Hello my fellow fic readers, this chapter you'll love, I love it therefore you shall find great comfort in reading it! Oh and excuse the corniness as well as thedescriptiveness, it's incredibly hard to put pictures into words!
Paula: "Keep it coming" Hmm I shall…although not for too much longer!
Paige: Aw, it's really that amazing? Naw! Umm repetitive it is, only because I had to shove Jonesy back into hospital for all good reasons though…plus the Panadol overdose showed how much of himself he sacrificed in worrying about Tess…does that make sense? Well anyway I'll tone down on the repetitiveness!
Disclaimer: Heelers--> Channel Seven's Everyone else--> mine!
Wednesday: Her hero
It must have been late-afternoon when I remember waking up again, yeah come to think of it was; the dim light reflecting off my pub room wall told me so.
My body still ached from being abused with paracetamol but it found refugee in sleep, I could forget everything then; no painful reminder that my life was a crumbling wreck...just peace.
I went to roll over to the other side of my bed where my annoying but loyal alarm clock stood and if I didn't notice her sooner I would have rolled into her.
"Tess?" I asked myself really, she was still very much asleep curled up on one side, facing me, hugging my pillow to keep her self warm.
She was still in uniform so she mustn't have been here long.
I loved watching her sleep; there was something so satisfying about the way she looked. I wondered if she escaped too, whether everything was just as peaceful as it looked on the outside. Whether she could forget the crumbling wreck that was her life.
I shuffled closer to her, unintentionally I guess, she kind of drew me to her; only centimetres away from her I could just bask in the way she smelt. She always smelt so good; it always made me want to be close.
The peaceful ambience she created almost let me lose myself, I loved the way she made me feel and most of all I loved the way I felt about her; I could just lie there with her for hours, watch her sleep and know that even if she'll never be mine she'll always be the closest friend I've ever had.
I let my fingers run across her cheek and down her neck where my hand rest on her back and with my arm around her I hugged her before I let her sleep some more.
I pressed my forehead against hers and felt her warm breath upon my cheek and that sweet smell of Tess that I loved. I was so comfortable and warm that I almost fell asleep again but Tess sighed softly before opening her eyes.
"Evan?" she whispered very softly, she wondered how I got to be so close without her letting me. I smiled at her and I guess she was too tired to push me away. She smiled when she saw me look at her the way I did, I too wondered what she was doing, in my bed, with me.
"I came to keep an eye on you, I wasn't meant to fall asleep..." she explained sighing softly.
"Hey, I don't mind." I smiled to her and she looked at me for a little while.
"Umm...what time is it?" she asked before I took my arm from around her and she rubbed her tired face with her hand and rolled onto her back. I leaned over her to check on my clock which had hidden itself down the very back of my bedside table. My hand on the other side of Tess kept me from falling on top of her. I tried to see the glowing red numbers but they were hidden away further.
"Umm fiveish..?" I finally responded, "Sorry, I can't see the rest..." I smiled to Tess who had been looking at me longingly for sometime now. The dazed look in her eyes caught my attention for a little while.
She brushed her fingers through the bottom half of my hair and then down my neck caressing it gently. She looked at me a little while longer and I at her surprised by the way she managed to make my stomach fill with butterflies at the way she so innocently touched me.
"Tess..." I whispered softly, letting myself lean in a bit closer, her hand on my neck moved down my chest and up over my back and she pulled me down towards her letting me lean on top of her. She closed her eyes as my lips brushed against hers and she moaned softly when I kissed her cheek gently. Her other hand made its way up my arm and across my shoulder to my neck where Tess buried her fingers in my hair, her nose nudged gently against my cheekbone and the feel of her warm breath against my lips made me weak. Her hand slid down my left ear and caressed my cheek again.
