I thought I might like to explain the title of this chapter:
My wonderful R.E teacher, a theologian just happened to explain to us one day in class the 3 Greek words for love: Eros, Agape and Philia. He explained that Agape was the Greek word for divine, unconditional, self sacrificing love. That word so powerful in its meaning made me think, I was looking for a title then it came to me…agape (love) you'll see why soon…
Had to write half of this on my lovely trip to Bright but I hope you will all enjoy it as much as I did writing it!☺
To Emsta: Nah not engaged but don't lose hope…that's all I'm saying! And umm…yeah with that whole C2 thing, I need help…I'm a bit lost! ☺
To Brindabella: Long time no see…he he its fine to have not noticed my fic, I forget about it sometime too. I know exactly what you mean about the way I've written Tess; it's really scary. Sometimes I read through it and think 'This really isn't Tess!" but the other half of me says "But maybe it is?". I'm glad I turned down the morbidity though; it was a lot worse before I posted the first two fics. Thanks so much for your comments, its comments like these that keep me going! ☺ In answer to your question there's about 3 or so chaps left (that's excluding this one) but they'll be short because it's ending soon.
"I didn't think you'd say 'no'" Aww I love that line too!
To Little People: Another happy customer! Thanks (For putting me on your fav's list that is)!
Sunday: Agape
The cold mud seeped through my socks; I felt that earthy smell around me. Rubbing my eyes I couldn't tell where I was, it was pitch black and the cold night's air started to seep through my clothes. I tried to walk but the mud weighed me down so I shuffled along instead, feeling the rocks and leaves crunch under my feet. My hands splayed out in front of me trying to feel my way through the dense thicket I must have just walked into 'cause I felt the twigs scratch against my face.
"Where the hell am I?" I said aloud to myself thinking I was alone.
Trudging through the dense prickly bush around me I stumbled quite badly over something really large, I landed in the small patch of space around me. I made the mistake of having my mouth open when I fell so now it was filled with slimy mud.
Sticks buried in my hair and caught in my shirt I found it hard to get up, feeling around on the floor below me I came across a hard, dark, heavy, long type object. Feeling around it I found it to be a torch, hoping it'd still worked I found the soft squidgy button and pushed it.
The whole bush seemed to light up, my eyes had to adjust to the bright light so I looked down for a moment pointing the torch in that direction, I winced in pain for a second and pulled my hand up to my forehead, it was wet. I shone the light at my hand, it was red...I was bleeding.
Trying to get rid of the throbbing pain in my head I shone the torch around to see where I was.
There mostly covered in mud I noticed something awfully familiar, the bright blue almost reflected in the torchlight and I knew it was Tess' beanie.
"Tess?" I called out hoping she'd still be around. 'Where was she?" I shone the torch around me even more, revealing the closely packed little pocket of bush I'd found myself in. I only had to walk a couple of metres or so until I came across what I tripped over...a body. Lying there pressed into the bush Tess looked really pale. I knelt down beside her, blood came from her forehead too.
"Tessy?" I pulled her towards me and she fell helplessly into my arms, her weight against me pushing me deeper into the mud. "Tess? You alright?" I asked a very lifeless looking Tess. "Tessy...hey wake up!"
I shook Tess but her body flopped to and fro and she didn't wake. Laying her back in my arms I figured I'd give her some time, it wouldn't be long though because my arms were tiring and Tess was heavy. I pressed my forehead against hers; she was so cold; it was probably just last night's rain.
My head started hurting again so I closed my eyes while I waited for Tessy to wake up. All of a sudden I heard a gunshot; it echoed throughout the bush, I opened my eyes to see what was going on but nothing had changed, Tess had grown colder so I wrapt my arms around her keeping her warm.
I must have been hearing things...
My eyes burst open again and I felt myself breathing quickly and heavily. Feeling the comfort of the mattress under me I knew that it must have just been a dream. I rubbed my eyes with my hand and sighed deeply. These dreams were getting more and more vivid, soon I wouldn't be able to distinguish them from reality.
My side felt really warm which was weird 'cause my feet were really freezing.
"Bad dream?" I heard Tess ask, only then did I realised that she'd cuddled up next to me, she must have been cold.
"Yeah...you can't sleep?" I asked her voice didn't sound tired.
"Yeah haven't been able to for ages." she muttered softly. Laying her head on my chest, I let the warmth of her body consume me but I couldn't help feeling uncomfortable.
"You cold?" I asked intrigued by the fact that she was cuddled up so close.
