Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VII, or Advent Children.
A Day in the City
Well, one day Kadaj was walking around in Midgar and then BAM! Out of nowhere a bus came and drove by. He was all like, tripping out and stuff, and then Cloud came by. Cloud was like 'Hey man, whatsup?" And Kadaj was all like, " I ain't talking wit you biotch!" And with that, he delivered Cloud a big bitch slap to the face. Ohhh burn.
Then along came Barret. Barret was angry, because they were all white and trash and thought that they could be black. Barret was all like "Yo, you is fag ass wiggaz in da hood, cuz you lyke bangin' black slang lyke ah bang mah hoez. Bitchez!" And then Kadaj was all like 'Wat'choo talkin' bout? I am lyke totally black, dawg!"
Then, Tifa came and with her enormous boobs came them all a whacking. That was to teach them not to be assholes anymore. But it didn't stop them from thinking they were all black.
"Ah am the blackzors!" Kadaj screeched like a banshee and pull a dragon out of his ass. The dragon roared and flew away. He was like "I bet you bitches can't do shit like that!"
But he was wrong! Bang! Out of the blue Cloud pulled like ten swords and pwnzed him up the ass! Kadaj cried like a little white boy and ran home to mommy, while Cid came scuttling along and lit one up like the white trash he is.
Meanwhile Yazoo and Loz were sitting on a cliff playing checkers. Loz was winning.
Then Yuffie came and threw a ninja star and pwnzed Cloud in his spiky ass. She told him he was a fag ass white boy trying to be black. He just scoffed. He was totally Chinese. Then Yuffie asked how he was a china man if he had blonde hair. Cloud laughed and told her he had bleached, and that his pubes were just as white. Beat that bitch!
Tifa was upset about it all and began crying, then Aeris came and made it rain. The rain was acid rain though, and it burnt all their eyes. Now they were blind.
Meanwhile, Yazoo and Loz's checkers were melted. Loz began to sulk. Yazoo was happy because he had been losing. And if he lost he would totally not be street anymore.
Kadaj had luckily avoided all the rain. He ran home to mommy and totally forgot about everything. JENOVA was like "Kadaj where's your homework?" And he was like " Fuck you ass bag! I ain't doing no homework! I'm in a gang now!"
She was furious. With one of her writhing tentacles she gave him a big slap in the ass and spanked him like a sugar daddy. He cried and ran to his room where he could cut himself and be emo.
Meanwhile, Vincent was working on a dump that he'd been meaning to take for over thirty years. It still wouldn't come, because after being in a box, your ass is as tight as a virgin's. Meaning no dank can get in, and no poop can come out.
But in the end, Sephiroth came and he stabbed them all and they died. Then he grabbed Cloud's corpse and dragged it off to the netherworld or the Promised Land or whatever for 'Special Purposes'. It had been years and he still hadn't banged that bitch!
Take that! D;