"Evan..." she whispered before I pressed my forehead against hers and kissed her lips gingerly making sure she'd let me continue. My heart raced when my bottom lip slid over hers, making her lip moist. I groaned softly and Tess' arm around me held me tight. She returned my lingering kiss with an even passionate one that consumed me for the length it lasted. A little breathless my lips let go of hers and I shuffled myself down the bed a little so that my nose brushed against her jawbone. I felt Tess sigh heavily while the passion devoured her, I leant on one arm while my other hand came under me and reached for the collar of Tess' shirt, I didn't think she'd let me get that far. I tried my best to undo as many buttons as I could while I still kissed Tess suggestively just below her ear.
Managing to get two buttons loose I tried for the third but Tess' hand stopped me, I didn't want to push my luck.
I trailed soft kisses down her neck; Tess' deep breathing and her soft groaning made me think she liked it. I kissed the lower half of her neck passionately but Tess' head got it the way as she squirmed beneath me, her head retreating to her shoulder. I thought I might have hurt her but I heard Tess giggle softly.
"Hey, that tickles!" she managed to say half heartedly, not really wanting me to stop but I did anyway. I shuffled back up to meet her lips, my nose rubbed against hers and I tilted my head to kiss her cheek. Tess opened her eyes and looked at me, yearning for the uncontrollable delight I made her feel. I kissed her one last time before I tried to roll back over onto my side but Tess wouldn't let me go that easily, her hands made their way down my back and wrapt themselves around my waist. She licked my lips gently before kissing me again, she wanted more but I was too tired.
My head found itself buried in Tess' shoulder where I could rest for a while. Tess realised my tiredness and let her hand stroke my hair while she tilted her head to kiss the side of my forehead and she let me rest in her arms.
"Sorry" I said in a muffled voice I wanted to apologise but Tess wrapt her arms around my back and hugged me, I don't think she minded.
I rolled over onto my side; my head ached a little so I rested it against my soft pillow. Tess rolled over on her side and began to stroke my forehead letting me close my eyes and relax a little.
"Better let you get some sleep hey?" said Tess kissing my forehead before I opened my eyes. She sat and leant against the wall, doing up the buttons I undid. My hand travelled all the way down her arm to her hand where my fingers entwined themselves with hers.
"Tess?" I asked quietly, she looked at me sympathetically with a look of faint concern.
"Yeah?" she asked her mellow voice soothing my dull headache.
"I don't want you to go..." I managed to say before my eyes decided they'd close themselves and the terrible weight of sleepiness overcame me. I felt Tess smile and she sighed softly.
"Okay, I'll stay." she replied and she stroked my forehead coaxing me to fall sleep.
"Could you make a copy of this for me Ken?" I asked Ken the photo man handing him the little photo of Sammy I had. 'She wants a photo of you, she still loves you very much' I told little Sammy in the photo.
I knew that Tess must have been angry when she burnt those photos; she probably needed this photo more than anything.
She had the lamp switched on the next time I woke up. That eerie glow of golden light was comforting.
You wouldn't believe how refreshed I felt, that bit of sleep really must have done me some good or maybe it was Tess? I was sure glad she was right there beside me, just where I wanted her to be.
She managed to sneak out while I was asleep and change, she looked so warm in her olive green woollen jumper, her legs were tucked in under the sheets and she rested on her back, her head on my pillow with my copy of 'The Great Gatsby' in her hands, her index finger wedged in between a heap of pages being used as a improvised book mark for the time being. I smiled when I noticed that she just kinda stared at the wall, she must have been thinking deeply about something. She didn't realise that I was awake.
I shuffled close to her and wrapt my arm around her to give her a cuddle, she smiled when I did. She finally felt comfortable enough with me to let me hug her. I kissed her cheek too and it was only then did I realise she had been crying, a lot really, which was funny; I thought she looked really happy.
"Hey, you alright?" I asked soothingly and Tess just smiled shyly, trying to get her hand from underneath my arm to wipe her eyes but I got there first. Brushing away her tears she sighed a little.
"I just get this way sometimes I guess. Can't help it, it just happens." Tess said while new tears made their way down her cheeks.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked thinking that she ought to want to share something with me now, I was willing to listen.
Tess smiled to herself.
"I'll be fine...really, I will." Tess tried to reassure me.
