Could've Been Me
DG32173
Sarah: welcome to another one-shot Inuyasha fanfic. This is a songfic based on the Billy Ray Cyrus song "Could've Been Me".
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the Inuyasha manga/anime/cast. Nor do I own the song "Could've Been Me".
WARNINGS!
Um, very angsty. Also, this is an Alternate Universe fic … everyone is living in the present era, not the Sengoku Jidai!
SUMMARY
Someone finds out that the girl he loves got married to another. He thinks about the reasons he lost her to his own half-brother. And then he is confronted by her adopted son and realizes how truly foolish he had been.
NOTE
"Lyrics"
"Speaking"
'Thinking'
INDEX
Kami-sama: God
Sengoku Jidai: feudal era
STORY
----------------------
"Oi! Wait up!" I hear someone call me as I walk through the forest towards my mansion. I turn to see Miroku running to catch up. I wait silently for him.
"What do you want?" I growl. I'm not in the mood to listen to him babble about on and on some girl or other.
"Have you heard?" he asks.
That gets my curiosity. He rarely starts off a conversation like this. "Heard what?" I ask, resuming my walk.
He stares at me in surprise. "Kagome got married," he says.
"I hear you just got married
Took a month long honeymoon."
I freeze, staring at him in shock. "W-what?" I say in surprise. This is definitely news I haven't heard.
"She got married to your brother," he says softly.
"How do you know this?" I ask, hoping against hope that it's just a silly rumor he had heard. But, somehow, I know it's not as simple as that.
"And you were all smiles at the wedding
And you cried when you kissed the groom."
"I was there," he says. "I was wondering why you weren't there is why I came to find you. They got married yesterday. He took her to travel the globe for a whole month as their honeymoon! I wish I could have afforded to do that when Sango and I got married," he says wistfully.
"I got no invitation
I guess the mailman didn't bring it to me
But I see the whole thing in slow motion
Every night as I try to sleep."
I stay silent for a moment, trying to get the courage to ask a few questions about the wedding. "W-was she pretty?" I ask softly.
He looks at me sympathetically. "Beautiful, really," he says. "The smile she wore through the whole thing … I've never seen anyone smile like that! She was even crying at the end, when she kissed him," he says regretfully.
"I was gonna object when the preacher asked about it," he says.
"My buddy John said you looked real pretty
And you acted like you were in love
He said the preacher asked for objections
And he thought about standing up."
"Why? She was clearly happy," I say moodily. I swore to myself long ago I would never get in the way of Kagome's happiness. Never, not even if I were unhappy because of her happiness.
"I told John he must've been crazy
'Cause you were just about to say I do."
He gives me a knowing smile and a wink. "I thought she'd also be just as happy if it were you," he says. We hear Sango calling for Miroku from a ways away. "Well, I gotta go. See you later." I nod stiffly, thinking over his words.
"He just gave me a wink and said all he could think
Is it could've been me with you."
It's been nearly two months since then. I rarely leave the grounds my mansion lies on anymore. All I can think of anymore is what Miroku said before he had to leave that day two months ago. 'I thought she'd also be just as happy if it were you.' What did he mean by that? I lean on the railing of the balcony outside my room, thinking over his words.
"It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me."
I remember how I used to daydream about wedding Kagome. I never thought I'd have competition for her heart … her love. I guess I never thought my brother would fall in love with her as well when he had her sister. Of course, Kagome is charming in her own quiet way. Che, quiet is hardly an suitable word for her. She rarely ever shuts up when not asleep … and even then, the girl talks in her sleep quite often!
But, besides that, if one were to look at her once, they would think her somewhat pretty, but definitely not beautiful. A second glance would show that she actually has a beauty that is not on the surface, but in her soul and eyes. I pull a small velvet box from my jacket pocket and flip it open to look at the silvery-blue diamond ring I had bought to propose to her with. Guess it'll never be used for its intended purpose.
"I don't guess I ever told you
That I went out and bought you a ring
I even carried it around in my pocket
Waiting to say the right thing."
I notice that the diamond had long ago stopped shining merrily. It seemed to have stopped shining the day that I found out she wed my brother instead of me. I never was one for words, so I kept trying to get up the courage to propose. Whenever I thought I had gathered it, one look at her would scatter the courage once more. She always took my breath away whenever I were to look at her.
