Chapter Seven

"Do you want to come in?" Sam asked Luka after she realised she had just been staring at him for the past few minutes.

Luka didn't say anything just followed her down to the living room. They sat down opposite each other, neither saying anything. Both feeling extremely uncomfortable, the tension in the air was so thick it would have taken your breath away.

"Do you want anything to drink? Coffee? Tea?" Sam offered.

"No, I'm fine, thanks."

Sam nodded at him and looked down at the floor as they settled into the all too familiar silence.

"We're having a girl?" Luka asked.

"Yeah," Sam said snapping her head up to look at him. "I'm twelve weeks along, the doctor said that she's healthy, there's nothing wrong."

"Good," Luka said nodding his head. He wanted nothing more than to pick Sam up and show her just how much he missed her. Instead he stuck with small talk.

"Where's Alex?"

"He went out with Carter." Sam so wanted out of this conversation. Things were so awkward and the gap between them seemed to be wider than ever. She was also pretty sure that if they kept up the nodding for much longer they'd do some sort of damage to their necks.

"Does Alex know you're pregnant?"

"Yeah, he's actually happy about it. He would have preferred a brother but he'll settle for a sister."

"Good," Luka nodded. This was ridiculous, he thought, they had lived together, shared their lives, shared a bed and now look at them. He wasn't sure he could take much more of this.

Sam could feel her eyes filling up; she looked up at the ceiling telling herself over and over that she was not going to cry. If only her eyes would listen.

Luka was watching Sam, he knew she was trying not to cry; he didn't blame her. This was not how things should be with them. He got up and went over to her sitting beside her.

"Sam?" he asked taking hold of her hand.

Sam moved her head to look at him; she smiled when he took her hand. Maybe they could work things out. He was here, that was the first step.

"What happened to us?" she asked.

"I don't know."

They settled back into a silence, this time it wasn't awkward though. Luka laced his fingers with hers, with his free hand he pushed a strand of hair out of her face, his hand lingering on her cheek.

"Come back," he said, "come home with me."

Before Sam could give him an answer he kissed her, his hand still cupping her face and his thumb caressing her cheek. It felt so good to be kissing her again.

Sam let him kiss her, she wanted to just get lost in her own little fantasy, and it felt good. It felt good to let herself believe that she too could get one of those movie endings.

The kiss got more intense and Sam could feel herself fall back on the couch with Luka falling on top of her. She threw her arms around his neck and let her hands run through his hair.

Luka moved away from Sam's mouth and started kissing her neck. His hands moved down her body and he started taking off her top.

Sam started pushing him off, wasn't there something she wanted to say to him? He could make her forget everything so easily.

"Luka, stop."

He sat back and looked at her, "What?"

She looked him in the eyes; they were full of lust for her. Her heart ached for him; she subconsciously put a hand on her stomach. She knew what she had to do.

"Sex is not going to solve anything!" she said.

"No, but we can solve things later, right now I need to have you." Luka said and he moved back in for another kiss.

Sam put her hand on his chest to stop him. Luka leaned back and sighed.

"There is nothing to solve," he said, "I love you, and now we're going to have a baby together." He put his hand over Sam's on her stomach.

"You're right, we are having a baby and I will not put another child through its parents' issues. We need to start communicating; we need to sort our problems now."

Luka stayed exactly were he was, saying nothing. His face was blank, Sam just closed her eyes.

"What are you feeling right now?" she asked.

Luka continued his silence, he just sat there. Sam opened her eyes; he made her feel so irrational sometimes. All she wanted was to know what he was feeling, that wasn't an outlandish request, was it?

"Are you happy? Sad? Angry? Scared?" she asked, he still just said nothing. "You must be feeling something."

"I'm fine" he said at last.

"LUKA!" she sighed. If they couldn't sort this out, if he couldn't talk to her . . . . She let a tear escape down her cheek as she thought of how much it hurt losing him.

Luka didn't know what to do anymore, Sam was clearly upset. He wasn't exactly sure why.

"Sam, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

She brought her knees up and hugged them to her.

"Why can't you talk to me?" she asked her voice so low Luka could barely hear her.

"I talk to you."

"No, you don't. Not really. You know so much about me, you know what I think and what I feel, you know about my past, I don't know any of that stuff about you."

"What do you want to know?" he sighed.

"Tell me about your life in Croatia, about your wife and children."

"Why is it so important to you that I talk about them?"

"Because they are a big part of you, a part which you keep hidden, its part of what makes you the man you are today. It's the part of you that you never let me see."

Luka said nothing, he hadn't realised just how much it meant to her for him to be open. But he just didn't want to do it; he didn't see it as being necessary.

"Talk to me God dammit!" Sam yelled. She felt that she had been stuck in this argument for way too long. They just kept going around and around in circles.

"Wouldn't you want me to tell you if I there was something about my life I was keeping from you?"

"Yes, I would and I know that there is, so why don't you tell me?" Luka said breaking his silence.

"I have not kept anything important from you," she lied.

"Yes you have. You don't feel you need to talk about them, right?"

Sam nodded her agreement, not liking where this was going.

"Well that's how I feel, and you can empathise with that but still you push me. Why?"

"You have seen most of my dirty laundry Luka, so don't try to turn this around to me. Besides, you really don't need to know."

"Tell me Sam, I think it's important that you do."

Sam got up from the couch and walked around the coffee table. She turned to face him again.

"What do you want me to tell you about Luka? How the first guy I dated after Alex was born raped me? Or how about all the times Steve used to beat me, there's the time he broke my arm, you don't want to miss the opportunity to hear that story!" She yelled at him, "Which would you like me to tell you Luka?"

Luka walked over to her and tried to put his arm around her but she wouldn't let him.

"Don't," she whispered. By this stage she had given up the fight against the tears and they were falling fast down her face.

"I don't want us to end Sam," Luka said inching closer to her, "I don't think I can live without you, without being able to hold you in my arms," he added while putting his arms around her, "without being able to kiss you." He kissed her forehead and leaned his forehead against hers. They were both crying now.

"Luka," Sam protested weakly.

"Don't leave me," he said.

It was almost too much for her, he sounded so hurt and lost. She didn't want to leave him but ……

"Can we sort this out? Can we start communicating?" she asked.

"All I know is that I need you, and not just you, I need Alex and our baby. I love you all so much, I love you so much Sam, and I can't lose you. Please don't let me lose you."

Sam said nothing; she just buried her head into his chest, inhaling his scent. She wasn't able to look at him, not after that speech. She could feel her heart breaking.

Luka clung onto Sam as if his life depended on it. He knew that he needed to fix this now or he would lose her forever. He couldn't have that, she meant everything to him. If she went he knew he would never be able to heal the pain.

"Marry me." He asked.

Sam drew back and looked him in the eyes. "Is that all you have to say?"

He doesn't answer her; she sighs, shakes her head and walks away from him.

"So are we over?"

Sam turns to look at him, a huge lump is forming in her throat, she didn't know the answer to his question.

"That's really up to you Luka." She answered quietly.

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on.