AN: Thanks to vanity is my name, Pixie, mrs. jdhappiness, and Catty Princess

Van Hunter: Matrix of the Underworld

Scene 3

Secret place where Agents of 'The Order' go to get … stuff

Hunter: So anyways, I told that demon 'Hey, demon, why don't you go back to the hell you came from?'

Everyone laughs

Neal frowns with irritation

Neal: He didn't say that.

Everyone ignores him, much to Neal's dislike

Hunter: Yeah, so, that's how I kidnapped Neal, the demon.

Neal: groans, and has had enough I've had enough! Aren't we supposed to be getting things so we could go after Sarah!?

Hunter: Right, of course. Smells the air Yes, my wolf senses tell me that the short kid would want me to have fun right now. Without him. Here.

Neal gawks at him

Neal: What!? That didn't even make sense!

Hunter: Angrily gets up and marches over to him Look, we can go after the vampire in a little while. I'm busy right now.

Neal sneers at him

Neal: How much longer do you want to live … Lycan?

Hunter: Blinks Well, I've got to head out, now. Got to go and rescue that … thing.

Lycan #1 (We'll call him Bob): Van Hunter, I have the weapons you'll need for your journey.

Hunter: Good, good. Let's see them.

Bob: Follow me.

Bob leads them to a dark scary room

Hunter: You keep your weapons here?

Bob: What? Oh, no. This is the room where we torture demons!

Small whimpering is heard in the background

Hunter: Picks up a large smashy thing surrounded by pointy objects Hey Neal, check this out!

Neal: Squeaky voice I think I'll pass.

Hunter: Ooh! Is that a Demon Smasher 5000!

Bob: Latest in demon killing technology.

Neal: How do Lycans even know we exist!?

Bob: We have our ways. Mwa ha ha, mwa ha ha ha ha. Mwa –eck! Starts choking Zut! I knew I shouldn't have eaten that bird.

Hunter: Are you going to help us or not?

Bob: Right, right, right. Follow me through this door.

Walk through the door and emerge in …

Hunter: You keep your weapons in a bright pink room surrounded by flowers and Michael Jackson posters?

Neal: Is that a bed?

Bob: Oops. I'm sorry, this is my bedroom.

Hunter: Holds up a CD Cher?

Neal keels over laughing. Even Hunter's smirking

Bob: Rips it out of Van Hunter's hands Yes, well, I like her songs.

Neal: Are you gay?

Hunter: Pulls open Bob's closet door Dude! He's a cross dresser! Look!

Inside closet there are flamenco dancer costumes, skirts, fashionable girl clothes

(Bob's a boy)

Bob: Enough! Come. Let's get you your weapons and such so you can get Kieran back.

Hunter: You aren't going to give us any scary pictures of yourself to show to Sarah Arthur, are you?

Neal: Yes. And there won't be any spoons, right?

Hunter: Blinks Dude, what the heck?

Bob: Points a gun at Hunter and Neal Get in that room and shut up or I'll blow your brains out.

Hunter: Can gay guys be mean?

Neal: Shrugs Dunno, I've never been one.

Both start laughing again

Until a warning shot is fired over Neal's head, and the plaster crashes down on him

Neal: Nighty night. Tumbles to the floor

Hunter: Alright, let's get these weapons taken care of, and then I'll take snoozy to the dumpster – I mean car!

Bob: Alright. Let's go. Swings gun no fingers, accidentally presses trigger, and shoots Neal in the butt. Both he and Hunter ignore it

Hunter: This is sort of … is this the best place to invent weapons to use against the vampires?

Bob: Eh … Looks around the grudgingly disgusting room dripping water, and several rats racing around the room we're low on funding. Plus the other guys thought it would be funny to give me the old laundry room. CURSE YOU!

Hunter: There, there. Wait a second – what's that?

Bob: What's what?

Hunter: There, on your desk. Is that … is that an Underworld scrapbook?

Bob: … no.

Hunter: Yes it is! And right next to it is a Van Helsing scrapbook. Whoa, déjà vu. Picks up the books and look through them. Shuddering, he throws them to the ground Why do all the pictures of girls swallows have words like 'die', 'hate', and 'wench' written across them?

Bob: Stares at him as if it's excruciatingly obvious … which it is! I think we should get you hooked up.

Hunter: Hopefully Do you know Caroline Hutts?

Bob: I meant set you up with your weapons.

Hunter: … Right. I knew that. So what do we have?

Bob: We have a wooden stake.

Hunter: it isn't outlined in silver, is it?

Bob: Uhh … no. Get the demon to hold that one, just in case. Let's see, oh! Here's some holy water.

Hunter: Takes the package in his hand Instant Holy Water?

Bob: Just mix with water! My own invention.

Hunter: Does it work?

Bob: I'm not really sure. I was hoping you would test it out for me.

Hunter: Riiiight.

Bob: Oh, here's an interesting thing! Pulls out a giant bazooka gun

Hunter: Oh baby! Now that's what I need.

Bob: What? No, this isn't for you. I was just saying it was interesting.

Hunter growls with impatient ness

Bob: Eep. Okay, garlic, crosses, and this thing.

Hunter: Which is?

Bob: Holds up a little bottle full of … something I'm not really sure, actually. I mixed it together using sewer water from NYC, and scum from a building in LA. I'm sure you'll find a use for it.

Hunter: Is that all?

Bob: Yes.

Hunter: Well I'll be off then.

Bob: Don't forget to stop by the gift shop on your way back! Pick me up a genuine vampire tooth cross. I could use one of this.

Hunter: Whatever. Walks out, takes Neal by the foot, and drags him out