I can just see it now; oh you'll love this chapter… cringes
To Emsta: Guess you've been busy hey? I still have to get around to reading that MD fic of yours, I've been wanting to for ages! Oh Jonesy probably should've stayed hospital a bit longer but you know what they're like, stingy hospitals free beds whenever possible! Oh and sorry about the length I do get a bit carried away…whoops!
To Brindabella: Aw, Brindy you're making me blush…no really I'm loving the feedback, thanks! Now, If this was reality there'd be no hope of Tess getting better anytime soon but because this is a fic and I haven't actually planned much of the next coming chaps, I'll try my best!
To Paula: By all means, I'll continue so long as you keep readin'…promise?
I just realised that I didn't put a disclaimer on the last chap…so I'll just meld the two together:
Disclaimer: None of the characters in this chapter or the previous one belong to me. The song in the previous chapter entitled "Fragile" is owned by Sting and the "Black Dog" quote I stole off 'Frank' from All Saints who stole it off Churchill who stole it off someone else…can't remember who though…
Monday: Black Dog
The glare of the afternoon sun burnt my eyes. I rubbed them hard and found myself in my dingy little pub room, squished into one corner of my insanely huge bed my head throbbing, bloody Panadol wore off already. I rubbed my forehead hard massaging away all the pain that seemed to flood through it, tiredness crept up on me moments later but I couldn't let it.
Looking over at my bedside alarm clock it was 3.00 and I told Tess I'd be there at 2.30. I was rostered on for 2.00 but Tess said I didn't have to come in if I didn't want to. Fat load of bull that was, the Boss called me, told me they were 'short staffed' cause Susie's on leave.
Dragging myself out of bed I found my uniform folded up on a chair in the corner of my room, just the way I left it last Monday afternoon. Putting it on took forever, the bruises on my arms wouldn't let me move. My shirt masked the deep bruising on my back. I wished that Paul cut a little deeper; I'd have loved to have that morphine right now.
"Why didn't she mention it? I know we aren't exactly friends but you'd think It'd come up somewhere in conversation?" Susie was concerned about her sarge, something I'd thought she'd never be, not with Tess anyway...nobody liked Tess.
"It isn't something you just mention." I defended Tess; I have no idea why, I guess I always did.
"And you had no idea?" Joss was upset at me, he thought I knew.
"Tess never tells anyone anything..." I mumbled back. It wasn't my fault she was a self-centred, repressed ice queen!
"What do you think it's like?" asked a very shocked Kelly who finally talked after hours of just silence.
"What?" asked Joss noticing her awkward sadness.
"Losing a baby just like that...?" We all sat and thought about it for ages nobody mentioning Tess or Sammy for the rest of the day.
The station was quite when I walked in. It was one of those quiet days.
"We've missed you Jonesy!" Alex shook my hand as I walked passed him. It was an unusual thing for Alex to do but then again today felt a bit unusual, maybe it was just the Panadol.
Kelly and Joss must have been on patrol as their seats were empty and the usual banter from the mess room wasn't heard. I sat in my comfy chair, making myself acquainted with my desk again.
"Kirby, can you go get that statement from Mrs. Rogers, her..." Tess walked from the corridor still carrying her coffee. She realised Alex had nicked off somewhere and that I was the only one in the room.
"Oh..." Tess sighed; I smiled at her she looked a bit absentminded.
"That goat's been eating Mrs. Rogers' petunias again?" I asked. This goat was quite notorious.
"Ah…" Tess didn't answer my question her eyes were searching for Alex. She walked out of the room when I next looked up. Not having anything particularly interesting to do I headed off to the mess room, I didn't have breakfast and I was hungry.
"Sergeant…?" I could hear the Boss' voice bellow from inside his office. Tess rushed over walking into the Boss' office and shutting the door after her like she always did. Moments later it opened again.
"Jones?" She beckoned me over to the office.
Walking in, I saw that PJ was sitting in the corner of the Boss' office scoffing down a packet of Scotch fingers.
