A/N: I haven't done anything with this fic for quite some time. So I read a fortune cookie and got off my lazy ass to continue it a bit.
October 31st, 1981 (the night Voldemort fed up big time)
When I joined the Death Eaters I thought that by serving the Dark Lord I could be someone important. I thought I was accepted, valued, and necessary. I thought that I would be seen as an equal among my peers, that I would be respected.
I thought wrong.
Yes, the Dark Lord was powerful, but then again so is Dumbledore. Now look where my master is. Gone – that's where! He's dead, just like Lily. Like James.
Just thinking about it makes me sick, and I have no one to blame but myself. I betrayed them. I sent them to their deaths with a smile and a 'Be a good boy Harry'.
Oh Gods, Harry!
I close my eyes and I can see his happy little baby face cooing at me from my arms. I can almost feel his tiny fist wrapped around my finger. If I listen hard enough I can hear him giggling and calling me 'oops' while the others laugh good-naturedly. I can remember the look on Jamie's face when Harry called Padfoot 'dada'.
Padfoot.
My thoughts are flittering about so quickly. I have to focus. Padfoot's the only person alive who knows the truth. I don't know how I'll ever be able to look him in the eye again. I have to think of something. It's too late to turn back now. Before, my spying was impersonal. But now… now the betrayal is too new – too close for me to try to rationalize it any longer.
I never realized I had everything I ever wanted until I lost it. I had the Marauders and Lily as friends. Never once did they waver in their support. When Harry came along I became 'Uncle Oops'. I had a family, and I didn't even notice. They wriggled their way into my heart, and I repaid their love, kindness, and acceptance with betrayal of the worst kind.
I have become that which we have always hated. They will never forgive me. I don't deserve their forgiveness.
I am irredeemable.
Me:sigh Thinking like Peter makes my head hurt. He's so pathetic in the books and movies that making him seem human is kinda difficult.
Peter:Hey!
Ron:She's right, mate. You are pathetic… I mean what kind of person lives like a rat for twelve years?
Peter:I had my moments of coolness!
Me:You bit one of the Malfoy runt's goonies. Big 'Whoop'. looks at reader Why are you still here? Review or something… Geeze!