Chapter Fourteen

"Are you going to let me in or are you just going to stare at me?"

Sam shook her head slightly.

"What are you doing here Steve?" She couldn't believe he was actually standing there. He looked a lot better than he had the last time she had seen him, he was clean shaven and dressed well, and he was sober. That was a plus.

"I need an excuse to see my favourite girl?" Steve answered taking her hand and pulling her towards him. He held her close to his chest, inhaling her scent.

"Is a real nice place you've got here. I didn't think that foreign guy was that loaded."

"I don't live with him anymore." Sam said pulling away from Steve, she tried to ignore how happy he looked at hearing her and Luka had broken up. "I'm staying with a friend at the moment."

"This friend male or female?"

"I don't see why I should tell you," Sam replied but Steve just kept staring at her waiting for an answer. "Fine, his a guy, happy now?"

"You fucking him?"

"Is that all you think about? Because some of us can be friends with the opposite sex without it leading to sex. It is possible you know."

"He's gay isn't he?" Steve laughed.

"He's not . . . Oh why am I even bothering?" There was no point arguing with him about Carter's sexuality, she knew that. "Did you just come to check up on my sex life or do you have another reason being here? And shouldn't you be in prison?" It had just dawned on her that he had been put away, before this she had been too shocked to realise it.

"I got an early release for good behaviour, also I had a really good lawyer. The first thing I thought of was you and Alex, so I decided to pay you a visit. Where is Alex?"

"He's staying the night at a friend's house."

"Can I come in?"

Sam just stepped aside and let Steve walk into the house. Closing the door behind him she took a deep breath and braced herself. Why she hadn't just told him to go away she didn't know. The one thing she did know was that this was not going to go well.

Steve followed Sam into the living room, checking out the house as he went. Whoever Sam was staying with was clearly very well off, probably a doctor. Walking into the living room he spotted baby clothes on the coffee table. If her friend was male why did he have baby clothes? Unless of course they weren't his.

Steve went over closer to Sam, so he was standing right in front of her. Had she put on weight? Only one way to find out, he pulled her into his chest, hugging her close to him. She definitely did seem to have a tiny bump.

"Did that foreigner knock you up?" He asked stepping away from her.

"His name is Luka, don't pretend you don't know it." She really didn't want to have this conversation with Steve.

"Fine, did Luka knock you up?" He said mockingly.

"Yes, I'm pregnant, he knocked me up as you so eloquently put it."

"Sam, you really don't know how to play it safe do you?" Steve laughed.

Sam resisted the urge to hit him, much as she wanted to.

"Me? I don't exactly remember you remembering condoms!"

"It's been ten years, when are you going to let that go?"

"Eleven," she said, too angry to decided what to yell at him first.

"What?" he was slightly confused by her answer.

"It's been eleven years, Alex turned eleven this year."

"Really? Time really does fly, doesn't it? Seems like only yesterday he was starting school."

Sam just avoided him, Alex must seem to be growing up a lot faster to Steve considering he only saw his son once a year, if even that. Steve hadn't even been there for Alex's first day at school, he really was a terrible father.

"So, did you leave him or did he leave you?"

"What does it matter, he's gone," she didn't want Steve to see her cry. "Alex isn't here Steve, why don't you come back tomorrow and you can see him then. He'll be glad to see you."

"I didn't come here just to see Alex, I came here to see you too." Steve said taking her hands in his. "I had a lot of time to think when I was in prison, and I've been a complete fool. When I think of everything I've done, I don't know why I never saw what was in front of me. I had a wonderful son and a wonderful girl who I love more than anything else, I do love you Sam. I know I've made mistakes and I'm sorry, it'll be different this time, I've changed."

He pulled her into his arms again, wrapping his arms around her, one hand gently caressing her hair. Sam listened to all his lies, she knew that's what they were. Steve may believe what he was saying right now, but it wouldn't be long until he'd take back every word. She had heard that same speech over and over, she knew not to believe it anymore.

She didn't exactly want him to stay around long enough for him to do that though. She didn't want to go just yet, she knew she let him stay the night. She knew that she would because she really didn't want to be in the big house all on her own. Steve may not be perfect, okay he wasn't perfect, but he was there and Sam just needed someone.

