Fighting Love
I hated him. I really did. I had hated him from the very moment I saw him—even though I had no rational explanation—until that horrible day I realized that the reason I hated him was that I liked him. And let me tell you, I was rather happy to have come to this realization before he dropped into my room and told me I liked him.
The nerve of him! I sometimes wonder if love is worth the pain . I really wish it was—but if you have no one who loves you in return…
Is that love.
Or if the love is taken back, like a ticket… 'No ma'am we can't let you have what you want'.
Life sucks.
He continued to torment me day in and day out. I couldn't even escape him in sleep. He was always there…always there. Had always been there.
He'd just been waiting for me to wake up and see.
And one day, I did.
I need some sleep
You can't go on like this
I'd tried counting sheep
But there's one I always miss
Have you ever caught yourself watching? Watching your obsession? You don't even realize it's happening. You're not even conscious of your thoughts. Instead it's like that period right before sleep takes you in the mid day sun. The almost blinding light coaxes you to close your eyes, gently washing you in warmth—encouraging sleep. The book slips from your fingers and rests in your lap, your mind and thoughts caught in that lazy haze. You just feel good.
I sometimes wonder if things like that are addicting—like drugs. It sure would explain why everyone is so hell-bent on finding love—or happiness—or just someone to hold.
I don't think we really know what we're getting into or if we just want it—with such passion—that we dive off without thinking…hoping for the best. Hoping to be caught, caught in the arms of the one we so desperately want to have holding us.
Sometimes my thoughts get me into trouble—like right now. I've been caught staring at the very last personI want to be caught by—my obsession.
He smirks at me and I feel the heat rush to my face. Why? Why did it have to be him? 'Tis some cruel joke—thought up by a person who likes to watch me in pain. The cruelest joke ever played.
Ducking my head I severeye contact—no way am I going to admit that I was staring. I don't have to, though, which is why my reaction is so blatantly stupid. He knows. He always seems to know. I search the parchment, my notes—my non-existent notes that is. I mentally kick myself, sneaking yet another peek across the room. His head is down now, blond hair falling lightly in front of his features. His hands are pale—I notice—as he jots notes with the raven black quill I know he favors. His other hand swats, annoyed, at his hair trying and failing to keep it form his face.
"Hermione."
The whining voice makes me grimace and I turn to Lavender. "What?" My annoyance was plainly evident, but Lavender was—well, Lavender just doesn't care. She happens to be one of those 'me first, you later' kind of person.
"Notes." She smiles expectantly, her perfectly manicured hand outstretched.
I roll my eyes and hand her the parchment.
One.
Two.
Three…
I look over just in time to see her smug smile of satisfaction fade and fall. "It's blank." She points to the parchment.
Now it's my turn to smirk. "Is that so?"
Lavender gives the parchment a crisp shake, her eyes bulging. "Are you blind?" Her voice tensed. "You didn't take any notes!"
I can only shake my head and shrug. "Whoops."
"WHOOPS!"
I cringe as Lavender stands having lost her composure she storms to the front of the room, the entire class now looking.
"Hermione." Lavender looks pointedly back at me. "You didn't take notes!"
I heard the gasps, but I didn't care—it was Lavender who was acting stupid, not like I was doing an Irish jig on the table or something. All's I did was…
Daydream.
All hour.
Professor Biggs seems to agree with me, staring at Lavender as if she had just spoken Chinese.
I wonder for a second if he'd respond with 'chi chow young' or something. Obviously my Chinese is very limited. In fact, it's non-existent.
Lavender finally takes the hint after what seems to be ages. She turned and calmly sits down, tossing my empty parchment at me—and a few death glares.
It's just too bad I don't care. I didn't like her using me as a scapegoat anyway.
The room didn't seem to care either and they turned back to their own work, causing Lavender to huff and sigh exaggeratedly.
I ignored her—choosing instead to start on the homework on the board.
Write the ways in which the…Lavender was jabbing me in the ribs. I pushed her prodding hand away.
Summer solstice…She continued to jab me, jerking in her seat and trying to get me to look up. Out of the corner of my eye it looked like she was having a fit, an episode, a seizure—take your pick. And it didn't look pleasant. I continued to ignore her.
Equally distributes the way a…"What!" I look up, completely annoyed.
Lavender is bright red and pointing to my right.
"What is it?" I ask, turning…and then I realized what it was or rather, who.
Everyone says
I'm getting down too low
Everyone says
You just got to let it go
"You can borrow my notes." Ifound myselfstaring into his winter-sky eyes. Why did he have to have such soulful eyes? Why did he have to be the one?
Why?
I felt the nerves begin to gnaw through the shock and I stared like an idiot as he held his notes out to me. I couldn't move, there was just no way. Why was it I just couldn't lift my hand and take them, nod my head, say 'no'…anything! I really couldn't.
I knew I was turning red, I could feel the heat on my neck—oh thank Merlin I wore my hair down today. You can't help who you fall for and believe me you can't help how your body reacts.
He stands there a second longer before a small smile crosses his heavenly features and I think I'm going to be sick.
"It's no problem." He places the notes on the table and gently brushes his hand against mine.
I want the world to end.
Lavender lunges, grabbing the notes. "Thanks."
I can see Draco's eyes flash—flash with what, I'm not sure. It wasn't annoyance. I don't think he cared, but something…something.
"You're welcome."
The other Gryffindors look up now in surprise.
Now I wanted him to disappear. It was bad enough he tortured me on an hourly, no secondly basis, but I did not need my housemates doing it as well.
When the hour finally ends I run off—who needed lunch? —I needed to go drown myself in the bathroom.
I need some sleep
Time to put the old horse down
I'm in too deep
And the wheels keep spinning' round
I didn't really try to do that, though, instead, I chose to sit in a chair—the sunlight hitting me, my eyes closing, my mind hazy…
Leaving my Draco-obsessed brain free to torture me as I drifted off.
It had started as all things started. Once upon a time…
I was standing again, in the ballroom. The others were somewhere, lost in the crowd. I could feel the hand as it snaked across my back, pulling me against him. I smiled, in the darkness no one could see. No one could see as he embraced me and turned me to face him.
"There you are."
I don't say anything. I never say anything.
He reaches up and brushes the curls from my face. His arms warm and tight—never letting me go. I want nothing more than to dance in that slow hypnotic sway—with him, only with him. It's amazing how the perfect song always comes along and plays at the perfect time. The time when his eyes are locked with mine.
I don't doubt that I am as transparent as glass. He can see inside of me, my soul, my thoughts.
This is what scares me, what makes me turn. This is what makes me run. I run away as the perfect song plays on. I run and feel empty.
This is where I choose the path.
And I choose the coward's way.
I wouldn't let myself be hurt.
I wouldn't let him near me.
I wouldn't.
Everyone says
You just got to let it go
You just got to let it go
wahla! numero dos! chapter two!
well, i like the chapter.
hope you do too!
song incerts: I need some sleep by The Eels
Please review!
jd.