Chapter 14
"I will mis you... Risa."
Was it just me, or was I thinking about him every waking second of every living day in every god damn class? I was. I knew I was. Even the stuff before Christmas break was bugging me. Like the study sessions or that one day in the Nurse's Office. I was thinking about him, and what he had said, and what he had done, and what he had smelled like... Yes,what he smelled like! It's 80 percent of our memory, smelling is, so... anyway.
Izumi and Kagura kept asking over and over again if I was ok. I would just shrug or nod or shake my head. They figured out in a few days that I wasn't talking to Satoshi and he wasn't talking to me. I thought Izumi would kill him. Literally. She had this bonfire in her eyes and her nostrils flared and even Kyo couldn't calm her down.
"Good God, Izumi-chan, please!" I finally said after she was raving about him for... well, the hundreth time that day. "Don't hurt him. I'm just... nervous for midterms." Which was true, but not entirely true.
Time went by, and the days grew longer. But Friday soon came. All midterms were finished. That night, he would be gone from my life... forever. At the very end of August, when school had started, I was thrilled with this idea. Now... I'm not so sure. I kept telling myself over and over again that I didn't need him there. Then there would be this voice... way deep inside me... and it would tell me that I did. I did need him. It haunted me in my dreams and it came to me during classes.
And it sure as hell screwed up my focus on my midterms. Well, before I took them anyway.
I needed help. Not just any help. Real help. Like... with someone that could relate to me. Someone... that knew things that I didn't.
"What exactly happened the day I passed out in the lunch room?" I asked.
I sat in the Nurse's Office, of course visiting Sensei Arisa. She was a good, trusted adult that related more to me than any mother ever could. She understood things that I didn't, and it seemed to me that, if I were to confess my problems to her, everything would be ok. The situation I was in called for more than just talking to my friends. I needed to talk to her.
Sensei Arisa nearly dropped the bottle of asprin in her hands. She fumbled with it, then set it down forcefully on the counter and stared at me. For once, I had caught her off guard.
"Yitoren-san hasn't told you yet?" she asked me. I shook my head, frowning a bit from the thought of him. "And you really want to know?"
My stomach did a few turns as I thought about the concept. I finally nodded and so did she. Sensei Arisa took a deep breath, jumped up to sit on the counter, then looked at the ceiling, thinking. I sat exact opposite of her and waited for her response.
"Well..." she began. "As far as I know, Yitoren-san was burnt from his little heroic accident... he said that he was trying to find the Nurse's Office, but ended up in the lunch room instead. From there, he found you, then called us on his cell, which really wasn't allowed in school, but anyway..." She took a few more seconds to think. "We found him hunched over you, practically craddling your body in his arms. I believe his jacket was wrapped around your head to stop the bleeding.
"Well, we had only one wheelchair, but he insisted that you were the one to be put in it. I wasn't about to fight with two injured students in front of me, so I did just that. I thought he would stay put in the lunch room until we came with another chair, but he didn't. He limped and hobbled and hopped right along side of us as we rushed you down here. You were put into the 'operating' room and he was put somewhere else. He threw a fit though. Mumbling and scoffing about it all."
She puffed out her chest and deepended her voice, as if mocking him. "As soon as I get this stupid ankle bandaged up, I'd better be allowed in there. I need to see if she's ok. I need to see is she's hurt."
She giggled to herself, then stopped and sighed, a thoughtful expression coming over her face. "Of course we didn't allow him in the operating room at first, but... he just wouldn't give up. I swear, Harada-san, he was a stubborn boy! We finally becamce fed up with it all and let him inside the damned operating room. I've never seen him look so relieved before..." She then shook herself. "Anyway...
"He marched inside, limp and all, and grabbed your hand. He squeezed it, and looked a bit pained for a second, then relaxed and began talking. Talking about how everything was going to be ok; how he was there and that nothing was wrong. Said things I used to dream of a boy saying to me... he was stroking you hand with his thumb, continuing to talk. We ended the work on you, then moved you to your room. He stayed there for the next two and a half hours. Just talking...
"I overheard him saying a few things that didn't make sense. He was like, 'I remember that one time, when you helped me with my feminine studies...'." She laughed, and I smiled sadly, remembering that time in the well when I had been foolishly chasing my 'love'. He had given me his jacket then too...
"Did he really talk to me for two and a half hours?" I asked, feeling guilty and giddy at the same time.
Sensei Arisa nodded. "Sure did. Well... every now and then, I'd glance in on you two and just see him staring at you... stroking your hand. I tell you, I've never seen anything like it, Harada-san."
There was a moment when I was just staring at my hands, gently touching where his hand might have been. Then she spoke again.
"And then he just turns around and acts like he doesn't even know you!" she slipped down from the counter and shook her head. "I'm telling you, I could have smacked him right then and there... Such a nice thing you two had and he ruined it all! If I were his mother..."
I sat in my seat for a long time. Sensei Arisa kept rambling on and on about something or other... but I sat. I could barely think with all the information she had given me. The only thought that was running through my mind was:
You're an idiot.
It was still ringing in my ears as I stood and dashed from the room, Sensei Arisa yelling after me. I can remember running to my car, clumsily fingering the keys, driving to the airport (with a terrible road-rage attitude) and standing. Right there. Right at the fron doors. And it was still ringing:
You're an idiot.
