A/N: You guys I'm still sick so that's why I haven't updated in awhile. SORRY! I hope you like this chapter; it doesn't have that much dialogue but it's very reflective. So I really really hope you like it!

I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS OR THE SONG 'SLIPPED AWAY' BY AVRIL LAVIGNE!

I Hate Myself for Losing You

Summary: AU: During ROTS. Padme dies before child birth and Anakin turns to the dark side before the end of ROTS, because of it. But can Padme really be dead? Book 2 of 2: What If?

Chapter 10: Forgive Yourself

I miss you, miss you so bad
I don't forget you, oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly

Padme-

She was like a ghost, floating around the house trying to make everything perfect. It could have been their house. But now it was just her house. Padme Amidala Naberrie Skywalker's house alone. She sighed and sat done to give herself some resting time. She turned around and looked out the window trying to relive those last couple days together.

Padme smiled as she starred out the window. To where their first kiss was, the day she knew that she was in love and that nothing could bring her down. Padme turned away not wanting to think about those days when there was nothing left.

She could picture when Luke and Leia were doing, probably sitting somewhere with other people. Leia was with Bail and his wife while Luke was with Owen and Beru. She just wanted to be with them again, but that was too much to ask of something that would never happen.

She got up; there was no time to waste. She was going to clean up the Lake Retreat house before Anakin came home. She smiled to herself feeling happy for the first time for a while. Her mind was playing tricks on her, she could believe that Anakin had turned into Darth Vader for one day, but the next she thought that Anakin was back with her and was bringing the twins home.

It was time to say that she was lost in the past.

The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Anakin-

Vader was tired from his mission. It had been a week since he had seen Padme and couldn't wait to have her in his arms again. He ran his hand through his hair as he approached the door. He was nervous if she still felt the same way. He quickly pressed the door open and walked in.

"Padme?" He quickly searched the chambers but found no sign of Padme or the twins. He was worried, where had they gone? They left him, after all of this. Padme had taken the twins and ran.

He should have known this would happen, Padme wasn't going to stay, she must have been faking loving him again. He sank down to his knees beside the bed. Where he found something under it.

Vader put his hand under the bed and picked up a picture. A picture of Padme that he had dropped. He sighed and gently pressed it to his heart as if to be calling her. But there was no respond, she was gone.

Nah nah la la la nah nah
I didn't get around to kiss you
Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't

Padme-

She just wanted to be with him again, she could have saved him and they would be together right now. She sighed and walked into the main bedroom where two suitcases lay open on the bed. They were empty for now. Padme shook her head sadly and walked out of the bedroom. She couldn't go in there. She just couldn't. She made her way towards the nursery where the twins would have been if this hadn't happened.

She entered the room and looked at the cribs sitting side by side. Everything they needed for the two babies. She let her fingers trace against one side of a crib. She picked up a teddy bear and hugged it close to her. She wanted to just be here with Anakin taking care of Luke and Leia. She let the teddy bear drop to the ground as she departed the room.

Padme made her way back to the main bedroom and entered the walk in closet she looked at her clothing. She might as well start packing.

Oooooh
I hope you can hear me cause I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
Ooooh

Anakin-

Vader didn't want any more pain; he just wanted to be back with his family. The only things in life that would love him forever. He dropped her picture not wanting to think anymore about her. He was going to search for her forever. He couldn't just let her go. He needed her to be his light in the darkness.

"Lord Vader, Lord Sidious would like to see you." Vader hadn't even noticed the trooper had walked through the door. He got up from his knees and spun around.

"You will tell nobody of this." He hadn't even known that tears where streaming down his face until now.

"I will tell nobody of this." The trooper answered and walked away. Vader sighed and followed him out the door.

I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by

Padme-

Padme threw piles of clothes into the suit cases and then walked back into the closet. She couldn't wait until she saw them and was there at the wedding. She just couldn't believe that after a couple of weeks Gen and Scott had decided to get married. They were so young, with the whole world in front of them, but yet those chose to be together.