The Boss stood up when I walked in putting his hand out in front of me wanting to shake mine. I did the same and a warm smile appeared on the Boss' face.
"Good work Jones" he shook my hand hard like he always does when you've done something well. PJ walked over and patted me on the shoulder and smiled. I didn't think I needed congratulating but at least this was nice and subtle.
"We found this..." PJ held up the black floppy disc in a plastic evidence bag. "...in your shoe!" he continued quite surprised.
"Yeah, only place I didn't think they'd find it." I explained still a bit drowsy from the paracetamol. The Boss chuckled softly and PJ smiled, Tess on the other hand stood quite still near the door of the Boss' office not saying a word.
"Well done, both of you..." The Boss mentioned once again." He'll get what he deserves, thanks to you Jones he'll make it to court." I nodded with acknowledgement and the Boss let me leave.
Depression; funny word that is. We use it all the time, I know I do. It never meant much more than just feeling a bit blue to me. I knew about it, you'd hear about it all the time. See people jumping off buildings, setting themselves on fire cause they were 'depressed' but it just never clicked. Not until I found out Tess had it. Seeing her hurt herself like that made me sick; I wanted to know why she hated herself so much. It was so different from the gung ho by the book sarge I'd come to admire.
I had to do some research, like I always did. Just immerse myself with knowledge so I could fight this thing for her because I knew she wouldn't.
"Lunches everyone!" Peroni called out. He was on lunch duty for the past 4 months, something to do with Chris' baby book. Joss tossed around everybody's lunches except mine. I don't think Chris knew I was on duty.
Kelly trudged in behind Joss hauling in behind her a massive white albino goat. It reluctantly followed her stopping midway through the door.
"C'mon you stupid thing! Move!" Kelly was too frustrated with the stubborn creature.
I shot a puzzled look at Joss who just smiled.
"Welcome back Jonesy" he just managed to say before the smile on his face took over. I smiled back looking once again at Kelly who was now tugging the goat towards me. It looked quite flustered, red petunias still stained its brilliant white fur.
Wanting to keep things quiet Kelly gently pulled it over to Joss' desk handing it a carrot. There was looks of disbelieve on everybody's faces including the Sarge's
"Kelly!" Tess shrieked as the half hungry goat chewed on the bottom of Tess' shirt. Trying to salvage her shirt Tess pulled it out from the corner of its mouth. Lovely orange chunks of dribble were stuck on the shirt's two lower buttons.
"Sorry Sarge but I couldn't just leave him there!" Kelly pouted to Tess who was hardly amused. "Could I?" Kelly said to the goat smothering its head in her palms. Giggles of laughter came from Joss who'd sat back down at his desk letting the goat stand at his side.
I smiled to Kelly who hadn't noticed I was back.
"So that's the famous Balthazar..." I pointed to the goat that quite rudely bleated very loudly back at me.
"Yeah..." Kelly pulled on the goat's chain, "Shh...You're gonna get me in trouble!" Kelly warned the goat squatting down beside it and putting her hands over its mouth to stop it from bleating.
"You already are!" Tess mentioned pointing in the direction of the cells. "Do something with it will you? I won't have a ravenous goat trying to eat any more shirts..." Tess was cut off by another raging bleat from the goat that by the look of it was way out of his comfort zone.
"What's going on?" The Boss shouted standing at his office door.
"Nothing Boss...Joss was just getting Balthazar to his cell..." Kelly handed the rope to Joss who looked a bit shocked.
"I suggest you do something with that goat before he eats something!" The Boss hinted to Tess as the goat stole a wad of paper off her desk while she wasn't looking.
"Oi! Get off!" Tess screamed to the goat that had just about eaten through half her report.
"I don't think it likes you Sarge." I commented noticing that Tess was finding it hard removing the half chewed up report from the goat's mouth. I leant over handing the famished goat another half of a carrot. It gladly let go of Tess' report and munched on the carrot happily content that it was given something edible.
"Hmm" Tess mumbled picking up the bits of report off the floor still soaked in goat dribble.