"Yeah...sorry, I didn't think you'd mind" Tess lifted her arm off from around my stomach and started to shuffled away. But I put my arm around her to stop.
"Hey, don't you're really warm..." Tess shuffled back close to me and she laid her head on my shoulder. Uncomfortable or not, I still wanted her there.
After a while of silence Tess must have finally fallen asleep cause I felt her breathing slow, I decided to force myself to fall asleep as well...I needed sleep badly.
"Hey mate?" PJ stopped me in the corridor just about as I was about to leave for the lunches.
"Mmm…?" I turned around seeing that look of concern in his eyes.
"What's up with Tess?" he asked curiously thinking I'd know the answer.
"Your guess is as good as mine." I said to PJ. I didn't know he knew about Tess and me.
"You sure?" He asked again this time brushing he chin. "She'd tell you if anything was wrong. You keeping something from me mate?" asked PJ all the more concerned. Was he as concerned as I was? Did he know what she was doing to herself?
"You think?" I asked amazed PJ would think she'd tell me anything. "She ain't talkin' to me mate." I said seeing that satisfied look that PJ got once he knew that he got everything he could out of a suspect.
"Yeah alright...you'd tell me though, wouldn't you? If anything's wrong I want to know..." said PJ that big brother figure shone out of him, the kind Tess always warmed to.
"Yeah..." I wouldn't tell him what I knew though. Having Tess hate me was one thing, seeing her lose all trust in me was another.
It only had to be about 2 hours later that the hail woke me. It's pounding on the poor tin roof of the little hut was immense, the ear piercing white noise drove my ear drums insane making them ache in frustration. Opening my eyes a bit I noticed it had to about 2.00am, no later 'cause the room was hardly bright and there was still no warm sunshine to warm the room.
Rubbing my eyes I hardly felt Tess move, I must have slept well then. Looking over at my side Tess was gone. I wasn't worried, not for about 5 seconds until I finally reminded myself that it was raining outside. 'What would she be doin' in the rain?' I thought to myself.
Walking myself to the half fallen off door, the one I had to prop up with two cans. But the paint cans weren't there...neither was the door, well it was but it was on the floor and the huge gap in the side of the hut was leaking in huge amounts of cold air and buckets of hail.
Peering outside I saw the leftovers of some mushy footprints and a shiny metal thing...a floppy disc.
The Boss opened his office door letting a shaken and frustrated Tess out.
"Tess, If you need to talk..." said the Boss quite bluntly, he never fully regained his kind fatherly figure.
"I don't!" Tess cut him off not turning around but simply heading into the mess room. The others stared as usual, this scene wasn't uncommon.
"Jones?" the Boss asked for me this time.
Sitting me down in his office he asked me one simple question.
"Did you know that Sammy was dead?" the Boss didn't like hearing himself say that, the little girl the station came to love didn't exist anymore.
"What?" I didn't know what to say. It was news to me, as far as I knew Sammy was fit as a fiddle, learning her first words...so Grandma Denise told me. "But she said..." my defence mechanism kicked in, it only took me a few seconds to realise she hadn't mentioned Sammy at all, not even when I asked.
"How did you...?" I asked the Boss since there was a tense sort of shock amidst us.
"I asked about her and she said that she died earlier this year" the Boss clutched his mug of coffee. I sat there dumbfounded; Tess hadn't told me anything...why? Was it so hard to tell me?
Bending over to pick up the floppy disc I didn't realise how tired I was, everything became so stagnant, slow, like a dream but this wasn't a dream.
The disc feel wet and slimy, the mud hadn't made its way onto the tape inside but just to make sure I wiped it with the tissue in my pocket. I slid the disc into my shoe, the only hiding place I could think of and trying to ignore the pelting hail against my chest and the freezing cold I decided to go on the arduous journey of looking for Tess.
"Tess?" I called out hoping she'd hear but the hail muffled my voice, I couldn't even hear myself properly. I was too semi-conscious to realise that Tess might be in incredible danger, trudging through the mud I realised that if I followed her footsteps maybe they'd lead me to her?
Walking for about what seemed like 10 mins, the slushy rain erased all remnants of footprints from its surface, I needed to pick my pace but the hail kept me back. It'd managed to soak through my shirt quite well and I could feel the little pellets of hail hit my back like bullets, 20...30 bullets in my back in a period of 2 secs, I could hardly run.
I kept following the footprints though, or what I thought looked like footprints until I reached a long continuous dragging line in the mud, two sets of footprints either side, I didn't think It'd be as bad as it was, the dragging line went for metres and then it all made sense, only then did a lump form in my throat.
