"How was dinner?" Ashley asked over the phone later that night.

"It was good. Aiden and Glen shot each other stares throughout dinner, but other than that it was normal." Spencer responded, lying on her bed on her back and staring up at the ceiling. She could imagine Ashley doing the same.

"Did your mom like Aiden?" Ashley wondered.

"I think so, she kept babying him…checking to see if the dinner was ok and if he wanted more spaghetti. Stuff like that. I think she's just glad that I have a boyfriend." Spencer told Ashley. Ashley sighed a bit too loudly into the phone. "What's wrong, Ash?"

"Nothing." She went quiet for a minute. "Do you ever think about the night we almost kissed?" Spencer wasn't expecting this question.

"What? Why?" Spencer responded.

"I don't know. I was just wondering." Ashley waited for an answer.

"Uh…sometimes I do." Spencer said. "That was the night Aiden and I got together." Ashley knew this was typical Spencer, trying to get out of answering.

"I meant the part of the night where we almost kissed."

"Uh…" Spencer had no response. "Yes."

"You do?" Ashley sat up in her bed. "Do you ever wonder what you missed out on? What could have been between us?"

"No."

"What? Why not?" Ashley demanded.

"Because I don't like girls. It was a temporary moment where I was caught up in something, it wasn't anything more than that." Spencer told her. It felt like she had stabbed herself in the chest; it seemed to hurt where her heart was.

"Oh. I'm going to do some homework. See you tomorrow, Spence." Ashley murmured. She hung up the phone before Spencer could say anything else.

Ashley had never been so happy to finish her lunch early. She'd had to sit and endure the incessant baby talk of Spencer and Aiden as they fed each other and asked about each other's nights. Ashley got up from the lunch table and told them she had to go to her locker. She was glad to get away. Ashley walked into the library. It was an unlikely place for her to go, but she knew Spencer would never look for her there. She walked down the aisles of the library looking for an out-of-the-way place to sit and clear her head. She found a spot back in the third floor fiction section. It had a large, comfortable couch next to a window overlooking the soccer field. Ashley settled herself down, looking out the window into the freedom of the outside world. She heard footsteps behind her and was a little surprised to see Clay there.

"Hey Ashley." He said waving. "I was looking for a book for my English class back here. What are you doing here?" He asked. Ashley made room for him on the couch by moving her feet.

"I'm here thinking…" She told him. "And I'm avoiding people."

"Who are you avoiding?" Clay asked. They'd been able to talk with each other easily after that night Ashley spent at the Carlin house. Glen and she had spent a while talking about their different situations growing up. Since then, Clay had occasionally become her confidante.

"Spencer."

"Ah…Spencer." Clay smiled at her. "Why are you avoiding Spencer?"

"It's complicated." She told him.

"How complicated?"

"I think I'm in love with her and she's…she's with Aiden." She told him. She didn't feel like lying anymore and telling all this to Spencer's brother, who had known her a lot longer than she had, could get her some perspective. Clay nodded.

"Have you told Spencer this?" He asked her.

"No…well…I'm sure she knows." Ashley told him. "I've been falling all over myself because of her for months now. The night she got with Aiden…we almost kissed that night. She got freaked out and left…Aiden was there to scoop her up. They've been together since then. Four months of hearing them call each other pet names…four months of having them hold hands and kiss in front of me. It hasn't been pretty." Clay nodded.

"Do you think Spencer likes you back?" He asked her.

"I thought she did, but then she got with Aiden." Ashley was unsure whether or not to mention the part about how Spencer might like girls. She finally crumbled. "She told me she thought she liked girls. We had all these moments together that made me believe for sure that she had some feelings for me. Then we get close and the runs to Aiden."

"You think Spencer might be bi?" Clay asked.

"I'm almost sure she is. That or…a lesbian." Ashley told him honestly. "But the point is she's making me neurotic. I can't help but to sit here and over-analyze everything. I wonder what I did wrong, what I said, if I should have done something differently. I have no idea what to do. It's eating me up inside." Ashley confided. "She'll say things, or look at me…it's like she's sending me signals. But when I get up the courage to do anything about them…she's there with Aiden, playing dumb." Clay nodded, thinking for a minute or so before speaking.