"We'll have to add theft and property damage to the list." muttered Kelly unhappy with the goats dining etiquette.
"Not to mention Police harassment" added Tess sitting back down at her desk. Kelly just smiled.
The annoying ring of the phone awoke me from the short nap I had on my desk. I went to grab hold of it but Tess got to it before me.
"Mt. Thomas Police, Sergeant Gallagher speaking...okay, alright, yep...calm down we'll be there as soon as we can." Tess slammed down the phone. Tess headed off to PJ's office while I put my head back down on the desk trying to fall back asleep.
"You coming Jones?" PJ prodded me awake.
"Hmm?" my eyes were still shut.
"No take Kirby..." Tess instructed and a willing Alex caught the keys thrown to him by PJ.
"What's up Sarge?" I asked wanting to know the latest. Two hours of baby sitting an albino goat drained the life out of me.
"If you weren't sleeping Senior you might just know...alright who's for patrol?" Tess asked two very unenthusiastic constables.
"Sorry Sarge the Boss wants me to finish these..." Joss held up the manila folder containing about 2 months worth of traffic incident reports.
"Kelly?" Tess asked but Kelly was on the phone to Mrs. Rogers who wasn't too pleased with the state of her petunias.
"Sarge, I can go…" I said to Tess but she ignored me completely. Kelly slammed down the phone and omitted an annoyed kind of grunt.
"We set to go?" Tess asked again and Kelly picked up her hat.
"Churchill called it the black dog. It comes unexpected, uninvited, sniffing at your front door. So you lock your front door and try to hide inside, but of course it gets in there and sits besides you in the dark. You can't touch it, you can't grab it and kill it no matter how much you'd like to, so eventually you just give up and lie down, but it lies down with you."
Amazing the things you learn from just reading a couple of websites. The black dog, so that's what it is. A sick, disgusting, mongrel. His teeth seeping into your throat, drawing out the blood. Making you dizzy and sick and you want him to go away but you can't make him go. He just sits there, like Churchill said...ready and waiting. He waits for you to just lie down so he can have another go, another bite. To make you even dizzier even more sick until you have nothing left, until you want to give up trying to fight and you do. And then he just sits there and licks your hand...a pitiful reward for your precious life.
"So...it's just me and you" I said to goat that stood in the corner of the cell munching on whatever it was that Kelly had given it to eat. I didn't expect the goat to reply but it was worth a try. It seemed the goat was the only one that noticed I was still around.
I heard the phone blare from the inside of the station. Shutting the cell door I ran over to the phone just before it rang for the 12th time.
"Mt. Thomas Police...Senior Constable Jones speaking..." I puffed into the phone.
"You have to help me Jonesy, Mummy's gone and the bad man's at the door!" The little girl's voice sounded urgent. It was Laura a little girl in a major custody battle, torn between parents, grandparents and deceiving defactos. It was a case that I worked on just before the drug operation. I thought it was all sorted.
"Okay Laura...are you at home?" I heard the little girl sniffle and then a sudden scream before the phone died.
"Laura!" I shouted petrified, I heard nothing. Slamming down the phone I got my gun belt and checked out my gun.
"Sarge?" I called out; I could swear I heard her come in. Hearing no reply I headed towards the door.
"Where do you think you're going?" she stopped from leaving the station.
"Sarge...it's Laura the girl with..."
"Yeah I know who Laura is…" Tess sounded somewhat annoyed. Standing in front of me she was blocking my way. I needed to go help this little girl.
"Yeah well she's just called, the 'bad man's' after her again..." I didn't get to finish my sentence Tess rushed past me to alert the Boss.
"Well I'll just wait for you in the car then..." I shouted out to Tess who was already making her way back. I made my way half way down the corridor until she pushed past me out the door.
"You'll do nothing of the sort. You stay put!" she managed to say just as climbed into the Four Wheeled Drive.
"Tess!" I shouted back at her but she wouldn't have heard, she was half way down the street. I was meant to be at work, so far the only police orientated thing I did was watch a criminal goat eat its lunch.
