A/N: "Oh but to live oustide the law, you must be honnesst..." Hallo, all; I am but a mediocre writer, and this ain't that good, at first. But to anyone who was a fan of Zelda: A Link To...Harvest Moon? on the original fanfiction location, you'll know & eventually like this. Anyway, some things I have gotta point out:

1) This is, indeed, an Harvest Moon-Zelda crossover...oh, but please, dahlings, lemme keep it in this section; reason being is that the audience I'm writing to does not browse the Crossovers section. And I don't like that section, anyhow. I've got an aversion to it, dolls.

2) This story curses a lot. Curses, crude sexual humor, some stupid humor...I've got the works. Alcohol and cigarettes and teen freedom.

3) Don't send me constructive critiscm. If you really have enough time to nitpick at someone's story for every little error, you aren't getting the message. Oryou should go kill yourself. If you don't like it,tell me: "I don't like it." I think that's better than giving me some pseudo-intelligent response about the "grammatical disfunctions" and "colloquial language" and "lack of sophistication." I don't really care for that.

4) Enjoy! Even though I probably sounded like the most horrible bitch in Number Three. (Also note that I am, yes, indeed, johnnydeppluver from and that I, no, I did not steal the story.)

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Prologue-

1- Journey?

"I have my eyes set on an entire universe of darkness. That is my reason."

Ganon's castle was made of a cold stone, dark and dreary…The décor, Sheik guessed, no matter how colorful, was damp and musty, the only lighting a shard of pale yellow passing through a depressing stained glass window above Ganon's chair, the only light in the whole castle, maybe…

Sheik's harp echoed against the stone as his fingers nimbly plucked the loose harp strings. One of Ganon's wives sat, bored, at a seat to Ganon's right. She'd requested a song; and Sheik loaded the gun.

"That's a pretty tune," she sighed deeply, leaning into her fist, "That's a nice song."

"He's but tuning the thing," another attendant corrected cautiously. She looked over, to see if this was right; Sheik continued playing, but stopped on a string. He tightened it, and the one after it, and continued playing.

Ganon's wife sighed. "You're right. It's pretty, anyhow."

"And you would be willing and able to execute this?" Ganon asked, ignoring his wife. No answer was received as Sheik simply leaned back on the walls; cold. "Tell me, why do you serve me? You, a descendent of the Sheikah tribe, who've served almost the whole ancestry of Hyrule's Royal Family for…forever, I suppose. Is it revenge?"

Or maybe Ganon just liked a game of wits. He always wore a slight, mocking smirk. After a long pause Sheik sighed and stopped playing. "We are a tribe of 'shadows,'" he explained, "Without 'substance' we cannot exist. While I was without a master, you appeared. That's all."

"Switch to the one you played before," the wife whined heavily. "This one's so dreary."

Sheik complied again. Ganon ignored her again. "But, I've gone into my plan," he said, shrewdly avoiding selling any secrets to Sheik; he was, after all, hired help- someone to entertain the whining ladies and fight Ganon's battles if he needed a mercenary. "And I am sure you know why I need you. You need no further instruction, I trust." Sheik was silent. "Then, go."

"Yes, milord," he said, with a slight, quick bow of the head. He shifted into the bag he'd slung over his shoulder, putting the harp away. "I'm off to lure the Hero of Time to the ranch."

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Link slept beneath the deep ocean of stars in an open Hylian field, peaceful. Navi snored a soft buzz, tucked snugly in his cap.

His eyes flashed open. Slow to react, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes as he sat up, the dry grass clinging to the blonde of his hair and the green of his garb; no telling what was what in this place. He thought he'd heard a noise. He looked around, and whispered, groggily, "Hey, Navi, did you hear that?" His voice was dry and hushed.

She buzzed out of his cap slowly and sleepily, looking like a dream or a painting. "Huh? Wha?" Another noise; something rustling? "Hey! Listen!"

A twig snapped. Slowly he reached for a weapon; a rock, no; not that bottle, either. Wait- bottle? How the Hell did that get there? Anyway, he searched around for his weapon, and unsheathed it when he found it, slowly and warily. Snap! He shook his head. The noise sounded light… "Must be a bird," he grumbled, and turned around. "AHH!"

The young man covered Link's mouth gently. "Shh," he screamed in a whisper, and let go.

"Sheik!" Link gasped. "Gosh! You scared me!" He leaned back, slyly. "What're you doing here?"

Navi buzzed irritatingly in Link's ear. "Oooh, gol-ly, you're happy. Link's got a boyfriend!" she snickered, until Link shoved her in his knapsack and drew the strings tighter.

"I'm here to advise, nothing more," he answered. A smirk played into his eyes. "But one would infer that you take some liking to me?"