"What about Mark?" suggested the Sarge typing up his latest brief.
"Very funny sarge..." replied Peroni still flicking through the baby name book. "Beatrice?" Joss questioned the baby book with disgust.
"Now's there's nothing wrong with Beatrice..." the sarge started "...my mother's aunt was called Beatrice, we all thought it was a beautiful name" the sarge continued flustered by Joss' unexpected rudeness. Joss broke out into a fit of giggles and Kelly punched him in the arm.
"Oh look I dunno..." said Suse she too was engrossed in a baby name book of her own, Alex who'd just about finished his report steered clear of the whole naming process.
I didn't think it'd hurt so much, sitting through a 15 min baby name brainstorm session, maybe it was the fact that the baby was meant to be mine or maybe just that no one seemed to care...especially Tess.
"Hey sarge what do you reckon?" asked Peroni who'd almost certainly disengaged from any kind of police work and now held the name book as his first priority.
Tess had just started her shift and was unusually quiet.
"I reckon you have a lot of work to do!" Tess was in the worst mood. Joss just ignored her and flicking through the book he came across a particularly painful name.
"Hey what about Samantha?" he looked at Suse who'd already flicked back to L.E.A.P as soon as Tess'd come in. Tess who was making her way to the mess room froze all of a sudden and then quickly turned around.
"Peroni, give me the book!" Tess demanded in a fit of rage.
"But sarge...?" Joss was confused.
"Just give me the bloody book Joss!" Tess yelled at him attracting the Boss' attention and mine too. Joss reluctantly handed the book over to Tessy who stormed into the mess room with it in hand.
"Am I gonna get it back?" shouted Joss after her.
"Probably not" I added
"What's up with her Jonesy?" asked a concerned Alex.
"You ought to be more careful around our sarge Joss; she hasn't had it easy lately..." I tried to explain but the Boss cut in.
"Her baby just died Peroni, next time just keep your mouth shut." the Boss held Joss in contempt and the poor bugger just sat there and so did everyone else.
"PJ?" The rained had stopped completely so I gave the phone a try.
"Jones? What's wrong?" I never knew how he did it but he always knew when something was wrong.
"It's Tess...she's gone" I said keeping the sentences short, I needed to get out there, what if...no I didn't want to think about it.
"Right...We'll be down there as soon as we can. You keep a lookout, don't do anything stupid Jonesy." muttered PJ keeping his sentences short also. I thought he'd be furious but I didn't need him to be, my own anger was eating away at me.
Putting the phone back in my pocket, I followed the drag marks past a couple of metres of scrubs and that's when I heard a familiar voice.
"Don't be stupid Paul!" she said calmly but the pain of being pushed up against the tree at least 20 times must have set in.
"Oh Tessy..." Paul said stroking Tess' cheek mockingly with his disgusting palm. "Don't cry sweetheart, it won't hurt a bit..." Paul brushed his heavy metal gun across Tess' neck. Tess gulped in pure fright. I couldn't watch him hurt her like that...it was my fault she was there, if he was gonna hurt someone it would be me.
I sprinted as fast as I could out of the scrub behind which I huddled, I didn't care if I was seen, I just wanted to get Tessy.
"Paul!" Darren alerted him to my running figure behind him, he turned but I'd had already pushed him up against the tree.
"You bloody bastard!" I screamed at him. He smirked and Tess stayed silent. The pressure of my arm against his throat wasn't hard enough, not when he had that gun pressed against my temple. I released him letting Darren tie up my arms like he did to Tessy.
"You've really pushed it this time haven't you Tessy?" he waved the gun about freely. Darren pushed me into a sitting position against the tree. I didn't say anything...I wasn't scared just so damn disgusted.
"Maybe he's got what we're after?" Darren hinted to his 'Boss' with that helpless look of greed on his face.
"He doesn't know about the disc." Tess piped up; she was scared they'd search me like they did her.
"Shut up bitch!" Darren screamed at her pushing her head against the trunk of the tree, wrapping his fingers around her throat. Tessy couldn't breath and she struggled in his tight grip.
"Let go of her!" I screamed but Darren only pressed harder. Tears poured down Tessy's face as she tried to gulp for air, rope cut into her wrists as she tried to stand.
"This isn't the way we treat guests..." said Paul in his sickening inhospitable voice. Darren immediately let go of her throat and Tess gulped for air profusely. That feeling of sick dulled down in my stomach once he let go.
"Paulie...What are we gonna do with 'em? We only got one bullet!" Darren started to get panicky. Darren was the weak one, following 'Boss'' orders made him confident.
