Hello friends! This Chapter is well…how do I put it quite sombre, so if you need painkillers I suggest you have them nearby. ☺ I've had a bad week so I guess I'm kinda venting my anger out on a fic! Silly really but anyway…do enjoy, the beginning is quite cute. ☺ Oh and please review, I like reviews even if you scold me I won't mind…honest!
To Emsta: Oh, sorry but it's meant to be a sad fic; I should have warned you right? Well this chapter is particularly sad but don't worry it will lighten up…soon, I promise.
Disclaimer: Ah, no sorry don't own any of 'em except Paul (you know…Paul).
Friday: The red envelope
Her wet tongue slobbered down my cheek.
"Tess..." I murmured still half asleep, squished on Tess' couch with the soft pillows cushioning the hard upholstery on the couch's arm. She whined and her cold, wet nose prodded me in the cheek prompting me to wake up. I opened my eyes and breathed in the stench of her meaty breath. She looked at me her eyes sparkling in the morning sun.
"Hey girl." I pat her luscious fur. She licked my cheek again and gave me one of those irresistible looks.
"You wanna keep my feet warm?" I asked in hope looking down at my almost frozen feet. She whined and hid her nose under the couch, still looking at me with her shiny brown eyes.
"I guess not" I relieved the dog from its worries.
"Is Tess ignoring you too?" I asked Puddles who had made herself comfortable at my side. She whined again looking up at me.
"I know how it feels" I comforted rubbing the dog behind the ears. Puddles sat up and licked my hand gently, something Tess had taught it to do.
"You hungry girl?" I asked, Puddle's eyes sparkled and she wagged her tail with excitement.
"Well, we'll see what we can find you." I said patting the dog on the head.
Getting up was harder than I thought, I hadn't slept for hours instead I spent a good 6 hours in the kitchen with a cup of coffee thinking about what to do with Tess.
I opened the fridge door wishing that what I saw last night was just a figment of my imagination but there they were just as I had left them, the cans of off tuna stacked in a pile. Puddles nudged her bowl at my feet; I looked down at her, her tongue hanging out the side of her mouth. I searched the rest of the fridge in spite for a can of dog food, finding nothing I picked up the nearest can of tuna.
"Tangy Lemon with Coriander," I read to the ravenous dog that had its eyes set on the can of tuna in my hand.
"You like tuna?" I asked my finger gripping onto the pull ring on the can's top. I handed it down to dog who's eye's had lit up. Puddles took one whiff and cringed hiding her nose under her paw.
"It can't be that bad" I said taking a fork bravely in my hand and carefully sliding the syrupy tuna into my mouth. It tasted revolting but I put on a brave face in front of the dog and made my self swallow it.
"See?" I said to Puddles, A smiled appeared on her face knowing that the bitter after taste of the lemon still dwelled in my mouth.
"Yeah, you're right." I gave up throwing the can into the bin.
"There has to be something in here for you." I figured opening up the cupboard directly above my head, finding nothing edible I searched the second. Puddles waited patiently prodding her bowl against my feet if she felt I took too long. Finally opening the third there was one lone can of Pedigree PAL in the corner sitting against the back of the cupboard.
"Lamb and bone marrow" I read to the dog, whose eyes had lit up again.
Opening the can I could see the dog was salivating with excitement.
"Even I think that sounds good" I said spooning out the meaty chucks into Puddles' bowl.
"You have it easy dog." I said to Puddles who had blocked everything out of her mind while she scoffed down her breakfast. "And here I am starving to death, while you eat gourmet." I complained rubbing my aching stomach.
How does she do it? I thought to myself picking up the cold bladed knife sitting on the bench. I felt its wooden handle warm to the heat of my hand. Does it hurt? I asked myself pulling back the sleeve on my jumper, exposing my wrists to the cold air in the kitchen. My veins swelled at the base of my wrist, I rubbed them watching the red liquid flow through them. I slid the side of the knife across my wrist, my skin soaked in the metal's coldness, propping up the knife to sit on my veins I suddenly felt sick. Biting my lip I tried to push the knife's sharp edge into wrists, so I knew what it felt like. But my hand froze, I looked at it, it gripped the handle tightly, so hard it almost lost feeling but it wouldn't go and when I tried to push it my muscles tensed. I let the knife go and slid my sleeve back down my wrist.
