Sorry it took me so long to update, I was really busy over the weekend, and then I couldn't log onto this site for the past two days. But on the bright side you are now getting two chapters!
Chapter Nine
Sam sighed as she stared out of the window of the el. She was on her way to County for her doctor's appointment. Ever since her birthday it had seemed that the world had gone slightly mad, or at least all of the men had. All the men that she knew had been acting so strange with her since then, she wasn't sure what to think.
Luka, who granted was always a bit of a mystery to her, was acting so weird. He was treating her like she was a bomb that could explode at any moment, but only if you angered it! He seemed to hold his feelings in tighter than ever as well, but that wasn't new. What was new was the way he would have this dopey grin whenever he looked at her, it was starting to drive her crazy. He was over at the house yesterday and every time she turned to look at him he gave her this goofy grin.
Then there was Carter, she thought they were getting on great, but since her birthday he had seemed to be ignoring her. He kept out of her way as much as possible; he wouldn't even sit beside her. If he did talk to her, he refused to look at her.
And Alex, who could hardly be called a man, but he too was acting out of character. He was very withdrawn, the only time she ever really saw him seemed to be whenever Luka was around. Yesterday he had stopped her from being able to say two sentences to Luka, and today, Alex tried practically every trick in the book to stop her from going to her appointment. She thought that maybe he felt left out, how he could when he seemed to follow her around everywhere was another mystery.
The one common thread between the three men was her, but she didn't want to think there was something wrong with her at first. But now, after three days she was raking her brain to try to see what she could possibly have done to make them act this way. She was drawing a blank; she had done nothing out of the ordinary. Carter must want her out of the house, but he had been so positive about the arrangement before.
Try as she might, she just couldn't understand the men in her life. She never had been able to understand Steve either, but she had put that down to him being high all the time.
She looked down at her stomach and patted it smiling.
"Thank god you're a girl." She whispered to her baby.
Standing at Admit, Carter let his mind wander. For the past few days all he could think about was Sam. Usually at work, he got a chance to forget all about his feelings, but today the ER was really slow. He had been doing his best to act natural around her and avoid too much conversation. The last thing he wanted was for Sam to find out how he felt, it hadn't taken Susan long to notice so he wasn't taking any chances.
It was so hard, trying to push his feelings aside and live with her. The temptation was right there, in front of him, and it took all of his self control to resist. He now knew that he had been in love with her for quite some time, he had just not let himself feel that way while she was happy with Luka. Not after what the two of them had been through with Abby. He had learned to leave well enough alone. He knew that he should leave this alone too; she was pregnant with Luka's child. But there were times, like the other night when Alex had wanted to watch a horror movie and Sam had taken comfort by hiding in Carter's shoulder, when it seemed impossible to walk away.
Sam chose that moment to walk into the ER, and he just stood there watching her. Luka would do that a lot and he could see why, even though she was just wearing jeans and a top, she was beautiful. She always seemed to be perfect, even first thing in the morning when she thought she looked like hell, there was just something there.
"CARTER?"
He shook himself out of his thoughts as he realised that Dr Lewis was trying to talk to him.
"Yeah?" He answered still watching Sam.
Susan looked in the direction of Carter's eyes and saw what he was so intently watching. Sam, she shook her head and turned back to him.
"Does she know how you feel John?" She asked.
"No," he answered peeling his eyes away from Sam to look her in the eyes.
"She's going to have Luka's baby you know."
"I know," he smiled sadly.
Susan couldn't help feeling a little sorry for him. He obviously liked Sam a lot.
Carter muttered something about checking on a patient and walked away quickly just as Sam was nearing the admit desk.
"Hey Susan!" Sam said looking after Carter with some puzzlement.
"Hi Sam, what are you doing her?"
"Doctor's appointment, I'm here to meet Luka. Have I done something to offend Carter?" she asked.
Susan took a deep breath, what to say?
"I think John is just stressed out at the moment, being a doctor is hard." She lied.
"It's just," Sam said after a moment, "I get the feeling that maybe he doesn't want me and Alex in his house anymore. He's ignoring me, and just now he walked away the minute I came over here. Has he said anything to you?"
"I don't know," Susan shrugged, "I think you should try to talk to him about it."
"I would if he didn't keep running a mile every time I come near him. Do you even have an idea of what it might be?"
Susan was saved from answering any further questions by Abby and Chuny, who had come over to see how Sam was doing. That was a close one; she'd have to talk to Carter about this. Sam thought that he wanted her out of the house, she was sure that wasn't the case. However, Sam would need to hear it from the horse's mouth, and Susan was afraid of spilling Carter's secret feelings if Sam continued questioning her.