"Don't you worry you're silly little head over it Darren...we're only gonna shoot Tessy..." Paul smirked he pressed the gun against Tess' cheek that was inundated with tears. Tess cringed knowing that he'd fire at any time.
"What about lover boy over here?" asked Darren kicking me hard in the side. I winced in pain and Tessy gulped hard when she saw.
"Leave him alone Darren!" she screamed to Darren. I looked up at her, she was so scared. Darren went over and pushed her head up against the tree again ripping off her beanie this time; flinging it carelessly to the ground he kicked her in the ribs. Tess yelped in tremendous pain.
"Hey! Get your hands off her!" I shouted lifting myself up the tree but the rope around my wrists held me down.
"Darren...what'd I say about guests?" Paul said again pushing the gun deeper into Tessy's cheek. The sight of that almost made me throw up.
"No, we're only gonna kill one...we need copper boy" Paul pushed the gun up Tessy's cheek to her forehead and pressed it hard against her temple. Tessy couldn't control the fear she felt, she sobbed silently her body shook and the rope cutting into her wrists was wearing her skin away.
"Why only one Paulie?" Darren was curious although the tone of his voice was anxious.
"So, Jonesy can go run off and tell Mr. Hasham that we've got 'em and that he'll never get us, they can chase all they like boy but they'll never get me..." Paul seemed to be lost in some psychological fantasy that only he seemed to understand fully.
"As soon as you shoot me, they'll be coppers crawling all over this place Paul." Tess nervously explained while Paul nudged the gun further against her head.
"Good" said Paul as he knelt down to Tess' level and whispered into her ear. "...They can crawl all they want Tessy, they'll never find me..."
"You're sick" Tess whispered cautiously back to Paul her eyes filled with tears she looked into his. Paul laughed a sickening kind of laugh and stood up again taking the gun away from Tess' head he looked at Darren who'd been nervously pacing about.
"Get up!" he shouted to Tess who leant against the tree for support her back bruised badly. Tess tried but her arms around the back of the tree stopped her. "Get up!" Paul was getting angry.
"She can't!" I screamed back at him too concerned about Tessy. The pain was so obvious on her face.
"Get her up!" He looked at Darren who walked over to Tess immediately.
"Don't you dare touch her!" I shouted but my protest was ignored. Grabbing onto Tess' shoulders Darren pulled her up; Tess winced in pain as the rough bark of the tree dug into her deeply bruised back. Tess looked at me and said my name silently to me; she smiled a nervously sad smile.
Sitting there helplessly I couldn't take my eyes of her and as Darren held her against the trunk of the tree and Paul pushed the gun hard against her forehead I couldn't make myself turn away. My eyes glued on Tess, Paul took a couple of painstakingly long seconds to just watch her cry, it was something I never understood but he relished the thought of her suffering so much.
Tears welled in my eyes as the thought of Tessy laying dead in my dream came to mind. That deeply engrossing image didn't fade away. It just replayed itself over and over again...the blood, the gunshot; the cold wintry night...it felt so strikingly real.
Tess sobbed silently and as I looked at her, my mouth became dry. Would I just watch her fade away out of my life forever? I never wanted to lose her it was something I feared most. I just loved her so much; I'd do anything for her...anything.
"If you're gonna shoot someone...shoot me." That took some courage but it needed to be said. Paul lifted the gun from Tessy's forehead and held it down by his side. Tess breathed a sigh of relief and pushed her head back against the trunk, an overwhelming sense of panic lifted from her. She turned and looked at me with pure astonishment and Paul made up his mind.
Walking into the mess room I noticed the baby name book Joss had borrowed off Chris laying on table and looking down I saw the floor was covered in the book's pages each page carelessly and passionately ripped and torn.
Tess walked in as I was picking up the pages.
"Hey don't worry about that I'll do it..." Tess seemed a lot calmer, so calm it was odd.
"Nah it's alright, I got it." I cut Tess off but she stooped down and helped me pick them up anyway.
"My mess, I'll clean it up."
"Really Tess...its fine, why don't you sit down or somethin'...relax." I smiled my all famous smile to cheer her up but it didn't work. Tess slumped down into the chair and rubbed her forehead with her hands.
"Wow you really got into this book Tess; you've ripped the pages off their spine!" I opened the book whilst holding the pages in the other hand, examining the brutal rips to the book's delicate pages.
"I'm gonna have to get her a new one aren't I?"
"Oh look at that, copper boy wants me to shoot him..." Paul squatted down to Tess again who had her head hanging down low; she wasn't prepared to look me in the eye, not just after what I said.