"You can tell me, I'll listen..." Tess looked at me and a sad look fell over her face.
"You know, one of the reasons I didn't talk to you when I came back to Mt. Thomas was because I was too scared you'd take away the only thing that I still found comfort in..." she started, swallowing hard. I knew she hadn't told anyone else this so I made sure that I listened intently.
"What do you mean Tessy?" I asked somewhat confused.
"I hurt myself because it was the only way out and I never wanted to stop. I knew that once you'd find out you'd make me stop whether I liked it or not." she smiled to herself again a little weary about what she said.
"You still feel that way? Do you want to keep hurting yourself?" I asked softly hoping she wouldn't take anything I said the wrong way.
"I dunno...sometimes I do. But you've helped; you're really good at that." I half smiled to Tess who leant her head against mine. "I don't really know what I'd do without you sometimes." That made me smile inside, the fact that she needed me; that felt good.
"Tell me what it's like Tessy; I wanna know how it feels..." I was talking about her depression; I tried to put myself in her shoes from day one but it never seemed to work.
"Do you really wanna know?" she asked surprised, I don't think anyone really ever took an interest in what it felt like to Tess.
"Yeah..." I responded letting my head rest on her shoulder.
"Well, it's like being trapped in this dark room, almost pitch black, with really thick brick walls around you. You know there are windows and doors but you just can't find them, when ever you try to you keeping hitting into that thick brick wall so eventually you just sit down somewhere hoping that somewhere and somehow somebody will shine a light for you and when no one does you curl up somewhere and just give up because that's all you can do." Tears kept flowing down Tess' face when she said that, I didn't know it could be that hard.
"Have you ever tried to find a window?" I asked Tess still caught up in what that analogy meant to her.
"Yeah, lots of times...stupid walls get in the way though...I've kinda gotten use to it though, being stuck there; slashing my wrists helps too, it helps me forget I have windows and doors to look for." Tess sighed I think she thought she sounded pathetic.
She opened the book she held in her hand and diverted my attention to what was in the book's pages.
"I found this..." I looked over and recognised it to be the copy of the little wallet sized photo of Sammy that I made, I put it in there so I wouldn't forget but I did anyway.
"That's for you; I thought you might like it..." Tess kissed me on the cheek to thank me.
"I thought you might want it, after what you did to all the others..." I explained some more and Tess looked at me stunned.
"Your mum told me..." I explained again before Tess cut me off.
"That'd be right! I only did it because I couldn't stand looking at her anymore, not after what I did." Tess traced around Sammy's face with her finger, retracing the curves she used to know so well.
"What you did...?" I asked confused again probably because of what she said earlier about hurting Sammy.
Tess burst into tears before she spoke and I suddenly felt guilty, I shouldn't have said that, I scolded myself silently.
"I let her die! I should have noticed that she was sick!" The tears down Tessy's cheeks flowed ever faster.
"Tessy..." I soothed, hugging her a little tighter. "These things happen all the time, you can't blame yourself..." I tried to comfort Tess with a logical explanation but she didn't want to hear any of that.
"No! You don't understand! If I got her there sooner, if I listened to Mum, if I didn't spend so much time on that stupid case; I wouldn't have had to watch her die!" The hurt in Tessy's voice was immense and I felt helpless, there was nothing I could do and I knew it.
"Shh...Tessy, it isn't your fault, these things happen all the time. Thousands of babies die from pneumococcal, it just one of those things that happens..." I tried again to console Tess a little, it was the least I could do.
"Why did it have to happen to me? To my baby girl?" Tess asked me angrily amidst tears, I didn't have the answer and she knew that.
"I dunno Tess..."
"I just miss her so much Evan, I'd do anything to have her back!" Tess cried a little more.
"I know..." I tried to calm her down by stroking her cheek gently.
"I guess that's what made it so easy to be depressed; I mean it's all my fault..." Tess figured.
"Tess, nothin's you're fault..."
"It'll always be my fault she died Evan, don't ever try to say it isn't!" Tess warned me but that would never stop me trying.