How does she do it?
I pushed open Tess' bedroom door, I was tired of waiting for her to wake up. She turned her head when she heard me come in, the sunlight shining through the window illuminating Tess' figure. She distracted herself for a moment before she went back to picking off the tape on her bandaged wrists.
"Morning Tessy" I said sitting down next to her the morning sunlight almost reflecting of her bleached white sheets. She looked up for a moment but then went back to unbandage her wrists.
"You know." she said, I could feel the angry tone in her voice.
"Know what?" I asked acting dumb. Tess unravelled her wrists and showed me the deep red lines engraved in her skin.
"Yeah, I know." I said softly leaning forward hoping she would let me hug her, but she didn't.
"I thought I told you to leave me alone." she whispered looking up at my saddened face.
"I can't..." I whispered back. She closed her eyes tightly for a brief moment stopping the tears from falling down her cheeks. I didn't know what to say, some how everything I said seemed wrong.
"You hungry?" I asked hoping that she'd nod, because my insides were churning. She stared at the ceiling, resisting the temptation to stare into my eyes. "I'm no Jamie Oliver but we can go have breakfast at the pub...?" I suggested. Tess looked at me her face pale and tired.
"I don't really feel like eating..." she whispered burying herself deeper under the sheets.
"Come on Tessy, you have to eat something besides Chris is dying to see you." I tried to convince that she was still wanted. But she just looked up at the ceiling again. "Tess, I'm starving and I bet you are too." this time I was more concerned about me.
"Then go to the pub and eat something." she said bluntly.
"Tess..." I said stroking her cheek but she turned her head away. "...you know I can't leave you here, not by yourself. Come on Tessy some fresh air will do you good." I said hoping Tess would agree.
After Susie there was no one, she seemed to find someone but I couldn't. Ever since she told me that "we weren't meant for each other" I've wanted to get back at her, I wanted her to feel how much she hurt me, I wanted her to suffer because I did and It wasn't fair.
It's funny though...Tess hurt me too but when she did I wanted her even more, but it was because I knew she still loved me, that she wouldn't stuff around with my best mate and then pretend it was my fault. I wish Tess just married me; we would have been such a great family.
"Hey Tess!" Chris warmly wrapped her arms around a very irate Tess. Tess reluctantly hugged Chris and managed a smile. "You look great!" Chris lied looking at a physically drained Tess whose sickening skinny figure was hidden by her baggy jeans and jumper. Tess knew better, she cringed at the thought of being "pretty" it no longer meant anything to her.
Chris held onto Tessy's hands while she looked at Tess again smiling. She hadn't seen her in ages, ever since Tess arrived she made a point of not coming into the pub knowing that Chris could pick that something was wrong. Chris looked down noticing the deep cuts on Tess' wrists. She said nothing but felt like she had too. She looked at me and I ushered Tess away to the parlour.
"Umm, Tess why don't you go wait for me in the parlour, I'll get brekkie." Tess sussed out that something was wrong but smiled and obediently headed towards the parlour.
"French toast thanks Chris" I said, Chris scribbled down the order and then sat me down opposite her.
"What's wrong with her?" asked a petrified Chris
"What do you mean?" I played dumb but Chris could pick when I was lying.
"Jonesy!" Chris was getting impatient. "I didn't come down in the last shower you know! She's slashing her wrists isn't she?" asked a shocked Chris, I could feel her concern.
"No, Chris..." I begged stalling for time to think of some kind of logical explanation.
"If she is Jonesy, you better tell me." Chris threatened, tightly gripping a beer glass.
"If you really want to know, she had a bit of trouble with the tuna can." I lied through my teeth "The metal top flicked back and sliced through her wrists," It didn't seem logical but at least it was something. Chris said nothing but seemed content with the explanation and went back to polishing her beer glasses.
"French toast was it?" asked Chris.
