The Adversity of the Archaeologist
by Cleo the Muse
Rating: Teens
Genre: General, Humor, Missing Scene/Epilogue
Warnings: None, for once, as Vala's unconscious and isn't causing too much trouble.
Episodes: Missing scene for "Avalon, Part One". Minor spoilers for "Avalon, Part One", "Avenger 2.0" and "Prometheus Unbound", as well as "Nemesis", "Need", "Hathor", "Meridian" and various other Danny-whumping episodes.
Synopsis: Picks up where the series "The Thief" leaves off. Vala's found the perfect place, the perfect bait, and the perfect hook for fishing, but why can't she catch one reluctant archaeologist?
Notes: It should be noted that the title of this portion of the series is "The Archaeologist". They're gonna be Daniel-centric in much the same way that "The Thief" tales were Vala-centric. But don't worry. She's still be in 'em.

The Adversity of the Archaeologist

"A cunning gamester never plays the card which his
adversary expects, and far less that which he desires."
--Baltasar Gracian, The Oracle

So many physicals, so little time! Doctor Carolyn Lam smiled to herself wryly as she filled in the SF's chart. The planet's finest soldiers and half of them have an aversion to needles!

Of course, she had heard rumors about a certain Nurse Clark who apparently really, really liked needles, but Clark had been gone from the SGC for a few years now. Come to think of it, only three nurses of the entire staff had been at the SGC for longer than a year, but those three women managed to keep the base rumor mill circulating without a hitch, and had even roped some of the newer staff into helping. At the very moment, in fact, Nurses Rosenbaum and Henessy (four years and two months, respectively) were embroiled in an apparently amusing discussion with a member of SG-7, involving a pair of Marines and an alien at the Alpha Site.

Carolyn rolled her eyes. "Of all the places to run a rumor mill," she muttered, turning the page of the chart.

"Ma'am?" questioned the airman.

"Just talking to myself, Matt," she answered with a smile. "I'm thinking about the logistics involved in circulating a rumor mill of the magnitude of the one at this command."

"Very simple, ma'am," answered Sergeant Thurman. "All military personnel on base come to the infirmary at least once every two months, SG teams every week. People need something to talk about while suffer--um, going through a routine exam."

"And so they gossip," Carolyn finished.

"Yes, ma'am."

"What about the civilians? They're required physicals only once a year."

"Yes, ma'am, but some of them go off-world or are on field teams. Some of 'em are just accident prone. Sometimes both, ma'am."

"Both?" she asked, setting his chart aside.

"Yes, ma'am. Take Doctor Jackson, for example. Why, I've heard that--"

She waved him off with a hand. "I've probably heard it already. Seems like he's all my nurses can talk about half the time, and the Marines are just as bad!"

Thurman grinned. "We're all gonna miss him around here, ma'am."

"Nothing to talk about, huh?" There was a flurry of activity near the door as two orderlies and Doctor Stevens grabbed a stretcher and a kit and raced out of the infirmary. Surprised that she hadn't heard the notification of Stargate activation, Carolyn looked questioningly toward Rosenbaum. "Liz, did I miss something?"

"Medical emergency in the science labs, ma'am," the nurse explained.

"Ten bucks says Felger blew something up again," grinned a Marine currently under examination by Nurse Haycraft.

"No, power didn't go out," Haycraft answered, shining her penlight into one of his eyes.

Carolyn snorted. General O'Neill did say this place was exciting.

"Twenty says it's Doctor Jackson," Rosenbaum smiled.

"No bet!" three airmen, two Marines, and a pair of nurses shouted.

Despite herself, Carolyn laughed. "Everyone keeps telling me what a trouble magnet he is. Seriously, one guy?"

The Marine, Captain Grise, nodded. "Yes, ma'am. Take every four-eyed, sneezing, clumsy geek you ever beat up--er, bumped into in high school, mix it with the weird college professor whose class you really loved but never understood, and pour it all together into a hybrid Ken doll/GI Joe action figure, and you've got Doctor Daniel Jackson."

The doctor blinked in confusion. "Okay, that made no sense."

"That's Doctor Jackson," chorused the trio of nurses, who then dissolved into laughter.

"This isn't just the base rumor mill, ma'am," continued Thurman with a smile. "Nurse Logan runs the betting pool."

Sergeant Brooks of SG-7 nodded. "I've got twenty bucks on the current bid."

"Which is?" Carolyn asked.