"Where is everyone Jones?" the Boss asked as he walked into the silent room.
"Kelly and Joss are on patrol, PJ and Alex are somewhere and Tess headed off to find out what happened to Laura." I stated in a matter of fact way. The Boss was very surprised, not at me at the noise or lack there of.
"It's too quiet!" he mumbled to himself, strolling off to check the logbook.
"I think I like it this way," I said back flicking through the unnumbered amount of files on Word.
"Hmm...No it's too quiet, something's wrong." The Boss philosophised whilst I couldn't care less. I thought this place revolved around team work. Maybe I just wasn't part of the team anymore.
"Mt. Thomas 800 to Mt. Thomas Station..." It was Tess reporting back about Laura I hoped.
"Mt. Thomas Station received go ahead Tess..." The Boss got to the mic before me.
"Boss we need Amy down here, Laura's been found dead..." Tess hated saying that as much I hated hearing it.
"Great!" I mumbled aloud, the Boss looked at me.
"Jones can you get Amy...?" he asked looking at me I headed down to Amy's office still hearing the rest of the conversation.
"I'll get her to come down A.S.A.P, how's it looking down there...?" the Boss asked Tess.
"It isn't pretty, there was no one here when I got here, and she's been butchered with a Tomahawk..." Tess sounded disgusted.
"Lovely...Amy'll be there shortly, you contain the scene."
"Will do Boss".
"Amy?" I knocked on her office door. Amy looked bogged down with work.
"Mmm? What is it?" she looked up briefly from the piles of paperwork she was hidden under.
"It's Laura Thomas...she's been murdered, you're needed at the scene."
"Right" Amy didn't seemed shocked at all but instead made her way to the door. I stopped her before she could make her way out.
"Could you take me with you?" I asked. Amy was a bit confused as to why I asked.
"Are you needed at the scene?" she asked
"No, but..."
"But what?" she cut me off pushing her way past me.
"It was my case!" I said to her back and she finally turned around rolling her eyes at me.
"Yeah, whatever… Just don't be a pest..." she muttered and we headed for the car.
"Where's he goin'?" asked the Boss halfway to his office door.
"To the scene with me, you know the proverb about hands making like work..." Amy said to the Boss while she signed out her gun.
"Mmm..." the Boss bit into his biscuit.
"What the hell are you doing here Senior?" Tess shouted at me from a distance. Boy was I in trouble.
"I thought you might need help..." I reasoned. Tess looked over at Amy who shrugged.
"He said it was his case..." she explained and headed over to the white sheet covering the tiny body and made conversation with the ambos there.
"Well you're officially off this case Jones!" Tess was being impossible.
"This was my case Sarge, besides I have nothing to do!" I followed Tess who was making her way to Laura's body.
"I'm sure the property cage needs a good clean..." Tess suggested but I cut her off.
"Yeah done that." It was one of the many things I did in the 3 hours I was there. Tess sighed.
"Alright then, you can go inform the parents that their daughter's been butchered to death." Tess was giving me the job that she hated doing most.
"Great!" I mumbled under my breath and Tess noticed the dejected look on my face.
"You back already?" The Boss' statement reeked of sarcasm. "I thought we'd have to send a search party..."
"Sorry Boss, I don't think Mrs. Thomas wanted to believe that her little girl was quartered with a Tomahawk." I muttered just plain annoyed at everything.
"Next time, don't take so long." the Boss didn't have anything productive to say so I ignored him.
"Hey Jonesy, how was it at the Thomas place?" asked a curious Alex as I sat back down at my desk noticing it was somewhat dark I turned on my lamp.
"How do you think it was!" I snapped at Alex who was quite shocked at my abrupt reaction. The two Junior Constables both glared at me for a moment.
"Just asking, sorry..." he mumbled under his breath in reply. "...I won't ask next time."
I don't think I should have snapped at him like that, he wasn't the one that was ignoring me for no particular reason.
The station was silent for a good half hour while everybody sat down to continue whatever it was they had to finish. I was concentrating hard on my work blocking out everything and anything that could possibly keep me off task.