After dealing with a somewhat suspicious Chris I headed into the parlour with breakfast. Tess got up to help me with the door, worry written all over her face.
"If she asks, you cut yourself with the edge of a tuna can." I said pushing the door shut with my foot. Tess sighed, sitting down in her chair, holding her head in her hands.
"Thanks" she looked up as I placed the pile of steaming hot toast in front of her.
"What for?" I asked digging into my French toast, the dull pain in my stomach ceased.
"For not telling…" Tess' eyes gleamed, she felt horrible.
"I shouldn't have to lie for you." I said bitterly still spooning in steaming morsels of toast into my mouth. Tess didn't say anything; she pushed her plate away from her and rested her head in her palms.
"Do you think I want to feel this way?" she asked not looking up at me, I didn't look up at her either instead I watched the cheese slowly melt down the side of the crispy toast.
"I really don't know anymore..." I said the cheese now sticking to the plate. Tess speared her toast with her folk, twisting the fork through the middle until it hit the plate.
"You gonna eat that?" I pointed my breakfast already finished.
"Yeah..."
"We're gonna do this my way!" Tess shouted to a very wound up Alex.
"Sarge, if you'd just let me talk to her..." Alex pleaded raising his voice so it attracted the Boss' attention.
"Kirby, you go out there and arrest her for rape or I'll do it myself." Tess threatened pointing to the door; she was in no mood to negotiate with.
"Jones, you go with him." She looked at me as I reluctantly hauled myself from my traffic incident report to grab the keys from a rather furious Alex.
"Tell me again, how did you fall in love with her?" Alex asked disrupting me as I was trying to work out why Spell Check wasn't letting me spell 'manoeuvre' with a 'u' instead of 'oe'.
"What?" I questioned turning a corner.
"How did you hook up with the wicked witch of the east?" he asked quite unamused at my lack of consideration.
"Like you normally do." I said bluntly. "You fell in love with Susie didn't ya?" I questioned hinting that he was no angel either.
"It was just a fling..." he tried to explain.
"So you keep telling me..." I spat "but I'm not the one with the pregnant fiancée." I pointed out. Alex shut up knowing that he hardly had it easy with a pregnant Susie and a wedding to plan.
"Hey...sorry to interrupt but this arrived for you Tess." Chris popped her head in from the parlour door. She handed Tess the bright red envelope with Tess' name scrawled on its surface.
"Thanks Chris" Tess smiled grabbed the envelope and sat back down looking at the ominous envelope in front of her.
"I heard about the incident with the can." Chris pointed out curiously testing out my explanation.
"Yeah, didn't think that it'd cut in so deep." Tess pretended to examine her wrists.
Chris smiled while I handed her our empty plates, meanwhile Tess hesitantly opened the envelope and removed the happy yellow flowered "Get Well" card.
"That's nice," I said to Tess as I sat back down, "Who's it from?" Tess' eyes widened as she read the last sentence of the card.
"Umm...it's from Mum." Tess lied as she carelessly shoved the card back into its envelope; the sides of the envelope crumpled and tore as she struggled to push it back in time.
"Can I have a look?" I asked a frustrated Tess.
"No! I mean, there's nothing to see." Tess nervously stumbled on her words. "Can we go?"
"...S...I...O...N..." I finished typing 'depression' into the Google search engine unconsciously spelling it out loud in the station; it caught the other's attention.
"What are you looking up depression for?" asked Amy who had previously assigned me to check out a suspect on LEAP.
"Just looking up symptoms..." I murmured engrossing myself in the text on the screen.
"What's that got to do with the Kelty case." asked Amy crossing her arms in distaste.
"Maybe she's depressed..." I suggested getting back to the website.
"Terry? She's so bright and energetic." Kelly interrupted thinking my theory was absurdly insane.
"Yeah,'...intense feelings of ecstasy followed by an intense state of depression'" I read aloud from the screen.
"You think she's got bipolar?" asked an intrigued Amy
"It would explain the dramatic change." I further suggested.
"Mmm… Thanks Jonesy." Amy walked off engaged in thought.
"Jones…?" Tess looked at me, she'd been listening in. "Can I have a word?"
