Chapter Twenty Four

The door banged shut as Luka stepped into his apartment. He didn't bother turning on the light, he found the dark more comforting. It fit in with his mood. Shrugging off his coat he headed towards the kitchen and threw his keys down on the counter. He barely registered the noise as they landed. All he could think, see, hear; was her. Since she had left the hospital he found himself focusing solely on her. His heart was torn, ripped apart. He never expected to feel this way again, so hopeless, so helpless; not after losing his family in Croatia. Sure, Sam was still alive; but she wasn't the same. He wasn't sure she ever would be again. And he could only blame himself; he was the one who left her.

Then there was their child. She hadn't even been brought into the world yet, and already her life was filled with such pain. She didn't seem to be affected by it yet, but she most certainly didn't deserve it. What she deserved was to born into a happy family, with loving parents. And he felt he had taken that away from her. Just like he had now taken away any chance of Sam being happy. How could she be after what Steve had done to her?

Out of the corner of his eye he could see his salvation, the bottle of whiskey he had bought the day before and hadn't opened yet. Grabbing a glass, he went and poured himself a drink.

Skin, burning red. Lips, swollen. Neck and arms bruised. Eyes, empty and lifeless. Sam could hardly recognise herself in the mirror. The woman she was looking at couldn't be her, it just couldn't be. She wasn't like that, she didn't look like that. She didn't look like the haggard, broken woman who stood in front of her. That person just couldn't be her.

Looking down at her arms, she saw her skin was bright red, almost raw. She had just gotten out of the shower after scrubbing her skin in an attempt to feel clean, to no long feel Steve on her skin. She touched it gently, running her fingers down her arm to her wrist. There lay a big purple bruise. That was real. Braving another look in the mirror, she raised her hand to her lips, lightly touching them. The person she was looking at was her, she was battered and broken.

Absentmindedly she touched her stomach. That wasn't bruised. The one perfect part of her. The one part of her that Steve didn't get to. She didn't deserve to have it, it wasn't right for someone like her to be carrying something so perfect. She had willingly let Steve back into her life; she had let him hit her, going back to him knowing he'd do it again. It's not like she couldn't take some of the blame.

Luka closed his eyes and downed the glass. With his eyes closed, her image was all he could see. Choking back a sob he banged his hand off the counter, feeling no pain at all as his fist hit he smooth wood. Her was image taunting him, it wouldn't leave him alone. The bruises, the broken empty void in her eyes which once held such life, her tiny voice as she spoke to him about what happened; it was all there as clear as day. He should have been there; he should have been there to stop Steve.

"I tried to stop him, I really did, he was stronger than me in the end. I tried to stop him Luka, I just couldn't."

What had happened to her, his Sam, the woman he loved more than anything else in his life? What had happened to them? How did it manage to all get so out of hand? He should have beaten Steve the first time he walked into his life, that day in the hospital car park. It seemed so long ago now. He had stood back to let Steve have Sam then too. Of course, that time Steve didn't hurt her. But looking back he didn't know that to be true. She had been very desperate to leave, scared that he'd find her again.

He'd been a fool, not seeing what was right in front of him the entire time. Of course Steve hurt her then. There may not have been any visible harm, but she didn't escape unhurt. And he had stepped back, just like he had done now.

"I'm so sorry Sam." He whispered pouring himself another drink, the alcohol being the only comfort he had left.

Had Steve finally won? He had taken eleven years, but had he finally broken her completely? She had seen the looks everyone in the hospital had given her. Looks filled with pity, with horror. Looks that said she was different now, not like everyone else. She was a victim of rape now; no longer a person and they acted as such.

The ride home with Carter had been painful; he clearly felt the same as everyone else. He refused to touch her, to even say much to her. She was pushed out of the real world, she didn't belong there anymore. So where did she belong?

Closing her eyes so she wouldn't see her reflection anymore, she wrapped her arms around her. Steve's mocking smile floating in front of her. She could still feel him. She could even smell his breath, the retched smell of alcohol. He was still there; his touch was still on her skin. Nothing she did seemed to make him disappear, leave her alone. She felt dirty, used and nothing would take that away.

"Did you really think I'd let you get away that easily?"

Steve's voice rang in her head. Her heart thumping as she re-lived his attack. His arms pining her to the ground, his body heavy against hers. Her breathing increased. Even though he wasn't here anymore, even though he was long gone, panic filled her. She'd never escape from him; he'd always be with her now. His smell, his touch, his kiss; she could feel them as strong now as she had earlier on. She could taste his tongue in her mouth, the rotten taste of too much alcohol and cigarettes. Turning around, she reached the toilet just in time as she threw up.

Sam's screams were all Luka could hear as he raised the glass to his lips. He squeezed his eyes shut in a desperate attempt to make them disappear. It didn't work. The more he tried to think of anything else, the stronger and louder her screams became.

Opening his eyes, the whole scene played out in front of him, the way he imagined it to be. He could see Steve, his smug grin as he trapped Sam against the wall. She protested, tried to push him off but he was too strong. Luka could see it all, his sneering smile, her terrified stare. It was all there, happening right in front of him and he couldn't stop it. Just like he hadn't stopped Steve from coming back and creeping his way back into her life.