Brushing the back of his palm against Tessy's cheek she winced and started to cry angrily.
"Should I Tessy?" Paul asked Tess in a mockingly concerned voice. Darren was getting too nervous.
"Just blow his head off Paulie, we don't have much time." Darren was looking at his watch and the cold breeze that blew past made him scamper about even more.
"Don't hurt him." Tess sobbed that bitter pain sinking in again.
"Oh Tessy...it's either you or him..." Paul explained treating Tess as if she was three and half. Pushing the gun back into her cheek made me fret.
"Paul...you gonna shoot me or what?" I asked quite confident in myself now, I was willing to do anything, so long as he didn't hurt Tess.
"Evan!" Tess was angry with me, I would be too.
"Don't want him dead girl?" Darren was even more flustered. Paul could tell by his nervousness that they really didn't have much longer.
"What time is it?" Paul asked Darren who'd now walked over to me, his gun swinging freely in his fingers.
"Seven" said Darren checking his watch twice just to make sure. Paul was jittery; his sense of confidence almost escaped him.'
"Hmm..." he mumbled to himself. "Don't have much time. You wanna die son?" he asked looking at me the barrel of the gun point directly at my face.
"If it'll stop you from hurting Tess." was my immediate answer, it was something I'd never regret saying.
"Jones, don't!" I ignored Tess' plea.
"Hey it'll be fine..." I soothed to Tess who'd just about broke down into tears, no more tough cop.
"Evan..." she whispered, like it meant something important. Tess pressed her head against the tree again and let the tears fall down her cheeks and her shoulders shake with grief.
I watched Paul walk over and pressing the gun up against my forehead I knew what Tess must have been goin' through. I felt its cold metal dig into my skin, knowing that anytime soon I wouldn't feel it anymore.
I've always wondered what it was like to die.
I had a dream once, it wasn't a good dream but none of my dreams were lately. It was my funeral and everyone was there, I could see them all saluting me...a fallen hero I guess. Tears were falling down everyone's cheeks except Tessy's in fact Tessy wasn't there...the only one that wasn't there...Dunno where she was, she probably found it too hard to come to terms with. Made me angry knowing that she didn't care, I wanted her there...she didn't need to cry for me but I wanted her to say goodbye even if I couldn't reply.
"Paul...please..." Tess begged Paul while Paul went through the same painstaking procedure of waiting those few extra seconds before he put his finger on the trigger. Guess he wanted me to cry too, I wouldn't do it.
"You don't need to hurt him...please, Paul!" Tess pleaded even more, she couldn't watch me die but I knew that couldn't watch him do this to her...it was better this way.
"Shh...Tess it's okay..." I begged Tess to be quiet; I couldn't take her pleading anymore. It was making my heart ache.
"Shut up! Both of you!" Darren was angry again, he started to pace and Paul finally made the awful decision of pulling the trigger.
Just before he did I closed my eyes, I tried to imagine the bullet shattering my skull, ripping through my brain and imbedding itself into the bark behind me. Maybe if I imagined it, I wouldn't be so scared.
Pulling the trigger back I heard it click and I waited...'any moment now' I said to myself.
Seconds seemed like hours and I didn't dare open my eyes just in case I'd wake up somewhere I didn't want to be but still hearing Tess sobbing almost silently I knew I wasn't dead... I couldn't possibly be. This overwhelming sense of peace overcame me; strange feeling it was though…it felt sickening almost.
"Shit!" Paul muttered aloud. I opened my eyes; they were hazy for a few seconds my tears getting in the way, I blinked a couple of times.
"Shit! Shit! Shit!" Paul was smacking the gun against the truck of the tree, it'd been tampered with and Paul had just found out...the hard way. I tried to slow the beating of my racing heart, taking deep breaths to calm myself down. I looked over at Tess, her eyes so painfully red with all the tears but she looked so relieved.
Darren looked pale but not as scared as I thought. Pulling out a long bladed knife from within his pocket I knew this was hardly the end.
"I got this Paulie...we could slash 'im" Darren's face almost lit up with glee, in seconds his nervousness vanished.
I don't how I fell in love with Tessy again; don't think I ever fell out of love with her.
Sorta like PJ with Maggie; Tess was someone I dreamed about at night when I was alone and there was no one there to be with me. When I felt there was nothing to live for, I thought of Tess and how strong she was, on the outside.
I never told her but there were times when thinking about her and what we had was the only thing that got me through the day; sad I know but she was and still is the only woman that I loved...truly.
