Chapter 1: It's All Your Fault
The graveyard of his nightmares was surrounding him. Unnatural purple mist swapped at his feet and the sky was pitch black, not a twinkle of a star in sight.
He was tied to a gravestone which Harry suspected was like the one he had been bound to in his fourth year. The memories still haunted him.
"Hello Harry" A cold high pitch voice filled his ears. He strained his neck to see the white face of Lord Voldemort behind him. No one was there and Harry felt fear rise stronger inside.
"Do you think this is a dream Harry?" Harry didn't answer; if he didn't answer then it wouldn't be real.
"Because it isn't. No Harry this is real, as real as it was on the night of my rebirth." Lord Voldemort laughed and Harry began to feel nausea. He shut his eyes as the world began to sway.
"Open your eyes Harry." Harry opened his eyes.
They were standing in exactly the same place that Harry had stood when he watched Sirius die. Those memories still haunted him too.
Voldemort stood next to him, his eyes on Harry watching him intently. Black robes billowed around his tall thin body and his long fingers were wrapped around his wand.
Then before his eyes he saw Sirius and Bellatrix appear and the same as they had done that night they began duelling. Firing spell after spell at each other, Harry saw their mouths move but no sound came out. And everything seemed to be happening as it had that night. Exactly the same down to their very movements.
Harry didn't think he could take much more of it. It was too painful; he had experienced it once and didn't need to again.
He went to take a step back but found he couldn't move. He closed his eyes. Shutting out the world around him and muttering inside his head that it wasn't real, that it was only a nightmare.
"Open your eyes Harry." Harry's eyes opened of their own accord. And as they did so did sound return to the scene.
"Come on you can do better than that!" Sirius yelled and then a red light hit him squarely on the chest. His body fell, his back arching gracefully and he seemed to glow.
"Noooooo" Harry yelled anguish filling his voice, tears heavy in his eyes.
Voldemort laughed no pity in his voice. There never would be. He walked in front of Harry and then changed. Voldemort became handsome and dark. He became Sirius.
Harry froze his eyes wide.
"It's all your fault Harry." Sirius whispered and his eyes full with bitterness.
"No… no Sirius…I"
"Harry it's your entire fault. I came here to help you. To save you! Instead I died. I DIED!" He shouted and Harry shook with fear and grief. His heart felt like it was going to shatter.
"You aren't worth saving. You are worth NOTHING!"
Tears streamed down Harry's face. He couldn't breathe. He was sure he was going to break. And then he felt nausea again and he shut his eyes.
He was floating; he had his wand in his hand and out stretched before him. Harry opened his eyes and found himself back in the graveyard. He was in the air above all the Death Eaters and facing Voldemort. Their wands were joined by a line of deep gold and vibrating so hard that Harry couldn't let go if he wanted too.
But he wanted to, he had to let go. It didn't matter if he let go because it was only a dream. Even if it was beginning to feel like something else.
"Hold on Harry and you shall see the truth." Shouted Voldemort. This wasn't right, he didn't say that.
And then just as it had done that night so the echo of Cedric Diggory appear. But it was different. He was different.
He was wearing a sneer across his face and his eyes were full of hatred and they glared at him.
"I'm dead Harry. And do you know why?" Harry shook his head, his heart hammered against his rib cage.
"Because of you. It's all your fault I'm dead Potter. I should have never taken that portkey with you. But no you insisted." Cedric suddenly laughed the same laugh that Voldemort had.
"But now I've been given a second chance. A chance to have my revenge. I am going to break you."
He floated off to the side and stood next to Voldemort.
Harry shook, he couldn't breathe again. His heart was cracking but not breaking. Not yet.
"And then Harry saw his mother appear out of Voldemort's wand. And just like Cedric she wore a face of hatred. She glared at Harry, her red hair floating around her as if the wind moved it.
"Mu…mum" Harry stuttered.
"You bastard" His mum said. "I gave up my life for you. I and your father and you repay us by sending our best friend to death. I hate you and your father will be here soon to tell you the same." She floated over and stood next to Cedric.
Tears were filling his eyes and Harry strode to stop them from falling. He couldn't show weakness even though his heart felt like it had cracked and broken into two pieces. He would be strong because it wasn't true. But even as he thought this he couldn't help but feel that it was. He had sent them to their deaths.
Out of Voldemort's wand came Harry's father. Accuser of savior, but from the disgust painted plainly on his face Harry knew it was the end of him.
There was silence while the father and son stared at each other. Silent tears rolled down Harry's face as he looked deep into his father's eyes.
Then James Potter spoke in a whisper. "You are a disappointment to me son." And that was all. But those seven words did more damage to Harry then all of them put together.
He suddenly found himself standing on the ground and collapsed instantly. Sobbing into his hands, his heart seemed to have been torn from his chest and crushed.
"Did it hurt Harry? Did they hurt you?" Voldemort chuckled and Harry looked up.
"Love is weakness Harry and I can stop you from being weak. Join me Harry and I know we can rule this petty world." He looked at Harry straight in the eye and for once Harry didn't feel his scar sear. "I sense something in you Harry. I don't know what it is. But I can smell it. A power in you that no one else has."
He sighed before turning away and gazing at the sky. "Join me Harry."
"I will never join you!" Harry said surprising even himself with his courage and determination.
"Fine but you shall regret it." He twirled around and glared at Harry. Harry clamped his hand to his scar as it pain burned through it.
And then Harry was spinning. Spinning through colours that were so bright they hurt his eyes. Suddenly he landed on his bed. He snapped open his eyes and rushed to the bathroom.
After throwing up he crept downstairs as quietly as possible trying desperately to not disturb uncle Vernon. He didn't want to think what would happen if he did.
As he stood at the tap filling up his cup he tried not to think about his nightmare. But his heart and scar still hurt and he couldn't seem to breathe through the lump in his throat.
Tears were burning in his eyes and before he knew it they were falling thick and fast. Harry gasped for breathe trying to stop the tears.
Instead he broke down crying, he sagged against the counter, whimpering and trying to not make noise.
Why did it always have to happen to him? Why couldn't he have a family and parents? Why did they always have to die?
He slid down and sat on the floor his back pressed against a cupboard. He was slowly regaining control of himself. And his vision was less blurry from the tears. He looked up and could see on the dining room table a knife and a new thought slid into his mind. A suicidal thought.
Harry shook his head. What was he thinking?
Oh come on you can do it! It won't hurt. And you could see Sirius again and your parents. Whispered a voice in his mind.
No, anyway Voldemort's supposed too kill me. Or I kill him but there's fat chance of that.
Oh come on. This will be painless as well. Voldemort's bound to give you all the pain 20 people can take and drive you crazy. Harry shook his head. This wasn't how he talked. He wasn't suicidal.
But somehow he felt himself stand up like someone was taking control of his body. He tried to fight against it but couldn't seem to shake the grip off. It felt like a giant hand was wrapped around his body but controlling it. Making his legs move forward and his hands outstretch in front of him.
He was walking towards the table and Harry suddenly realized where they were going. He was moving towards the knife.
He tried to squirm from the hand but nothing happened. Harry began to panic as he picked up the knife, its handle cold in his hand.
He brought the knife down to his wrist.
Harry squirmed screaming and shouting at the same time but his body still held the knife. It was like his body and mind or soul was separated but still together.
He cut. Blood instantly squirted out and spilled onto the floor. Harry's body collapsed. This was it. The end. Everyone was going to think he killed himself.
And as he sank into death's darkness he realized he had control over his body again. Only it was too late.
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Thats the end of the first chapter but don't worry the other chapters will be triple the size of this one. Please press the review button and be nice because this is my first ever fic!