Nope, really it's not mine . . . But if you want to think so, I'll take it as a compliment.
The song from the last chapter was Eric Clapton's Tears in Heaven
And so here we go on to chapter 3
Growing Pains
Part three
Ja ne Kat
Hakkai was stumbling through the rain . . . again. He hated the rain. He didn't have time to think about it. Someone was chasing him. Vegetation tore at his clothes his skin, he kept running.
Where was Goyjo? Had he finally left him? Where was anyone for that matter? He tried to remember how he had ended up here but he had no clue. Was Goyjo or one of the others hurt somewhere?
"Help me! Somebody . . . anybody." His voice dropped off to whisper as he fell to his knees. How long he stayed like that he had no idea, he only knew that after awhile it felt like someone was watching him. He started to walk and then run again, but, the feeling stayed with him no matter fast he moved.
"Hakkai?" the wind seemed to call. It forced him to run faster.
"Hakkai."Goyjo! Goyjo was calling him.
"Goyjo! Where are you?" he had the feeling that he was now running back the way he had come from, running back to whatever it was that had scared him. He stopped suddenly. He looked all around him. The bushes moved off to his left, and he was pinned beneath a strong warm body, looking up into eyes the colour of sunrise.
"GOYJO?" he whispered, not quite believing it.
"Of course, baka! What the hell did you think you were doing?" Gojyo asked, worry plain on his face, in his voice.
Then a yell sliced the night bringing him back to the real world.
"SANZO!"
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"Get out you little brat! Do you like to make me sad? Get out of my house." His mother reached for the plate she had been cleaning. Shards cut into his skin from where it shattered. "Get out!"
He ran. He ran past all the stares and whispers that always followed him wherever he went. He ran right out of town, he didn't stop till his foot slipped on a rock and he landed in the river he'd been trying to cross. He screamed as he felt the something "other" in him rush up and want to play in that water. He might have lost it right then, his human forever lost to the madness the most half breeds suffer from, but, a strong hand pulled him out of the water.
"Goyjo? Are you in there?" he looked up and smiled at his brother. It took him two tries to answer him.
"H-hai Jien. Sorry for making you come get me." His brother shook his head and hauled him onto a bigger rock. He was glad Jien had come. Jien never acted as though he was a mistake that should be killed. He told the boy all about his day and took him shopping with him. Jien never seemed to notice the stares they got as the walked around.
"Will you please stop apologizing for living? I don't think you're any trouble at all. You didn't choose your heritage and I know you didn't ask for it. You're my little bro and I love you. Of course I came to get you. Why wouldn't I?"
"I made her so mad. I..." he couldn't speak any more he had to stop, had to cry. He hated when he did that, but he had to do it. If he didn't he knew something bad would happen. Jien just held him, and rubbed his back in small circles till he couldn't cry anymore.
"Think you can walk?"
"Of course." Goyjo said. And then proved it by falling back in the water. "Jien!" he was hauled out again.
"Jeez, and here I thought you knew how to walk." Jien carried him to the bank. By that time the boy had fallen asleep in his arms. "A good thing your not heavy."
Goyjo was woken up by a whimper. Someone he cared about calling him.
"GOYJO?"
Someone else's heart was breaking.
"SANZO!"
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Sanzo stared as the Youkai ripped his master apart. Watched as they laughed at his weakness.
No, this is isn't real.
His master lay there bleeding. He raised his hand toward him gifting him with his mark, his curse.
This is the past wake up. You're not real.
He curled his child like body into a corner and dreamed that nightmare again.
"Would you like a different scene?" a fightingly familiar voice asked. "Let's try this one, from a god's point of view"
And he was staring at the last time he and Goku had shared a room, before the monkey began acting weird.
I hate flashbacks. It was all he had time to think.
Sanzo was woken up by a whimper. Normally he would have thrown the monkey out of bed, but, this wasn't the normal sound the boy made, and the boy had been having bad dreams lately. Sanzo bolted up in bed. He turned to look at the poor monkey. He had made himself as small as he possibly could. His arms, which were trembling, were locked around his knees, tears leaked out of closed eyes.
"Goku!" He shouted. He reached out and shook the boy. Nothing, no reaction from Goku. He sighed then slapped him. Hard. Still, nothing. "Hakkai!"
It took no time at all for the other two members of their team to hit their door way.
"Nani!" Hakkai exclaimed as he took in the convulsing bundle on the bed. He moved forward . . . as Sanzo got blasted back. As they looked up from the pile, they had been blasted into, Goku floated up off the bed, surrounded in golden light.
"YOU'LL NOT USE ME AGAIN!" He yelled, still asleep. As the words left his mouth, his diadem glowed blue and a girl's soft voice filled the room.
... They say if you love something let it go,
If it comes back it's yours that's how you know,
It's for keeps, and it's for sure...
The voice faded away with the light as Goku was gently lowered onto the bed.
"Crintha." He said happily, as Hakkai walked over to the bed.
