Chapter 19: Opening Up

Kaoru wasn't sure what time it was when she awoke, but what she did know was… she was hungry.

Yahiko was leaning over her and staring at. "Are you awake?" He asked.

"No," She responded sarcastically as she lifted her frame to a sitting position, "I sleep with my eyes open."

"I don't know if you want it, but I got you a bowl of rice," He said, holding out to her. "My sensei, Kaoru, is always telling me that eating gets my strength up, and I can't say she's wrong."

Kaoru stared at the bowl with a mouth watering. Rice never looked so good. She snatched and barely managed to say thank you before wolfing it down just like Yahiko did at home.

Yahiko laughed brightly. "Guess I don't get to eat it." She gave him a toothy grin and went back to eating, and he just laughed hard, falling over.

Hearing that from him, an expression of light-hearted happiness, put a calm air about the place. For once, nobody looked ready to fight each other. They were just talking and being friendly with each other. It was a welcome change, but most likely, it would change very soon.

-

A few days passed. They were back to their vigorous training schedule, and they worked harder to please. For some reason though, Shoji wouldn't show up for many of the practices. Kaoru betted that he had better things to do, like sleep and eat their rations.

The training session done, she sneaked away to the river to bathe, something she hadn't had full opportunity to do in a few days. She couldn't hardly sleep at night because of the smell, so she decided to wash her clothes too.

When she arrived, she was surprised (well, almost) to see Saitou standing there. He wasn't exactly visible in the dark, but seeing those golden eyes and that cigarette light, she knew immediately who it was.

"Come to get a peep in before dinner?" She asked, grabbing some twigs and brush from the edge of the river's beach.

"Maybe," He responded in his always cool voice. "Actually, I was looking for your little friend Soujirou. Rumors have that he's back in town."

"Where do you hear these rumors?" She asked, throwing wood on top of the twigs in a perfect campfire shape.

"I sneak away into town when I don't feel like training."

"I guess with Shoji snoozing away upstairs, you can get away with that. The rest of us, on the other hand, are too scared to piss, lest Shoji comes out and gets on to us for it."

Saitou didn't say anything and merely puffed an answer on his cigarette until she nabbed it out of his mouth and used it to start a fire. He looked angry for a moment, then pulled another one out of his shirt and lit it.

"You could have asked for a match."

She just smirked as she went behind the rocks to undress. "If I asked for a match, you'd probably think I meant a battle."

"True," He said, his eyes glinting.

"So, the rumors are that Soujirou's back," She said, splashing into the water out of his vision. Modest she was not, but it was eerie to be watched by the wolf, clothed or not. Of course, now it was dark when she got there.

"I saw some of his pictures out for sale," Saitou said. "I asked about the artist and the man selling me said he was a young, dark-headed boy in a blue shirt.

"Huh," Kaoru said in half interest, scrubbing her body with soap. "Hey, Saitou, make yourself useful and wash my stinking clothes."

"I'm no servant," He retorted calmly.

"Please?"

He sighed. "How many times can you say please before giving up?"

"I never give up. If my father was alive, you could ask him yourself," She replied.

"Fine," He said flatly, snatching them off the rock and throwing them into the water. "You should be doing this for me."

"Haven't I proved to you that women aren't just meant to sit around and do housework?"

"Not completely, no," He responded, and she growled.

After a few moments of silence, he pulled the clothing out and laid it back on the rocks, sliced a few bamboo poles, shoved them in the ground over the fire, and hung the garments over it to dry.

Kaoru stared blankly at him.

"Sometimes the Shinsengumi had to wash the blood out of their robes. Afterwards, we needed them dry quickly, so we did it this way."

"Why not just wait until the fighting was done?" Kaoru asked, clambering onto shore.

"In the Bakumatsu, the fighting was never done."

She fell silent as she began tying her bandages around herself. "You know, my underwear was okay…"

"You didn't specify," He replied simply, sitting down in front of the fire.

She slumped slightly, giving up, then went and sat down next to him (though still quite a distance away). She kept her legs folded up to her chest and hugged her knees, preventing view of certain areas.

"Soujirou's back, you say… I wonder why… I mean, he high-tailed it out of here, and I doubted I'd see him again."

"Who the hell knows what he's up to?" Saitou asked. "Even though the boy feels emotions now, he's still found someway to drop his swordsman spirit to a level I can hardly read."

Kaoru stared into the fire, the flame's reflection flickering against her azure eyes. She tried to think of why now Soujirou was back in town. Business, perhaps? All he did was sell pictures… Maybe he was seeing someone in town that was important. Who would he know?

"Maybe the boy wants to see you," Saitou suggested as if he had read her mind.

"M-me? Why me?" She asked, blushing.

"How the hell should I know?" He asked.

"I don't know…" She mumbled. "He wouldn't have any reason to see me…"

"Maybe he's fallen for you," He suggested sardonically.

"Heh!" She yelped, turning even redder in the face. "Why would you think that!"

He blew smoke out, then glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. "Every picture of his looked almost exactly like you."

"Well, he drew me when he was here!" She retorted defensively. "So what?"

Saitou rolled his eyes and stood up. "I'm going back to camp. I'm starving."

"Whatever," Kaoru replied, throwing another twig into the fire.

He slinked away without a sound as he often did, leaving her alone with nothing but the song of the crickets.

