A/N: THANKS FOR ALL OF THE REVIEWS! Ok, this is a special treat for all of you because I felt like doing something nice and tomorrow's Halloween and stuff like that, so here's the next chapter! I probably won't update again for a little while so… Here's the chapter! Haha and I'm sorry I don't have time for review responds but this is a special treat so don't kill me!
COUNTDOWN 'TILL THE END OF THE STORY: There are only 3 chapters left.
I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS!
I Hate Myself for Losing You
Summary: AU: During ROTS. Padme dies before child birth and Anakin turns to the dark side before the end of ROTS, because of it. But can Padme really be dead? Book 2 of 2: What If?
Chapter 12: Why Can't I Make You Understand?
Padme lay across the bed the next day starring at the ceiling. She had done a pretty good job with putting up those glow in the dark stars. She sighed and remembered how she was going to put them on the ceiling of the nursery.
"Padme, I'm back." Vader announced as he walked into the room. He looked at her for a moment; she was so still that it looked like she was sleeping.
"You're back." Padme repeated faintly and sat up.
"Do you have a problem with that?" Vader teased and Padme shook her head while laughing.
"No way." She moved closer towards the end of the bed, lying down on her stomach and swinging her feet up in the air. She brushed some of her hair out of her face and titled her head one way.
"What are you doing?" Vader asked confused about what his wife was doing.
"Nothing, do you think we could go out sometime?"
"Padme you know we can't, I'm too afraid to lose you again."
"Vader you will not lose me! I will not try to escape you this time!"
"I can't trust you Padme!"
"Are you saying that I'm a liar?" She argued and quickly sat up on the end of the end, then jumped off so she was face to face with him.
"I'm not saying that Padme!"
"Yes you are! You are saying that I'm a liar; I'm not a liar Vader! If there's a liar here, it's you!" She screamed and folded her arms across her chest.
"What are you talking about Padme? I am no liar!"
"Yes you are, you're lying to me, but most importantly you're lying to yourself." She moved her body to the right and let him stare at her.
"This has made me more powerful Padme, more powerful then any Jedi. YOU should be happy for ME!" Vader shouted.
"I'm not happy for you! How can I be happy for a monster that devoured my husband?"
"I am still your husband Padme! YOU MARRIED ME!"
"I married Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi. Vader you are a sith, I am not married to a sith. I do not believe in the ways of a sith. I do not believe in killing innocent people like you do! Anakin Skywalker didn't believe in that either."
"Padme, I did this for you, all for you."
"I don't want you to do anything for me anymore! You killed people for me, and that is something I disgust."
"I did this for Padme." He repeated and she shook her head.
"I told you I don't want you to do anything for me. I do not believe in those sith ways. Just because I'm staying with you doesn't mean that I'm going to join you and bow down to your stupid emperor."
"Padme, you will not speak of him that way!"
"I will speak of him anyway I want Vader. You do not own me, I am free."
"Padme you will join me."
"I will not."
"Over time you will join me and you will bow down to the emperor."
"Vader, what happened to you? What happened to Anakin Skywalker?"
"Anakin Skywalker died Padme, I thought you knew that. And by the way Padme, I'm a sith!"
"You use to do so good when you were a Jedi, you did everything right. You were a hero. You were my hero."
"I'm still here Padme, I haven't gone anywhere."
"But you're not Anakin! You're not a Jedi!"
"But I didn't die Padme, we can still be happy!"
"Why don't you leave this behind and come away with me, become a Jedi again do good to the people instead of bad. Come with me with the twins you don't have to do this!" She cried out and turned to face him, her cheeks stained from all the tears.
"I have to do this Padme, there is no going back."
"Yes there is Anakin! I know there is… Please why won't you try? For me?"
"Don't call me that name! And I'm not going back Padme."
"There is still good in you, I know there is, you just have to find it."
"There is no good in me Padme; there is nothing good in my soul. I am a sith, have you not noticed that? Is you're mind too sheltered you can't get that through?"
"Stop it! Come back to me, please!"
"Padme, I am NOT going back on my ways. Nobody will even care what you say!"
"I'm right, you know I'm right."
"You're not right Padme, you're wrong."
"You know that the ways of the Jedi is the way to go, you just can't admit it. Well I'm here and I'm never leaving until you figure that out."
"I am not going to help people Padme, I'm going to destroy them and I can rule my new empire… Only if you're there with me though."
"I will not! I just told you that I will not watch you kill people when you were a hero."
"You are crazy! You could have everything in the galaxy and you don't want it. It would be better if I just got a better wife and she could rule with me." Padme stared at him, her mental walls that she had let down go up.