Two hours later and they two were on the sofa watching a movie, Hellboy, Steve had chosen it. They weren't talking much, mostly they focused on the movie. Sam wasn't going to complain about that. Steve did jump in every now and then with little comments about the movie, but other than that, nothing. It was the most comfortable conversation she had had with Steve since they had started dating and he was trying to woo her. Or to put it more precisely, when they had started dating and he was trying to get into her pants. Was that what he was trying to do now?

Sam stopped her self from being so paranoid, Steve knew the boundaries by now, didn't he? This was Steve she was talking about, when had he ever learned about boundaries?

"What did you think?" Steve asked.

"What did I think about what?" Sam asked she had been so wrapped up in her own thoughts she hadn't been paying any attention to what Steve had been saying.

"What did you think of the movie?" He answered looking at her slightly puzzled.

"Oh," Sam looked at the screen and saw that the credits were rolling, she had missed most of the movie. "It was okay." It was a safe enough answer.

"You weren't paying attention to it were you?"

"Yes I was," Sam hated it when Steve was right.

"No, you weren't," he replied. "Are you okay? Has this got to do with Lance?"

"I'm fine and his name is Luka."

"Luka, Lance, it's all the same."

Sam rolled her eyes at him and sighed, she knew that he was jealous of Luka and he wasn't hiding it very well. Something about Luka seemed to bother him more than any other guy she had ever dated, and she couldn't figure out why. But then again, Steve's head was pretty screwed up thanks to the alcohol and drugs, so it was usually impossible to tell what was going on his head.

Steve moved in closer to Sam, putting his arm around her neck and moving in for the kiss. He kissed her, long and hard. Sam was so surprised at first that she didn't stop him. Kissing him was never gentle, he didn't know the meaning of the word. Everything with him was rough. He held her face in his hands and she knew that it would be hard to pull away until her let her go. And he did, eventually.

He sat back and looked at her, removing his hands from her face. Sam couldn't stand having him leer at her like that, she felt sick just seeing the smug look on his face. She didn't have the energy to argue, to throw him out of the house or even to just tell him off. Instead, she stood up, told him he could sleep on Alex's bed, told him which room that was and went up to bed. She'd deal with him in the morning, now was not the time. Anyway, she was grateful to him for one thing, she had been so busy hating him and wishing him gone that she had almost completely forgotten about Luka.

Waking up the next morning Sam could feel arms around her, someone was in bed with her. For a brief moment she thought it was Luka. But that thought was simply too good to be true. She could feel Steve kiss her neck and whisper 'good morning' in her ear. Try as she might, she couldn't remember how he had gotten there. She was definitely alone when she had gone to sleep the night before. On the bright side she still had her night clothes on so she knew she hadn't done anything with him.

"Steve?"

"Yeah babe?" He was stroking her arm now and Sam knew what he was hoping.

"When did you end up in my bed?"

"I was lonely last night so I came in and joined you. You were fast asleep, you didn't even wake up when I got into the bed with you." He kissed her neck again.

"Steve!" She yelled jerking her shoulder so as to shake him off.

"Hey, that hurt,"

Sam turned around to see Steve glaring at her and rubbing his cheek.

"Well if you hadn't been trying to make out with me then I wouldn't have had to hurt you."
"What is your problem? I just thought that we could have a little fun, it's been way too long since we've been together. You're not even dating Luka anymore . . ." There was just a hint of pleading in his voice as he said the last part.

"Just because I'm single doesn't mean that I'll sleep with you, where you even going to consider what I thought about it?"

Steve didn't answer, knowing that it was better to keep quiet then tell the truth. Unfortunately he didn't have the sense to look even the slightest bit ashamed or guilty. Then again Steve never did feel guilty about much.

"Are you going to send me away now without getting the chance to see my son?"

"No, Alex would really like to see you," Sam sighed, "even if all you ever do is hurt him." She saw Steve cringe when she said that and she got a sadistic pleasure from it. "Just get out of my bed, and out of my room."

Steve didn't argue with her, he just upped and left the room. Sam was surprised at how easy it was, it seemed almost too easy. She worry about what Steve might be up to later.

Sam lay in bed for a while, she really dreaded getting up. Eventually she dragged herself out of bed, Alex would be home soon anyway. She went into the bathroom and found herself looking at her reflection in the mirror.

More than anything she just wanted to scream and shout, let go of all the pain. Just let it out and stop feeling so bad. She knew that she couldn't do it herself, she had almost cut herself to succeed it but couldn't go through with it. Her baby had stopped her, and part of her was angry about that, angry that since she was a mother she couldn't have feelings. Couldn't fall apart, because someone was depending on her.

