A/N Hello again. Chapter four. As you could guess from last chapter, it's gonna be doing some emotional healing between Sev and Nev. They insisted that since they are gonna be journeying together, they need to get some things sorted out between them. So, there you go. Oh, they also insist that I put up a flashing 'NO SLASH' sign. To prevent my two main characters from puking all through the story I suppose. Points at Severus and Neville, who nod fervently.
Severus stared at the door after Neville had slammed it on his way out. He tried to forget the argument, but found he had little luck with that. That night, sleep refused to come as well. He tossed and turned in his bed, replaying the conversation over and over in his head.
Neville wanted him here. He had asked him as a friend, and not out of some sense of guilt or pity. He had agreed to come along because he had nowhere else to go and travelling with Neville was more attractive then staying hidden at Hogwarts.
He blushed as he remembered his treatment of the boy in his first three years at school. He had meant well, but he had only made the situation worse. It wasn't until the end of Neville's third year, when the embarrassment over the Boggart incident had faded, that he realized the implication of it. He had been shocked. HE was a child's greatest fear. No matter what anyone thought, that had not been his intent. He had meant to help.
He smiled sadly as he remembered the conversation he had with Neville over that in the first term of the fourth year.
"Mr Longbottom."
The boy nearly froze, and turned to his teacher with eyes full of fear.
"I would like a word with you this evening. Report to my office at 8, please."
The boy had come, clearly under the impression that he would be serving detention.
"Sit down, Mr Longbottom. Would you care for some tea?" He had tried to be friendly, but only managed to terrify the child even further.
"Very well. The reason I wanted to talk to you, Mr…Neville, is that I wish to apologize. I have made a large number of mistakes in how I acted towards you these past years."
At that moment he had been sure the boy would faint.
"….sir?"
"Yes?"
"Why would you apologize to me? You hate me."
He sighed. "I understand you believe that after the way I've treated you, but no, I don't hate you. I do not wish to be your greatest fear. I felt ridiculed when all the rumors started circulating after your boggart incident, and it took me a long time to realize it meant I am your greatest fear. I feel I should explain to you why I acted the way I did."
The boy stared at him, mouth slightly open.
"Neville? You still with me?"
The boy shook his head. "Y-Yes sir." He hesitated. "If you don't hate me, sir, then why do you act like a…" he checked himself quickly.
"Like a bastard?" Severus supplied helpfully. He sighed again.
"I made a stupid mistake. I know your full potential has been blocked by what happened to you as an infant. I hoped that treating you like that would make you mad enough to unlock it. Albus told me repeatedly that I was going about it the wrong way, but he let me."
The boy frowned. "And you don't want to continue?"
Severus looked thoughtful. "I will have to continue treating you like that in class. It's too dangerous not to. I can't explain more to you right now. But if you like, I will assist with your training. I will recommend books and exercises you can use."
That conversation had been the beginning of a different kind of relationship with his most troublesome student. Especially during fifth year, when Harry's DA had helped Neville enormously, he had secretly tutored the young man and found he was becoming quite powerful. Although they kept up their act in class, and Neville continued to blow up cauldrons –he was willing to bet the brat even enjoyed that- while he sneered and terrorized the Gryffindor.
Severus sat up and sighed. Four years ago he would have laughed at anyone who would have had the nerve to suggest he might one day be bothered about Neville being angry with him. Before blasting them off the face of the planet.
Deciding sleep was apparently out of the question, he ventured into the livingroom.
He was nearly ready to bolt from the room again when he noticed Neville was sitting curled up in an armchair, reading. Then he mentally kicked himself. Surely after all those years of facing Voldemort, groveling at his feet, he could face a…a friend to apologize!
Neville looked up and saw him. "Hey Sev. I'm planning an outing for tomorrow. How does a boattrip sound?" he grinned evilly at the paling potions master before waving his hand. Two steaming mugs of hot chocolate appeared.
"Guess we can both do with something to help us sleep, eh?" he said.
Severus stared at his mug.
