After about ten minutes, the self-sustaining hot air mobile home reached them. Someone yelled down, "Who are you?" Count Olaf roared back up, "It is I, Count Olaf, the handsome count of a captain of the Handsome Count. If you do not let down a rope to let me up, I will stab these useless, pointless and worthless Baudelaire orphans I captured with this large, rusty knife! Haha!" Quickly a rope was let down. "Climb up first," yelled Count Olaf, "So you can't escape! Haha! I'm not even a bookworm and I still have good ideas! Haha! Unlike you! Haha!" Klaus, then Sunny, then Violet and finally Count Olaf all climbed up. At the top, the Baudelaires became happy at what greeted them.
Duncan and Isadora Quagmire, who they had not seen in a very long time, and Hector, a kindly man who they had not seen in a very long time-exactly the same amount of time, in fact, were there. They all hugged one another and began talking. "Quagmires," said Klaus, "Your brother Quigley is alive." "Yes, we know," said Duncan, "In fact, we were just going to pick him up now." "How did you know?" asked Violet. "We received a volunteer factual dispatch," said Isadora. "What- How-" asked Sunny. "Baudelaires, I know this must be a shock, but I am a volunteer," said Hector. "Why- When-" asked Klaus. "I have been for a while, Klaus, but in the Village of Fowl Devotees, rule #454 clearly stated: 'No one is to be associated with a secret organization of any kind.' Don't worry-since then I have become less skittish and now would never have not told you. Also, I got this telegram because while up here I was inspired by Violet's mechanical skills and knew I needed one, so I built one. Quigley's message came to: 'Train station, infinite, forest.'" "Who- Where-" asked Violet. "We assume this to mean we plan to meet Quigley at the train station at the edge of the Infinite Forest, which is startlingly similar to the Finite Forest, where Paltryville is, but not exactly. It is somewhat bigger, but not infinite, like the name says."
"Enough blabbing," said Olaf, "I still have my knife, and you will also see while you were rambling I brought up my harpoon gun, this case of matches, these flammable chemicals, the Medusoid Mycelium and this ivory dart rifle I stole from a hunter. Haha!" Violet, Klaus, Sunny, Duncan, Isadora and Hector were all amazed Count Olaf could work so quickly and quietly, but then decided to be quiet. Olaf took out one of two enormous jugs of flammable chemicals and then poured a very small amount over the edge. Then he lit a match and dropped it. Everyone looked over the edge and saw paper strewn around the Handsome Count. One page said, "THE SNICKET FILE." The people on board could only assume the other pages were the pages of the Snicket File. It seemed forever that the match went down, down, down, down, down, down! Finally, it touched the boat and then seemed to come back up and down. It did not hit a pool of flammable chemicals, but the wood burned nevertheless. The fire spread, however, and soon it did hit the flammable chemicals. In seconds, the whole ship was on fire and then, it was gone, and nothing but ashes floated in the water. "Haha! Now your precious Snicket File is gone! Haha! Now, we go to the train station at the edge of the Infinite Forest! Haha!" said Olaf. Everyone looked puzzled-why would a villainous man go where they wanted to?
Olaf, seeing this laughed. "Haha! Stupid you! Haha! There are people besides Quigley who may be at the train station of the Infinite Forest! Haha! Anyone who disagrees gets killed! Haha!" Everyone hurried themselves and got busy. "Now, I will go rest in the captains quarters of this self-sustaining hot air mobile home, the Sky Olaf. Haha!" "But that's Hector's-" Duncan began to protest. "Haha! I don't care!" said Olaf. He then went to one basket and then inside and threw out all of Hector's clothing and items. Hector was sad, but did not mention it for fear of being assassinated-a word which here means, "ruthlessly butchered"-by Count Olaf. "Good thing there are lots of spare rooms," said Hector, "Speaking of which, Baudelaires, each of you go find a room." So they did.
Then everyone began working. They crossed over the enormous city and saw the ruins of their house, the tower of 667 Dark Avenue, marketplaces, museums and more. They saw Briny Beach where long ago and not so long ago they had been, each time with Mr. Poe-a phrase which here means, "idiotic banker more concerned with money and his bank than unfortunate children, who also features a constant cough that is not only irritating, but germ spreading, and who was supposed to help the children, but did a despicable-a word which here means, 'worse than a lump of celery would'-job of doing so"-coming, and then the Baudelaires either embracing-a word which here means "going with the idiotic banker in question and following him"-or, the second time rejecting-a word which here means "not going with the idiotic banker in question and going instead with Kit Snicket"-his telling of them to come with him. They saw Count Olaf's old home, as well as movie theatres, dramatic theatres, musical theatres and operating theatres, and restaurants and several more things. They passed over the city and went into the countryside, where Dr. Montgomery Montgomery's house once stood, and then to a small town where Josephine Anwhistle's house once stood, and finally to a forest. They began to descend.
Olaf came out of the captain's quarters and started barking orders. "Land this balloon or I will harpoon you! Haha! Or stab you! Haha! Or burn you alive! Haha! Or dart rifle you! Haha! Et cetera! Haha!" Slowly but surely the self-sustaining hot air mobile home landed. As soon as it was on the ground Olaf said, "Listen to me! Haha! I am the captain of the Sky Olaf! Haha! Everyone go about before me! Haha! Then I will lock the door to my quarters behind me so no one can in and steal my proficient weaponry! Haha! You are stupid, so I will inform you 'proficient' means 'able to kill stupid orphans and old men with extreme ease.' Haha!" "We know what proficient means," sighed Klaus, who felt like he said 'we know what blank means' one thousand three hundred and thirteen times. Up ahead they saw a big building and a sign that said, "Infinite Forest Train Station." Everyone ran towards it.
Inside there sat a boy who looked just like Duncan Quagmire and a female version of Isadora Quagmire. Needless to say, it was Quigley Quagmire. He hugged his siblings, and the Baudelaires, and even kissed Violet on the cheek. "Haha!" said Olaf, "Stop flirting! I am still in charge, due to this knife and this harpoon gun," he said, pointing it around. We are going to ride this train to Partrydale, which is in the middle of the woods, to find my accomplishes. Haha! Disagree and die! Haha!" "Count Olaf," commented Quigley, "The train is not running, I have been here for days." "Well," Count Olaf said, "We'll drive it! Haha!" He forced everyone onto the parked train and then told them to start it.
In a few minutes they were traveling through the Infinite Forest. It was, the Baudelaires, noticed, remarkably similar to the Finite Forest. The trees looked like metal pipes, though here they were much bigger, and had branches that also looked like metal pipes, and they were shinier, as if Count Olaf had his shiny eyes on them all the time. They traveled and traveled and traveled and traveled and traveled until finally they saw a sign-"Paltrydale Station in 2 miles." As the train was going 100 miles per hour, it took no one longer than 5 seconds that very soon they would reach the station. Everyone was correct, and very soon the reached the station. Olaf ordered everyone out.
The town of Paltrydale was remarkably similar to that of Paltryville, though slightly more appealing. The Baudelaires remembered stacks of newspapers in Paltryville, but here there were stacks of magazines. The buildings here looked open and had only slightly cracked windows, and the post office featured a flag on it, instead of a boot, but is was just a page torn out of a magazine with the word Paltrydale scrawled on either side in permanent ink. However, there was no eye-shaped building of sinister person, which was a mild relief. Everyone turned left, however, and saw something that made everyone but Count Olaf gasp.