Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, any of it. If I did, do you think i'd be writing crappy fanfiction?

A/N: Oooh, a dialogue fic. Scary.

"Hello?"

"OMG! Is this Hary Potter?"

"Yes…who is this?"

"Im just like ur gratest fan! OMG!"

"What do you want?"

"I want to say that I hate Profeser Snape like u doo!"

"I don't hate Severus, you crazy…"

"And I like hate Ginny to she's so not good enuff 4 u"

"I'm hanging up."

Click.

Ding-dong.

"The doorbell? I wonder who it is."

"OMG! I did find were u live!"

"Oh, please, God, help…"

"I luv u Hary u r like so hot!"

"Shut the f up. I have a fing wife. Get off me."

"What's this?"

"Ginny! Finally! This fangirl jumped me!"

"OMG! Ginny Weasley! I hat u, u bitch ur not good enuff 4 Hary!"

"I get your point, love."

"Can you kick her out, Gin-gin? Please?"

"I'm having dinner, love."

"Don't leave here with her, please, Ginny!"

"Kick her out yourself, darling."

"see? She really bad"

"Get off my property."

"OMG! You cant meen that hary! OMG! I luv u! ive riten so meny fanfikshuns! cum one!"

"Okay, you're just asking for it now…"

"o, yyeah, ababby…I aam askin 4 it! cum an get me big boy!"

"You. Are. So. Creepy. Get away or I'll hex you. You have three seconds to get away."

"wate! Wait! ok maybe u'll like em bettr if I say im a boy!"

"One…what! You're a fanBOY?"

"yeah…sry…but there r so menny fanfikshuns about u being gay that I thawt i'd taik my chances. OMG! I LUV U!"

"Two…a cutting hex is coming up and aiming for below your belt, creep-o. HEY! GINNY!"

"What?"

"Three…diffindo—"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

"See that girl running around and clutching at her crotch?"

"Yeah, the fangirl. It seems that you took care of her—wait, what did you do?"

"Um…well, it turned out that the fangirl was a fanboy…I kind of made him a eunuch…"

"Oh, sweet Merlin. I never thought I'd ever see anything so damn funny in my life. What's even funnier is that he's wearing a skirt!"

"It's just a little bit creepy. And he was talking about 'fanfikshuns' in which I'm gay. Weird."

"Yes. You are most definitely not gay. And what are these 'fanfikshuns'? And are we going to leave him there on our lawn, writhing in pain?"

"No, it wouldn't be good for the children to see. I'll have Dobby take care of him in a little while."

"All right. Now, how was work today?"

A/N (#2!): Please do not think that that fan is me.

I wrote this real quick because I was bored. I'm also thirsty. Are you thirsty? I can make an e-cup of e-water for you! Here: Aguamenti. There's your e-water and the e-cup is right here. holds out plastic Barney cup with pure, fresh water in it

Review. Please.