"Goku?" he said softly. Golden eyes slid open.
"Hai, Hakkai." The monkey murmured sleepily
"You okay?" Goku blinked at the brunette in confusion.
"Hai. Why?"
"Nothing, go back to sleep Goku." The boy nodded and a few minutes later fell asleep again.
"Well?" Goyjo asked. Hakkai just shook his head.
"The only time I have ever felt energy like that was after a natural disaster, an earthquake."
"What?" Goyjo said, clearly not understanding a word. Sanzo just shrugged.
"Each element on the plant has its own ki. If you go to the scene of a disaster, you can feel the energy the element had to use to make that disaster." Hakkai said.
"And Goku felt like that?" Goyjo asked incredulously.
"That's not very surprising if you think about it." Sanzo said, thinking of how he'd found the monkey.
"I know what you told us, but I never believed it, ya'know." Goyjo said
"Let's worry about it later." Sanzo said. "There's nothing we can do about it, so let's just go back to bed."
He watched as the others walked out, but spun around at the sound of footsteps. There, outlined by moonlight stood Goku.
"Sanzo . . . ?"
"You fucking monkey, you were faking . . . " Sanzo started to yell but Goku cut him off.
"Please Sanzo, what did I do this time? Who did I hurt? What happened . . . "
Goku was silenced by Sanzo's mouth. His eyes widened in surprise. If felt . . . nice. Really nice, and warm, and soft. Sanzo was very soft. Just then Sanzo pulled back and it all went away. Goku found himself looking into closed, guarded violet eyes.
"Now stay quiet and go to sleep." Sanzo told him before get back into bed, turning his back on the poor confused boy.
Goku felt the tears build up silently in his eyes. Had Sanzo kissed him just to shut him up? Then why were his eyes closed if he wasn't enjoying it? Did he wish he'd been kissing a girl? Goku laid down on the floor beaten.
Sanzo was stilled curled in a ball when it ended, but he was no longer the child he had been during his nightmare.
"Kouryuu." The voice was talking to him again.
Go away. I wish you would just go away. You're not real.
"Genjo Sanzo! Stand up!" Sanzo's pride and the title forced him to stand before his master. "Kouryuu, what happened to you?"
"What?" for the first time Sanzo noticed that the temple was gone. They were standing in a big black void. "Where are we?"
"Where no lies can be told. Your heart, your mind. Your Self. Are you going to give me an answer?"
"I don't understand what you meant."
"When I heard your voice, you were polite, well-mannered and rarely ever got upset. Now you get made over noise and start shooting. To think that boy gives a damn about you, although way is beyond me. He believes all those things you say about him . . . to him. Yet he still believes in you, trusts in you. Just like you did me." He paused to look at Sanzo. "IS the fact that he's a boy the only thing stopping you?" His master asked the question quietly, as if he was afraid of the answer.
Sanzo just looked at him. Was the fact the Goku was male the only thing holding him back? No, at least he didn't think so.
"No." He said, with a lot more certainty then he felt.
"Good." His master said. "I would hate to have to start being afraid to admit I know you, to be ashamed of you."
"You mean you're not yet?"
"No. Why would I be, Kouryuu?"
"I would be." Sanzo said as he lowered his head.
"There is no shame in surviving." His shishou said with conviction. He then went back to his earlier train of thought. "What is stopping you?"
Sanzo's mind stalled. What WAS stopping him? He spit out the first thing that can to mind.
"He really is just a kid, despite his age and I happen to be the adult in charge of taking care of him, and . . . and he's too innocent to know what was going on. It seems a little like rape to me." Sanzo's mind flashed to the monkey floating above the bed. Yelling. He raised his head, looking his shishou in the eyes. "I'd hate to be another name he had to add to the list of people who used him."
Whatever would have been said was drowned out by a more important voice calling him.
Sanzo? Come back, I'm here. Sanzo?
It was the voice that still called out to him sometimes. Goku would always swear he hadn't done it, even when Sanzo threatened to shoot him. The words from the first time he'd seen the monkey would always come back to him.
"...I ...I didn't call you."
Sanzo looked back over at his master when a wave of despair and pain pushed him to his knees. He knew instantly that it wasn't his, but Goku's.
Stop! Sanzo! PLEASE STOP! Someone hit the ground and the rattling of chains echoed through him. When he thought it was over a cry broken of desperation and despair went through his heart along with a sinking feeling.
SANZO!
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Sanzo sat up.
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Just for you booklover9. I'm really glad that your still reading it. It means a lot to me so thanks. It's nice that you always give a review right away so I have something to work with when I start the next chapter.
Aimeara- thank you very much for your kind review. Yes my Japanese really is just awful but I promise to correct it when I figure out how. Chapter 2 is sad Whaa. But I hoped that this chapter explained it some. If not, you'll understand in the next. I really like that you corrected me. Thanks for keeping me on the right path.
Thanks to everyone else who reviewed too!
Ja ne
Kat