Hearing voices in the corridor I jumped.
"The Hommies are gonna have to be called in." I heard the sound of Amy's concerned voice.
"I'll give Paul a ring" said the Sarge in response letting Amy pass through.
"What's this about the Hommies?" asked PJ, he and Paul went way back.
"Thomas case" said Tess quite bluntly heading for the mess room, seeing the opportunity for conversation I followed her in.
"Tess?" I asked gently, knowing she had it in for me today.
"Jones?" she simply asked in reply.
"We need to talk..." I started but I was immediately cut off by Tess.
"There's nothing to talk about Jones." she was being evasive and I wanted to know why.
"How about the fact that you..." I started again but Tess shoved her gun belt into her locker and slammed the door while I was talking, she was hardly in the mood.
"Tess?" PJ poked his head in from around the door. Tess looked up at him questioning his being there.
"Debrief" he simply muttered at her waiting at the door.
"Tess..." I looked at her, she hadn't waited for me to finish.
"I don't have the time, Jones." she said not even looking at me when she left. PJ had a confused expression on his face; he knew he walked into something. I saved him the embarrassment and gave him the same expression back and he smiled at me before he walked back.
I guess Tess was right though, she didn't have time and she never had time for me.
"Maybe later then?" I shouted after her. I don't think she heard though.
"Joss!" Chris was horrified as the torn pages of Chris' baby book were handed back to her in the paper bag the book came in. I grabbed a hold of the box of lunches as Joss made all efforts to sincerely apologise for something that wasn't even his fault. I decided to tag along to explain what really happened, Chrissie would understand.
After Joss trudged out of the pub Chris leant against the pub bench sighing heavily.
"Chris..." I soothed, knowing that she knew that something was wrong with Tessy, nothing got past Chris.
"What really happened Jonesy?" she asked so dejected and sad I felt racked with guilt but I couldn't tell her what was really going on, what would Tess do if she found out? I'd tell her that Sammy died that way she wouldn't get too suspicious.
"Sammy died at the start of the year, I don't think she had anything else to take her anger out on..." I said sullenly propping the box back on the bench where I wouldn't have to hold it.
"I know, Tom told me. I'm worried about her Jonesy..." Chris said gently, she was so concerned, the deep lines on her forehead relaxed when she closed her eyes and sighed.
"So am I" I said sitting down on the pub bench opposite her.
"We're off to the pub, you guys wanna join us?" Joss slung his jacket off his chair and put his arm through the sleeves. I didn't say anything, I was meant to be doing reports but the constant thought of Tess bugged me and 6 hours without Panadol was rearing its ugly head as the side of my head began to sting with pain and the cut in my throat burned.
"Yep, umm count me in." Tess looked over at me although I didn't face her I could see her get up from the corner of my eye.
"Hang on Sarge; I need your autograph..." Alex handed Tess the paperwork that needed to be signed and Tess sighed in disbelief.
"You guys go ahead, I'll catch up..." Tess sat back down.
"Jonesy?" The eagerness in Joss was evident, I didn't have anything left to do and the last thing I wanted was to sit in the station with Tess. I picked up the keys to my Ute that were hidden under my snow dome and the rest of the team guessed that to be a 'yes'.
Tess not coming in today?" the hopeful look on Chris' face was gone when she saw everyone bar one present at the pub. She handed me the beer I needed this whole afternoon.
"She said she would..." started Joss
"But you know the sarge, impulsive one she is..." Alex finished off Joss' sentence much to Joss' distaste and in doing so he stole my beer off me since Chris didn't hand him his soon enough.
"Who's what?" asked Tess joining the rest of us questioning Alex's abusive comment. He choked on his beer when he saw the blue beanie next to him.
Tess was ignored but quickly forgot about the comment anyway as everybody settled in and started their own conversations. I looked up at Chris who smiled; her dejected face no more.
I hopped off my stool and walked over to Tess taping her on the shoulder. She turned around and looked at me, first time that day.
"Beer Tess?" asked Chris holding up a glass ready to pour if need be.