Sam saw the relief on Susan's face when Abby and Chuny appeared. That could only mean that he fears had been right, Carter wanted her and Alex gone. She did her best to answer all of Abby and Chuny's questions about the baby and her health. All the while thinking of how soon she could possibly find a new place to live. She considered moving back in with Luka. She was sure he wouldn't mind.
Sam and Luka were waiting for the doctor in the examination room; Sam was sitting up on the bed her legs hanging off the side. Luka was just standing in front of her. Sam looked up at him and he gave her a big smile, she smiled back and quickly looked away. He was doing it again, and it really freaked her out.
Luka was afraid, afraid of everything he did around Sam in case she took it the wrong way and she ran away again. If she did that he would never see his child, he would never get another chance. He had the distinct feeling that this was his last chance to do things right with her. So he chose to say nothing most of the time, for the past few days he just made sure he was there with her but he wouldn't push her, just smiled at her.
Deep down, although he wasn't ready to admit it even to himself, he was also afraid of being a father again. What if he failed to save this child too? He wouldn't be able to live with himself if anything happened to this child. So a small part of him wanted to push Sam away, push her away so much that she would leave and he would never get to know his daughter and therefore he wouldn't have too much pain if she died.
Luka did not want to let himself think such things, instead he just said nothing and sat and smiled. In a way it was his own silent way of pushing Sam away without having to admit to himself that that was what he was doing.
The doctor came in and checked Sam's blood pressure and asked her a few questions about how she was feeling. Then she did an ultrasound, Luka felt a lump in his throat as he listened to his daughter's heartbeat, and saw her on the screen. He subconsciously grabbed Sam's hand.
Sam turned her head from the screen to look at Luka; he had shocked her by taking her hand like that. When she looked at him she could see how visibly moved he was. She had never wanted him more. Something about the little sight into his soul, more than she had ever been allowed to see, something about this burst of emotion from him made him sexier, if such a thing was possible. This was the man she loved, and she loved him more now. If only he could realise that the more she saw of him, the more she loved him. She knew that jumping him right there and then with the doctor present, was not a good idea. Even though it was what she wanted to do. She settled with lifting his hand, which was holding her own hand, and pressing it to her lips. Luka looked down at her then, and a single tear ran down his cheek.
"It's amazing, I know I've seen ultrasounds before, but, I forgot just how amazing it is when it's your child up there on the screen. She's perfect, just like her mother." And with that he bent down and kissed Sam on her forehead.
"Thank you," he whispered into her ear.
Luka was waiting in the car park, Sam had gone back to check what hours she was working next week. He took out his wallet and took out the picture of Danijela with Jasna that he had hidden at the back. Jasna would have loved to have a sister, he wondered where they were. Was there a heaven? He knew that if there was, the two of them would be there with Marko. Could they see him? See what he was doing with his life? Did they approve?
He still missed them; hardly a day went by when he didn't think about his children and what they would be doing now. Part of him felt guilty for being so excited about having a new child, almost as if it would be betraying Jasna and Marko.
"What are you looking at?"
Luka jumped slightly, startled by Sam's sudden appearance. He quickly stuffed the photo back into his wallet.
"Nothing," he answered, "You ready to go?"
Sam frowned; he was still keeping things from her.
"Sure, where do you want to go?" She answered, now was not the time to pick a fight.
"Do you mind if we go back to my place?" He asked.
"You're going to cook?"
"Yeah, I'll cook."
"I suppose that will do," nodding her agreement.
With that they got into the car and Luka started driving. The drive was taken in silence. Sam was thinking of Luka's reaction to seeing the ultrasound. He had been so full of emotion; she had never witnessed that before. That was what she wanted from him, to let down all of his shields when he was with her. She smiled as she thought of how gorgeous he had been. 'Thank God for the doctor', she thought, 'otherwise I'd probably have done more than just kiss him'. Her smile grew wider as she thought of just what she would have liked to have done to him.
Out of the corner of his eye Luka could see that Sam was smiling. He couldn't tell what it was she was thinking, but it didn't matter. She looked so sexy. But to him she always did, it was hard to be around her without his head eventually ending up in the gutter. No woman had ever had such an effect on him.
They made it into the apartment, still not saying anything. Luka took Sam's coat, and Sam leaned against the door, not quite ready to step further into the place that only last week had been her home. Luka stood in front of her and put his arms around her waist, he wanted to kiss her but he didn't want to scare her off.