"Mum said you didn't give yourself the time to grieve..." I told Tess hoping she'd confide in me a little more just to make things a little better. Tess rolled her eyes; I don't think she liked being talked about.
"I didn't want to grieve, I just wanted to forget; it hurt too much." Tess explained.
"You don't think you might have felt a bit better if you did?" I asked hinting that maybe she should take a little time out for herself because she never usually did.
"Not the way I felt Evan, nothing could help me. Do you know what I had to go through every morning when I woke up?" she sighed heavily holding back any emotion she felt, "...I hated myself so much that when I woke up every morning, I had to remind myself that I was important enough to live just that one more day..." she let herself breathe a little, "And every night I'd get home and I'd punish myself for letting myself for living, because I knew I wasn't worth it!" Tess breathed in deeply trying to calm herself but it didn't work.
"You are worth it Tess..." I told her sincerely holding her dearly in my arms. She said she didn't know what she'd do without me but what would I ever do without her?
"Am I?" she asked me, a difficult and horrible self doubt crawled over her face.
"Yeah you are Tessy...you really are." I let myself hold her for a while 'till she stopped crying, it became so silent you could hear a pin drop.
All of a sudden my stomach grumbled, it reminded me I was hungry, something I'd forgotten a long time ago.
Tess looked up at me; her eyes still red from all those tears. She smiled a little.
"Are you hungry?" she asked and I nodded in agreement, she looked over at the clock and it was only 8.00.
"Well c'mon, I'll shout you dinner." she smiled weakly and took my hand and led me out of bed.
I didn't know there was an art to trying to kill yourself but Tess had it almost down pat, she tried everything: trying to hang herself, slashing her wrists even attempting to drown herself but the most amazing attempt that I ever heard was the time Denise caught her trying to overdose on sleeping tablets...
"I'd just come back from work, I didn't think Tessy would be home yet. It was quiet when I called out, that was only because she didn't want me to know what was going on...like little kids when they've done something wrong, they're always so quiet..." Denise's hands trembled, she hated this story but something in her made her tell me.
"...So I went to the kitchen to get some dinner on before Tessy came home...but...she was already there..." Denise broke down into tears and with my comforting arm around her she only pushed on.
"She mustn't have heard me come in because she kinda just stood there by the sink with her hand full of little white tablets, there must have been at least 24 of them, I'd just bought a new packet...I couldn't sleep well after Tessy got diagnosed..." The thoughtless character Tess made her mum out to be was no more than just a memory; the terrified mother that sat in front of me almost brought me to tears.
"And when she heard me walk in, she shoved them in her mouth and tried to swallow them all at once but she couldn't...I screamed at her to spit them out but she wouldn't until...until she started to bring them up...I…umm had to count them, make sure they were all there...I love my Tessy, why does she have to be like this?" I didn't know the answer to that question but Tessy's mum seemed to think I did, I loved Tess too, Denise told me I have to look after her but how do I look after Tess?
You'd think that a Sergeant could have dinner with her Senior Constable in peace! Not this Sergeant...
"Tessy, I think it's your shout!" PJ reminded Tess as he held up Joss' beer.
"Ahh, not today. Sorry Peej..." Tessy explained while she informed Chris that we'd be having dinner.
"Dinner, hey?" Kel said with the biggest smirk on her face, "Who with Sarge?" she asked the curiosity almost bubbling outta her.
"A friend, I owe him." Tess explained while I made my way down to the pair and stopped just behind Tess.
"You ready?" I asked and Tess turned around and smiled.
"Oh...Jonesy! You're full of surprises Sarge!" she said to us just before we left and you could see the excited Constable's, cheeky smile as whispers cascaded down the table about the Sarge and me.
We sat down at the table we once frequented often and I felt that awful sense of familiarity, I think Tess felt it too.
"So what'll it be?" asked Chris tea towel in hand, she was too overworked otherwise you'd think she'd be a little surprised that Tess was here.
