Hi, all! Sorry this took so long. I've been working mainly on chapter three of "To Act an Innocent" and nearly forgot about poor Snowflower and her victims. Oops. Anyhoo...

Enjoy!

Chapter Four: In Which Snowflower Is Interrogated and There Is Much Tragicfullness.

"Lady…. Er… Snowflower. Why did you attack the Prince of Mirkwood?" Lord Elrond asked sternly, glaring down at the young woman in the chair. Behind him, Legolas fidgeted uncomfortably.

Snowflower sighed dramatically.

After she had been pried off Legolas by Erestor and subdued with drugged darts, she had been informed of Lord Elrond's decision to question her later that day. The Elf lord had found her behavior suspicious and altogether unladylike and distasteful. Snowflower thought that the whole ordeal was unjust and poopie, but she did have enough sense to put together a story and an argument, should she need it.

But that's not implying that her story was a good one, or anything…

"Because he is my soul mate. I knew it the moment I saw him… I felt a stirring in my heart of hearts, my soul of souls. It was as if I was finally whole…" The Sue said in a soft, melodramatic voice. Her eyes were 'filled with emotion'. (AKA watering messily and slightly red from her attempts to weep in a heart-breaking way.)

Lord Elrond's frown deepened. "So you felt that he was your true love, and consequently attacked him." He said, his voice laden with sarcasm. Snowflower sighed.

"No, good sir! Thou art misunderstanding my humble confession… You see, I did not attack my dear love. I embraced him…. But I was so eager to hold him that I may have come across as too eager… for that I apologize, O Mighty Lord of Eemlaydris."

"It's Imladris." Glorfindel growled. Erestor sniffed disapprovingly.

"Sooorrrry…." Snowflower muttered.

"Too eager, indeed." Legolas said irratably, eyeing the Sue with apprehension. "You attacked me, woman! You knocked me against the wall and squeezed the breath from my lungs!"

"I said I apologize. And I did not attack you - I embraced you." Said Snowflower primly, smoothing out her dress. (The hole at her butt had been repaired, though it still looked rather strange.)

Legolas opened his mouth angrily, but Erestor cut him off in his quiet, learned voice.

"If you were his soul mate he would feel it too." The dark-haired Elf said, fixing Snowflower with an appraising stare.

"Well, he does, doesn't he…?" Snowflower asked.

"Do you feel as if this lady is your soul mate, Legolas?" Elrond asked, turning to the prince. Legolas' face was one of utter revulsion.

"By Eru, Lord Elrond, what do you think? You know about my Miriel."

Elrond nodded, smiling slightly. "Yes, yes." He turned to Snowflower again, and his gaze turned stern. "That is a no, Lady Snowflower. The Prince of Mirkwood has felt nothing for you, and I'll have you know that he is betrothed to a lovely, sweet maiden back in Mirkwood."

Snowflower's jaw dropped. "WHAT THE F---!" She screeched, looking furious.

Erestor looked scandalized. Glorfindel eyed her curiously. Legolas glared at her, and Elrond appeared not to notice her behavior.

"OH MY GOD, YOU DID NOT JUST SAY THAT, MR. ANDERSON!" The Sue cried, pounding her fists into her thighs and kicking her feet desperately.

Lord Elrond arched an eyebrow. "I know not of any 'Mr. Anderson,' my dear girl. And I believe I did say what I said. Now, how about you tell us your history now, and we can clear some things up."

Snowflower inhaled and exhaled heavily through her nose like an angry bull. And then, creepily, she was beautiful and sickeningly sweet again, as if someone had flipped her switch from 'dangerous and insane' to 'Barbie clone'.

"Of course, my good dear sir of Imladris. Where would you like your humblest of servants to start?"

"You are most certainly not anything of mine, much less my servant. I believe the beginning is a very good place to start." Lord Elrond said coolly, taking a seat.

Snowflower smiled a sad smile. "It is a woeful tale, my lords. It starts with my birth and will end with my death."

Glorfindel rolled his eyes, very uncharacteristically. "I had guessed that much."

Snowflower heaved a deep, dramatic breath. "Well….

"My mother was the last daughter of the King of Fairies and her mother was part mermaid, so I'm a mix between, Elf, mermaid, and Fairy. My mother was gorgeous, and one day she was walking down in Snowflowerland, the place of my birth, and the King saw her. He went up to talk to her, and slowly they fell in love. My mother never told the King that she was part fairy and part mermaid, though, 'cause she thought he'd hate her for it. Turns out she was right…" Here Snowlower wiped away a fake tear. "I was born a month after my parent's marriage. (Mermaids and Fairies procreate more quickly than you people.) And my mother was so happy that she couldn't deceive my father any longer. When I was two - and I was nicknamed 'little lovely' because I was a natural beauty - my mother told my father what she was. He was furious.

"My father had a predju… predjudycie…. pretzudicel…. Well, he didn't like mermaids or Fairies. He got so mad he went crazy. It was tragic. He threw my mother in the dungeons to die and disowned me to some evil humans.