And like Tess, when she left I learnt how to be cautious, how to shut out people so that I'd never have to love anyone like that again and then have to go through the same old break up episode that I hated so much.
Sometimes I just wished she never left, there were nights where I just wondered about all the 'what ifs' and just dreamed she'd give me one more chance, that she'd talk to me and let me be her friend again, like way back when we could read each other like a book.
I miss those days.
"Paul I swear if you hurt him, you're life won't be worth living!" Tess shouted amongst tears, no amount of pleading could calm her down. Paul now replaced the gun with a knife against my throat. He didn't need to press the knife in for me to start sweating in panic. Tiny beads of blood like sweat crawled down my forehead. I couldn't breathe.
"Tessy what'd I tell you...? It's either him or you. I he wants his throat slit Tessy, then let him. He wants it, he can have it..." Paul was hardly scared by Tessy's threat. Brushing his palm over my hair he whispered.
"Wanna die don't you copper? You're gonna like it..." Paul's dark and dirty red lips curved into a disgusting smile. I sat there quite disgusted; silently you could hear the tiny rustling of the birds in the trees above us. Life around us; so pretty and effervescent lurking through the bush while I waited to be slaughtered.
"But Paul, nobody will know...if you just let us go..." Tessy started to fret again knowing my life was in Paul incapable hands.
Paul chuckled to himself and Darren mimicked him although he really had no clue about what Paul was thinking, no one did.
Paul released the painful steal knife from around my throat, walked over to Tessy and squatted down next to her again; in his disgusting friendly fashion.
"Tessy, I don't think you understand..." Paul leant against the tree next to Tessy.
"Paul she has a point..." Darren butt in before Paul could say anymore. "…they don't have the disc, we don't have the disc. If we're gonna just up and go we might as well let 'em loose and get a good head start." Darren reasoned. First bit of logical anything I heard from him. Paul didn't give in easy.
It was mid-morning, we were all tired. All we needed know was a knife wielding megalomaniac.
"Paul! C'mon it's nine!" Darren was his old anxious self again checking his watch again his forehead broke out in sweat. It'd been 3 hours but felt like minutes. The bruises on my arms and legs were really giving me grief and Tess' tears could fill the Yarra.
The bark on the tree cut into the skin on both out arms and the cold wet morning made rest unbearable.
Paul shot Darren a look of total disbelief.
"Nope...we wait Darren until we kill 'im. He's going to die." Paul pointed the knife at me and then quickly at Darren.
"Right? You do what you're told boy. I'm in control here..." Paul made his authority known. "Besides where's the fun in letting them go? I like coppers. I like watching them get all scared when they know they're gonna die...hmmm... No. We stay, they stay. Paul continued stabbing the tree's bark with the pointed blade of the knife.
"If no-one has the disc Paul, who's to know you're a drug crim?" I asked. The silence was killing me. Paul didn't need to think for long.
"She does..." Paul pointed to Tess the knife still eagerly in his hand.
"I won't tell..." Tess suggested. Paul was no fool.
"Nah, I know you Tessy. I've watched you for too long. I know how you work." Paul smiled he returned to his usual position of the knife against my throat. That comment made me sick. I could just picture him watching Tessy like the predator watches it prey.
"Paul! C'mon we have to get going!" Darren's freakish pleading was starting to annoy.
"Mmm...If I don't get time for drugs, I'll get it for murder..." Paul sighed talking to himself.
"Then killing us won't help!" I butt in present him with a somewhat logical argument.
"...maybe I should just kill them both, get the car...Shit! It's nine...gotta get goin'..." Paul was in some kind of trance he wasn't listening to us. Maybe he wasn't listening to us to begin with.
"Tess!" the faint sound of PJ's voice through the patch of scrub could be heard. He was here...good!
Funny how when things go wrong the only songs they ever play on the radio seem to be the most inappropriate.
"If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one. Drying in the colour of the evening sun. Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away. But something in our minds will always stay..." Alex sung the first few lines of the song to himself, his fingers drumming madly on the dashboard.
"Can you not!" I asked quite flustered. Tess' blood stained wrists came to mind. How could she do that to herself? I just don't get it? How can you be so angry?
"What?" Alex had no clue.
"That...it's getting to me." Alex stopped drumming his fingers on the dashboard and looked at me with an annoyed look.
"No, just here..." I took one hand off the steering wheel and turned the CD player off.
"Hey, Jones! It's Sting for goodness sake!" Alex was really into this song.
"The lyrics are buggin' me." I said quite softly.
"Lyrics? '…If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one…'?" Alex asked still bewildered.