"A BETTER WIFE? A BETTER WIFE? ARE YOU CRAZY, I'VE BEEN THE BEST WIFE IN THE WHOLE GALAXY! I HAD YOU'RE TWO CHILDREN! ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M ALSO A BAD MOTHER? AND THEN GET ANOTHER WOMAN TO TAKE CARE OF THE CHILDREN AND PRETEND THAT THAT'S THEIR MOTHER?" Padme shouted.
"Why don't I? Since you don't believe in anything I do."
"I just want Anakin Skywalker back and that's the only thing in the whole wide galaxy that I want."
"Well Padme, he's not coming back, so tough luck."
Padme's mouth slightly parted to say something. She shut it and turned around towards the other room where the twins had slept. She quickly walked out of it and closed the door behind her locking it and making her way to coach to cry her eyes out. Vader was so cold, too cold for her. She wanted Ani back…
Vader-
He sat down on the end of the bed and buried his face in his hands. Why had he done that? Why did he have to go and yell at her and tell her that she was a bad wife. He lie down and let himself stare up at the glow in the dark stars that Padme had put up.
He remembered how she had told him that she was going to put them up in the twin's room when she was still pregnant.
Flashback
Padme sat on her desk swinging her feet as Anakin sat in the chair looking at the stars she had bought.
"What do you think love?" She questioned and picked one up.
"What are they for?" Anakin asked and she smiled.
"They go on the ceiling for the baby's room. So he or she can always see the stars. Don't you think that's perfect?"
"Padme, that's a wonderful idea." He pushed back the chair and stood up, embracing her tightly. She sighed into his shoulder.
"It's going to be perfect with the baby Anakin; we'll finally have our own family."
"Of course Padme… We finally will." She smiled and giggled slightly.
"You know what I was thinking love?" She asked and he shook his head.
"What were you thinking?"
"We could paint the baby's room green because green could go to a girl or a boy." Padme answered and Anakin smiled.
"That's a wonderful idea angel." He kissed her cheek as he held her close.
"I know, that's why I said it." Padme teased and buried her head in his shoulder and listened to his breathing. They stayed like that, for as long as they could.
End of Flashback
Padme-
She sat on the couch wiping away her tears and sorrow. She couldn't do this anymore, one day her body was totally going to fail on her and then there would be nothing but darkness. She guessed that wasn't too bad since her world was already covered with darkness.
She moved her hands to her sides and stared at the kitchen wondering if she should do something to take up her time alone. She should have been used to being alone. She sighed and got up, it hurt so much for Vader to say that she was being a bad wife, was she a bad wife?
All she wanted to do was bring Anakin Skywalker back. She sighed and let her fingers trail against the counters. She remembered feeding the twins there, but now she couldn't see the twins anymore.
She would not tell Vader where they were either. She just wanted to make sure they were safe. Why couldn't she have a normal life? She could have been living happily at a home with her two children. She shook her head clearing those thoughts; she didn't need to think about that anymore.
Anakin-
He got up and walked into the closet making sure he had a suitcase. He was moving to another chamber, he couldn't stand this anymore. Padme was being weird and he wasn't making it any better. He threw a couple of his belongings in the bag and made his way out of the room not wanting to be near Padme but not able to touch her.
He opened his second chambers doors and was met with somebody's familiar blue eyes.
Padme-
She felt bad for yelling at Vader like that, she sighed and opened the lock doors. She was done eating and clearing her mind and had come to her senses. She walked into the main bedroom and found that he was not there.
"Vader?" She questioned and looked around. He wasn't there.
"Vader, are you there?" She walked into the closet and found that some of his clothing was gone. She looked at the door, it had been recently opened. She sighed; she didn't want him to leave.
She hadn't meant for him to leave… She opened the doors and came to eye level with a trooper.
"Do you know where Lord Vader is?" Padme asked and the trooper shook his head.
"Sorry milady, I don't know where Lord Vader is." He walked off and Padme stared after him. Did she have to go and find him herself?
She started to walk towards the end of the hallway, but stopped herself, he should come to her.
"Yes," She said agreeing with herself. "He should."
She walked towards Vader's chambers, her long dress trailing after her. She opened the doors then closed them tightly. She let herself fall against the bed. She stared up at the stars, but noticed they were gone.
Where were they? She looked around the room for them, but found nothing. She got up and went towards the refresher. She found the stars placed gently against the mirror with a picture of her hung up next to them.
She smiled it was the same picture Vader had looked at for so long. The only one he brought with him when he thought she was gone…
End of Chapter 12
A/N: Did you like this chapter? Review please!