All the anger, pain, tension was just building up inside her and she was sure she'd explode if she didn't find a way to get it out soon.

"Just what is your problem?" Susan yelled at Luka. They were both in the doctor's lounge, Susan had been getting nothing but complaints about Luka all day and she was running out of patience.

Luka didn't answer, just stood there, his face blank, conveying no emotion. If this is what he had been like with Sam, Susan could totally understand why she left.

"All day today I've had interns, attendings, nurses, patients, even the janitors, complaining about you. And it's not just today either, you are going to have to seriously try to clean up your act."

"Okay I'll try," Luka responded his voice deadpan, "Can I go back to work now?"

"This is serious, don't you care that you are really close to being fired?"

Luka didn't answer and the look in his eyes was so blank, so void. He didn't look like he was alive. Susan was very put off by that look, she had never seen anyone look so dead.

"Why don't you go home now, I can get someone to cover your shift?" Susan was worried about him, and no sick person needed to see those eyes.

"No, I'll stay, I've nothing better to do."

"You miss her don't you?"

Susan saw a his eyes glisten, he really did miss Sam. Why hadn't she seen that before.

"Why are you keeping away from her if you miss her so much? Why not fight for her?" She couldn't understand how he could just walk away.

"Because she's better off without me," Luka mumbled, Susan could just about make what he had said.

He cast her another look, his eyes looking more lost and dead then ever. Then he turned on his heel and exited the room.

Susan watched him leave and sighed, she had never seen a man look so completely broken before.

Sam could hear the phone ringing and raced into the hall to answer it. Sure Steve was in the house, but it would have been too much of a miracle if he had actually offered to answer it.

"Hello?" She said picking up the phone.

There was just silence on the other end.

"Hello?" She had been receiving phone calls like this for a while now, each time the person would say nothing, and each time the person would call from a blocked number or a pay phone, so there was no way to tell who it was.

Then she heard a dial tone, the person had hung up. Sam put down the phone and went back into the kitchen, she would just have to hope the person would give up.

Luka was at the hospital pay phone, he took a deep breath and dialled the number. The phone was ringing, ringing and he waited patiently for someone to answer.

"Hello?" He heard Sam's voice on the other end.

He knew that he shouldn't really do it, but sometimes he couldn't help himself. He just needed to hear her voice, he got a little bit of comfort from hearing her.

"Hello?"

He hung up then, he wasn't able to say anything to hear, all he wanted was to hear her voice.

"DAD!" Alex yelled running over to greet his father.

He had spent the whole day at Austin's, and this was the last thing he expected to come home to. His dad was here, he had paid attention to his letters and he had come, and he was going to fix everything.

"Hey buddy," Steve answered hugging Alex.

Sam stood and watched the two, she hadn't seen Alex this happy in a long time. No matter how many times Steve would disappoint him, no matter how many promises Steve would break, he always had Alex's love. Sam just wished he could see how he lucky he was to have that.

"You got my letters," Alex said.

Steve just nodded at Alex and looked wearily over at Sam.

"What letters?" She asked.

"I sent dad letters asking him to come home, to us. I told him that Luka had left and that we needed him, and he came."

Alex sounded so happy that Sam didn't have the heart to show him just how angry she was. She couldn't believe he would do that. What would make him think that they needed Steve?

She excused herself, saying she was sure they had plenty to catch up on and went up to the bathroom. Closing the door behind her, she let out a sigh. She couldn't do this, she couldn't pretend to be any way happy about this. In a way it felt like Alex had betrayed her, only she couldn't really blame him, he didn't know just what his father was really like.

This time, as Sam went further into the bathroom, the baby didn't kick. This time, when she picked up the razor she let the blade slice into her upper arm, making two straight cuts on her skin. She could barely feel the pain, but she felt such a relief, as if everything negative was just leaving her body. The blood welled out slowly at first, and she quickly cleaned up the wounds and covered them with a band aid.

Later that night, when she was in bed, the reality of what she had done sunk in. Tears trickled down her cheek quietly. Alex was asleep beside her and she didn't want to wake him. She had convinced him that he needed to sleep with her so Steve could sleep in his bed. Alex had asked why Steve couldn't sleep with her, but he soon just accepted it. She didn't want to be in her bed alone, she was too afraid that she'd wake up in Steve's arms again, too afraid that of what would happen if he ended up in her bed again.

TBC