"What's gonna keep Doctor Jackson from reaching Atlantis this time, of course," Grise grinned. "I have ten on the Daedalus getting hijacked. That's what brought the Prometheus back, last time."

"Yeah, but Jackson's like lightning, the same thing doesn't strike twice," retorted Brooks as Henessy pulled the curtains closed around his bed. "My money's on him coming down with some weird alien disease before he even gets aboard the Daedalus."

"Same here, but mine's tonsilitis," Haycraft laughed. "Hey, if an emergency appendectomy can pull him off rotation..."

Carolyn crossed her arms. "That's horrible! You're taking bets on what kind of misfortune will strike him next?"

"None of us take bets on anything really bad, ma'am," answered Brooks from behind his curtain. "Ow. Like you said, he's a trouble magnet, but we wouldn't have him any other way. Ow!"

"Then hold still," said Henessy sweetly.

"He's like the base good luck charm," added Grise, smirking toward the enclosure. "Nothin' kills the guy. Well, not permanently, anyway."

"Is that a joke?" Carolyn frowned.

"Fortunately, no."

Thurman nodded. "Timex Jackson, Lazarus Jackson, Energizer Jackson--"

"Highlander Jackson, Replay Jackson, Dead-Again Daniel..." grinned Grise.

"The list goes on, ma'am," Thurman finished. "But nobody loses even if nothing happens."

"It's a fifty-fifty pool, ma'am," Rosenbaum explained, pulling off her gloves with a snap. "If Doctor Jackson actually makes it to Atlantis, all proceeds of the betting pool go to the base 'widows and orphans' fund. If he doesn't, then half goes to the winners, and half to the fund. If more than one person gets it right, the size of the bet is the determining factor in how the remaining half of the pot is split."

That's a really great way to raise money for a charity! Carolyn thought in amazement. "In that case, put me down for twenty: diverted by an alien woman." She grinned at their incredulous expressions. "I do read the mission reports, you know. Hathor, Shyla, the Prometheus hijacker? Not to mention Oma Desala."

Rosenbaum laughed. "Twenty it is, then, I'll tell Carrie."

Carolyn had just turned to dismiss Sergeant Thurman when Doctor Stevens voice sounded out in the hall, shouting for a clear path. Back to being all business, she grabbed a fresh pair of gloves and met the gurney at the door.

It was carrying Doctor Jackson, of course. Sighing inwardly, she asked, "What've we got, Jeremy?"

"He collapsed in the hall just outside of Doctor Lee's laboratory," Stevens explained. "He's unresponsive. Pulse is erratic, respirations are shallow. I've given him epinephrine, but he's only gotten worse." He grabbed for the golden bracelet adorning Daniel's left wrist as the gurney came to a stop. "Chances are good, this has something to do with it."

Carolyn and the medical team got to work getting the archaeologist moved to a bed and hooked up to the many tubes, wires, and monitors of their trade. No sooner had she flipped the switch on the EKG, then Stevens and his response team were called away again, this time to one of the holding cells. Minutes later, they returned with an unconscious dark-haired woman dressed like a Catwoman reject. And surprise of all surprises, she has a bracelet, too, the doctor sighed.

The two patients stabilized soon after that, but Carolyn was inwardly pleased that Colonel Mitchell thought to go ask the Jaffa Teal'c for information on the jewelry pieces which stubbornly refused to be removed. As she sat beside Daniel's bed, she mentally formed a theory regarding the bracelets, and the strong possibility that a physiological link existed between the two wearers.

Before she could stop herself, she blurted, "Who bet on an alien bracelet?"

"No one, ma'am," answered Carrie Logan, who'd just arrived for her duty shift. "But I did have a twenty-dollar bet for 'trapped by an alien artifact', which qualifies in my book, and so does your wager on the alien woman." She glanced at the wall clock. "Only nine hours left before the boat leaves, ma'am, and you'll be splitting the pot if he's still here."

"He's not going anywhere as long as that bracelet is attached," Carolyn sighed. "Looks like the betting pool wins again, Doctor Jackson loses."

Logan grinned. "Not entirely, ma'am. He placed the bet on the alien artifact."

Author's Notes:

Okay, so there was very little Vala in this one. But this was HARD! I mean, write about the two of them unconscious and from an outward perspective but still put some humor in it?
Sigh
If the next chapter's this difficult, I may just skip ahead to "The Ties that Bind" and come back later once inspiration strikes :)