Link looked, agitatedly, at his knapsack, where Navi glowed white through the canvass in her faux innocence. "So, what d'you need to advise me about?"

"Darkness spreads quickly," Sheik answered indirectly, "Look; see how the night's overtaken the sky, such a rapid pace, so fast and quiet." He motioned to the quickly darkening sky; Link looked, enchanted. There was something about Sheik's smooth, shadowy voice, the calm way it rolled over the syllables and the sentences, liquid night- it was hard not to listen to him. Everything he said sounded like some sort of poetry, changing from a pervasive to an intimate tone easily. "It covers everything; and that is one of Ganon's goals- an entire universe of darkness." He paused. "I've explained to you the concept of time-travel."

Link nodded. "Yep."

"Alright," Sheik replied. "A proper understanding of time will help you to comprehend this fully." He paused again. "Ganon, through what forces that are still a mystery to me, has discovered a way to travel the dimensions; other galaxies and such, if you will, universes, worlds. Because he cannot physically enter these portals and warps, he invades using his various minions and vessels. I have a map…" He looked through his rucksack and retrieved a piece of old, yellowing parchment, handing it to Link.

Link looked over it; a map of Hyrule. Well, a magician's map, anyhow, or any other superstitious sort of thing. It listed sets of portals, keys, explanations; the vastness of Hyrule. "If you're interested in traveling to these places, you've instructions on the back; I wrote them down. My handwriting may be shoddy, though…you have to use the sword." He stood up slowly. "I thought you'd need to know."

"Hey hey whoa whoa hey," Navi interjected, buzzing out from the knapsack. "How do we know you're not some sorta conman?"

"What reason do I have to con you?" Sheik answered.

"Well, gee, I dunno," she answered snappily. "Look, all I'm saying is- you might have damn good intentions, but what if you're wrong?" She snickered to herself. "What if he ends up in a watermelon?"

Sheik looked at her with harrowing crimson eyes. "Then he will be in a watermelon, along with you- and perhaps then your big mouth will be put to some use."

Navi shut dejectedly.

"And that," Sheik said, collecting his things, "is all."

"Hey-"

Poof. Gone, with the swipe of a bandaged arm.

Navi glowed green. "What a nut job," she muttered. "And you think he'd be smart enough to not be such a wacko. What a loser." She turned back to Link, who was saddling up Epona and strapping their provisions to her.

"LINK," Navi squeaked, "What are you doing! You can't possibly trust him!" He said nothing. "I DEMAND YOU STAY HERE!" she yelped shrilly, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"

He ignored her, smiling widely and straddling onto Epona. "C'mon, Navi! We've got a universe to save!"

"I hope you know what you're doing…" she said, uneasily, tailing after him and tucking herself behind his ear inside his cap.

"Of course I do!" Link smiled reassuringly. He kicked Epona's flanks. "To the West!"

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"So we really have to sell the farm, huh," Takakura said, depressed. The farm was his only child.

The Mayor nodded grimly. He looked funny, a pinkish little Irish man with a red nose and red suit and red-brown hair all jumbled together in a mass of red. "Unless we can find a buyer in…" He checked his watch. "Fifteen minutes, one who's willing to pay all 600,000G."

Takakura stretched his arms out, helping the Mayor pin up the SOLD sign- the farm's fate in bold red letters. He stood back and examined it, arms folded. "You know, that company is thinking of building a parking lot over this," he said, as if he were talking about the weather.

"A perfect waste of fertile land," the Mayor said, shaking his head in pity. "These city people, polluting every chance they get. And then they complain about the crop prices. A parking lot…who in the darndest mile of this down has an automobile?"

Takakura shrugged, the cool, gray morning mist hanging over the two as they waited for the men in sharkskin suits and slick hair to take away the land. Galloping was heard somewhere nearby; the two men looked down the road to see a dark auburn horse with a mane, white and brilliant, coming up the road- a tamed horse, from the way it looked. Its brilliantly colored saddle reflected the invisible sun. The rider was hooded.

The horse galloped up to them. "Whoa, girl," the rider said. Obviously male.

"Welcome, traveler," the Mayor greeted warmly, "Stay at our inn, or mingle with the shoppers- everyone's welcome here." He tried to decipher where this boy was from, judging the horse, the goods, the clothing, his looked- there was no explanation for it. Unless…a slow smile wafted sleepily onto his red face. "You need help with something?"

