Chapter Thirteen

Sam and Alex were sitting at the kitchen table; they had just been served a feast by Carter. He was going away for a few days; he had some family business to attend to. He felt guilty about leaving Sam, hence the breakfast feast. Right then Alex was feeling Sam's stomach, feeling his little sister kick; and Carter was happily watching them. He felt a swell of pride watching his family; only he had to correct himself then. No matter how much he may want them to be; they were not his family. He sighed heavily; maybe a few days away would do him some good.

"Wow," Alex said drawing his hand back from his mom's stomach. "That is so weird, but awesome! It's like a person inside you, cool."

Sam just laughed; it was such an eleven year old boy's response.

"Did I kick like that?" he asked.

"You wouldn't stop kicking; I hardly got any sleep with you." Sam answered, she remembered Steve being annoyed about that fact. The few times he did see her, he wasn't able to have any fun, as he put it, as Alex used to kick against her so much that Steve wasn't able to get near her. Every time he'd have her in his arms Alex would give such an almighty kick that Steve would jump back. Looking back; Sam laughed at the memory.

"What's so funny?" Carter and Alex asked simultaneously.

"Nothing," Sam answered smiling.

Carter and Alex looked at each other and raised their eyebrows, as if to say, 'women!'. They both looked back over at Sam, who just laughed harder at seeing their expressions. They continued watching her, they hadn't seen her laugh this hard in a long time and it was good to see her happy again.

Looking at the clock, Carter realised that he'd want to be leaving or he would miss his plane.

"Okay, Sam I have to be going now," he said, "I left some money in the press in case you need it for some emergency, and I put the number of the hotel and the other places where I'll be in case you need to reach me."

Sam watched him flying around the kitchen showing her where he had left everything. She felt the giggles coming on again. He was so protective of her sometimes; it made her feel like a kid again.

"Carter I've lived on my own for many years now, I think I'll be fine."

"I just feel bad leaving you here on your own being pregnant and all."

He went out of the kitchen into the hall. Sam followed him rolling her eyes at him.

"Are you sure you'll be okay while I'm gone?" he asked for the thousandth time.

"Yes, I'm sure; you really don't have to worry."

Carter avoided her last comment; he had a bad feeling about leaving her, as if something bad was going to happen while he was gone. He picked up his bag and went over to the door, opening it and then turning back to face Sam who was right behind him.

"Susan will collect you at three for your doctor's appointment, and I shall be back on Saturday. I'll come get you first and then we can go over to Cosmo's party. I think that's everything."

"Would you stop fretting? I have an eleven year old son, if I can cope with that I can cope with anything."

"Well that is probably true, but just in case anything goes wrong be sure to call me okay?" He stared at her until she nodded her agreement.

"Bye Alex," he yelled at the boy who was still in the kitchen.

"See ya," he heard Alex yell back.

"Are you sure you're," he started to say but Sam cut him off.

"Just go," she said.

He smiled at her and drew her into a quick hug. Sam hugged him back and gave him a kiss on the cheek before sending him on his way.

Carter really confused her; she never let people be so over protective of her the way he was. She didn't love him the way he did, so she knew that it wasn't that, but there was something about him. In a way she was sorry that she didn't feel for him the same way as he felt for her; it would make things so much simpler. She could rely on Carter, and he would have looked after her and helped her with her kids. Sometimes she considered it, Alex and her baby would get a father figure then, but she couldn't. She didn't feel that way about him; she still loved Luka too much.

Sam went back into the kitchen where Alex was; still eating away.

"Did you check your blood sugar before you ate?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered between mouthfuls.

Sam sat down on the chair suddenly feeling very tired. She was feeling like that a lot recently. The smell of the food was making her feel nauseous; her morning sickness hadn't completely gone away just yet.

Alex looked up at his mom, she looked so sad. He felt guilty about that, guilty that he had played a part in making Luka leave. He knew that everything would work out though, and his mom was strong, she had made it through worse than this right? She had him to help her, they didn't need Luka. She had always said that she didn't need a man, so why was she so upset now?

There wasn't a whole lot he could do; he just comforted himself by remembering that everything would be fine. Everything was going according to his plan.

"What do you want to do this morning?" Sam asked Alex pulling her up and seeming to be cheerful once more.

"I dunno, what do you want to do?" Alex shrugged.

"Nothing really, I have to do some grocery shopping. I'll wait until you're at Austin's to do that though, no point dragging you around the supermarket."

"Don't you ever do anything exciting, or even something fun?"

Sam could think of a few things she did with Luka that were most definitely fun but she wasn't going to share that with her son.

"You don't think I have an interesting life?"

Alex just shrugged. Sam could see where he was coming from; to him her life must seem pretty dull. Hell, her life seemed pretty dull even to her at times. She didn't plan her life to be this way; to be a mother at fifteen, to be a single mother. But that was the way her life turned out, and she wouldn't have it any other way.

"I'm a mother; we do uninteresting things like buying groceries and paying bills. It's part of our job."

"Do you ever tire of being a mother?" Alex asked timidly.

"No," Sam answered shocked, "I may get tired of being a single mom, but I never tire of being a mother. I don't know what I'd do without you."

She went over to him and gave him a big hug, and kissed his head.

"Mom," Alex whinged.

Sam took a step back and sighed, sometimes she couldn't believe just how fast he had grown up.

"I'll go grocery shopping with you, if you want?" Alex offered.

"You don't have to; I know how much you hate it."

"I'll come, just this once." He added quickly.