"Not for me thanks" Tess replied quite dismally, great news that was; it meant she was taking the drugs.
Tess didn't turn around to face me again so I figured that it wasn't worth bothering her so I headed off in the direction of my little pub room, not telling anyone that I was leaving and by the looks of them they looked happy at their table without me.
"Jonesy?" Chris called after me holding up the beer I never got.
"Just something I gotta do," Chris nodded and left the beer on the bench, waiting for my return.
It wasn't until I reached my room that I realised I really didn't have anything to do but the thought of being ignored pissed me off. It was all her fault; if she never came I wouldn't have to be in love with her anymore. Maybe I'd just be better off if I just pulled up stumps and moved somewhere far, far away where there'd be no Tess, no razor blades...razor blades?
They crossed my mind when I turned on the light and saw the little brown box sitting on my bedside table. I sat down on my bed and opened the little brown box that had the chunky blades stacked up so neatly inside. It's amazing how clean they were, you'd think that they'd be tainted in her blood, the edges of the box smeared with that disgusting redness. Nah she was too careful, it wasn't a game, more like an art. She perfected the way she hated herself...somehow that didn't seem so stupid.
I picked up one of the blades from the box's tight grip, letting it sit between my thumb and my forefinger I just looked at it for a while and smiled. There was so much I just didn't understand and so much I never would.
I didn't realise what time it was until I woke, glinting metal on my stomach. I'd fallen asleep and the razor blades spilt on top of me. The raging throbbing in my head still wouldn't go away. I peered at the glowing red numbers on my alarm clock. It was only 11, that's okay I could still have that beer and maybe a chance to talk to Tess. God knows I needed to talk to her.
Walking down the stairs I saw the only 3 people left in the pub were Kelly, PJ and Tess who all still sat at their table making friendly conversation.
"Hey nice ring Tess..." came the joyful comment from an all too tired Kelly. Tess had taken the ring off and letting it sit on the table she was spinning it around with the tip of her finger making wild circles on the table.
"Thanks" Tess smiled leaving the ring be. Halfway down the stairs I stood still for a moment and watched her reaction. Tess smiled and Kelly went to pick it up off the table.
"Can I?" she asked Tess nodded and Kelly picked it up noticing the inscription she read it to herself quietly and sighed.
"Oh that's so cute! Is this from a special someone?" Kelly asked a suspicious grin on her face, it wasn't everyday that you'd learn something personal about our Sarge.
"I guess… It's a birthday present, from a friend." Tess answered quite hesitantly. I knew she wouldn't say who from, she didn't need the attention, the rumours, the embarrassment I guess.
"Whatcha keepin' from us Tessy?" asked PJ that same curious smile donned his face. He was a cluey one he was.
"Nothing..." Tess mumbled back evasively. I'd reached the table by now and PJ and Kelly got up to leave. Tess hadn't noticed me there.
"Thanks Chris..." PJ and Kelly both chimed in unison to a very busy Chris who just waved back. They both waved to us as they left and Tess got up to leave.
"Hey...?" I asked her, sitting down as she pushed her chair in. She looked at me waiting for me to finish.
"Do you have the time now, for that chat we were meant to have..." I had to give her a clue; she had no idea what I was going on about. I knew she was ignoring me but I thought she'd at least pay attention to the little attempts I tried to still stay on speaking terms.
The earthy ground beneath me crumbled as I shuffled my feet closer. The tips of my feet hung off the edge waiting to just let go. Looking out in front of me the blue sky around me enclosed me in its peaceful silence but the wind played havoc with my balance. Only 2 cm more and I'd be off the edge but I wanted to do it right, nothing would throw me over; I'd choose when. Standing there on the cliff's dangerous edge, looking down everything made sense, the heavy rocks and their sharp carved edges beckoned me; that's where I wanted to be, down there where everything was lost and still, where I'd lay numb and the world around me would just float away like a leaf on the tide of a gentle stream...
Chris shooed us into the lounge, she needed the time to clean the pub up and she didn't really want us around.