"Jesus..." I breathed in deep and looked around. Probably waking up for the first time, I cursed and walked through the large, spinning glass doors. It was then that I noticed that I had no clue of where he could be. I chose a random gate number and headed that way.
Where would the gate for the States be? I asked myself, looking around like mad. I stopped and listened closely when the ladie's voice came over the speakers.
"All passengers for flight 191, United States, please head towards gate 25. All passengers-"
I stopped listening when I noticed that I was at gate 52. I swore again and ran. No... I sprinted. I don't think I've done that in public. I mean... it was always unlady-like to dash after a guy. Especially in public. What would Riku say if she knew? Oh, she'd probably just laugh her head off... again. I swear, one day, I'll be the one laughing at her-
Gate 40
I sort of had a head-on collision with this one rather large guy. We both fell on our butts, and I rubbed my head. He glared at me, and I jumped right back up.
"Hey!" he shouted after me and I ran.
"Sorry-I-can't-talk-I-gotta-catch-this-guy-right-now-or-I'll-regret-it-for-the-rest-of-my-life!" I called over my shoulder, speaking at record speed and slurring my words together. I had to dodge about... 50 other people that were boarding a different flight, and run down the escalators. I'm positive that I had pissed more than a few people off, but at the moment, I didn't care. Not one bit. All I could think about was him, and him leaving, and me never seeing him again, and him meeting another girl...
"Last call for flight 191, United States..."
Whoa, where had that last thought come from? If I didn't want Satoshi with another girl, and I didn't want him being alone... what did that add up to? Disliking other girls plus disliking him being alone equaled... T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Or L-O-V-E.
Gate 30
Just a few more, I thought. Please, Satoshi, don't leave...
Wait... L-O-V-E. That spelled love... Dear God, love? I was in love? Since when? And how!
I stopped exactly at Gate 25 and tried to catch my breath. My vision was a bit... off, but I was still looking. I saw the line of people waiting to board the plane. I think I chocked when I didn't see him. I ran over to the line and right up to the lady. I smiled the best I could, trying not to act like I had just run a marathon.
"Excuse me," I said politely. "I was looking for-"
"Are you getting on board?" she asked, not really wanting to deal with me.
"N-no," I stammered. "B-but I was wondering if you had seen this one guy..."
"I see over a million of them every day," she replied, taking another ticked, ripping it, and giving it back to the passenger.
"Yes, but this one's different," I said. "He's tall, and has glasses, and blue eyes... and his hair is a bit abnormal..."
"You mean him?" she asked, poitning to behind me.
I whirled around and felt... overjoyed, relieved, giddy, successful, jubilant... a lot of words described what I was feeling. I turned, said a quick 'thanks' to the woman, and walked briskly over to the last person that was standing in line. His eyes never left my body. I grabbed his arm, pulled him over to the side...
And then I really didn't know what the heck to do with myself.
"What is it?" Satoshi asked, glancing from the line back to me, then noticing my condition. "You look-"
"Like I just finished a marathon," I cut him off, still trying to catch my breath. "Yeah, yeah, I know."
"Well, what is it?" he asked again.
"U-umm..." I stammered, caughing a bit. "I don't know. I... I haven't gotten that far in the planning process yet."
Satoshi stayed for a moment, then rolled his eyes and turned to leave. "I must-"
Again, I grabbed his arm. This time, I didn't let go. "D-don't... act... like you did... when school began. We need... to talk."
"About what?" he asked, eyeing the line that now consisted of two people. "I really need to go..."
"What if," I began, thinking fast. "I knew someone that didn't want you to go?"
"It wouldn't make a difference," he replied, pushing his glassed up his nose, causing my hand to fall from his arm. "I have-"
"What if," I interrupted, getting desperate. "I didn't want you to go." He looked questioningly at me and I began to panic. "I mean... I know that I thought that I wanted you to disapear from my life completely when this whole thing began... b-but... I mean... sometimes, I think that first impressions can be wrong, and thoughts can change, and... I think that my feelings have changed from what you thought they were, and what you probably still think they are, but they really aren't because I think I changed them and I think that I don't think about you the way I used to think about you and I think that I think about you the opposite of what I used to think about you and what you probably currently think I think about you..."
I honestly don't know if I have ever rambled so much in my life. Satoshi looked like he had no idea what I had just said. Hell, I didn't even know what I had just said! I could only stare at past him, to embarassed to actually look him in the eye.
"Risa," Satoshi said after a long moment of stupidity silence. "Is there something you want to tell me?" It was then or never... and I had to look... so I looked. God, he had intense eyes.
"I don't think that you should leave." There! I finally said it!... Why did it seem like I had wanted to say that for a lifetime instead of maybe a day or two? "I think that you should stay here... in Tokyo U."
Satoshi was scruitinizing me, not entirely believing me either. "Why?"
What the hell was with all the questions? I swear he just had to know everything! I then paused and took a breath, not entirely ready to plunge into this pile of insanity. "Iwantyoutostayherewithme!"
That got him. "What?"
I tried steadying myself, and kind of failed, but the fact that he was still there encouraged me. "I... want you... to stay here... with me."