She knew I knew.
Tess had hid in her bedroom once we got back. And after playing Tug of War with Puddles about 20 times and watching whatever was left of "Shaft" on channel 7 I decided to call it a night, seeing as though it was about 10.00pm already.
She stood there, against a background of an off white wall. Reaching out to her I couldn't touch her. She looked down at her hands cradling my heart gently. Watching it beat filled her with awe.
She looked up at me, she looked so innocently beautiful. Her eyes sparkled stunningly but then there was this haziness, it confused me, I looked at Tess and saw her eyes fill with intense rage, the kind of rage I was scared of.
She looked down at her hands again this time, pausing to look at it once more then suddenly she dug her nails into the tough muscle trying to rip through it, the passion in Tess was immense. Tess grit her teeth pushing her nails in further and further while my heart bulged against the pressure. I shouted out to stop her she ignored me, passionately digging her nails in once more to puncture the flexible but firm heart, my heart. Blood poured through the tiny rip, through her fingers dripping onto the brilliant tiles of Tess' bathroom. Her fingers soaked with blood she poked them deeper into the hole she'd made, gripping the walls of my heart and ripping my heart apart, it's muscular structure lay crushed and torn. She held my heart in her hands again, gently looking at it with a deeply satisfied look on her face. Its firm structure lay decimate in her blood stained palms. My mouth was dry. I looked at her with disgust but she just stood there.
"Look what you did!" I shouted to her. She looked at me, her innocently beautiful eyes still burning with incredible rage.
"I'm sorry..." she whispered
She wasn't sorry.
My eyes burst open to see the dark ceiling above my head. I was breathing incredibly fast and my heart was racing, I managed to wake up Puddles who had cuddled up against me. She whined softly and licked my face. I felt wet and when I brushed the sweat off my forehead I realised that I was soaked in my own sweat.
"It was only a dream" I tried to calm myself down by making my self take longer and slower breaths. Puddles felt my discomfort and rested her head on my chest looking at me with her adorable brown eyes. I closed my eyes again forcing myself to go to sleep but Puddle's bark plunged me back into conscientiousness. She nudged me with her nose.
"Okay, girl...I'll go check it out." I said sleepily to Puddles who alerted me to a noise in the kitchen.
I walked past the dim kitchen not seeing her at first, I rubbed my eyes making that blurriness disappear from my eyes and that's when I saw her. She held the massive steak knife over her wrist, she hadn't heard me and I guess I was lucky she didn't.
"Tess?" I asked turning on the light to get a better look. Tess dropped the knife; its blade hit the floor and made a loud sort of clang.
"Evan..." she said her voice shaky, she'd been crying. I stooped down to pick up the knife off of the floor but she got to it before me. She pointed it at me defensively taking a step back.
"Tess..." I said walking toward her. She stepped back the knife still aimed at my stomach. "Tessy, give me the knife..." I pleaded stepping even closer to her than before. I held out my hand in front of her, hoping she'd give in. She paused for a moment before she gripped the knife tightly and went for her wrist. I grabbed her arm before she managed to hurt herself and she paused for a second, shocked by thought that I wouldn't let do it, she tried to twist her arm out of my tight grip, but I held her arm back pulling her towards me. I wrapped my other arm around her, waiting for her to stop fighting but she wouldn't. Seconds later I felt a sharp pain it the ribs where Tess had painfully jabbed me with her elbow.
"Let me go!" she screamed trying to pry my hand off her arm.
"Not until you let go of that knife." I said tightening the grip around her arm.
"Just let me do it!" she screamed at me while I pulled her to me once again and wrestled the knife out of her hand. We watched it drop to the floor and heard Puddles race to the kitchen and freeze momentarily her eyes fixed on me still holding Tess back making sure she didn't free herself. I slid the knife under my foot making sure that she wouldn't get her hands on it.
"Let me go." Tess shouted as she finally managed to free her hand, she made a tight fist and punched me with the back of her hand her knuckles knocking against my teeth. As I reached to nurse my mouth she freed herself and ran toward her bedroom Puddles following her to the door before she slammed it in the poor dog's face.