Thank you's: As always Scoutcraft Empress- thank you. I'm glad you thought the last chapter was happier. I thought Percy needed some happines...but then, this is me and things are never simple. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
Goodybad - I hope you feel better now. Huggles And thank you for reading despite your illness. Hope you're all good now and enjoy the chapter!
Pansy could see nothing but her drink as she watched the foam slowly vanish. Nobody drank a SeaSaw Shake without the purpose to drown their sorrows. That was exactly her intention this evening.
How could she have been so ridiculously stupid? She should have known not to tell Percy everything. Maybe given him the part of the story that hadn't involved him. Correction. She should never have tried to involve herself with him in the first place.
She swallowed back the bitter liquid, feeling the tingling sensation it left in her mouth. The barman was eying her cautiously. He disliked the selling of that particular drink; it usually always ended with violent outbursts or public displays of affection deemed much too intimate for a family place. Not that he got much family here.
Pansy glanced down at her notebook. All evening, she had been searching for words articulate enough to mean something to Percy. Thus far it was articulate words 26 – Pansy 0. Attempt 27.
Darling Percy.
I am so sorry. So sorry. Oh, don't you hate that word? So many people say it without meaning, but I do mean it. I really –
Another failed attempt. This one was torn up before being sent to the bin situated just by her table. Good job too that the bin was so close, the barman though to himself as he watched the paper disappearing into it's abyss.
Percy. I could apologise forever and a day. I could tell you how desperately sorry I was and you wouldn't believe me – and with good reason. My intention was never to drag you into such a mess as this and yet I have. And I am beyond sorry for my foolishness.
"Love letter or apology?" Pansy looked up at voice. Tall, ginger hair, freckles, expensive robes. Fred or George Weasley. Their faces were commonplace now, she realised, surprised she hadn't recognised him right away. Their faces were always in the paper as they advertised their latest products or announced new expansions. Recently, she believed, they had bought over Zonkos – an impossible feat within itself.
"None of your business," she snapped decisively. Whether he was a famous household name or not, whichever twin it may be, he was interrupting her thoughts, not to mention that he was a relative of Percy. Percy… I really am sorry.
"Sorry miss… it's just, you have a strong drink and you keep tearing up paper. I was doing the same thing a few weeks ago…" He glanced down at his drink. "Though I guess it's turned itself into a tradition. I didn't mean to interfere."
He turned back to his own table. He was lonely, Pansy realised, just as she was. They were both missing people right now and he had made a good attempt of trying to be civil and get to know her. Damn Percy – Pansy had always thought herself a people-person and now he had turned her into a person that didn't want to get to know anyone. Frustrated with herself, she held out her hand.
"Pa…Natalie Parkinson. I apologise, it's been a rough night."
"That was obvious. George Weasley." He took her hand in his and shook it. He turned his chair around to face her. "My girlfriend and I called it a day. She said the war had changed me and I wasn't the person she fell in love with anymore. But I mean seriously, you don't live through a war like that and come our smiling."
Pansy found it oddly comforting to listen to other people's problems, and suddenly realised that all she and George wanted was to talk. Talk to someone other than the people they knew well. Though, now she and Percy weren't talking, Pansy hadn't had anyone left to talk to anyway.
"So many people died. You know, when I heard Lee Jordan had fallen… well… I suddenly realised that this war was deadly serious. And apparently, that's when I changed. He was my best mate aside from Fred. I can't believe Alicia thinks I could have gotten over it quicker."
"I'm sorry," Pansy murmured. "It's always hard coming out of a strong relationship."
"I was trying to get her back," George continued. "Flowers, letters, teddies… Fred told me to give it up. Easy for him to say, I thought, he's been married for the last year." Pansy sighed.
"Family never understands."
"Ah, so this is a family problem?" George asked.
"My family died ages ago."
"Oh… I'm terribly sorry. Seem to have mastered the art of sticking my foot in it tonight." Pansy laughed softly.
"I didn't… they don't mean anything to me." George nodded, but he could tell there was something there. Something meaningful he knew he wasn't supposed to try and understand. "I betrayed somebody," Pansy explained. "They told me that they couldn't hate me, no matter what I told them. They did hate me, do now."
"I was using him," she continued. "I was in danger, and I used him as support… I thought he'd understand. Apparently not."
"There is still a lot of danger."
"Yes." They glanced at each other and then turned back to their drinks. "The war is not over for me yet."
"You know secrets," George said, realising things slowly as it all added up. "And you needed protection and now, you haven't got it. You turned your back on the Death Eaters." Pansy looked up in alarm.
"Oh, no, no. I was never part of that… I never could kill…" Liar, she thought. You know you could kill if you had to, you laughed at your sister's torture. You could have killed… just chose not to. "I know something that holds key to… I can't tell you this. But yes, I do know secrets."
"You don't want to know it?"
"Never."