"Umm..." Tess picked up the well worn menu that she would have memorised about a couple of years ago, skimmed down the column of entrées and smiled when she came to a favourite meal of hers. "Think I'll take the lamb thanks Chris," Tess smiled, she'd love that meal, it was one of her favourites.
Chris scribbled down the order and then looked at me.
"Jonesy?" she asked pen in hand ready to jot down the first thing I said.
"The usual thanks Chris..." I didn't have to use the menu and Tess wondered what 'the usual' meant.
"Sprinkles or no sprinkles?" Chris asked quite seriously, Tess raised her eyebrows and had that look of intrigue on her face.
"Sprinkles, thanks." I smiled and a little smile appeared on Chris' face.
"Sprinkles...special occasion?" Chris asked but I didn't reply instead I smiled at Tess who was somewhat confused.
The sun shone ochre through the brilliant stained glass panels, its magnificent golden light descended through the air, catching all the little particles of dust within it, making them gleam like silver glitter.
The pink coloured smell of incense filled the air and its woody aroma hid it's self in the gloomy grey stone walls and the softly grey smoke evaporated into the densely thick air.
The angelic peace made me feel welcome, a place I hardly visited feeling so reliably warm and comforting even when it's stark grey and thick cold walls surrounded me.
The organ played such a familiar tune, my ears almost laughed at the sheer joy it brought and the mystical golden yellow harmony of the song was euphoric...
Chris came down the column of tables and popped Tessy's lamb dish on Tessy's side and my dish on mine. Tess laughed when she saw what it was; it was great to see her laugh, something I'd missed so very much.
"I go to the trouble of shouting you dinner and you get vanilla ice-cream with chocolate sprinkles?" she asked almost seriously but she couldn't stop the faint smile appearing across her face.
I smiled back dipping my spoon in my mushy sugary dish, the white syrup stuck to the back of the spoon.
"You sure you don't want something else?" she asked concerned.
"Nah, can't really..." I explained my mouth half full and cold cream stuck on the inside of my cheek, I swallowed quite painfully and Tess noticed.
"Cold?" she asked smiling.
"Yeah but that's the brilliant thing about it, it's easy on the throat..." I pointed to the half there cut across my neck that still sometimes stung since being deprived of Panadol.
Tess nodded in recognition and looked hopelessly down at her meal, then the cutlery beside it, her hand went out to reach for the knife but just as quickly ducked under the table; she smiled at herself stupidly and if I wasn't there she probably would have slapped herself in the forehead. Her hands remained under the table for a period of time before I realised that they'd never come out.
"You're not hungry?" I asked disappointed at the colourful dish on front of her getting cold.
"Yeah..." she mumbled and looked down at her palms in her lap that would have been wringing in agitation.
There was an awful silence between us that would have lasted no more than five minutes, felt like eternity. I felt the uncertainty that managed to radiate from Tessy and the uncomfortable distress almost drove me insane.
"Anything wrong?" I asked, knowing Tess her reply would be almost automatic and go along the lines of 'no, nothing' but not this time.
Her hands came up from under the table and she nudged the bottom of the knife with the tips of her fingers making the knife scratch along the table top with its awful metallic sound. Her fingers drummed on the table top before she went to pick up the knife, she held it in her hand for a mere couple of seconds not even enough to make the metal warm before it fell back on the table with a clang that made some heads turn. She didn't have to say anything, I knew what she knew exactly what she felt; she couldn't pick up that knife without thinking what she would be able to do with it's fine sharp edge; she didn't want to tell me though, didn't want to disappoint me.
"Here..." I picked the knife and fork from her side and swivelled her plate back towards me, Tess minded my bowl of ice-cream for a while and placed her fingers around the bowl so that her hands numbed to its icy coldness. I cut the lamb into bite size portions for Tess so she could at least eat it, even if I just crushed the only bit of pride she had left.
Without a word I swapped meals again, giving Tess back her fork and knife and set back to eating what was left of the puddle of ice-cream and sprinkles in my bowl. Tess stabbed her lamb with her fork.