Sam took the initiative and rose up on her toes so she could kiss him. Try as she might to think of something else, of anything else, ever since the hospital she had wanted to kiss him and now she finally gave into temptation.
Luka bent down and kissed her again as she drew back from him, pulling her closer to him. He slipped her hands under her shirt, gently rubbing her back. He stopped the kiss and lent his forehead against hers. His control was slipping. He just stood there, looking her in the eyes, his fingers massaging her back.
Sam did her best to keep breathing regular, his hands on her bare skin sent little shivers of pleasure through her. Usually she had better control then this; clearly it had been too long. She put her arms around his neck and drew him into another kiss, this one more passionate than before. Her hands drifted down his body to his waist and she pulled his shirt out of his trousers and started to undo the buttons.
Luka took a step back then; Sam looked at him, her face full of confusion.
"Are you sure about this?" Luka asked her. He wanted to make sure she wanted to do this; he didn't think he'd be able to stop if they continued any further.
"It's not like we've never done it before," she answered.
"I just want to know that you're willing to do this, what with everything that's happened in the last week. . . . . I just want to make sure you're okay with what we're about to do."
"I'm sure I want this. Do you want this?"
"Always," was his answer.
Sam was left staring at him, she wasn't expecting that answer. He just leaned down and whispered in her ear, "I believe you were taking off my shirt".
She closed her eyes as she felt his breath on her neck; it had been way too long. Before she had a chance to respond to him, he lifted her into his arms and carried her into the bedroom. Once there he gently laid her down on the bed. He took off his own shoes and socks and then removed hers. After which he lent over her and removed her top, throwing it on the floor.
Luka worked his way up to her body by kissing every inch of her exposed skin. Sam had her eyes closed and she arched her back with pleasure. Finally, after what to her seemed like a lifetime he made it to her mouth. His mouth lingered over hers; she wasn't sure how much longer she could wait. She licked her lips slightly and he took the moment to kiss her. She fumbled with the buttons on his shirt until he finally just pulled it off, ripping one or two of the buttons.
She ran her hands over his chest while hooking her leg over his and pulling him down on top of her again. They started kissing again and Sam turned her attention to his waist as she undid his belt buckle, and then slowly opened up the zip. Luka pulled back to look at her, surprised momentarily at how eager she seemed, she just smiled at him suggestively. He found himself being drawn into yet another kiss.
It was at that moment that he felt something vibrate; he stopped kissing Sam and said to her, "I never had this effect on you before."
Sam pushed him off. "It's my phone, sorry."
She fished her phone out of her pocket and answered it, with Luka sitting beside her and kissing her neck.
"Ok honey, I'm on my way." She said down the phone.
Luka looked at her and frowned, Sam laughed, he looked the image of a spoilt child upset because things hadn't gone his way.
"Tell me you're not leaving," he said while drawing small circles on her stomach with his fingers.
"I have to go, that was Alex on the phone, he says he's feel really sick. I told him I'd come home."
"Is he at home on his own?"
"No, Carter is with him. He had been at Austin's house earlier but he was brought home because he was unwell."
"Well then," Luka said kissing her neck again, "he's in good hands. We can continue from where we left off and I'll drive you home so you won't be long, well not too long."
Sam pushed him off once again and sat up on the bed.
"Luka I can't just have sex knowing that my son needs me," she half yelled at him, "He's been acting really strange lately, and he asked me to come home. You," she said kissing him on the tip of his nose, "are just going to have to wait."
Luka sighed, he knew Sam was right, that was the only reason he let her get off the bed and put her top back on. He knew that Alex needed her, and Alex probably needed her more than he did. He got off the bed and put back on his shoes and grabbed another shirt out of the closet.
Sam was making sure she had everything, aware that at some stage she had dropped her bag. She picked it up off the floor and stood up, feeling Luka hug her from behind, his arms now around her waist.
"I'll drive you home," he said.
"I'm sorry we got interrupted just now."
"Me too," he answered, "how about I cook you dinner at yours and then later we can pick up where we left off?" He whispered the last part, knowing full well that she turned to jelly whenever he whispered into her ear.
Sam nodded her agreement and turned around in his arms to kiss him. Something about his accent whenever he talked low like that made her quiver. She just about managed to pull back before things got too heavy and muttered, "Alex," as the hint that they should go.
"Sorry about your shirt," she said as they were walking out the door.
"I can always buy another." And he put his arm around her as they left the apartment building.