"I'm sorry, Neville. I'm so used to not having friends I don't recognize friendship anymore. I deserve a good kick sometimes."
Neville laughed. "Yes, you do. It's ok, you've been hard pressed this year. These past twenty years or so. It'll take time to heal. I'm sure hearing about rogue death eaters messing with our perfect plan didn't help matters."
Severus blew on his hot chocolate. "I had hoped to be free of them at last. I should have known some of them are so bloody single minded that they even need to doubt my death."
Neville snorted. "And with good reason."
Severus raised an eyebrow and sneered. "Well, THEY don't know that, do they?" He sighed.
"I loved Albus like a father. Hell, he WAS my father. But even he used me. To the extreme. He made me kill him. It was, in the end, my decision of course, but he knew perfectly well that I couldn't refuse him anything. I keep waiting for you to demand something from me."
Neville sighed and shook his head. "I don't want anything from you but your friendship, Severus. I asked you to come with me because I wanted to continue getting to know you. You can begin to discover yourself now, without the strain of spying, the war or the Horcrux in you."
Severus nodded. "Thank you. It WILL take time. But you are not my student now…you are my friend…" his eyes softened with surprise and delight as he uttered that word, "and if I act like a git, feel free to tell me off. Merlin knows I have been a jerk to you for years, you have a lot of catching up to do in that respect."
He paused for a second. "You think the Horcrux affected me?"
An indignant look appeared on his face as his friend collapsed in helpless laughter.
"Oh Merlin, Sev, yes, yes! You have become a lot less…evil. Let me demonstrate."
"NEVILLE!" Severus screamed a few minutes later. "My robes are RED and GOLD. And there is a litter of kittens on the floor!"
"You don't need to tell me that, Sev, I did conjure them up, after all."
"Remove them!"
"What, remove your robes? EWWWW, no thanks!"
"Not the robes, you…you…oh great."
"Exactly my point. Now, sit down on the floor and look at the kittens. Try to hate them."
"…"
"Well?"
"Can't hate them. Blast! I hate that I can't hate them!"
"See? You can't insult me with something you know will hurt me. You can't hate obviously cute kittens. Now, if I asked you to strangle one of the kittens for potions ingredients…"
"NO!"
"There ya go. You carried a seventh of Voldemorts soul in you for years. Yes, it definitely affected you. It made you hate. Shouldn't come as that much of a surprise, really. Now that it's gone, your own soul is free again."
"But I was a jerk before I became a Horcrux."
"You were a traumatized teenager when you became a Horcrux. You never matured properly."
"Oh, and now that I am mature and Horcrux free I suddenly like kittens. Is there any way to put the thing back in?"
"Shut up, Sev. I never said you were mature, did I? You are experiencing normal human reactions to cuteness. Young animals and babies are designed to trigger a protective streak. You will need to learn to control your feelings and emotions again. They need time to balance out."
"I don't KNOW how to be a normal human being!"
Neville sat down on the floor and banished the kittens.
"I don't think you ever will be normal, Sev. Normality is overrated anyway. You are quite a unique person with VERY unique experiences. You are the only human Horcrux who hasn't turned into a Greater Inferius. You helped safe the Wizarding World. You are an absolute superb potions master. And you are basically a decent human being. You're a great friend, Sev, and all the people who refuse to see that, well that's their loss, really."
Severus hid his face behind his hair but his red ears betrayed that he was blushing. After a while he sat back and studied Neville.
"I just can't believe how much you've grown up in these few short years. A very far cry from the first year who used to melt a cauldron each lesson."
"Well burning cauldrons became fun after fourth year when I could do it, knowing you ORDERED me to do it and couldn't punish me," Neville said with a smirk.
"I KNEW IT!"
Far away, in London…
"That article didn't help much. They're even gonna have a memorial service."
"Yes it did. Just be patient."
The two men conversed quietly in a corner of a muggle pub.
"Muggle scum…never thought the day would come when we'd be forced to live among them."
"Patience, MacNair. We will be great again, I'm sure of it. It will be a memorable Memorial Service indeed…"