Sam ruffled his hair and told him to go and get ready. Alex left the room, trying to fix his hair and muttering about how at least when his sister came along he would get a break from all the hugs she gave him. Sam yelled after him that she'd find the time; he would never be able to escape. It was her right as a mother to embarrass her son.

Luka woke up, blinking at the sunlight that was streaming through the window. He rolled over slightly and fell onto the ground. He'd forgotten that he was on the couch. Clutching his head he got up and staggered into the kitchen. His head felt like it was going to burst.

As he was getting the aspirin, Luka made himself the same promise that he had been making himself for the past month. The promise that he wouldn't drink again. He got himself a glass of water and downed the painkillers knowing that he'd be doing the exact same thing the next day.

Checking the pack he saw that he would need to buy more aspirin, he'd have to go to a different chemist though. He was getting funny looks off the clerk in the chemist where he usually went. Considering he bought a packet of aspirin a week he couldn't really blame the guy.

He rubbed his face, he hadn't shaved in a few days, and he should probably get around to doing that today. Everything just seemed like to take so much effort, and in his hung-over state he didn't have the energy. Figuring that he'd more than likely be hung over tomorrow, he went into the bathroom to shave. Sam also preferred him to be clean shaven.

He cursed at himself, why was it that everything reminded him of Sam. In the bathroom he looked over at the shower, remembering the time that they had celebrated moving in together. Alex had been at a sleepover that night, and he and Sam had christened almost every spot in the apartment that night. They had done it in the living room, on the kitchen table, came very close to doing it on the washing machine and then the morning after he had joined her in the shower.

He punched the mirror with his fist causing it to break into tiny shards of glass. At first he felt nothing, but then the pain soared through him and he saw that his hand was bleeding.

He bandaged it up as best he could and cleaned up the mess. Why was he staying away from Sam when it could barely stand living without her?

"What about this one?" Susan asked Sam holding up a pink dress.

The two were looking at baby clothes. Susan had gone with Sam to her scan, everything was fine. Sam's blood pressure was a little high but that was all. After the scan they had decided to go shopping, and ended up in the baby section. Cosmo needed new clothes anyway.

"It's so cute," Sam answered, "They have such cute clothes for babies. Oh you should get this for Cosmo to wear for his party." Sam handed Susan a pair of dungarees that had a yellow duck on the chest and came with a white shirt.

"Aww, he'd be quite the little man. Chuck would kill me though; he has a thing against dungarees."

"Spoil sport," Sam said.

"He's a guy, what does he know about fashion?" Susan laughed and Sam laughed with her.

"It's good to see you smiling and laughing again." Susan said.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Sam answered, "You know Carter was all worried this morning when he was leaving, you'd think I'd never been left alone before." Sam wanted to change the topic from her feelings.

"That's just because he cares about you a lot. You should have heard him on the phone to me, making sure I looked after you while he was gone. I eventually told him that you were grown up and could look after yourself. He's so in l…." Susan stopped there; she wasn't sure how Sam felt about Carter's love for her.

"In love with me?" Sam asked, "You can say it, it's not as if he keeps it well hidden."

"He really doesn't, I feel so sorry for him sometimes."

"You? How do you think I feel? It would be so much easier if I loved him back."

"But you love Luka. . ."

"Yeah, and I don't even think he misses me."

"Don't say that, you don't know that." Susan could see that Sam was getting upset, "Come on," she said putting her arm around her, "let's go get you some chocolate."

Luka pulled his jacked on and looked back at the half naked woman sitting on the bed watching him.

"I've sure been seeing a lot of you lately." She said.

Luka threw a wad of cash down onto the bed.

"I don't pay you to talk," he answered.

"I just figured that a handsome guy like you would be able to get sex without paying for it. I don't see why some woman hasn't taken you already."

"Look, I pay you good money, all I ask is that you don't talk."

"Fine, just tell me, shall I be seeing you again?"

Luka paused, was this what he really wanted? Sex with some anonymous hooker? It was hardly ideal.

"Yeah, I'll be back same time Friday."

With that he left. It may not be ideal but it was better than nothing. He missed Sam, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to try to love someone else. It would be too much like betraying her, and if he couldn't be there fully for her; then he didn't want to do that with someone else. Sam was the one person he would always love, always need, always want. She was the one person who he couldn't manage to make it work with, and he wasn't sure what hurt more; being without her or knowing that he was the one who left and wouldn't go back.

Sam was in the house on her own. Alex was staying over with his friend, and Carter was gone. The house was so quiet, so empty. It was the last thing she needed. It was bad enough feeling that she was all alone without actually being in a big empty house.

Carter had rung her an hour before to make sure she and Alex were okay. It was good to talk to him. She didn't think she'd miss having him around, but she did.

She picked up the purple baby jump suit she had bought earlier, she hadn't been able to resist. She may not have been looking forward to raising another kid without the father being in the picture, but she was feeling more positive about it. She loved her little baby already, and nothing would change that. If she could raise a baby at 15, then surely she could manage this. She hoped she could anyway.

She still kept a picture of her and Luka with her; she kept it in her room, not wanting Alex to see it. She wondered what Luka was doing, was he dating anyone new? Did she want to know if he was? It was painful enough without thinking of him having moved on so soon.

The doorbell rang, loud and hard. Sam jumped as she was dragged out of her thoughts. It was half eleven, who would be visiting her at this hour. She reluctantly got up and walked down the hall to the door.

She opened the door, curious to see who was there. Seeing who was on the other side she stood there with the door open, the evening air making her cold. She wasn't able to move, she wasn't even able to speak. Shock at the surprise visitor had taken over her body.

TBC