"You didn't have to do that..." she sighed, I embarrassed her more than I thought, "But thanks..." she smiled graciously and I smiled back, trying to make her feel as if what I just did wasn't a big deal , just to make her feel a little comfortable again.
That awful awkward silence crept up on us again, it ruined the lovely evening but it gave me some time to think about what Lillie said a couple of days ago.
"Tessy?" I asked quietly, Tess had gotten through most of her meal and I'd left the puddle of ice-cream to one side.
"Mmm?" she asked looking up.
"Depression's hard isn't it?" I asked even though I already knew the answer. Tess didn't get suspicious.
"Yeah, of sorts...it can get bad." she said quite solemnly looking back down to her meal and spearing the soft baked baby potato with her fork.
"That's why you need someone to look after you..." I suggested simply.
"What, like a district nurse?" she said a bit gloomily, the fact that she was clinically 'sick' still haunted her.
"No, more like..." I stopped; I didn't think I'd get nervous I mean I'd done it before.
"Tess, would you marry me?" I asked quite quickly and hesitantly, I don't think Tess heard.
"What?" Tess asked a little shocked.
"Well you need someone to look after you and well...I'm offering." I smiled a nervous smile but Tess still looked a little shocked.
"Umm...Evan, I..." Tess sighed a little, I put her on the spot, I knew how much she hated that. "I don't know..." she finally managed to say.
"Oh...right." I smiled weakly dragging back my bowl of melted ice-cream to distract me. Did it have to hurt? I watched my spoon drag the sprinkles through the ice-cream making pretty swirls. Tess ran her fingertips across my knuckles, it felt warm so I looked up, and she half smiled at me.
"You just want to be my hero, don't you?" she asked softly noticing the harsh dejection I felt.
"Yeah..." I said stupidly, I wanted to make sure she was okay; she'd be safe with me.
"Hey, I'll tell you what, I'll think about it..." she said softly, while I didn't say anything in reply instead I enlisted my spoon to rescue all the sunken sprinkles under the pool of melted ice-cream.
"Hey? Is that alright?" she brushed her palm over my hand in soft comfort, that didn't take away, the deep founded rejection I still felt.
"Yeah, I'm just scared you'll say 'no' that's all, like last time..." I got up to head to the bar and I left Tess feeling guilty.
"Hey, you right Jonesy?" I loved it how Chris could just read how I felt without actually saying anything.
"Just asked Tess to marry me...OJ thanks." I handed Chris a ten dollar note.
"And she said she'd think about it?" asked Chris and I nodded in agreement. "It'll be alright..." Chris soothed but I scoffed at her attempt of lifting my spirits, it didn't work in the slightest.
Tess met me in the bar as I'd sat there for a good half hour, drowning away my sorrows with a glass of strong OJ.
"Hey..." Tess rubbed my shoulder from behind and looked at her watch in the process. "...It's late." she said softly, that tinge of guilt rang in her voice.
"Yep" I said in such a matter of fact way. She pulled on my arm gently so I'd get up and walk with her.
"C'mon, you look tired, let's get you to bed." I didn't feel tired but the urge to be with Tess was there. Would I let her hurt me again? Yeah, of course; I loved her.
She led me up the stairs and we stopped briefly in the dim corridor right outside my room. She let go of my hand and tried to look at the intricate shadows on my face, she could still sense that I felt awful so her arms push themselves through the gaps between my chest and my arms and she hugged me tightly, I wrapt my arms around her waist and let her hold me, her desperate hug felt warm.
When she let go I could finally tend to the ache in my head, bringing my hand up to my forehead I frowned a little, Tess took my hand from off of my forehead and replaced it with hers, her hand felt almost icy until it warmed to the thick heat coming off my forehead.
"You're a bit warm, don't think that ice-cream did you any good." she smiled her half cheerful smile and opened the door to my room, "Let's get you something for that head of yours." I followed Tess in.
