(The Theater)

"Oh, my love," an actor dressed in a crudely made Raz costume sighed. "I long to be with you, but my top secret job with the government prevents me from telling you the nature of my feelings. Oh, my sweet Becky, I-"

"CUT!" Bonita yelled, stampeding over. "No no no, Raz has more of a down to Earth kind of speech. We'll have to rewrite this part!"

The actors and actresses dressed up for Raz's supposed secret wedding to Becky groaned. Two of them yelled, "That's the sixth time!"

Bonita waved her arms frantically. "C'mon people, this is for Becky! Think of all she's done to make our careers! And without Raz, stage lights would STILL be dropping on people's heads as the Phantom chuckled manically. The two deserve a shot at love and this theater can give it to them!"

Why is Bonita acting so strange, you may ask?

Let's just say all that time acting out the exact same plays for 60-some weeks in a row made her a little crazy.

"Okay!" the actors cheered. Being simple minded had perks sometimes – all it took to make them forget that their head was hurting, the circulation to their legs wasn't doing so good, and that their back was killing them was a quick, semi-literate speech on love.

Bonita grinned. "Becky's going to be so happy, she won't believe it!"

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"I don't believe it!" Becky shouted. "YOU cheated on LILI?"

Raz looked like he'd been shot. "Yeah. I apologized for it, and we kind of talked it out, and then we got back to together, but…" He sighed. "I never told her who I cheated on her WITH, you know?"

"Well," Becky said meditatively, sipping her coffee in the oh-so-theatrical little café they were sitting in, "Who did you cheat with?"

Raz turned green for a moment, as if the taste of his coffee no longer agreed with him, then white as he considered telling her, finally settling on blushing feverently. "Ah, well, it was just a crush anyway, and I didn't even kiss Sasha-"

"Sasha?" Becky's eyebrows knitted together. "As in, your instructor? I didn't know you were bi…"

"Yeah…" Raz rose to his feet. "Well, I'm off to go kill myself- OW!" Becky had just smacked him with her clipboard.

"Don't quote me like that!"

I'll never understand women; Raz mused as he nursed his throbbing shoulder. But they sure can punch.

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(Theater)

"Oh my God," Bonita yelled, jumping up and down. "They're here! Everybody in your positions! Dim the lights!"

Raz and Becky entered, and (to the delight of all the actors) they were holding hands. Not in an 'I-love-you' sort of way, just in the 'I-know-you-need-a-friend-mushy-Hallmark' kind of way. Of course, a true romantic can blow everything and anything out of proportion. That's why Valentine's Day gets so much publicity.

A single melodramatic spotlight shone down upon the center of the stage. Flower stood under the light, dressed in all black. "This, ladies and gentlemen, is a story of tragic love, written by the great actress Bonita Soleil!"

Before anymore could be said, Raz took a seat. Becky gave him a weird look, but joined him, interested in spite of herself to see what her mini-asylum wannabes could produce in a half hour. Of course, neither one knew what was about to unfold.

"This is the story of the beautiful and under appreciated Becky, who falls desperately in love with-"

A crude and slightly chubby chibi Becky walked out onto the stage.

"-the charming young Razputin, government agent and Psychonaut supreme."

Raz started to laugh, but then a chibi Raz walked out.

The two sat in stone silence, eyes wide, jaws hanging down like when Raz had lost his mind.

"Becky, you're so awesome," the chibi-Raz said, wrapping an arm around her. "I'll fight the Phantom for you!"

"Oh, kid," the chibi-Becky said in a corny way, "Don't say that. If I smile, I won't be able to keep my actors under control!"

"Becky, you need to lighten up!" the chibi-Raz proclaimed. "For you are so much prettier when you smile!"

And on and on it went, Raz's and Becky's jaws dropping and their eyes practically bulging out of their heads. At some point, a tub of popcorn appeared in Raz's hands. Other than to occasionally grab handfuls of popcorn and choke in disgust at the battling-the-phantom scene which involved a squirt gun, they remained absolutely stone still.

Then they came to the love scene between Raz and Sasha.

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Author's Notes: I only put Sasha in here for comedy- even I, the most hopeless romantic in the universe don't think Sasha and Raz could ever wind up so much as holding hands. Its just impossible. So don't hurt me for doing this… kay? Or Dogen and I will send the squirrels after you. And no matter what they say about me planning to take over the world with a pumpkin launching bazooka, it's a lie! THEY'RE LIARS!

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