Rating: PG-13
Genres: Angst
Warnings: n/a
Spoilers: n/a
Summary: Harry loves Severus, but Severus is only interested in sex.
Song: Kill
Artist: Jimmy Eat World
Author's Note: Originally a songfic, the lyrics have been removed from this fic to comply with FF rules. Song lyrics can be found here: www (dot) azlyrics (dot) com (slash) lyrics (slash) jimmyeatworld (slash) kill (dot) html
For the original version of this fic, please check out my livejournal:
www (dot) livejournal (dot) com (slash) users (slash) Harry (underscore) sev (slash)
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After standing up to the Minister of Magic, countless Death Eaters, and Lord Voldemort, one would think that simply walking across the street to talk to Severus Snape would be a simple task. After all, the man had fought for them. He was on their side. And Harry was sure that he had seen the older man throw a few interested looks his direction. So what was the problem?
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Taking a deep breath, Harry walked into Severus's apothecary. The man had built it after the war when he had decided to stop teaching. Harry had been there before. But this time was different. This time Harry was going to ask Severus to accompany him to dinner. Surely that wasn't such a big question. It wouldn't be so bad.
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Looking back, Harry probably should have been suspicious of how quickly Severus accepted his offer. After all, though the two of them had been getting along better as of late, they still weren't what you would call friends. But at the time, Harry was simply content to be getting a chance with the older man. And he was determined not to blow it.
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They "dated" on and off for a few months. Since Harry was a Quidditch player, he didn't have too much time to spend with Severus. That didn't matter, though. They made up for the time apart in numerous ways. Harry was finding himself growing more and more attached to Severus and began to worry. Their relationship was based on sex; Harry wasn't naïve enough to think that it was based on love or anything like that. How would Severus feel knowing that Harry was starting to fall in love?
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One major thing that Severus didn't know was that Harry had been a virgin when they had gotten together. However, since Harry had spent loads of time fooling around with the Weasley twins, he hadn't been completely innocent. He had topped before, but he had never actually been deflowered, so to speak.
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Hermione didn't think much of his relationship with Severus. She frowned whenever Severus would falsely accuse Harry of doing something wrong when it had been Severus's fault. Harry assured her that Severus wasn't being unfair. He told her that Severus took blame for the things that were his fault, as well. But he was lying, and he knew it. Severus never stepped up and admitted that he was wrong, ever. Everything that went wrong was Harry's fault. In his mind, Harry believed Hermione. His pride, on the other hand, would never let himself admit it. After all, Harry Potter does not admit defeat. Especially to Severus Snape.
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As the days wore on, Harry could feel Severus pulling further and further away. He didn't spent as much time with Harry as he used to, and whenever he did spent time with Harry he seemed distracted. Harry didn't know what to do. He wanted to be treated better, but he didn't want to be alone.
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After being around Harry for so long, Severus felt he knew him pretty well. And because he knew him so well, he knew that Harry had fallen in love with him. Severus knew that he didn't love Harry; he didn't love anyone. He planned on making sure that Harry knew that as well.
Harry, on the other hand, knew that Severus knew that Harry loved him. He didn't know what he would do if Severus confronted him about it. Would Harry deny his love for Severus? Or would he stand up straight and admit his feelings?
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Harry got his answer soon enough. Severus walked up to him one day and said, without any preamble, "I don't love you. You're great in bed, and I am willing to continue our relationship, but you must realize that I will never love you. What do you have to say?"
"I love you," said Harry quietly, not looking Severus in the eye. "I love you, and nothing you do is going to change that. But I know that you do not, and never will, love me. I'm willing to live with that."
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Now it was a year later, and Harry was thinking about their relationship. Severus still didn't love him, not that Harry ever had any hope that he would. Harry knew that he should break it off with Severus, and find someone who would love him. But he was terrified of being alone. If Severus didn't love him, what made him think that anyone else would? Then not only would he not have anyone who loved him, he would be completely alone, even more alone than he was now. And because of that, Harry knew that he could never leave Severus. He would just have to deal with life the best way he knew how, and that was to take what he was given and not to complain.
Now if only he could get his heart to agree.
A/n: All right, I know. This story sucks. I love this song, though, so I thought I'd go ahead and put it in here. Had I been able to find a better song that started with the letter K I would have put that one in here instead.