Tess leant against the wall as I walked in, her arms crossed in frustration; I knew she'd rather be in bed, so would I but I needed to tell her this. Bugger her bloody mind games as far as I knew this had to be over and she had to know...
"You look tired" I said to her as she leant her head against the wall not making a sound, she looked at me in response.
"There really is nothing to talk about..." she stated just so bluntly after the couple of moments of silence that passed. She tried to head for the door, to run away like she always did.
"Hey!" I said getting in front of her before she opened the door and left. She stopped and as much as she hated she stood still and listened.
"You can't just keep running away like that..." I said my tone quite angry, I never liked to admit it then but there was just something about Tess that I really hated.
"Running from what?" Tess reciprocated that same tone and made it sound like she didn't understand; she knew exactly what I meant.
"From everything that's important!" I didn't need to spell it out to her.
"You're not important!" she read my mind, I was never important to her was I? Never good enough.
"Right, that'd explain why you've been ignoring me..." I said bitterly fighting back that pure sense of worthlessness that she made me feel.
"I haven't been ignoring you..." she tried to explain, I wasn't taking her pathetic excuses.
"Oh, that's right I forgot, the property cage just needed some cleaning...I'm sick of your bullshit Tess, just 'cause you're a self centred, inconsiderate..." I stopped myself before I could say what I was really meant to. The look on Tess' face stopped me. I wasn't sorry though, I'd had enough of her.
"So that's what you really think of me?" Tess whispered so very angry at my words, she didn't need sympathy though, not after everything she'd done.
"Oh what the hell am I meant to think Tess? I just saved you from getting a bullet through your head and then you just pretend it never happened?"
"You think it didn't hurt seeing you do that? Telling Paul that you'd rather die because I was actually worth it?" Tess was screaming at me. She didn't mean what she said, she couldn't of; she hated me.
"Nah Tess, nothing hurts you; you're just one big blob of apathetic nothingness. I don't even know why I ever fell in love with you..." I don't think I realised that I hurt her when I said that, in fact I don't even think I cared.
"Nothing hurts me? How do you think it feels, waking up every morning knowing that you're a worthless piece of shit?"
I pretended not to hear, I didn't need to hear it.
"I don't care Tess, just get over it..." I don't think that came out right, it wasn't meant to sound like that...
Tears fell down Tess' cheeks and there was nothing I was going to do to stop them.
"You know when you left Mt. Thomas, I tried to forget you Tess, I really did and maybe if I wasn't so bloody in love with you it would have been a lot easier..."
"Don't say that..." I don't know what she meant by that, it's not like she cared that I loved her.
"Say what? That I just don't want to love you anymore because it's just too hard? Well get used to it...I don't want to love you; I don't want to put up with this anymore. I'm just gonna forget that you ever meant anything to me because Tess you aren't worth it! You really aren't!"
I was screaming so loud at her that I didn't even see Chris come in, nor did I realise that I was in the pub, that it was late or that I was making so much noise.
"Jonesy!" she shouted at me standing at the parlour entrance her hands on her hips in total disgust. "What do you think you're doing? It's the middle of the night, people are asleep and I don't know about you but the last thing I'd want if I were asleep was to be awoken by two screaming idiots..."
"Sorry Chrissie..." I pleaded with her but she wasn't angry at the noise, just one look at Tess wiping the tears off her cheeks made Chris distraught. Tess headed for the door and Chris went to follow her out, still glaring at me pathetically.
"Tess...you right?" Chris soothed Tess from just outside the door.
"Yeah look I better just go home..." Tess' voice sounded tear stricken and lonely but it wasn't enough to make me feel bad.
I heard Tess leave and Chris was in the parlour again looking daggers at me, why was it suddenly all my fault?
"What did you do to her Evan?" Chris was serious, she never called me Evan.
"She got what she deserved Chris..." it's all I'd say before Chris basically threw me out of the parlour.
"Not another peep out of you, you hear...?" Chris warned me as I walked the stairs "Or you'll be sleeping on the street."