"It's a shame you can't control what people tell you… or what you see for that matter." Pansy looked up at him curiously, seeing sadness in those eyes that in pictures were always so happy and carefree. "I thought that death would be the hardest thing in the world to watch. Today, my brother had the nerve to show up uninvited to a wedding."
He suddenly seemed angered, as his fist clenched, his eyes narrowed. "He had no right being there… And then you know what? Charlie only talked to him didn't he? I couldn't believe it. Percy had the damn nerve to show up to a wedding and then my other brother pretty much betrayed the family just as Percy did. And you know what Charlie said? That everyone still loved him. I could spit on Percy's name… calling himself a Weasley."
Pansy fell silent. Percy had obviously made an attempt to make contact with his family, and even if he hadn't spoken to anyone other than Charlie… he should be here right now, she thought. Celebrating that small conversation with me.
"You alright… Natalie?" Pansy looked up suddenly and nodded.
"Yeah… yeah I'm fine."
"Oh good. Thought I'd gone and done it again. Tell me if I say something wrong. Like I said, world champion at it."
I hadn't guessed…"Alright if I sit with you? It seems stupid us sitting on different tables. Besides, I think the barman's sick of listening to our problems by now." Despite her thoughts lying on Percy, she couldn't help but smile as she nodded. George grinned, and moved to the seat opposite her.
"God, this seat's freezing." Pansy smiled again, wider this time, suddenly realising she could get used to the company of this particular Weasley. But only if he were to be civil to Percy. Her heart lay with George's brother, and it was he she missed and wanted the company of. It was he she couldn't bring herself to forget.
"How's your shop?" Pansy asked, quickly changing the subject.
"Doing majestically. Couldn't wish for better really. You ever visited?"
"Once or twice. It's impressive." George smiled.
"Thanks." It seemed him moving to her table was a bad move. They had suddenly run out of conversation.
"The Bloody Toad seems an odd pub for you to visit," she said after a few moments." George shrugged.
"Oh I dunno… you get nice barmen like the one at the back." Pansy turned to look at him, and almost laughed as she watched him send a rude gesture to another customer at the back of the room. "You get glasses with no dirt on them." Even as he spoke, Pansy noted a lipstick smear on his glass. "And it's very rare that you meet with nice, intriguing people. It seems tonight is a very rare occurrence in this particular place."
"You're not bad company yourself."
"Thank you."
"Who's wedding was it?"
"Seamus Finnigan and Luna Lovegood. Weird if you ask me, almost as weird as her, but, never saw to people more in love. Though actually, whilst I think of it, you can get weirder than Lovegood and Finnigan. Ever heard of Nymphadora Tonks?"
Pansy shook her head, expecting a very interesting story. "Right," George continued. "She's very… bright. She has pink hair, blue hair, really cool boots, latest fashions, that kind of thing. Really clumsy, and rather good looking too. You know Snape of course, taught Potions at Hogwarts?" Pansy nodded. "Put two and two together, and in this instance you really do get five. They've been engaged for six weeks."
Pansy almost laughed out loud. The idea of Snape getting married to anyone seemed amazing, but the idea of him being married to the kind of woman George had described was absurd. "Ridiculous," she murmured. "Snape? Married?" George nodded.
"The idea strikes more than terror into my heart I can assure you. I mean, think of the children!" Pansy could picture them now. Sallow faced with bright pink hair, and large noses. Shiny, bright green eyes and the latest clothes – all in black. Those poor kids.
"It seems absurd." George nodded.
"And that's not the worst of it." He glanced around before leaning forward and whispering to her. "Snape kissing." Pansy cringed.
"Eeek." George sighed sadly.
"Sometimes I fear my eyes will never look at the world the same way again." It seemed so sudden, Pansy realised. How quickly George's sad demeanour had vanished, revealing a funny, happy individual. He his sorrow well, just as she did.
He tilted his head, and looked at her. "George…" she began, noticing him looking at her with interest. "Have you ever wondered why so many have to die?" He looked sorrowful again.
"No Natalie. And I wish everyday that it didn't happen. You lost someone you thought you loved, and you feel you're never going to get them back." She nodded. "The same person who you thought would protect you." She nodded again. "The same person that betrayed my family."
"What?" Pansy stuttered, shocked.
"I saw how you looked when I mentioned Percy's name."
"I don't love him."
"Sorry?"
"I don't love him." Resolute, Pansy knew she sounded. Absolutely certain that that was all there was to it.
"I don't hold a grudge against you for it Natalie. In fact, I can see we're both suffering because of him right now. We have a lot in common you and I. Both broken, both upset, both lonely. Both of us have lost somebody we loved. I think we could easily turn this night into something enjoy-" She suddenly cut him off as she pressed her lips to his.
They both stood up. The barman glanced at them in disgust. "Fred's out," George whispered. "Come on."
-- -- -- --
Pansy glanced at George's sleeping form and sighed. Sorry, she sighed as she climbed out of the bed and placed her robes around herself. Sweet dreams. She walked out of the room and into the damp, cold night.