Just like Anakin and her.

She sighed at the name and resisted the urge to cry. She rested her head in her hands and try to soothe herself as she sank to her knees. But it was nothing like Anakin actually being there. Padme's eyes widened at the thought of Anakin. It wasn't until Obi-Wan walked into the room that she stopped starring at the window.

"Padme are you alright?" Padme looked at him.

"Of course I am alright, I was just packing."

"Packing, are you going somewhere?" Padme smiled slightly.

"I'm going to Bendon for the marriage of my friends Gen and Scott." Padme got up and walked into the middle of the room.

"Padme that isn't safe."

"Of course it's safe! Obi-Wan, I'm not a baby!" Padme complained as she starred into his eyes.

"I can cloak my presents in the force and I will keep a look out for Vader, I promise you that. But you cannot not just come in here and tell me that isn't safe! I can take care of myself!"

"Ok Padme, but I'll have to come with you."

"Obi-Wan that isn't necessary; I have my hand maidens coming with me. Dorme and Sabe… They will take good care of me." Obi-Wan starred at Padme as if she was crazy. But really he was thinking about Sabe. With a simple nod he fled her room.

Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Now your gone, now your gone
There you go, there you go,
Somewhere your not coming back

Vader-

"It seems that your prisoners have escaped Lord Vader." Sidious noted as Vader made his way into the room. His eyes were brimming with tears, but he had pulled his hood over his face.

"It seems that way." Vader simple answered and turned his head to the side.

"You will get them back Lord Vader." Vader's head whirled around and looked straight. He didn't know that his master wanted them back.

"Of course I will get them back."

"And you will make them stay here."

Vader nodded. "That's what I intend to do."

The day you slipped away
Was the day i found it won't be the same nooo...
The say you slipped away
Was the day that i found it won't be the same oooh...

Padme-

Dorme pushed the buttons on the ship and opened the door. Padme smiled as she took in the familiar setting of Bendon. Lillian ran out to greet her.

"Padme! I'm so glad you're here!" Lillian hugged Padme tightly. She let Padme go and turned around to see Gen running towards them.

"Thank you so much for coming out for my wedding Padme! Can you believe it, I'm getting married!" Gen said when she finally got to where they were.

"I'm so happy for you." Padme said and hugged the young girl. She released her and then walked towards the village.

"Anything change over the few weeks?" Padme asked and the two girls laughed.

"Nothing has happened, except getting ready you know what I mean?" Lillian answered and got a punch by her sister.

"You must be so excited Gen… And Lillian." Padme smiled as she entered the village her two hand maidens behind her.

"Yes." Lillian and Gen said in unison.

"This is where you'll be staying." Gen said as she pointed to one of the houses. Padme nodded and walked into the house. It was small but cozy. She couldn't wait for the wedding.

"Milady, where would you like your bags?" Sabe questioned.

"Over there would be fine." Padme answered and pointed towards the bed. Sabe nodded and placed her two suit cases down. Padme sighed as she watched Dorme say good-bye to the two sisters and shut the door and Sabe unpack her suitcases.

It reminded her of all the times Anakin had come home. It was strange, but comforting.

BENDON – THE NEXT DAY – WEDDING CEREMONY

Padme stood at the end of the isle as people watched Gen walk down. She looked beautiful in a plain white dress and a veil on. It was simple but looked wonderful. Padme smiled at Gen she was happy for her.

Gen reached the end of the isle and gave her vows as Scott did the same. Padme sighed as she looked at how many people had come to this wedding. Her wedding had only been watched by two droids.

How depressing this was to her.

Nah nah, nah nah nah, nah nah
I miss you

Anakin-

Vader had found her presences on a planet called Bendon. What she was doing there, he had no idea. His ship was flying to Bendon as he thoughts concealed him. He found himself starring at the picture he thought he would never see again.

They were almost to Bendon. He would find her and this time he was never letting her go.

End of Chapter 10

A/N: Did you like it? Review please!