She waited for me to change into my PJs before I hopped into bed and twisted the cold sheets around my feet to keep them warm. Leaning my head against the pillow Tess propped up against the wall. She passed me a piping hot, hot water bottle with a little tartan cover on it and I let it sit on my thighs so its heat would penetrate through the sheets and keep me warm. I closed my eyes and felt vaguely tired
"Hey, open up..." Tess nudged my ribs with her elbow, opening my eyes I saw Tess sitting on the bed next to me and a fat spoonful of delightfully orange syrupy, sticky liquid sat on the spoon. I opened my mouth and closed it when Tess put the spoon in. I can't begin to describe the vile taste; it smelt of synthetic orange but tasted more like that raspberry and banana flavoured antibiotic that leaves that incredibly bitter and heavy liquid aftertaste in your mouth and no matter how many times you rinse your mouth in just stays there.
"Oh...that's foul!" I said to Tess sticking my tongue out and screwed my face up tight to show my absolute distaste.
"Yeah, well there was only orange left...it can be that bad." she said as she poured another spoonful with a look of quiet happiness.
"Oh no..." I backed away as she pushed the spoonful near my mouth.
"Hey, c'mon children over 12 get two spoons" she said as I managed to give in, bracing myself I let the disgusting liquid slip down my throat.
"Children?" I asked after I managed to accustom my tastebuds to the syrupy clinginess of the liquid suspension.
"Yeah, paracetamol free; isn't that clever?" she showed me the bottle that had a nice dark blue label on it. 'ProVen' it read and it had dramatic red writing.
"For children...Hey, there's no 30's age group!" I muttered reading the back of the box.
"You're part of the over twelves..." she pointed out "...we all know what you're like with tablets. Hey look, child-proof lock!" Tess twisted the cap in the bottle and made it click, I smiled.
"That pharmacist has it all worked out." I said, child-proof locks were something I never got the hang of.
"Tessy?" I asked as Tess put away the horrid bottle and left it on my table along with the spoon.
"Mmhmm?" she asked.
"Would you stay with me tonight?" I asked almost shyly. It stopped Tess in her tracks.
"I don't think that'd be appropriate." she answered quite sternly. Great sarge talk, that's all I needed!
"You shouldn't have to be alone tonight." I suggested hoping I could convince her. She sighed and sat back down on the bed beside me crumpling the sheets under her.
"I guess I could do with the company." she smiled and draped another blanket over the top of me. I felt like a little kid again, Mum would always look after me when I was sick, Tess would be such a brilliant mum.
"I'll be back..." she said and she patted the top of my head lightly with her hand.
It was dark before Tess came back again; I heard the door open and the ever cheerful pub music flood through into my room.
The fresh smell of clean, flannelette PJs filled the room and begged me to stay awake. I couldn't see Tess but I knew she was there when she sat down and the other side of my bed dipped to her weight.
I heard her shoes thud on the floor as she took them off and she pulled her legs up onto the bed and huddled them to herself hiding her toes under the sheets to keep them warm. She looked over and I barely had my eyes open, could still see her though, it was only a silhouette but I didn't care, so long as she was here.
She sat and thought about something for a little while before she gave into the temptation, she shuffled herself further under the sheets and pulled them up over her, resting her head on the pillow she sighed a comfortable sigh. I closed my eyes because I couldn't keep them open much longer.
Tess must have been closer than I thought because I felt the warmth of her body next to me. She stroked my cheek with her palm and I felt my cheek tingle with soft warmth.
"Tessy..." I whispered softly and she brought her arm to rest on my stomach and leant her head on my shoulder to cuddle me. She smelt amazing, kinda like potpourri, the sweet smell of her freshly washed hair and the overpowering smell of cold mint toothpaste was invigorating.
"Evan?" she asked after she'd found a soft spot on my shoulder for her head to lean on.
"Mmm?" I asked that husky drowsiness came through in my voice.
"Youcan have anyone you want, why on earth do you want me?" she asked
"Because I love you." I said still very tired. She kissed my cheek softly and wrapt her arms around my neck and I let myself fall asleep with Tess in my arms, something I'd always longed for.