"Yeah, bit morbid hey?" I smiled to ease the tone, Lex was suspicious.
"Know someone who's cuttin' themselves do ya Jonesy?"
I didn't need to tell him.
"Shit Paulie, they're here!" Darren went into full on panic mode once he heard PJ's voice. Tess looked relieved but the knife against my throat didn't convince me we were safe...not yet anyway.
Tessy sat quiet for a moment knowing to take it easy with Paul, no sudden moments.
Paul's hands must have started to shake 'cause the knife in front of be began to wobble. Looking at the handle I could see the sweaty fingerprints begin to leave their mark.
"Tess!" PJ's voice sounded closer. Tess was more confident now; she took a deep breath and prepared herself to scream out his name.
"Don't you dare Tessy!" Paul warned her in a half whisper. "If you do he gets it!" Paul was serious as the knife edged in just that bit further. Tess gulped I knew she wouldn't do it but someone had to.
"PJ!" I called out abruptly. The look on Tess' face was shocking. Paul started to get jittery; his cool calm composure disappeared when he needed it most.
I copped a beating to the head by Darren who was more than happy to oblige. Soon enough the hard, cold steal made it way through my skin, slitting painfully across my throat. It didn't feel deep but the foul taste of blood was making me sick.
"Evan!" Tess screamed. I winced in pain and I shut my eyes, not able to free my hands from the tight rope around them. I watched the blood pour down my shirt, in tiny streams.
"Jonesy!" PJ called out again but I couldn't reply, I heard the shuffle of feet and some swearing, when I opened my eyes Paul and Darren were both gone, the knife left behind lay at Tess' feet.
"PJ!" Tess called out as loud as she could, tears pouring down her face again. She shuffled her feet forward pushing the knife closer to her. Each time she did the knife moved no more than a couple of centimetres, she was fed up. I moaned in pain a bit I looked down at my collar that almost stood out it was so red. I didn't know dying could be so painful. If I could turn back time I wish that gun did worked.
Tess was angry at herself and tried to move the knife closer. Looking at me with my head against the tree, my hands madly trying to free myself she started to lose it.
"Hey! Hey! Careful there...don't move so much okay? You'll be alright, okay? Evan?" Tess was worried because I closed my eyes and sorta slumped against the tree. The strong taste of iron in my blood was disgusting. Feelin' light headed I had to rest a moment.
"PJ!" Tess called out again, it woke me from the little bit of sleep I got against the tree. I didn't see how she did it but she managed to free herself and the tightness around my throat was her hand stemming the blood flow. I tried to open my eyes but I was too tired, my wrists hit the dirt as Tess cut them free. I moaned the pain was all too much.
Tess shuffled closer and being so concerned she kissed my forehead, her wrists still firmly around my throat.
"Shh...You'll be okay. Just stay with me." Tess pressed her nose against my cheek and her forehead against mine. I cold feel her tears drip onto my jaw.
"PJ!" Tess was starting to get scared; there hadn't been any reply for ages.
"T..." I tried to mumble her name but talking hurt.
"Easy there, it's okay I'm here. I'm not going to leave you Jones..." The sound of her voice brought me so much comfort. I closed my eyes and rested again.
"Tess!" The sound of PJ's voice brought Tess much comfort.
"PJ!" I opened my eyes but I couldn't see anything, blinking I realised that there was just nothingness...it was all so black and empty.
"Tes..." I mumbled a tiny bit more of her name. I couldn't feel her against me anymore, everything was so numb. The pain in my throat was the only thing that told me I was still there.
"Hey...it's okay." I heard her voice. It was alright.
White noise like rain filled my head although I couldn't feel it, that dizziness started creeping up on me again.
"Evan!" Tess' voice sounded urgent.
"My body felt heavy and the white noise slowly faded away, Tess sounded nothing more than just a whisper. I tried to listen to her voice, knowing that she must have been shouting but the harder I tried the more she just faded away. I listened for ages and she died away completely so did the sound of the rain. All I could hear was nothing...just nothing.
"Not thirsty tonight Jonesy?" Chris asked me as I sat on the stool my body turned away from her looking at the happy bunch of coppers, all laughing making jokes while I sat there, alone.
"Hmm?" I asked turning back around to Chris who stood there aimlessly beer in hand.
"It's bothering me too you know." Chris was talking about Susie and lex who both look so snug in each other's arm. I couldn't get my eyes of them either.
"They always get away..." I murmured to myself but Chris heard.