"I pulled it out the other day
But the diamond had lost it's shine
Well I know how it feels 'cause my eyes grow dim
When I think you could've been mine."
I never could manage to tell her how I felt for her … how I still feel for her. I decide that I will never tell her. I won't have her feeling guilty for making me unhappy. That is what attracted me to her in the first place. She can't stand others being upset around her. She feels especially guilty if she is the cause of the unhappiness. That's probably what attracted my brother to her as well as myself.
"It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me."
'Kami-sama, I'm a mess,' I think as I stare at the half empty bottle of sake on the table in front of me. I've probably drank at least four bottles already in the past hour. I wanted to forget her momentarily by getting drunk. But that did not work at all. If anything, the liquor sharpens and increases my thoughts of her.
"Oh I called her just in time to be too late
You know those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see that."
I wonder how she's doing with him? I hope she's happy. If he ever dares hurt her, there will be hell to pay. I won't allow anyone to hurt her, even if I can't be the one she is married to.
"It could have been me standing there with you
It could have been me and my dreams coming true
But those dreams move on if you wait too long
It took me till now to see it could have been me."
Kagome is more precious to me than all the diamonds and gold in the world. I will not let anyone hurt her, emotionally or physically, as long as my spirit exists. Of course, my conscious reminds me that I had done both to her on several occasions. I quickly and roughly shove the thought away.
"It could have been me."
I hear a noise behind me and turn to see Shippo approaching me. The kitsune pup was in his teenaged-human disguise. "You love her," he states matter-of-factly. I raise an eyebrow. The pup is quite observant. He looks at the empty sake bottles on the table. "You shouldn't drink so much. You know Kagome wouldn't like that."
"It could have been me."
I turn back to the table. "And your point is?" I growl angrily.
"It could have been me."
"You broke her heart, you know," he says, sitting across from me. I look at him. This teenaged youkai seems to know something I don't.
"How so?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "You don't know?" he asks. Before I can respond, though, he continues. "Obviously not. She loved you more than she ever loved your brother," he says. "Sesshomaru, you obviously didn't see all the looks she kept giving you. I often caught her watching you with a look of longing in her eyes before she realized I was watching her," he says. I raise an eyebrow at this. She was watching me? Longingly watching me? How could I have been so stupid! "She's kept every single letter, picture, everything you've ever given her! She's cherished every moment she had with you. Then Inuyasha proposed to her. She was too kind to say no. But he and I could both tell she wanted to wait for you. And only for you! He kept asking if she was sure for a long time before the wedding! She didn't want to break his heart, not knowing he would have understood!"
"It could have been me…"
"Dammit, Sesshomaru! Didn't you notice the pet names she adopted for you! She never called anyone else by a pet name! Not even me or Rin!" he yells angrily. I sit dumbfounded. How could I have been so foolish? I lost her … I broke her heart. I never realized … that she loved me as much as I love her. "Inuyasha kept putting off the wedding, waiting for her to realize that he would understand that she wanted you! And ONLY you! He put the wedding off for three damned years! He told her not to wear the ring, knowing you would be crushed if you found out. He kept waiting for you to admit your feelings to her! And you never did! Dammit, Sesshomaru, you hurt her more by not telling her your feelings than she's ever been hurt by anything else combined!" the pup growls, obviously angrier than he had ever been before. "You know, if you ever do decide to tell her, Inuyasha will willingly break off the marriage so she can be with you and you with her! And she doesn't even know that! And she doesn't know why, but he refused to have sex with her! He wanted, and still wants, you to be her first!"
I sit in shock as he leaves the room angrily. "It truly could have been me …," I whisper, sitting stunned. I stayed like that for several hours, the buzz the sake had given me had died away when the pup told me I broke her heart. I broke the heart of the girl I loved by not telling her how I felt for her … how I still feel for her. I have to remedy this! I quickly leave my mansion, heading for Inuyasha's to tell the girl I love how much I truly love her before I lose her completely!
Well … I couldn't decide until the end who I wanted to be the brother who has to win Kagome back. But, I figured it would be more likely of Sesshomaru to hold back on telling his true feelings! Well, I hope you enjoyed this, and NO, there will be no sequel. Sorry to disappoint you. You can decide for yourself what happens after the end.