as he walked into the room. He spotted her and walked over. Wrapping his arms around her tightly. She felt safe and all her worries were washed away.

"I'm sorry I have to go so soon, love."

"It's alright, we'll be fine." Anakin smiled.

"You stay safe."

"You have to also." Padme answered quickly and he nodded.

"I will."

"I love you, I'll be back soon angel, I promise." He broke away from her, walking slowly to the door. He opened it and walked out and into the speeder.

"I love you too." Padme whispered, but he was already gone.

JEDI TEMPLE – AN HOUR LATER

Anakin quickly unwrapped Padme's gift, he had not forgotten about it. It ring on a chain, he read the words craved in it.

Wherever you go, wherever life takes you, just know, I will always love you.

Anakin smiled and took out the letter she had written.

Dearest Ani,

I wanted something that you could have to always be with me. Just like the necklace you gave me, I wanted to give you something that meant how much you mean to me It will also symbol our marriage since we can't wear rings.. I will always be there Ani, through everything; I'm never ever going to leave. I can't wait till you're back here again. I love you with all my heart.

Love you angel,

Padme Amidala Skywalker

OUTER RIMS – TWO WEEKS LATER

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan's voice filled the empty hallway; he rushed down it quickly, searching for his Padawan.

"Yes Master? What is it?" Anakin questioned as he peered out from the room he was sitting in.

"Watch the news." Obi-Wan ordered and sat down next to Anakin as he turned on the news.

"The horrible attack on her life was awful-"

"Master, I don't see why you're making me watch this."

"Listen." Obi-Wan commanded and Anakin listened to the horrid words that would haunt him forever.

"Senator Amidala, was attacked and kidnapped violently at the beginning of last week, many search teams have been sent out, but none have found anything on her. She is now officially confirmed dead. She was only-"

Anakin shut it off; he couldn't listen to it anymore.

End of Chapter 1

A/N: Did you like it? Please review and tell me! I was really bored, so I made up a poll for you guys to take! THANKIES!

A) Do you like this chapter?

B) How many chapters should this story have?

C) Should Padme lose her memory?

D) What do you think should happen when Anakin and Padme meet up again?

PLEASE TAKE IT!