Link took his hood of; he seemed to have an air about him that the two others noticed, his fair skin and purity of his looks. "Oh, uhmm, sorta. I mean, that'd be nice- could you?" he rasped. He was exhausted. Three days just wandering around, drifting in and out of these large, foreign cities, their warm stone floors, all these people…it was madness. Everywhere he went people questioned him, or kicked him out. He didn't understand any of it. Madness. Sheer madness. "Uh- do you know where I am?" He noticed the men- they were strange-looking. The little one looked like a cherry, bloated inside his slick yet colorful suit. The big one looked grim and crazy, waiting to strike at any chance he'd get; a dangerous man. A serious guy, and he looked like a Gerudo…

"Well, you're in Flower Bud Village," the Mayor said, acting confounded. The language sounded similar to Hylian- he'd have no trouble getting the accent down. "And I'm Mayor Thomas Dougherty. Where do you need to be?"

"I don't know," he answered, bluntly, laughing a little but feeling like breaking down and crying from exhaustion and confusion. "I'm supposed to be somewhere. But, I don't know where. What would you recommend?" Navi, still inside Link's cap, basically died. Right there. What a stupid question to ask.

There was a pause. The Mayor and Takakura exchanged blank, skeptical glances. The Mayor looked at him, a bit nervously. "I'm afraid I don't quite understand what you're asking me," he said.

"I mean," Link answered, cheering up a little, "where should I be?"

"No, sonny," Thomas answered, "I mean I don't understand the question. Please try to stay in English- I'm not a very well-versed man."

Link laughed, lightly, nervously, and flushed a little. God- the language thing again. "I'm sorry," he pronounced, a little slowly. "Where do you think I should stay?" The air smelled like green grass and the sweet scent of fresh hay.

The Mayor moved to say something, but Takakura interjected quickly. "How much money do you have with you?" he asked, hopefully and hastily.

Link paused for some time, trying to decipher the code that was the English language. He finally understood the word "money" and poured out a pile of glittering rupees from his wallet.

The men stared blankly at the jewels in his hand. "Well," Thomas said, slowly, "we'll need a money-changer…and that's…well."

"I'll call that company," Takakura said, moving away from the strange boy, whose jewels cascaded in the gray sunlight, and the mayor, whose red glowed ever brighter in their reflection. The horse whinnied. "I'll call them," Takakura said again, lowly, this time, "tell 'em to hold on a little longer." But, inside, he already knew- the farm was Saved!

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And Link was dropped off, by the large Gerudo man, at some bar, and was ushered, rushed hastily, into these people's lives, the noontime shouts in the bar and the argument of some man with salt-and-pepper hair and the Gerudo man, too fast and too loud and too angry for Link to follow. Finally he was put in a lofty room on top of the bar. He was told this was an inn, too.

He sat on the cushy, clean bed and looked at the ceiling in discomfort. "Oh, Triad," he said, with an exhausted sigh…he fell face-down into the pillows. At least beds hadn't changed.

While Takakura worked things out with company, Link stayed at the Inn, unnoticed by most of the people there. He slept for the whole of the first day.

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After that first day he woke up happy and cheerful, as per usual. All he needed was a little sleep and quiet- and then he was fine. He looked around the room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "Hey, Navi?"

"Don't wake her up," said a effortless voice from behind him.

"Sheik," Link gasped, groggily, "it always puzzled me- why do you always know where I am?" He grinned, toothily. "Are you stalking me?" he asked, jokingly.

"Of course," Sheik answered, purposely making the answer vague, teasing. Link noticed that Sheik had another bag with him.

"Am I supposed to be here, even? I don't know," Link said, smiling, leaning back on the cushy bed.

"It is a mystery even to me," Sheik lied- this is the place, you imbecile, otherwise I'd have come much earlier. Sheik caught Link's eye on the bag. "This?" he asked, holding it up. "It's for you," he said, tossing it to him.

"Oh," Link answered, "thanks!"

"Provisions," Sheik answered. Unless he was explaining something mystical, wise, and/or enigmatic, he rarely spoke, and if he did, it was either shyly, emotionlessly, moodily, or viciously. He eyed Link looking strangely at a disc inside a paper holder while pulling out a large book. "You'll need to learn the language, or at least the basic language, quickly."

"Ohmm," Link answered, still not quite understanding. He pulled out something else. "What's this? Smells sorta weird, no offense."

"None taken," Sheik answered. "It's bread. I presume you'll be hungry. And there is…clothing inside as well. I don't trust that you'll need me to explain them. Oh, and that is a CD player-"

"How do you know all this?" Link, asked, amazed while opening the package of Wonder bread.

Sheik paused. There was a strong silence for a moment. He leaned back on the dormant radiator, shrugging a little. "I get around."

And the next two days were spent without Sheik, day and night listening to the "learn-English" instructional CD without stopping, except to look up something in his new dictionary or argue with Navi, or eat bread.

And on the third day, the farm was sold.

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2- The Farm?