Her screams were deafening as he saw her desperately claw her hands on the monster on top of her. Anger, guilt, pain, all bubbled up inside him. He didn't know what to do to stop the nightmare that was unfolding in front of him. Hot tears ran down his cheeks. He felt so helpless, even though he knew what he was seeing wasn't real; it didn't stop it from killing him inside. Raising his hand slightly, he flung the glass towards the wall.

With a shaking hand Sam took a sip of water. Her hand was shaking so bad that the water was thundering around the glass. How had things gotten to this? Was she destined to have Steve haunt her for the rest of her life? She was standing in her bathroom, shaking with fear because of him. The one promise she had always made to herself was that she would never let Steve break her. He had won. And she was left to deal with that; however it was going to affect her from here on.

Out of the corner of her eye she caught her reflection again. The pathetic creature that she had become was there, staring at her, haunting her. She had always thought she was stronger than him; she always managed to escape from him. But he kept coming back. And now, now she was reduced to the shivering mess she saw in the mirror. Throwing the glass at the mirror, it smashed into a thousand pieces. She watched mesmerised as her image disappeared into shards of broken glass.

The sound of the glass hitting the wall and breaking, snapped Luka out of his nightmare. He was free, for now anyway. The tears were still streaming down his face but he ignored them. He wondered how she was, if she was able to sleep. More than anything he wanted her with him. He wanted to be there for her, to help her, and comfort her. To be there to do whatever it took to help her move on from what had happened. His apartment was her home. And she needed to be there, with him. He needed her to be with him.

He could only hope that she felt the same way. One way or another, he couldn't go on and leave things the way they were. Taking a deep breath, he did something that he knew he should have done a long time ago.

She couldn't stay in Carter's, not after what had happened there. Both she and Alex needed to get out, start a new life all over again. If they left soon they'd be settled in by the time the baby was born. She'd go somewhere that Steve wouldn't be able to find them, change their names if necessary. All she knew is that she couldn't go on this way. She'd be leaving Luka behind; she'd never see him again. Never know if he truly did love her and miss her just as much as she did him. After what had happened she doubted she'd ever hear from him again. No one wants to be associated with someone who's been raped. It was the way she felt things were.

She sat down on her bed, thinking of where she'd go. Maybe somewhere warm, it'd be a nice change to Chicago. Especially since the summer was almost over. Alex would love that, she was sure of it. He hated the cold. She'd have to quit her job, she was sure Susan would understand though. Carter would probably try to stop her from leaving, try to get her to stick around. She hated having to go, but felt like she didn't have a choice. She couldn't stay in Chicago and be faced everyday with what she had lost.

Looking at her cell phone to check the time, she noticed she had a missed call. Who would call at this hour? It could be Steve; the thought did cross her mind. But she figured he'd be passed out by now, he had drunk too much to still be standing by this stage. Letting her curiosity get the better of her, she checked her voicemail.

"Sam, it's me, Luka." Sam was shocked to hear Luka's voice at the other end of the phone, she was sure she'd never hear from him again. "I needed to call; I've needed to call for a long time now. I miss you and after seeing you tonight . . . . I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I keep going through all the possibilities. If we were still together, Steve never would have had a chance to . . . ."

The machine cut off then, he'd run out of time. Sam sat on the bed, phone in her hands, stunned. She didn't know what to do, how to react.

He couldn't sleep. He had called her, made contact. It was the first step. What was worrying him was how she'd react. Would she feel the same? Or would she tell him to get lost? He had to wait until it was daylight before finding out. And the suspense was killing him. He was waiting to find out if he would have all that he wished for or really lose it all for good. He was too nervous to sleep. He knew that if he drank more of the whiskey he'd eventually fall asleep from the effects of it. But if he was going to get back together with her, it didn't want to do it with a hangover.

The insistent knocking on the door disturbed him from his thoughts. He was so rattled he didn't even stop to think of who would possibly be at his door at such an ungodly hour. Opening the door it took him a moment to notice that the woman on the other side was in fact the woman he had been obsessing about.

"Sam? What are you . . .?" He began.

"Just let me do the talking okay?" Sam said walking into his apartment and turning around to face him when she had some distance between them.

Luka stayed at the door, closing it and turning back to her. His heart was thumping in his chest, he was sure she must be able to hear it. This was it, the moment he had been anticipating. The moment where he won or lost it all. And all he could do was wait for her to tell him either way.

"I got your message." She began. "It was unexpected. I didn't know what to think, all of a sudden you just practically telling me you want me back. It's not going to be as simple as all that you know. There's so much to work through. Trust has to built again on both sides. You have to learn if you're even the same people you were, if you can fit into each other's lives. It's a long and important process and . . . . can we just skip it? Can you just be kissing me now?"

It only took Luka half a second to decide. When she had started speaking he was sure she was going to leave. Now, he was just so happy to know that she wanted him too. He practically ran across the room to get to her. Sweeping her into his arms, he kissed her. Gentle at first, both unsure. Feeling her hands on his back pulling him closer, he let the kiss deepen.

TBC