"I grew up thinking I was one of the humans. They beat me because I always had pointy ears, I could have wings when I wanted, and I could breathe underwater. They made me do chores. They were very cruel. My only hope was the memories I had of my beloved Snowflowerland. I had been drugged, you see, so I couldn't really remember everything, just little bits and pieces. It was enough to keep me going.

"Then finally I rebelled. It was tragically tragic. I got hurt in the process. But in the end I escaped and some Elves found me. (This was just recently, by the way.) They were awed by my beauty and told me of my true heritage. Then I remembered everything, but I knew I couldn't go back until I had proved myself worthy of my poor father's love. I knew I could make him see reason, and that I could save my mother, and we could all finally be happy. It would be hard and tragic, but my goodness would make it work.

"But as I said, I needed to prove myself wonderful first. So I came to Rivendale-"

"Rivendell," said Erestor testily.

"Yeah, yeah, Rivendell. Okay, so I came here but I got a little lost because I had never been taught Elvish or where Elvish cities were. I was raised by naughty humans, remember? Then Glorfy-"

"My name is Glorfindel, I'd thank you to know," The Balrog-slayer hissed.

"So Glorfindel found me and he mistook me for evil and you know the rest. So now I have to go with the Fellowship of the Ring and marry my true love - which is Legolas, he just doesn't know it because this Meeryal character must have him bewitched - and then I can go back and be the wonderful salvation of Snowflower land, have twelve children - " Here Legolas looked repulsed - "and live happily ever after."

There was a long silence. Snowflower began to feel a little uneasy. Were those incredulous stares good things, or bad things?

Legolas mumbled something along the lines of, "Miriel, not Meeryal, and I am not going to father twelve children with the disowned princess of Snowy-land, by Eru…"

Elrond cleared his throat. "Yes, well, that certainly clears a few things up… To a certain extent, that is…" He looked at Snowflower as if she were absolutely mad and then got down to business. "Snowflower, will you allow me to ask you a few questions concerning your background?" The Elf-lord asked, his voice once again brisk and his gaze suddenly piercing and stern.

"Okay! Yeah, my history is sort of complicated, so it's totally natural that you have questions about all the tragicfulness and stuff. Ask away!" Chirped Snowflower cluelessly. Elrond began to pace again, his hands behind his back and his grey eyes fixed on the Sue.

"What is a 'Fairy'? Some humans - not many, but some - have referred to we Elves as 'fairies'. This does not fit your story. I assume you have a different definition of them?"

Snowflower blinked. Duh. Didn't the dude know what fairies were? "Uh, yeah. I'm part fairy - that means I'm part Elf-like being with see-through butterfly wings, you know?" She received several blank stares. "Uh, like Elves only with transparent wings and they live on mountain tops in the clouds. And, uh, some of them are, like, little, you know? Like pixies? Only my mother was the big kind. That's like your size. We're very much hated in Snowflowerland. It is tragic."

Elrond raised his eyebrows as Erestor smirked incredulously and Glorfindel grinned, as if it were all a horrendous joke. Legolas just looked sick.

"I see," said Elrond. He was beginning to think that Snowflower was mentally ill, but not a spy of Sauron. No one this foolish could be a spy. "And as for your… ahem… 'mermaid' heritage? What is that, pray tell?"

Wow these people were isolated. Snowflower carefully assumed what she thought was the appearance of a patient wise-one explaining simple things to lesser folk.

Instead her attempt to make her eyes wide and all-knowing bestowed her with an unflattering bullfrog-like look.

"Well, naïve ones. Mermaids are beautiful, mystical, and tragic-"

"Enough with the 'tragic', if you please, madam. I have heard that word enough in the past fifteen minutes," Legolas interrupted.

"Of course, my darling love," Snowflower cooed. Legolas recoiled. "Anyways, mermaids are gorgeous beings that have the torso and head of Elf-like creatures (they are even more mysterious looking than Elves, though, and totally handsome and stuff) and the tails of beautiful fish. They have really long hair with pearls in it and stuff and the women either wear sea-shell bras-"

"What is a 'bra'?" asked Erestor.

"The thing that holds up womens' boobs, duh!" Snowflower exclaimed, without thinking.

Glorfindel's eyes widened in shock, Erestor looked horrified and embarrassed, and Elrond coughed nervously while staring intently at the rug. Legolas' ears had turned very pink.

Elrond recovered first. "Go on."

"Er… okay, that was weird. Haven't you people heard the word boobs before? Weird. Okay so they either wear seashell bras or none at all, because it is a sign of confidence and loveliness to show off yourself." She smiled seductively at Legolas. He picked up on the implication and the pink in his ears spread to his face.

There was an awkward silence.

"Excuse me," The Prince of Mirkwood muttered, and fled from the room.

TBC...

Hope you liked. You can review and let me know for sure... hint hint.

Kiricat