"Seems that way hey?" Chris agreed somewhat. My love life wasn't exactly picture perfect and Chris knew that. "What about Tess?" Chris hinted placing the beer on the bench knowing that I'd drink it anytime soon.
"What about Tess?" I did pick up the beer but it stopped short of my mouth. Chris could tell this was hardly the time to bring back old memories.
"Just askin' where the sarge is that's all?" Chris changed the topic.
"Dunno." I replied bluntly. "Think I might call it a night Chris..." I said hopping off the stool and dragging myself to the stairs.
"You'll tell her to come in won't you?" Chris shouted after me. Sure, last thing I wanted to do was to talk to Tess.
I felt the morphine wear off cause the pain was back. It was the second time I had to press that stupid button; it was really starting to piss me off.
Opening my eyes for the first time in ages, I glanced around. White ceiling, white walls, nice but horribly uncomfortable white mattress, white sheets, white bloody everything! I closed my eyes again but the beeping of the heart monitor kept me from falling back asleep. Didn't want to press the button again. It was all I needed though.
I thought I might look around again, maybe more than just up and down. Oh look pretty Gerberas...they had to be from Chris.
Looking at my hand her fingers were entwined with mine. Peering over at the chair next to me I saw her huddled over figure, her legs bent back with her feet resting against the bottom rung in the legs of the chair. She was sound asleep and looked so beautiful, her just washed blue beanie almost covering her eyes and the hospital blanket pulled up over her chin. That look of peace on Tessy's face almost made me envious, I needed sleep too.
I brushed my thumb across her forefinger gently warming her hands that seem so gravely cold. I took a moment to look at her for a while but my tired eyes got in the way if it weren't for the nurse I think I just might have fallen asleep.
"Morning Evan" that voice was awfully familiar. It was Lillie, gees was I glad to see her.
"Hey..." I mumbled my voice sounding awfully husky.
"You coppers, I can't seem to get rid of you..." the bright tone of her voice made my day. I smiled and Lillie made her way to my bed stopping near Tess and stealing a quick glance at Tess she finally turned to me.
"I thought she might be awake by now." the nurse whispered smiling still.
"Mmm...It's good she's asleep though she needs it." I said looking longingly at sleepy Tess slumped in her hospital chair.
"You make sure you thank her when she wakes up, she's been in here all morning!" the nurse exclaimed walking over to check my IV drip.
"Yeah, I sure will." I smiled graciously at the nurse.
"She's been doin' well I presume." The nurse took out her stethoscope putting it on my arm before she wrapped the blood pressure band around it.
"Yep, she's taking them pills..." I said watching the band around my arm inflate rapidly.
"Good, good. You've done well...She'll be fine with a nice guy like you looking' after her… "The nurse said although the look on her face indicated otherwise. I smiled, couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed.
"Is she okay?" I asked
"Mmm, just bruises and scratches...Evan how are you feeling overall?" the nurse asked quite concerned changing from one subject to the next.
"Yeah alright wish this light-headedness would go away though, why what's wrong?"
"It's your blood pressure; it's just a bit low. But it's probably nothing to worry about. I'll get the doc to check it out for you." Lillie smiled unravelling the band from my arm. She smiled.
"If everything goes well, you'll be out of her by tomorrow..." the nurse shuffled through the drug charts before looking up at me.
"Anything I can get you?" she asked quite pleasantly sliding the chart back onto my bed.
"Nope..." I replied. She smiled again and bid me farewell before leaving.
"You better get some sleep, so I'll leave you to it... buzzer's there if you need me, there's morphine for the pain..." she pointed out and I smiled back.
"Thanks"
Lillie headed out but stopped when she saw the diamonds glint in Tessy's ring. Looking at it for a while she smiled.
"You popped the question?" she asked quite excited.
"Hey?" I asked confused
"The ring, it's gorgeous!" Lillie sighed looking dismally at her own plain golden wedding ring.
"Oh, the ring...ah no, that was a just a present." I said looking amused at the expression on her face.
"Aw...I was hoping for a minute there that she said 'yes'." Lillie chuckled, although my answer disappointed her.
"She might, I'll have to ask..." I smiled to her, her eyes lit up.
"You make sure you do!" she pointed a firm finger at me. I smiled.
"Gees I wish my hubby was that generous." Lillie mumbled to herself.
"You married?" I asked not surprised at all.
"Yeah, married, kids...the whole catastrophe..." she smiled. Before she looked down at her watch. "Hey it's 2.00; I better go...Mr. Johnson likes his anticoagulants on time..."
I didn't get to ask what that meant exactly cause she was gone in a flash.