"Have you talked to Spence about all this, all these feelings you have for her?" He asked, he didn't seem phased at all that Ashley loved his sister or that his sister might like girls. Ashley was grateful that he was accepting of her situation.

"No…not exactly. I tried to talk to her the other night, but then Aiden picked her up to have dinner with your family. I never quite got to tell her what I felt." Ashley explained. Clay smiled at this.

"That dinner was a massacre." He chuckled. "Glen and Aiden refused to talk to each other and when they finally did, they talked about basketball all night. Poor Spencer had to sit there through it. Mom was falling all over herself because of Aiden." He looked into Ashley's eyes. "That's honestly something that really bothers me about my mother. She can see past color, religion, upbringing…but when it comes to sexuality—she…" He trailed off, choosing his words carefully. "She can be very judgmental to things she doesn't understand. But at the same time, she doesn't want to understand. I think it would be devastating to her if she found out Spencer likes girls." Ashley agreed.

"I think that's why Ashley's with Aiden. If she has a boyfriend, a 'normal' life…she won't have to make any choices or accept her sexuality." Ashley figured. She had a sickening feeling in her stomach that made speaking and thinking about Spencer painful.

"Do you want me to talk to her for you?" Clay asked. "I could see if she'll talk to me about this stuff." Clay is such a good guy, Ashley thought, but I can't have him dealing with my problems.

"No, that's ok. Thanks, Clay, for everything." Ashley stood up. "I think I'll have to talk with Spencer about this stuff myself." She said goodbye to Clay and then headed off to class. She had her English class with Spencer. Entering the room, she took her normal spot, across the room from Spencer. Early in the semester, her teacher had moved her away from Spencer for talking too much in class, but Ashley was actually grateful for this. It meant she had an entire class period to do nothing but stare at Spencer and daydream. Ashley looks up at the clock and waits for the bell to ring; the bell ringing means that Spencer will come into the room. The English teacher, Mr. Philips came into the room a minute or two later and shut the door.

"Ok, class." He said to get everyone's attention. "Let's get out your assignments that are due today…" He kept talking but Ashley stop listening. Where was Spencer? She wondered. It wasn't like Spencer to be late. Ashley started to get worried. Maybe she's on her way here. Fifteen minutes went by without any sign of Spencer. Ashley was frantic. She raised her hand.

"Ms. Davies?" Mr. Philips called on her.

"Can I use the restroom?" She asked him. After getting a bathroom pass from Mr. Philips, Ashley went to find Spencer. She imagined a variety of terrible situations: Spencer had been mugged, attacked by pirates…one scenario even involved zombies. Ashley wanted to image something really terrible was causing Spencer to be absent, not what she really feared.

I can't believe I'm missing English for this, Spencer thought to herself. She was pushed up against a wall outside the gym. Aiden was kissing her neck, or slobbering on her neck actually. He had convinced her to skip, promising a good time and giving her sad looks. Now the only thing Spencer would have to show for it would be a hickey and missing out on a class period of staring at Ashley. Ashley could feel Aiden pressing his hips against hers and the thought of taking this any further made her nervous. It was one thing to pretend to like his kisses and touch, but it was another to sleep with him to keep this lie alive. Spencer turned her head and looked over into the walkway as Aiden began kissing the other side of her neck. Spencer was shocked to see Ashley walk by. She looked nervous and scared. Actually, Spencer thought, she looks vulnerable. It wasn't something Spencer was used to seeing. Ashley turned her head and all her worst fears were confirmed. Aiden was feeling Spencer up at the side of the gym and Spencer was… looking straight at Ashley. She paused for a moment, feeling her heart sink inside her chest. Maybe Spencer was a lost cause after all. Maybe Ashley should just give up her fantasies about being together with her…give up her hopes of ever getting closer to Spencer Carlin than she was now. Ashley turned around and walked back to her classroom, not daring to look behind her. Her plans of having a talk with Spencer about her feelings, about her relationship with Aiden…they were just plans, perhaps destined to never come true.