Alex was lying in his bed. He could hear his mother coming in the front door. He quickly stuffed the comic book he had been reading under the bed and pretended to be asleep. He wanted his mom to believe that he was feeling unwell; otherwise she would be angry with him for calling her home. He grinned slightly as he thought of how well his plan was working. So far this week he had managed to disturb every conversation his mom and Luka had. And now, he managed to cut her date with Luka short. He couldn't believe how fast his mom had let Luka back in, especially when he had heard back from his dad who told him that he still loved his mom. There was hope for his parents and Luka was getting in the way.
Sam came in the door and Alex slowly opened his eyes and watched her come into the room and sit on the edge of his bed.
"Hey honey how are you feeling?" She asked feeling his forehead.
"Tired," he answered weakly.
"Well you don't seem to have a temperature. Is your blood sugar okay?"
"Yeah, Carter made me check."
"Maybe it's just a bad cold or something, you don't look too bad."
"My tummy hurts," Alex said trying to sound as upset as possible so he would get a lot of sympathy.
"Aww, you poor thing. Do you want to come downstairs and watch a movie or something? I'll let you pick, anything if it makes you feel better."
"Sure," He couldn't believe how easily she was fooled, usually she could tell when he was faking, it, it was the down side to his mom being a nurse.
"Do you want me to help you down the stairs?" Sam knew full well there was nothing wrong with her son; she just assumed that he was feeling a bit left out, he was going to have to share her with a baby soon. She figured she would humour him, this once.
He shook his head, "No, I'm going to go to the bathroom first. So I'll see you downstairs."
"Are you sure?"
"Mom, I think I can manage."
"Okay, I'll go on down so. Yell if you need me."
Sam went into the living room to find that Carter had left; he needed to go to the shop and had been waiting for Sam to get home before leaving. Luka was standing in the middle of the room looking slightly awkward. She went over to him and he smiled when he saw her.
"How is he?" Luka asked.
"He seems to be okay. He's going to come down and watch a video, I think he just wanted me home. He hadn't wanted me to go today in the first place."
"And you think that he's acting up because of the baby?"
"Yeah, he probably just feels that the baby is going to take me away. It's understandable."
They stopped talking and let the silence take over. It only took a few seconds for them to be kissing again. Alex stepped into the room to see Luka's arms wrapped tightly around his mother, his mouth over hers. Alex felt his anger rise, how dare he do that! After all the pain he had caused his mother, after all the tears she had shed over him, now he was just back in their lives? Not able to control his anger any longer he picked up a vase that was on the table nearest him and threw it on the ground.
Luka and Sam jumped at the sound of the vase breaking. They turned around to see Alex standing there frowning. Luka swallowed back his anger; he knew that if he shouted at Alex it would only make the situation worse. Instead he started cleaning up the mess.
Sam ran over to Alex to make sure he was all right and hadn't hurt himself. He seemed fine, although smashing a glass vase didn't make him look that way. She looked at him questioningly, too shocked by his behaviour to speak.
"You're such a slut!" He yelled at her. "Only the other day you never wanted to see him again and now you can't get enough of him?"
Sam looked at her son, a lump forming in her throat. She tried to think rationally, tried to think that he didn't mean what he said, that he was just feeling out of sorts because of all the sudden changes. But she couldn't, what he said really hurt her, and there was no way of getting around that.
"Are you getting back together?" He asked.
"No," she answered, "it was just a kiss."
Luka winced at the words, even though he knew that Sam was only saying them to justify herself to her son, it still hurt. He picked up most of the pieces and brought them into the kitchen, when he went back into the room Sam and Alex were gone. He finished cleaning up the rest of the mess; he even found the vacuum cleaner and vacuumed until he felt sure he had gotten rid of every last shard of glass.
Sam came back down as he was putting the vacuum cleaner away.
"I think maybe it's best if you leave now." She said.
"Are you really letting Alex get away with this behaviour?" He asked.
"Don't think I'm not punishing him, it's just that . . . He doesn't want you here."
"He's going to have to get used to me being around."
"I know, just, please don't argue with me right now. I just can't take any more; it's just complicated with Alex."
"Okay," He said, "I'll go, but I really think you're giving in to him way too easily."
"I think I know how to raise my own son."
They both stared, Luka knew that he wasn't going to get anywhere by arguing with her. He swallowed back his anger and smiled.
"I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked.
She nodded and he kissed her briefly before leaving. She went into the living room and flopped down on the sofa. Luka had been choking back his feelings again, she knew that he had been angry, she had seen a glimpse of it in his eyes, but instead of saying anything he had just smiled. That smile that annoyed her so much, he only ever smiled like that when he was hiding how he was really feeling. Sometimes that smile really made her want to hit him over the head with a hammer.