She hummed an old tune to a song she couldn't remember the name of, feeling incredibly lonely. Sure, Saitou wasn't much company, but he WAS company and that was what mattered. Maybe she could invite Megumi down sometime for girl talk instead of being surprised by gloomy Saitou.

She sighed, halfway in frustration, halfway in boredom, then stood and snatched her clothing off the line. It really did dry quickly, the way he had hung the clothing.

"I guess I'm going to be stuck thanking the wolf…" She told herself regretfully. Saitou wasn't exactly the kind of person she liked to thank. Oh, well…

-

She arrived back and got a bowl of rice, wishing she had something else to eat, but happy that at least there was that much, and sat down on her futon. Yahiko and Sano had not returned from the hot springs yet, so once again, she was alone.

Or at least for a few moments.

She stared at her bowl and worked her chopsticks in when a sudden shadow loomed over her. Looking up, two icy eyes met with hers.

"Ao…shi…" She whispered, amazed. He hadn't exactly approached her like this before.

"I wanted to ask you something," He said in his empty voice.

"Wh-what…?" She spoke in a hushed tone, as if he would maul her, and she didn't know why.

"What do you think of Shoji?"

"I… think he's a jerk," She replied. "Why do you care about my opinion?"

"I was just… curious," He responded, though he didn't seem very convincing… Then again, Aoshi's voice didn't have enough emotion to show whether he was being sarcastic or serious.

He turned and loomed away, brooding as usual.

She stared after him for a long time, feeling like he was hoping for more of an answer than what she gave him.

A heavy hand landed on her shoulder. "Hey," Yahiko's voice said. She turned her head to look at him. "What did he say to you?"

"He was just asking me a question," She told him, rubbing the back of her neck. "I just find it weird that he wanted to ask me of all people."

Yahiko glared at Aoshi's back. "Well, if he keeps harassing you, just let me know."

"I can take care of myself, Yahiko! You're not my father. You're not even older than me!" She complained.

Yahiko pouted. "Yeah, yeah, I know…" He flopped down on his futon and sighed. "I'm sorry… I guess I just felt like being protective. Don't take this the wrong way, but you're kinda pretty. You remind me of a girl, and I'm always really protective of the ones I know back home."

"Even your Kamiya-sensei?" She asked suspiciously.

"ESPECIALLY her," He told her, surprising her. "I owe her my life and everything that's happened in it, and I'm not going to let anyone hurt her. I'll stake my life on it first. Of course… I don't really get the chance to show that side of me because Kenshin can step in quicker than I can and fight better too…"

She wondered how Yahiko would react when he found out that he'd actually told HER these things and did all she could not to giggle. He was such a sweet boy… sometimes.

"I want to protect and care about people too," She admitted, laying down next to him on her futon and looking at him. "I want to prove that I am strong and do the saving one day. I don't want to be saved…" She suddenly found herself actually QUOTING the boy she was talking to! "If I… keep being protected… I won't get any stronger."

His eyes were large and filled with amazement. "I feel the same way…" He whispered, a child-like enchantment ringing in his voice. "Kahei… I just wonder… who are you trying to protect?"

"…" After thinking about it for a moment, she rolled onto her back and looked at the ceiling. "Someone… special to me… A person… that I must keep alive and stable… because I could not be able to go on without them… at my side…"

Yahiko stood and took her bowl to the front, not looking at her the entire time. When he returned, he still did not look at her, until she asked him what was wrong. It was then that she realized… he had tears in his eyes.

"Yahiko…" She whispered, concerned.

"It's nothing," He told her in a trembling voice. "It's just… you and me… we're the same… We share the same hopes and dreams… but… it's as if you flow even deeper than that."

She cast her eyes downward. Her guilt was rising in her chest again. How many lies had she told him since she started her little escapade?

"There's something about your nature that's so… pure or something… You remind me a lot… of my sensei…" He shut his eyes and whimpered slightly but refused to cry.

She on the other hand….

Tears rolled down her face. The guilt tore her up, and the words warmed her heart. She wished she could hold him and stroke his hair and apologize for lying and tell him who she really was… but…

Her head fell forward onto his shoulder. "Don't say that…" She choked. "You're stronger, more honorable, and pure than I'll ever be. Your dreams and hopes run deeper than mine ever will…"

Yahiko stared at the top of her head as she sobbed silently into his shoulder, her own shoulders shivering. "When this is over…" He said. "I hope we can spend many days together as friends…"

"I just hope that… you'll still want to be my friend after this…" She said breathily, sniffling and sniffing.

Yahiko didn't question her words.

Aoshi watched them from the stairs, his eyes narrow. Saitou looked at him at the top of the stairway before going into his room, as if having a silent conversation. Aoshi retreated to the second floor to rest.

For once, Kaoru felt like she was herself again… for even though she didn't tell him anything, she was not lying to Yahiko, and in fact was opening up to him, letting him know how she truly felt about him. Had she been herself for real, and not the alias Kasuhige Kahei, she would have let him know…

She would've given anything for a little brother like him to love… after all, why did he think she saved him in the first place?

(A/N: Ta-da! Another update! Even though it was kind of filler... Oh, well... Anyways, I wanted to let you know that in the next couple of chapters, possibly even the next one, it might get a little suggestive. I just wanted to serve that as a warning. I might even up the rating a little, though I promise it won't be really filthy or anything. I'll be vague. Anyways, I hope you liked the chapter and thanks again for the reviews! I really, really appreciate them! 3)