"This is the barn," Takakura explained, motioning to an old but sturdy building with a pasture behind it, further confusing poor Link with the expansive tour. "It's where you keep the animals. But I guess you knew that." He paused and stretched his arms a little. "I bought you a cow, if you wanna name her."

"Hmm?" Link asked, waking up from a daze. His speech was still a little slow, but he'd gotten the interjections and slang down, so far. Easy language to learn, but…hard to speak it right, because of all this commotion about it being alright not to speak it the right way…or maybe he was just too tired. "Oh! Name it. 'Kay…" He'd only been on the farm for a day, and now all this information…well,…He thought for a while, then broke out in laughter. "Uhmm, how…exactly do you name something?"

Takakura looked at him blankly. "Are you…forget it. Well…" He himself really didn't know how to explain it. "Well, a cow…just think of someone, and pick the first name that comes to mind, I guess."

"How about Malon?" Link suggested, not knowing just how mean that name would sound if he told its bearer the situation.

"Hmm…that's an…interesting name," Takakura answered. "Name of you girlfriend?" Link looked at him blankly. "Forget it. How about I show you around town? I'm not really the most social of people, but you look…" He looked over Link, big blue eyes and bright blonde hair and dumb smile slapped on his face. "…Friendly," Takakura continued. It then occurred to him that, hey, he'd just sold this farm- but he didn't even know the kid's name! "How should I introduce you?"

He paused. "L-"

"His name is Link," said a voice from nearby, flawless English flowing over the tongue and syllables. Link looked by the roof- where Sheik was standing, crossed arms and bent knee. "And the name of the cow suits is perfectly."

"Sheik!" Link exclaimed, glad. "What are you doing here?"

"To monitor you progress," he said. "You're doing quite well, it seems." Link had no idea if the answer was sarcastic or serious. Sheik just thought it odd that Link, in his sentimentality and sympathy and sometimes stupidity, would offer to buy a whole farm without knowing how, exactly, a farm works.

"Progress?" Link repeated. "What's that mean?"

"I keep an eye," Sheik answered. "I give my knowledge where it's needed. Clearly, it is needed here." He stooped down, threw his voice down to the two below him. "I hear there's some information floating around town. You need only to look in the right places; and I suspect, of course, you've some sense of detecting power levels, magic, if you will, about you."

"But, where exactly should I look?" he asked.

Sheik paused. "Wherever you feel something," he offered.

"Feel? You're skipping around the subject," Link answered, glad, a little, for whatever help he could get; and he was now drifting in and out of Hylian and English.

"Rely on your own instincts," Sheik answered, not letting any more valuable information link own. A paid mercenary- and he disappeared, with a flash and swipe of his arm.

Navi peeped out of Link's cap, with a soft buzzing. "I'll never be able to figure him out…" Link nodded.

Takakura looked at the blonde in stupefaction, jaw slack, not able to believe the brief scene he'd just witnessed. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

Link looked over his shoulder, back at Takakura. "Which part do you mean? The part where we were talking, or when he made fun of Malon, or-"

"No, no!" Takakura cried, shaking his head. "That whole THING!"

Link laughed. "Oh. Oh-kay. Well, that was Sheik. I don't really know where he just came from, he does that, always knows where I am…and this is my fairy. Navi. She came out to…comment. Say 'hi,' Navi!"

"Yep," Navi grumbled. She buzzed away. "I'm goin' back to bed……"

"Oh-kay," Link confirmed. "Before she came out, Sheik vanished, which is a power that all of his people have, the Sheikah tribe. The Sheikah tribe is-"

Takakura interrupted him with a skeptical glance. "What are you smoking?" He shook his head again. "No, better yet, what am I smoking? Look, I need you to go and pick up some seeds for me. Pick up six bags of tomato seeds and eight watermelon seeds. You can find them at Florist Lillia's. You have to go straight across the intersection, and then at the first store you see on the right. You can't miss it…well, you can. Anyway, there's a sign in purple neon letters that says 'Florist Lillia's.'" He stretched himself out, like a cat would. He reminded Link of a cat that way- slow, lazy-looking, but vigilant. "Now, I need a nap…" As he walked away, he grumbled, "Damn…reefer smoke…blowing over here from those damn…hippie yurts…"

"What a weird guy," Navi said.

"Hey," Link replied, "I thought you were asleep."

"How could I be asleep?" Navi asked. "That guy talks and it's like a big, huge tidal wave. C'mon, let's go get those seeds."

They started towards Epona. As Link propped one leg over the horse, he began to talk. "Hey, Navi," he started.

"What?" she asked.

"What's an in-ter-sec-tion, anyway?"

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A/N: Hahaha. So, there it is. The rewrite. Hope you enjoyed it. I am too tired for words as of now.